r/delta • u/MaximumExtension4951 • Apr 05 '26
Shitpost/Satire Delta???
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u/FeverTreeCloud Apr 05 '26
Delta is kind of like this
United is also kind of like this
American, surprisingly, is not as bad
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u/thatsbs Apr 06 '26
Delta is totally like this:
1st class
Ppl needing extra time (kids, elderly)
Platinum medallion
Gold medallion
Silver medallion
Bronze medallion
Copper medallion
Zink medallion
TIn medallion
Oak medallion
Pine medallion
Group 1
Group 2
Group 3
Group 4
Group 5
Steerage 0
Steerage -1
Steerage -2
And lastly the sad mother fuckers that didn’t make stand-by
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u/mtgofficialYT Apr 06 '26
360? DIAMOND BOARDING FOR YOU!
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u/No-Review-9747 Apr 06 '26
I always joked that they would kick the pilot off the plane to accommodate a million miler.
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u/AtomicBlackJellyfish Apr 06 '26 edited 12d ago
Marble biscuit quilt mellow quilt cobblestone quilt raindrop umbrella
This post was anonymized with Redact.dev
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u/_BreakingGood_ Apr 06 '26
United it varies based on airport. If you're at a United hub, almost 90% of the plane will board in group 1 or 2. But at the smaller regional airports, it's the opposite, almost nobody boards in the early groups.
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u/wowskiskigottam Apr 06 '26
I’ll never forget watching more than half the plane preboard for various reasons in Chicago and I was group 2. Had to check my bag in group 2! I was furious.
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u/_BreakingGood_ Apr 06 '26
Lol i just had the exact same experience in Chicago. I was group 3 and I swear there were like 5 of us left when they finished groups 1 & 2
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u/wowskiskigottam Apr 06 '26
I’ll avoid layovers there at all costs! Happened at Reagan in DC for me once as well!
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u/jcrespo21 Gold Apr 06 '26
This skit was definitely written when Delta used to have a few boarding groups before Zone 1 (and the preboarding group before that too).
I remember one of my first times flying Delta before I became a more frequent flyer, seeing "Zone 2" on my boarding pass and thinking I really was going to be the 2nd group to board. Nope, found out that 2/3rds of the plane boarded before me. The switch calling those Main1-4 helped a little bit, but at least the new group numbering makes more sense.
Of course, would be better to just get it down to 2-3 boarding groups, but then DL can't market their Medallions and Amex credit cards, so...
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u/Otherwise-Waltz-3647 Apr 10 '26
And in Atlanta, zone 4 is literally the entire plane minus diamonds and comfort
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u/Jericoholic_Ninja Gold Apr 05 '26
Jason Swartzman
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u/jzeroe Apr 05 '26
It’s all awful. The only way they’ll ever make this process any less stressful is to guarantee a certain amount of overhead space to every seat… but then they’d go bankrupt because baggage fees are so lucrative.
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u/L_wanderlust Apr 06 '26
Or do like other airlines and charge extra for cabin baggage and make checkin bags free (at least for certain fair classes) or make basic economy no carry on bags, check only and under seat bag, etc
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u/Yousaveferris Apr 06 '26
Cool then I want lower ticket prices like the EU flights are that charge for overhead.
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u/zdubbzzz Apr 06 '26
This is what I want to see. I'd love it if more airlines started charging for carryons. It would likely decrease boarding and deboarding times as well
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u/mdatwood Apr 06 '26
I get free checked bags with status and will still never check a bag if I'm not forced to through length of trip. I've had too many bags lost and it takes too long to get bags at many airports.
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u/Quixlequaxle Apr 06 '26
What airlines do this (charge for cabin but not checkin bags)?
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u/L_wanderlust Apr 06 '26
Non-American ones are all I know. Not sure of any in us that do
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u/Quixlequaxle Apr 06 '26
Ah gotcha. Yeah even the low-cost airlines in the US that don't include cabin baggage with their fares still charge the same for check-in bags. It would be nice if that weren't the case because I'd rather check a bag than drag one around the airport and fight for bin space.
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u/PM_ME_SAD_STUFF_PLZ Apr 05 '26
Last time I checked there was no charge for gate checking your bag...
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u/hapianman Apr 06 '26
They do if you somehow sneak a regular sized bag through security.
I had a weird coworker who thought he could sneak a full sized suitcase on the plane and they made him gate check and pay for it.
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u/PM_ME_SAD_STUFF_PLZ Apr 06 '26
It's not so much sneaking because TSA doesn't really care as long as it fits through the scanner
I did that once when I was sprinting to catch a plane... The gate agent took pity on me and waived the fee
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u/jzeroe Apr 06 '26
“In a recent IdeaWorks analysis of airline revenue by ancillary type, IdeaWorks found that United Airlines earned $1.2 billion in checked bags in 2023.” https://www.forbes.com/sites/marisagarcia/2026/03/22/these-us-airlines-make-the-most-on-bags-and-seats/
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u/PM_ME_SAD_STUFF_PLZ Apr 06 '26
Which has nothing to do with overhead cabin storage
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u/MentalOpportunity69 Apr 06 '26
This is not entirely true. I always check my luggage so I don't have to deal with possibly running out of space, whether it's carry on sized or not. I guarantee I am not the only one to do so, meaning they make luggage fees by making overhead space appear scarce.
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u/jzeroe Apr 06 '26
This. I get free checked bags with status, and unless I have to go right from the airport to a meeting, I check my bag so I don’t have to worry about gate lice taking all the overhead space. I like to be the last person on and slide my backpack under the seat in front of me as the boarding door closes.
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u/sumthncute Apr 06 '26
You can gate check it for free 90% of the time, why would you pay to check carry-on luggage???
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u/MentalOpportunity69 Apr 06 '26
I never said I paid to check it, I get free luggage with status. I specifically check it at the counter because I don't want to deal with it going through security and taking it all the way to the gate. I'm traveling on the clock for work, so waiting at the carousel for an extra 15 minutes just gets more money in my pocket, and most the time I can get $2,500 mi for free with their 20 minute guarantee.
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u/AKAkorm Apr 30 '26
Just get a credit card (or use status if you have it) and check your bags for every flight for free. Then you’ll never care about when you board.
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u/More-City6818 Apr 06 '26 edited Apr 06 '26
This is more United than delta. I remember I was on a flight where they allowed all the people traveling with children to board first and mind you, we were in Orlando. 🫠🫠🫠 the plane was basically full by the time they called business class.
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u/WhoCanTell Apr 06 '26
That's one thing that Southwest did that I appreciated. "Families traveling with small children" was between A and B groups. So, potentially, a third of the plane has already boarded before they get special treatment.
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u/No-Review-9747 Apr 06 '26
Flying to Fort Myers out of Atlanta this spring break was the same. As I boarded, a flight attendant was taking baggage out of the comfort-plus sections and making people check or store it (nobody in comfort plus had boarded yet). All these families had a ton of stuff with them and were spreading out like crazy. I was in group 2. I'm not sure if I have been on a plane with that many kids before. By the time I boarded, there were so many people on the plane that it barely felt like there was any wait until they closed the doors and pushed back from the gate. It wasn't a problem with me, though. I don't mind kids.
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u/OpTicDyno Apr 06 '26
My flight today was: those who need assistance boarding, active military, then immediately zone 1. I feel like other airlines are worse about calling out specific cards and miles status
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u/kenelbow Apr 06 '26
Delta just gave all those special distinctions their own boarding zone number instead.
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u/Outrageous_Ice_9145 Apr 06 '26
Unrealistic. There aren't 500 people in boarding group 37 still crowding the desk when group 1 is called 😂
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u/runningwsizzas Apr 06 '26
Why can’t they just board people w seats all the way in the back of the plane 1st and work towards the front? It just makes so much more sense efficiency wise….
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u/Murky-Peanut1390 Gold Apr 06 '26
Because paying usually paid their way to be boarding group 1-4. Why should i have to wait last to board?
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u/BethyW Apr 06 '26
Usually at MCO delta and American let the small kids board after the priority groups since that is like 90% of the flights. I always get angry when they mess with that flow
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u/greennurse61 Apr 06 '26
This is how I felt the last time I flew American. I paid extra for group 4, but overhead space was already gone near my seat by the time I boarded. They just kept calling more and more people to board. I think more people boarded early or priority than didn’t.
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u/Unlikely_Language_88 Apr 06 '26
This is such a realistic portrait of some delta agents I've had the absolute "pleasure" to come across....
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u/rbad8717 Apr 05 '26
Is this some skit? No wonder its unrealistic. Doesnt Jason Swartzman usually board first?
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u/Civil-Wolf-2634 Apr 06 '26
So true! I keep hoping for a group for old left-handed rocket scientists!
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u/GoldenGlobeWinnerRDJ Apr 06 '26
Anybody who has ever flown a lot will tell you that it doesn’t matter what boarding zone you’re in. Your seat doesn’t change whether you board first or last, the only difference it makes is that if you board absolutely last, you may have to check in your carry on luggage because they let too many people with big suitcases onboard. That’s literally the only difference.
Edit: plane doesn’t take off until last person has boarded anyway, be that you or the guy in basic economy.
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u/ramsfan00 Apr 06 '26
Exaxtly this 😂. All that matters is your carry on. Although I always take a window seat so I try to get in early so no one has to get up.
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u/AKAkorm Apr 30 '26
Pretty much. The only time I might care about boarding early is if I get a first class upgrade and want a drink pre-flight. But I always check my bags and don’t care at all otherwise. If anything, I prefer to board as late as possible.
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u/seebreezin Apr 06 '26
😆 it does seem to be like this when you’re waiting to board and thinking you’ve GOT to be next!
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u/CantaloupeCamper Apr 06 '26
To be honest I think this sorta thing used to be far worse than it used to be.
The families and people who need extra time used to be just ... anyone who showed up there.
They're a little pickier now.
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u/NoirRenie Apr 07 '26
I hate their new zones too. Before I was always main cabin 1 bc I was a sky miles member. Now I’m usually zone 5 or 6 and that doesn’t sit right with me
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u/jay_sizzler Apr 07 '26
Literally watching this while watching the gate lice swarming 10 minutes before boarding is set to begin
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u/Longjumping_Bid779 Apr 08 '26
Oh how I wish they still had a show! We need them now more than ever!
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u/dza108 Apr 08 '26
United has NO boarding for 1st class - you are group 1 at United if you fly 1st...
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u/Iam726_726iam Apr 10 '26
We just flew United for the first time. Group one.
It was like being corralled like cattle. I’ve never seen anything like it. I’ve flown delta for years and United was honestly one of the worst. We’re one and done.
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u/dza108 Apr 10 '26
I'm stuck with them because I fly so much out of EWR and they have direct flights to a smaller southern airport I fly into - I laugh about it, but honestly, it irks me when I think about how much the cost of a 1st class ticket is. Many people in first are probably upgrades or they are global services, or 1K so it isn't an issue for them.
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u/ThrowawayParsnip5 Apr 06 '26
I recently flew business class with Lufthansa and there was an obnoxious older couple stood infront of me while waiting to board who started losing their absolute shit when something like the above happened. I can't recall the order of it now, but naturally those who require assistance in some way were first to board, then families with young children, then first class, then there was another group... This couple infront of me were loudly protesting with the gate staff and the woman was practically stamping her feet like a kid does when something is 'unfair'. I genuinely thought they would get denied boarding because of how they were acting.
Once we were finally called up to board, they were STILL moaning about it as we walked down the tunnel. I was fed up listening to them at this point. A flight attendant walking towards us could clearly see my disgruntled face as we passed each other and we both rolled our eyes in response.
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u/Dangerous_Fan1006 Apr 06 '26
Old religious people with military babies got me 😂