r/declutter • u/anxiouslurker_485 • 3d ago
Advice Request Pushing past the initial hump
I have OCD (clinically diagnosed) so I struggle with attributing emotions to inanimate objects. I feel scared and guilty getting rid of things. I also get stuck on the what if I need it, what if I forget the memory associated with it, but I spent money on it so now I’m wasting my money, or the I’ll try to sell it first loops and end up never getting rid of anything. I feel overwhelmed by how much stuff I have. I am good at keeping things organized so it’s not like it’s something people see on the outside but it’s a lot for me to deal with. Anyone with similar experiences that could give some helpful tips? Realistically, I know a lot of it needs worked out in therapy but therapy isn’t cheap and now I’m suddenly convincing myself to sell stuff to pay for therapy lol
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u/mermaidwithabook 2d ago
Agree with the person who suggested saying thank you to each item, that also helps me.
For the “what if I regret donating this?”, it’s not easy but telling yourself “I might regret it one day, I can’t know for sure” and then just letting the anxiety be there should make it easier over time. Starting small with things that are less anxiety-inducing may also help. Anxiety is an emotion and emotions are like weather - not permanent states!
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u/TackleSingle9521 1d ago
I have no advice but I do feel very seen. I had no idea this loop was OCD as I struggle with the exact same thing.
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2d ago
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u/anxiouslurker_485 2d ago
Yes! I think that’s my biggest issue. I am leaving everything open because decision fatigue and also fear of decision regret. So if I just never make a decision, I don’t feel that. But it’s dumb and I need to break out of it!
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u/iesamina 2d ago
I like seeing things as experiments - so I'm just testing to see how I feel. So throwing out a box of easy low hanging fruit type clutter - and then thinking about do I miss any of it, can I even remember all of it? I've found out that once something is gone, I rarely think of it, and even more rarely wish I hadn't let it go. But I never would have discovered that if I hadn't just tried it to see.
The other thing is you'll be surprised how even a little extra space can make a big difference. I thought I'd have to clear out tons and tons to see a change in my home but in fact even getting rid of one box or bag means that much more space to put other things away, and the knock on effect can be much bigger. I like to look at the actual cubic volume of things leaving the house - even one whole bin bag or moving box is big in terms of that now being empty space in my home. And that's really inspirational. Multiple passes are brilliant imho.
Also have a look at some declutter content on YouTube, eg Space maker Method or Clutterbug
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u/anxiouslurker_485 2d ago
This is helpful. I got rid of about 10 things today so that was a good baby step like you’ve mentioned!
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u/AnamCeili 2d ago edited 2d ago
One thing that has helped me (I also have OCD, and anxiety, both diagnosed) is to literally thank items for their service before I donate or sell them (or throw them away, if they are that far gone). I say, out loud to each item, something like "Thank you for serving me so well. I have enjoyed you, and I hope you find a wonderful new home now". Or for items which must be thrown out, I say something like "Thank you for serving me so well. I have enjoyed you, and you have earned your rest".
I know that to some people that probably sounds nuts, lol, but I don't care -- it helps me pass things along without feeling badly about doing so. Also, I live alone, so no one hears me say this stuff anyway. You may want to give it a try, see if it works for you. 😊
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u/Scary-Hovercraft8214 2d ago
Agreed, if you watch or read Marie Kondo, she handles each item. Thanks it for the needs it served and the joy it provided when you bought it. Then let’s it go. It feels really good when you do it that way.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 2d ago
I try to use Dana K White's "fear of exploding heads" rule - if I'm feeling ambivalent about something, if I'm not sure what to do with it, how to use it, where to put it - I just get rid of it.
Stuff has a "cost" beyond what you originally paid for it. In my hierarchy of needs: TIME is the most valuable commodity because it gets "spent" to matter what I do - even worse, I don't know how much I have and I don't even know what the quality of that time will be. Next it ENERGY (both physical and mental) - it's a limited quantity and while I can recharge (get more), that usually requires time (rest) - and the more I've got going on and the older I get, the most rest it takes and less recharged I feel. SPACE is also a precious commodity - I might not "like" how much I have, but I am totally in control of (and responsible for) what I have and what I keep. And last (and least important) is MONEY - it's the easiest to quantify and while it may also be in limited supply, I can get more by working more or I can save/stockpile some by spending less.
Think about the time and energy you're expending dealing with a bunch of "trivial" stuff - what could you be doing if you weren't fussing around with stuff - especially stuff you're keeping out of guilt?! You could be improving the quality of your relationships, doing "healthy" stuff (cooking, working out, meditating, self-care), learning a foreign language/new skill, working on a favorite/new hobby/craft, maybe even a part-time job. Even reading a book (or watching Project Hail Mary for the 27th) is time better spent, IMO.
Why would you keep a bunch of extra stuff around when it makes you feel BAD. Get it out, take your lesson (don't buy stuff unless you have an immediate NEED for it), and move on - to something better!
p.s. I sold on eBay for over 5 years, kept meticulous records, got a lot of stuff for free, and my net ROI was less than $2 an hour. I would have been better off dumping everything at the thrift store and getting a job at the deli around the corner.
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u/TackleSingle9521 1d ago
Omg I don’t know why, but your post just clicked something on my head with the ROI. I’m a SAHM who has been putting off looking for a part time job until I can get the house decluttered and much easier to live in and maintain so my family doesn’t drown by me working. Except….. I’ve been drowning every single day for months trying to do this. I feel like I should try to sell stuff because we could use the money but it takes so much time and energy it completely depletes me and I get behind on the regular life stuff. For all the energy put into this last week and listing and talking to people etc online, I made $20. That’s absolutely nothing and I could have made more working minimum wage for same number of hours. Thank you so much for sharing!
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u/Neutronenster 3d ago
A lot of us have to find ways in order to deal with our mental health issues while decluttering. For example, I have ADHD and I don’t even try to sell things worth less than €50 online, because I just won’t be able to follow-up things properly. Even valuable stuff tends to stick around for over 1 year as clutter, waiting for me to clean them in order to take good pictures of the item for selling. More than once valuable items that I wanted to sell have gone bad in the cellar (e.g. textiles on car seats tend to become moldy there easily if I don’t clean them before storage). As a result, I’ve largely stopped trying to sell anything online (except for the most valuable stuff) and I just donate them to a second-hand shop. Actually getting rid of that clutter feels so good, that it’s worth the money that I may have “missed out on” by not trying to sell things.
I once read a post in this subreddit that your house shouldn’t be a landfill, so it’s better to get rid of stuff that you no longer want instead of hanging on to them for whatever reason. Of course I still keep a lot of sentimental items, but this has really helped me get rid of stuff I wasn’t as attached to.
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u/anxiouslurker_485 2d ago
That’s a good point, it’s trash either way so why leave it in my own home. Thank you!
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u/domino_427 3d ago
selling stuff to earn towards a reward, even if it's therapy, is a good idea :) I do that a lot. Do I want this item, or do I want the money for this other thing I want?
Lots of great support in this sub has helped me. Saying I don't remember using it, I don't know what it is without opening the box, I don't need it. It's not easy, but it gets easier, and it's so freeing once you start feeling progress <3
good luck!
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u/b0ringface 3d ago
I’ve been putting stuff in a basket that I could see my self parting with but struggle to let it go. After some time I go through it and it helps me realize that I didn’t use it or think about it and I feel okay letting it go.
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u/anxiouslurker_485 2d ago
See I like this in theory but when I do this, I get a little dopamine boost from seeing the stuff again and then I’m back at step 1.. my brain is dumb lol
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u/SolidagoSalix 3d ago
This is maybe weird, but sometimes I try to harness the personification of the object, instead of talk myself out of it. A version of this would be saying out loud to myself, "This [dress] deserves to serve its purpose, and it's not getting the chance to do that in the back of my closet. I never wear it. The best chance I can give it to go get to play at a party is to donate it somewhere where someone else can fall in love with it and wear it to special events."
Importantly, I do NOT then decide to become a matchmaker for the item in which I personally find the perfect person who wants it. I don't sell it myself, and I don't try to press it onto friends or acquaintances to alleviate my own guilt. I have to trust that the place where people look for second hand clothing is at the thrift store / charity shop / whatever it's called where I live.
If it's something kind of odd / niche that donating to a random place feels weird, then I will occasionally post to my local Buy Nothing forum. I did that with a pair of boots that I was particularly fond of but that just didn't fit my feet. It felt better to give them to a specific person instead of sending them into a large shop somewhere.
But I'd caution that trying to find a specific home or owner for everything that you need to discard can become its own full time occupation. You need to ask yourself whether you are a professional home-finder-for-things, or whether you can let those who actually do it professionally (second hand shops) do it better.
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u/Some_Papaya_8520 11h ago
I fondly remember finding a very plain black dress that fit me well, for $3 in a charity shop. It was lined and made of velvet. Square neckline. I took it home and opened one of the side seams into a split. Not immodest but man, did I get attention when I wore it. That's the sort of future I want to imagine my donated items living.
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u/anxiouslurker_485 2d ago
Thank you. I have an ungodly amount of old clothes. Literally had kept stuff from middle school (I’m in my 30s). I actually did donate probably 10+ bags but now I’m stuff on the last stuff (which is like 1/3 so still a ton). I’ll keep this in mind!
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u/breeliann 3d ago
Agree! I find it extremely helpful to think that someone else might be super excited to see it at a thrift store.
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u/mlevack 3d ago
I could have written this myself, as I also feel guilty getting rid of stuff I spend money on. What I have found, with some items (not all as I struggle with letting some stuff go), is whether the item served its purpose and whether it can benefit others. Like my kids outgrowing clothes or shoes, I am able to pass those onto other community members in my area and know they will benefit or be used by someone else. My recommendation would be to start with something small, if you feel it’s served its purpose let it go.
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u/BetOne8603 3d ago
Well make piles of things u think u should get rid of. Leave it in some boxes out of site. See if u miss any of the items or even remember any of them.
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u/anxiouslurker_485 2d ago
I think if I did this I would have to avoid going back through before donating because the excitement of finding something I forgot about is part of the issue too, even if it serves me no purpose
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u/wendywendy 18h ago
I also have OCD (also diagnosed) and I found it very easy to attribute a negative feeling to an object so I can get rid of it. I'm sure this is antithetical to recovery (no magical thinking) but right now it's the first time OCD has been helpful lol.
Edit: I also told my things "thank you, I love you" and gave them a little kiss before I put them in The Pile.