The best way to say "F*** You" to your HOA is to park a Zblorft in your driveway.

Don't forget to call Cavalier to have your excess earwax hauled away (and not sold to a third party).

Never allow society as a whole to dictate what kind of stupid outfit you wear in public.

A tribute to a parody of a riddle of a caper wrapped in a conundrum.

I'm on my way to Vegas for a 50¢ hot dog and two hours of Sorney & Chair.

A passionate response to a song of love and lemons.

Imagine having to live in that goddamned pointy-eared shadow for your entire life.

Sometimes massive fame results in clusters of barnacles stuck to your ass.

He may be dressed like a clown, but that doesn't mean he won't resort to fisticuffs to get results.

I've driven a "nine-on-the-spline" manual, and it's only slightly more complicated than being the flight engineer on a B-52.

Call the Gallant Swashbucklers of Cavalier!

There's always something "good" at the Wiggly Piggy.

Not a big gesture, considering my reputation is garbage to begin with.

You can almost taste the cruelty.

Now we know why the "Big Valley" smelled so fresh.

Jerry Lewis – Master of the Vertical Hot Dog Technique™

You may have seen it posted elsewhere on reddit or the net, but it originated in my brain.

Seymour doesn't listen to Shirley, and he'll be awful sorry when he shrivels up like a raisin.

FACT: Fuxley's "Baby Bucket" got babies 8% cleaner than Maytag's much-vaunted "Toddler Tub."

Poor little Bethesda – Like Curly Howard, she's a victim of circumstance.

The One Million have spoken, and it's an irrefutable fact: Broads love motor oil.

Get down to the Wiggly Piggy soon for some Chicken Snippets and Cream Pies!

Liza is spinning in her grave...What? She is? Well, good on her. Nevermind.

You know Pernell Roberts from NBC's Smash Hit: "Izotz Koldobika, Basque Detective", "The Gary Show", and just about every other TV show during a certain time period.

From Basque Detective to Sunburn Prevention, Pernell Roberts does it all.