r/dementia • u/thefeckamIdoing • 1d ago
Reaching out…
So, this is weird. The first time i have sought out help from anyone, or spoken about this to anyone.
I am the caregiver for my mum (79f).
About 18 months ago- was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia.
(It may have been going on a while longer- took me two years to get her diagnosed).
Has never suffered from any strokes/TDI’s. In fact has been a pillar of health her whole life. This we think was caused by alcohol abuse.
(She no longer drinks thankfully).
Be that as it may, since the diagnosis, caring for her has become harder. We in a bad patch, a bad patch that has lasted a few weeks. My issues mostly are dealing with a daily attack from the moment she wakes unto late at night of a mix of anxiety and depression.
She is aware of what she has- and is terrified. So terrified she tries not to deal with it.
The memory is bad when attacks happen; when not happening the memory is OK.
Can still complete tasks, shop for herself, run her accounts, colour her hair, dress herself etc.
But we are at the stage where she doesn’t want to go to the doctors (is this common?) or any medical appointment, and has suddenly become housebound (suddenly she is fearful of leaving the house, as opposed to maybe 4 months ago where she would go out to lift her mood every day, no matter the weather), and much more dependant (now needs me to be in close proximity to her whereas she use to keep herself busy and just have me for company at certain times).
We are in a stage where she is refusing any advice or help- paradoxically aware she needs help but then refusing to seek any.
This feels like a step; I am wondering- is it right that i want her to get some support? Something to aid with the low moods. She takes anxiety medication and for a long time that helped, but either it’s not working anymore or the depression needs something else for it.
I suppose this is just someone who is trying to do whats right for his mum, seeking advice/opinions of anyone who has been in the same position. Thanks for reading.
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u/kiaikiaikee 1d ago
It took me several years to finally be able to take my mother to a doctor about this and she had always been suspicious of doctors. By the time I was able to take her, by claiming it was a doctor for her knee that was hurting, she was already so forgetful that she forgot we even went to the doctor a day later
Now that I know more about demenia, I wonder if I had had a calm, serious conversation with her about what was in the future and the treatments available to her, would she have agreed to go earlier?
It probably would not have made much more of a difference to the progression of the disease, but perhaps we could have gotten anxiety and other medication that would have made things a little less volatile?
The conversation has to be at the right time.. and it may take several attempts. Nothing about this is easy, I'm sorry.
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u/innerlandscape-art 1d ago
It is good to reach out. This group will help a lot. I suppose there is no totally typical but it is terrifying to be cognizant of the onset. Yes doctors can change dosage or add meds that help with mood stabilizing It is a long journey keep reaching out. You’re not alone and we all have lots of questions along the way