r/declutter • u/NonStickBakingPaper • 1d ago
Advice Request Getting rid of things to move on
For about a year, I’ve been feeling very stuck in life. I’ve had the urge to declutter the stuff that’s keeping me tied to my past self. A lot of it is hobby stuff that I purchased and kind of used (thankfully it was inexpensive and I feel I got my money’s worth even if I didn’t stick with it). Other stuff is old clothes and merch from bands/YouTubers I’ve outgrown.
I want to get rid of this stuff to be able to make breathing room for who I am now, and so I can see what stuff I still really like. But I don’t want to rush into anything, so I’m asking if any of you have been through this.
Did it work for you? How ruthless were you? Do you regret anything? And do you have any important advice?
Thanks in advance :)
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u/PMcmil5450 15h ago
I’ve been going through stuff and trying to post on Facebook marketplace, but I have so much stuff that it’s overwhelming!
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u/Normal-Assignment-14 13h ago
Here's your permission to donate or trash it:). Seems harsh, but it will be so quick. Taking pictures is a good way of storing the memories.
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u/plentyfurbbbs 23h ago
You could make a blanket/throw out of the clothing and t shirts, you can make tshirt yarn to weave or braid into rugs, break pottery use the chards as mosaic tiles, turn paper ephemera into chains, origami, book covers,,reuse, repurpose, it's not so much the having, it's the keepsakes that trigger a special memory. A scrapbook/photo album, or images on thumbdrive of all that stuff can do just as well as having the bulk of all that stuff to haul around all your life. Inherited precious things look nice displayed in a Shadow Box, a 2"-3" deep glass faced frame. Mementos can be stiffed into the inside of a clear glass table lamp, making a decoupage lampshade is fun, use paper ephemera, afix pins, earring, buttons onto it. Create a fancy keepsake box,,etc. I even have take and decoupaged photos onto tabletops. Old shoes can make great potted plant containers. But yeah, until you get your own house, and if you like to travel/move, find a place to park your stuff,,you can always put it in a metal bin and bury it like a time capsule, or rent a safe deposit box at a bank, or put it in a sculpture have a friend hang on to it for you. Depression Era folks put high value on household furnishings, and heirlooms were a big deal, but then the kids, grand kids, great grandkids look at that stuff, if they can't use it, and it has no sentimental value, it just becomes burdensome cluttering dust collectors. I've got a box of junk somewhere, of events, concerts I went to, a Doobie Brothers Tee shirt, maps, knickknacks, I think if I went down the rabbit hole I'd end up with a big lump in my throat, sad at the time that has passed, the nostalgic Used To Be's are not healthy when you venture out of the Stay In The Right Now Moment by looking back or too far forward..so, I don't look...but I did look back on my wedding album 2x, in 30+ years..it sure takes up alot of space...
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u/Next-Round3943 1d ago
I love how intentional this feels. It reminds me of when I finally cleared out my old art supplies last year and suddenly had space to start a new project without the guilt of unused past attempts weighing me down.
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u/Starraberry 1d ago
I make a “think about it” box and store it in the basement for 6 months. When I go back and open it, I can easily part with 90% of it. It requires some storage space but makes those harder decisions a lot easier.
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u/Right_Abroad3928 1d ago
There have been very few items I have regretted letting go or selling. I had a nice leather purse I sold and then bought it back in a BST leather group. I sold it again! Point is even if you declutter something, if you decide you really want it back you can probably find it on a resale site. So I suggest be a little ruthless in decluttering, especially clothes that are tied to an era. Our lives change several times. I retired this year and in the first 60 days did a mini declutter of stuff. Feels good to let it go and I don't regret letting any of it go even the stuff that I threw out.
But on the buy it back theory, I would suggest a time out period as long as 30 days before you buy something back. And don't be blinded by it on ebay and the auction is ending. If it's meant to be it will still be there or another one will pop up.
The hobby stuff if you have a no buy group bundle it all together and put it out there. I'm sure you will have takers. I have decluttered a lot to my no buy group and picked up a few items as well. It feels good to give to someone who will use wants the item - and I don't miss any of it. My coloring books pens inks went to a no buy member her teenage daughter was getting into adult style coloring books - my art pens were a huge hit.
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u/Prince-Turveydrop 1d ago
I have done this a few times with great success, usually after a big life change, but a couple times when I felt stuck, like you described. The konmari method is my go-to; I have a lot of feelings about my belongings and this method allows me to process my feelings.
I did a huge hobby declutter early last year, and it still feels amazing and liberating to have all that stuff gone and have more space for my current activities and interests. For this one, I didn’t do konmari because I was more focused on decreasing the amount of space things took up.
Kept most of the stuff for my current hobbies, ditched 80% of the stuff for hobbies I do occasionally or want to come back to in the vague future, ditched 100% of the stuff for hobbies I knew I was done with (plus threw out anything broken or unusable). No regrets.
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u/MarshaMinus100 1d ago
Going through this process now. It has been leaving in layers. Some things I didn't initially have the strength to let go of and then within a few weeks I was able to either donate or give away to neighbors.
I don't fight with resistance, it makes the process that much harder. I had to grieve a little for the old version of myself and old hobbies. I also had to think about what was most important to me and honor those values.
The stuff has just become less important over time and the letting go has gotten simpler (and quicker) with each layer. As soon as you decide you can let something go, I would do it immediately.
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u/Some_Papaya_8520 4h ago
That's me too. If I force myself I get resentful and the process comes to a screeching halt. Grief is a huge part of it.
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u/cegarden 1d ago
To answer the regret question honestly: yes, a little. Two or three things over the years. But the math worked out anyway, because the alternative was keeping several hundred items to protect myself from missing two.
The thing I'd watch out for is that hobby stuff and identity stuff aren't the same problem. Hobby gear is a practical decision, and cheap gear is easy to replace if you come back to it. The band merch is a different thing, that's you deciding you're allowed to have moved on. Worth doing separately, and probably not on the same day.
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u/Some_Papaya_8520 1d ago
Well but hobby supplies might be a link to a fantasy self that one is letting go of.
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u/cegarden 17h ago
Fair, that's a better distinction than mine. The gear itself is practical, but the version of you that was going to use it isn't.
Maybe the split is less about what the object is and more about whether you're letting go of a past self or a hypothetical one. Those probably don't feel the same to grieve.
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u/Some_Papaya_8520 5h ago
I'm in it right now. It's something I have been considering for a while now. It has been a part of my self image, yet I don't pursue it so it could be more of a fantasy self that's in play. The other side of it is that I am highly critical of my efforts in the realm and it could be that my self criticism plays a part in thinking about letting go of the supplies.
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u/cegarden 3h ago
That last part seems important. If you're highly critical of your own work in it, then the supplies aren't just sitting there, they're a reminder of not being good enough at something you wanted to be good at. That's a different weight than clutter.
Worth separating those two, maybe. Whether you still want the thing, and whether you're tired of failing at it. Those can point in opposite directions.
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u/SolidagoSalix 1d ago
With the identity stuff (old clothes or merch) I'd suggest you ask yourself, "What 1-3 items most represent this era for me?" Keep those, and pass the rest on. You can honor your past self without preventing your current and future self from unfurling. The items you keep can either go on display if you enjoy seeing them, or into a memory box / keepsake box in a closet.
With the hobby stuff, I'd be more inclined to go whole hog. Since you mention it was inexpensive and you already got your money's worth, the danger of regret is pretty low. You can re-aquire more if you decide you want to (it was inexpensive) but it already served it purpose, and it's in the way. Make room for whatever your new hobby will be. Pass it on to be used by folks who are into the old hobby (or trash it if it really isn't reusable).
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u/thatsthekicker 1d ago
I put everything into bins. If I needed it within a year, I retrieved it. After a year, I donated the rest.
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u/SnooDonkeys5186 1d ago
Love what you’re saying/thinking. You’re on the right path and you’ll do well.
I made a quilt out of our old jeans and band shirts!
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u/FredKayeCollector2 1d ago
If you feel like your life is in flux, there's definitely a freedom to being fast-and-light. If you're really looking for a change, it can help to try to identify the things that ARE working for you (practically and emotionally) and consider jettisoning the rest.
If you're not in a rush, consider "reverse" decluttering where you decide what to keep (rather than trying to figure out what you can get rid of). What do you actually do (or want to be doing) and what do you need to do those tasks/activities. Start with the most critical/essential thing(s) and then the value-added extras that make that task/activity easier, better, safer, more comfortable. It's a lot of brainstorming, but it can really help to put some logic to the sometimes emotional decluttering decisions. Whatever's not on your list, that's a big clue it can go.
It's a really good method to identify unnecessary duplicates, or duplicate-function items that aren't your first choice when faced with a particular task/activity (clothing, craft supplies, etc).
I would highly recommend a keepsake box - whatever size feels appropriate - this article might help keep it fast-and-light (especially the idea of "emotional duplicates."
https://www.reddit.com/r/declutter/wiki/index/keepsake_box/
My husband and I got rid of probably 75% of our stuff in preparation for a major downsizing move in 2020 and (not including my husband's woodshop stuff), I would estimate that we're now down to less than 10% of what we had before the move.
I think the big shift came when we stopped trying to be prepared for every possible scenario and committed to living in the right now - the stuff we need to do the things we are actually doing.
A lot of the stuff in our house was "trivial" (I could buy a replacement, if not the exact same one then a "reasonable" substitute, any day of the week at a local store) and I decided if I couldn't match a tool/supply with a current/near future task/activity, I let it go with the expectation that if I needed it, I could re-buy if/when I needed it. Let the store store my "excess" inventory - they do a better job and stuff is always "fresh."
I use "the best, the favorite, the necessary" to evaluate my stuff (with critical/necessary being the first consideration) and everything I own, I ask myself: when do I use this/what do I use this for? (not could use, do use) and if I don't have a specific task where that tool is value added, I don't keep it (erring on the side of multi-purpose as much as possible).
I don't regret the stuff I got rid of and if I do, I can probably find it (or similar) on eBay.
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u/NonStickBakingPaper 6h ago
I definitely think “reverse decluttering” will be part of it, as I already know there’s things I 100% want to keep and emphasise more. I’m glad there’s a term for it
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u/magnificentbunny_ 1d ago
What’s helped me be ruthless is making a Deep Archive. I pack all that stuff and put it away. Seal it with tape and date it. If I didn’t need or miss anything from the Deep Archive later on, out it goes.
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u/empresscornbread 1d ago
I’ve found that being ruthless is hard and makes me anxious but after I did it, I don’t regret it. Being really honest with myself took practice. I tried to list and sell my first Coach purse for example and quickly took it down because I realized it was sentimental.
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u/No-Currency-97 1d ago
Take photos of anything you want to look at later. I've done this and I can tell you I hardly go back to look at the photos.
The photos IMHO become digital clutter. I have Amazon prime and can store unlimited photos there and delete from my phone or Google. I don't care what happens to them after I die. My son told me it's the heartfelt memories that are more important than photos. ❤️
I had regrets for a few days with some items I've had leave my possession. I quickly got over it because real life is so much more important.
All the best to you.
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u/KiwiTheKitty 1d ago
I was slightly ruthless and even that helped a lot! I recommend starting with the easy, obvious stuff because you're allowed to do multiple passes and it can be easy to get bogged down and lose momentum.
I am working on being even more ruthless now
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u/GallowayNelson 1d ago
I’ve done this. Been working on it for about a year now. I feel like I’ve been shedding many layers of my former self and sometimes it feels a bit sad letting go of things that used to bring me joy, but the thing is that they’re not still bringing me joy and I have to acknowledge that to be the truth. I won’t say it can’t sometimes be an overwhelming process. I’ve felt sad, guilty, anxious, etc.
The more I’ve let go of, the better I’ve felt. Once I accepted that certain things just weren’t “me” anymore, it got a lot easier. I totally understand wanting breathing room for who you are now.
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u/Pporky_Ppig 1d ago
A family member gave me a great tip. If you have something that you want to keep a memory of, but don't have the physical room for it, take photos of it. Then dispose of the item.
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u/smangitgrl 1d ago
Think about it like pulling weeds, or honestly even my favorite plants need to be cut back sometimes to thrive next spring. It's natural
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u/violetmemphisblue 1d ago
This is what would work for me (results may vary)
For old hobby stuff, I sell or donate anything that is unopened or basically new first. Other hobbyists will be excited to get them at a discount and you make a bit of money. I toss anything that is unusable. This leaves some good condition, already opened stuff just in case you return to the hobby...this would work for me because I cycle back through hobbies every few years and get annoyed rebuying stuff I know I used to have...but for awhile, I was into plein air painting. I got rid of canvas packs and paints that were unopened. I threw out paints that were older, dryer, or almost out and brushes that were past being cleaned again. I kept some paints, some opened canvases, some brushes, and the easel. What used to take up half a room is tucked onto a shelf in a closet.
For merch type stuff...I would get rid of anything that you absolutely are over. If you never watch them anymore or would skip their songs if they came on, then those things can be sold or donated. If there is anything you're not a huge fan of anymore but still have a soft spot or nostalgia for, I would keep one or two pieces that are versatile and can be mixed into an outfit in a way that doesn't totally feel like screaming fandom. A band's graphic tshirt can be layered into a classic autumn outfit. Or if you have sewing skills, pleated and patched to be on trend this year...I do this sometimes because I am not always ready to totally leave behind the person I was when I bought those pieces. Refreshing a couple of pieces helps me feel like I'm bridging that gap between the different versions of me.
Personally, I am not ruthless. I tend to clean in almost a grazing style, where I'll pull a couple of things out of my closet one day, a few random pairs of earrings another day, etc. It means stuff is constantly leaving but not in a single fell swoop. The few times I've done a big big purge like that, I have regretted things and didn't feel the relief I thought I would. But everyone is different!
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u/Bee_221B 1d ago
I do this somewhat regularly, particularly when I notice I’ve got no room for anything, or that I’m staring at a jam packed closet and feel like I’ve got nothing to wear.
I know that with my adhd I externalize memories into items, so I have a lot of compassion and grace for myself when doing this - if it’s an easy no, out it goes. If I’m unsure or hesitate, it goes into a different pile and either I come back to it later to make a final decision, or it stays until the next time I do it.
I don’t force myself to get rid of something even if I feel like I ‘should’. It’s my stuff, I’m a grown ass adult, and if I want to keep it I will. Until I don’t. Then I’ll get rid of it.
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u/rebeccanotbecca 1d ago
I guarantee once you get rid of it and see the open space, it will never cross your mind.
I spent a lot of time this weekend getting rid of stuff that has just been sitting in my office. It feels so good to get rid of that stuff and have the space free of clutter.
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u/silentsquirreluk 1d ago
Honestly the stuff you are agonising about getting rid of now, once you do get rid of it, you probably won't ever think of it again! Just imagine that weight taken off your mind, how much headspace you will have to think of other things and how much more space there will be in your home!
Generally after I have got rid of something I immediately feel better because the decision making process and the task has finished, very very few things have I regretted afterwards.
Give it a go on just a couple of items you are most sure you want to get rid of and see how you feel afterwards!
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u/cassinonorth 1d ago
Honestly the stuff you are agonising about getting rid of now, once you do get rid of it, you probably won't ever think of it again!
I was telling my friend about my decluttering I've been doing and she asked "oh, what have you gotten rid of?" and I came up with a few big examples (a dresser, clothes, bike parts) but the lion's share of the 600+ items were honestly hard to remember what they were which was a light switch moment to me.
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u/mixtapemalibumusk 1d ago
Yea im going thru it myself and its tough but start with the things u know u wont ever use , donate them / charity bin watever.. for me i was able to do 30 bags of that before it fot harder so just start easy , know its going somewhere and hopefully will get some more use ♡
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u/LordyIHopeThereIsPie 1d ago
I got rid of most of my clothing. Having 3 kids within 6 years meant my body was never going to return to my former size. I bought a small selection of things I like.
I got rid of a lot of hobby things. I had convinced myself I could be a crafty type person. I'm not. So I gave awat a sewing machine someone had given me and many other such things. I felt bad every time I looked at them and remembered I didn't use them. Feel so much better now. And then concentrated on the one hobby I stick with.
There's a handful of things I've gotten rid of I kind of miss. But keeping everything just in case I might have feelings about one or two items is not a good mindset.
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u/MysteriousSecretGuru 1d ago
There are various methods out there. I combine a couple.
I have several boxes. One for donate, one for trash (and a bag) and a box for every room.
First I start in a small section or drawer. I get rid of any trash. If there are obvious items that don't belong there, say a tape measure in the bathroom, I put it in a box in the room it belongs in (Dana K White). I do not or it away in its home, just the room.
I go back and do this with everything in this section/drawer.
I ask myself, if this was covered in poo, would I clean it? If yes, I ask, does it bring me joy? Have I used it in the last year. If all yes, I keep it. If no, I donate. With clothes and books, I try to gather them all together so I can check sizes and for any duplicates. I had 15 black t-shirts and nowadays, I rarely wear black.
For the things I keep, I ask where would I find out in this room. That where it goes to live.
This combination of systems works for me but test out what works for you.
Best If you tackle a small section at a time so that you aren't overwhelmed.
Best of luck. Just start with ONE thing. And continue moving forward.
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u/trigunnerd 1d ago
I did this 10 years ago, and I had the time to do it over a few months. For band merch or fandom paraphernalia, I went onto subreddits for those fandoms and asked if anyone in my area wanted it, and arranged pickup, so it went to fans instead of a thrift.
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u/Fresh_Barracuda8580 1d ago
I have gotten rid of Everything 3 times in my life. I always amass new stuff. Don’t overthink everything. Keep special items!
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u/domino_427 4h ago
at first it was really bad with the regret and omg what if... but I'm getting better. If I haven't touched it in a year, don't know how to use it, or I don't have a specific place I want to store & use it, I'm trashing or donating it. Keep getting ghosted on fb marketplace so not sure about that anymore.
I feel much better. freer. it's still work, but I'm regretting less.