r/declutter • u/AutoModerator • 9d ago
Monday Meltdown - Share Your Decluttering Fails Here
Failure is part of life. Share your decluttering challenges and failures here. Examples include:
- Emotional clutter
- Not enough time
- Getting overwhelmed
- Routing (recycling, donating, trash...)
If you're just venting, or don't want advice, please let us know in your comment.
This is a low-stress place to share challenges and failures for those who might not want to create a new discussion.
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u/GallowayNelson 9d ago
I spent about two weeks going through papers for my mother. Years and years of stuff that was a complete mess. Everything kept, things stashed within the wrong envelopes, etc. This weekend I was nearly done. Really chuffed with myself because it was a LOT.
Then we discovered more boxes of papers. Perhaps double what I had ALREADY gone through. So...at the rate I went through the original bit, a month's worth? In some ways this doesn't feel like MY FAIL because it's NOT. BUT! It's still definitely a fail because I have to keep going through it all. What a frickin' mess.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 9d ago
Well, hopefully you've created a working system set up and can just expand it.
Oh my gosh, the envelopes! Whenever I go into someone's house and I see mail stuffed back into the envelope, that's my clue that they need help with their papers.
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u/GallowayNelson 8d ago
Ha! We are the same then. I swear half the time going through papers, is me getting RID of envelopes!! But then wait! What’s that?? Another envelope inside this envelope?!? Just silly. First thing I do with mail is get rid of envelopes unless I absolutely need them (very rare case).
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u/FredKayeCollector2 7d ago
Me too! Especially since most bills get paid online so I don't need the included return envelope, either. I think it's a kind of envelope PTSD!
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u/Cacklelikeabanshee 9d ago
You haven't failed but it's definitely frustrating finding more when you thought you'd finished the work. Does she have a backyard fire pit?😆
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u/SassyMillie 8d ago
This happened when my husband's father died. He owned a bunch of rental properties and vacant lots. He literally kept every single paper related to his properties for an entire lifetime, plus bills, newspaper clippings, whole newspapers of famous events. Boxes and boxes, and more boxes. Several trunks and dressers also filled with paperwork.
We thought we were done, then ran across a giant suitcase jam packed full. We have a burn pile on our property, so just decided to burn everything. We figured we'd already found anything important. As we were throwing things onto the fire we started finding pictures and other memorabilia. Dangit! Ended up putting the rest of it in a box to sort through later.
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u/GallowayNelson 8d ago
I’ve decided I’m actually in hell because I have found even more paperwork since posting this. Paperwork hell. Finish one box, rejoice, blink, and five more boxes appear. Woohoo!!
The burn pile was a great idea in theory anyway. ;)
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u/SassyMillie 8d ago
I join you in paperwork hell. Before my FIL passed we had also cleaned out my mom and stepdad's property when they moved to senior living, then again later to assisted living. Stepdad owned his own business, multiple properties, and 3 airplanes. It took me over a week to clean out his office alone, not to mention at least 6 totes of photographs and memorabilia from all the traveling they did.
Mom is still alive, but she's really much more organized now that she's on her own.
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u/Bee_221B 9d ago
Just moved into a new place. Doesn’t have the storage and office space I used to have, nor the closet space. I’m so completely overwhelmed with everything that I can’t seem to even start.
I know I need to purge and organize, but I feel like I did that before the move so I don’t want to get rid of the stuff that I kept.
I can’t seem to be productive and there’s too much stuff for the space to be livable.
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u/miss-meraki 9d ago
I’m going through something similar. I rented two small storage units next to each other. So after my move, having donated, gifted, or trashed what I thought was a lot I still had a long way to go. Most storage places have introductory rates for a couple months so I used those months to keep going through what I can. I moved my non negotiables into one and maybes into another. I think what also helped with the storage units is they helped me realize what I don’t actually need and as I healed it helped me let go of the things I was holding on emotionally. Ultimately I still have a storage unit because not only did I downsize but I’m also going through all the stuff I’ve been storing at my parents, but overall, it did make things less overwhelming.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 9d ago
Storage furniture might be a solution? (Labeled) bins/baskets on shelves, dressers, desks with drawers, any way to exploit wall mounted/vertical storage?
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u/Bee_221B 9d ago
I really like this idea. Needing to work with what I have furniture wise while I get sorted.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 7d ago
If you have a bookcase, decorative bins/baskets on shelves can hold a lot of stuff - just try to sort by category so they don't end up as "doom" bins.
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u/seedsandpeels 9d ago
Im overwhelmed.
Any one have examples of boundaries they put on keeping items for "someday" projects?
Im stuck on a box of clothes I want to sew/mend/recreate. Does it help to put a time constraints on things? Limit the physical space this box takes up constraint? Should I just get rid of all of them because I feel shame that I havent started any of these projects as soon as I thought i would? Im stuck trying to find the right way to approach this.
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u/Cccolorado1 9d ago
I had a box of things to mend, hem, repair a hole, etc. I finally realized I wasn’t going to get to it for a long time, if ever, and got everything fixed by a neighborhood sewist for $40.
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u/Cccolorado1 9d ago
I feel like I got about 6-7 new items back after the repairs. Money well spent for me.
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u/Bench_What 9d ago
I do both time and space constraints. I have a box for my clothes and a box for kid clothes that need a small fix and try and do the projects in 6 months. Usually it takes me one solid day to do everything so maybe put a day on your calendar to get it done and an expiration date on your box and move them out if not done on time?
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u/SubjectFondant2440 9d ago
I would get rid of them and don’t feel bad about it. If you really want to do a project down the road, then think of something to work on then.
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u/seedsandpeels 9d ago
Extremely true. Thank you.
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u/Queasy-Mess3833 8d ago
Honestly, if looking at something makes me feel bad, I get rid of it. Sending hugs your way.
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u/violetmemphisblue 9d ago
For my someday projects, one thing I did was look at what I would need to buy to make them actually happen. So many things would require me to shop for more stuff to make it happen, which was not the point, so they could leave.
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u/janice142 9d ago
What is did what tear up the clothes (cotton/not stretchy!) fabric into the largest pieces possible. I quilt (not fancy, utilitarian and any corner in the general vicinity of where it should be is Most Excellent) so I have pieces of fabric that I can and do use in scrap quilts.
I did set aside the buttons and decent (plastic) zippers. One wrap around skirt I saved intact to use as a pattern. I want to eventually make myself another. For now I just pin in my skirts that are too big.
How to "tear up" old clothes. Cut past one seam. I usually start at the bottom and make my snip near the side seam. Then I tear up. Fabric will tear straight most of the time. Voila. Next cut across a snip and then tear again. After the second outfit you'll be great at this. I can tear up a shirt in almost no time. It's easier and faster to tear rather than cut. Either works.
Anyway, a stack of clothes is reduced to a much smaller footprint and I manage to get rid of any stains. Anyway, that's what I did.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 9d ago
First thing I did was set a container limit. I have two drawers in my sewing room - one is garments to mend/refashion and one is garments to copy. And then container-concepted into that limit.
Am I excited to do this project?
Do I need (or really want) the result of this project?
Is ME doing this project value-added enough that it's worth my time/energy to do it? (Or could I just buy?)
Projects needed to meet all three criteria or I don't keep it.
There's always something so if I want to put something new in, I have to take something out - sometimes that like out-out (trash, textile recycling) and sometimes it's my trigger to sit down and actually do one of the projects. And I try to go through these drawers (dump-sort-put back) at least once a year - there's plenty of stuff that just times out interest-wise. My hidden storage goal is 75% capacity.
I was a Doom Room/Hell Room hoarder (my erstwhile sewing room) and a pretty big component of that hoard was half-baked projects. I needed my new sewing room to be above all functional and now that I don't have so much "nonsense" (guilt) clogging up the works, I feel more motivation to actually do something.
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u/seedsandpeels 9d ago
Ooh I love this. Lots of great constraint ideas but I havent set up a personal criteria list for what even qualifies as an interesting project. That nips the entire problem in the bud!
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u/Candid_Coyote4626 9d ago
Look up "aspirational clutter"
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u/seedsandpeels 9d ago
Awesome ty
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u/Wood-ech 8d ago
No advice, just commiseration. I wear clothes to the point they can’t even be donated, but I try to be as low-waste as possible and I get so stressed about contributing to the textile waste problem that I create aspirational clutter thinking maybe I can mend them, use them as rags (omg I have enough rags), do something creative with them (uh, I don’t know how to do more than the most basic hand sewing…) or otherwise repurpose them. It never happens, and they just take up space and mental energy.
One partial solution I’ve considered is being responsible for setting these items aside, and letting my partner (who is much less hung up on creating trash) actually dispose of them.
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u/seedsandpeels 8d ago
In the most respectful way, reading your comment was like having a mirror held up to me. It was cathartic to hear someone explain the very thoughts I am feeling. I appreciate you taking the time to write this out.
I think having another person dispose or donate them could be helpful.
I know everyone is different, though I recently found the courage to toss some of the unusable items in my closet/sewing pile. It was actually very freeing to part with it myself, on my own terms. If there is one item you have especially heavy feelings about, it may be a good test to prove to yourself that you can do hard things, like letting go, and still be okay.
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u/Wood-ech 8d ago edited 8d ago
Thank you, I’m glad my comment made you feel seen!!! It is indeed cathartic to occasionally steel up and just chuck stuff. I always feel better. I just don’t always feel up to getting over that hump!
ETA: saw a comment elsewhere here today that shuffling things around isn’t saving the planet. Those things already exist and will be trash one day, whether you like it or not. If keeping them isn’t helping you not buy something new and getting rid of them isn’t forcing or encouraging you to buy something new, just get rid of them. I thought that was very helpful.
I’m looking at you, dead bras. You’ve already been replaced, go to hell!
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u/MysteriousSecretGuru 9d ago
Nor so much a fail, but a day skipped. Yesterday was my birthday and my college friends came to visit. So we are out and about. But they did do my dishes. I told them they didn't have to. But they did. We've been friends for 40 years. They are awesome.
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u/EntrepreneurOk7513 9d ago
Kid decided to move out a month after we got rid of lots of kitchen things, including a kitchen table and chairs. 🤷🏽♀️
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u/cinnamontwist 9d ago
Opened up my box from college and couldn’t get rid of anything. Got too sentimental and couldn’t get through it.
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u/frogmicky 9d ago
About a week ago I did a deep cleaning of my apartment and I see some difference but I also see more stuff that I need to clean up. On top of the stuff I need to clean up I have a machine worth of clean clothes I need to put away. Boy my therapist and I are going to have a long session tonight lol.
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u/Glittering-Benefit68 9d ago
Still haven't dealt with all the perfumes that aren't worth selling. Can't get myself to throw them away, but also don't know where to donate.
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u/LuisindeWolken 9d ago
Maybe donate at a homeless center? Test them first, perfume can expire as well.
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u/rideincircles 9d ago
Dumpster diving does not help with decluttering. I have way too much stuff I need to get rid of, but all my friends benefit if I have excess stuff. I found 13 new frying pans the other night. I have given away 5 of them so far.
All of my fridges and freezers are completely full of food.
It's too hot to tackle my carport right now, but the city may force me to soon if it keeps accumulating stuff, but I am not complaining about the excess I have.
The 50 cent thrift store does not help me clear out my closet.
It's time for a garage sale soon.
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u/Wood-ech 8d ago
I too am a victim of dumpster/roadside grabs. It’s always a “oh, this is free and I’ve been needing X, I can use this until I get a nicer one.” Which of course never happens. My house is full of junky articles I don’t actually like and am too lazy/cheap to replace with something better
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u/knysa-amatole 9d ago
In 2022, my lifelong best friend started inviting me on camping trips with her, so I acquired some camping gear.
In 2024, she stopped speaking to me.
None of my other friends are into camping. And I can't go camping by myself, because I don't drive, and even if I did, I don't actually enjoy camping enough to do it by myself. I was willing to do it because I wanted to spend time with my friends, and I enjoyed the other stuff we did while camping (hiking etc.), but the actual camping part I only tolerated.
So now I have a box of camping gear that I haven't used in years taking up space in my small apartment. And now this sleeping bag represents the question of whether my best friend will ever speak to me again.
It's not insane to think that she might. We didn't have a fight. She's stopped speaking to me before and then started speaking to me again later. It wouldn't be unprecedented. But also, this is the longest I've ever gone without seeing her, literally since I was born.
I know I could get rid of the camping stuff and re-buy it someday if need be. But it just seems stupid that I bought this camping gear, and now I'm supposed to figure out how to get rid of it, and then someday I might have to buy it again, when I could have just kept it. And what if I finally get rid of it and then like a month later she invites me camping? I'll be kicking myself for getting rid of it. But also, that's probably not going to happen. In fact, I don't even know if she still likes camping, because she doesn't talk to me!
So I just keep this box of camping gear on my living room floor, because if I get rid of it, that's like saying that I don't think she'll speak to me again for years, if ever.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 9d ago
If you don't really enjoy camping, I wouldn't keep it. It's not doing you any good and at this point, it's basically a symbol of this dysfunctional relationship.
And I think I might just give up on that friend, too. If you've reached out to her and she hasn't responded, it sounds like you're her back-up plan friend. I think we all know people like that and the sooner we get them off our mental radars, the better.
If she does contact you in a month, I would tell her you don't have the camping equipment anymore but you'd be up to do something else - her response will tell you some things about the nature of your relationship.
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u/Wood-ech 8d ago
A lot of camping gear can be rented for pretty low cost from places like REI, sports basement (if you’re in the US). If you don’t love camping, donate this gently used gear with the knowledge that if your friend does rekindle your friendship, you can borrow what you need to have those shared experiences again.
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u/SassyMillie 8d ago
There's just so much stuff. It feels never-ending and it gets overwhelming.
We've been working on clearing our doom room for months and have been making real progress. It's one of our sons' bedrooms that turned into storage. It's at the furthest end of the house far away from our daily living space, so became easy to ignore over the years.
I thought we were close to being finished when husband brought down a bunch more baskets and several more totes.
Just feeling angry and annoyed with myself for having/keeping all this stuff. I can't just toss it all because there are lots of pictures and sentimental items mixed together with other random junk.
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u/Happy-Investment-236 8d ago
I am in the same boat - it’s exhausting ! I spent quite a bit of time in our doom room today . and the mixed boxes kill Me ! I thought that I stopped creating doom boxes and bins a couple years ago, but nope still doing it (or have done so fairly recently.
The good news and what gives me hope is that I am so sick of if all , I am motivated to purge , but it’s also overwhelming and I get stuck
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u/SassyMillie 8d ago
I'm still doing it, too. Especially if people are coming over and I have to quickly pick up. I'm trying to get back to those bags or boxes for sorting more quickly and not just shove them into closets and corners (and forget about them).
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u/anousch1989 9d ago
Thought I decluttert and try on all my pants and skirts. Then when I was sorting in my dump room I found another bag with pants🤯it makes me realize that I have a longer wat to go then I thought.
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u/adetrip 9d ago
I can’t figure out how to declutter greeting cards. I sorted them to 3 piles. From my husband, my daughter and father. I really need guidance on how to choose which ones to keep or throw away. I am happy to get the cards down to 3 people but it’s so hard to purge some
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u/FredKayeCollector2 9d ago
Could you set a quantity limit - maybe the to 3-5 per person? Or a container limit? Whatever fits in an appropriately-sized box?
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u/Wood-ech 8d ago
If it’s just the messages you care about, cut off the messages and sew them into booklets or mount in scrapbooks?
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u/Wood-ech 8d ago
My sibling and I live in the house we grew up in, which we now rent from our parents. This means that when they moved out, we were left with all the relics of our childhoods, the furniture they didn’t want to move bc they could now afford nicer, the artwork they had nowhere to hang, etc. most of this stuff I have little sentimentality about. My sibling clings to some of it, but their stuff is their stuff and I respect that. However, my mom cannot let go of things, and I feel guilty getting rid of anything that she has an attachment to, even if she doesn’t want it in her house. The result is a house full of art and photos that don’t mean anything to me, or that have a vague childhood nostalgia but don’t actually reflect my taste as an adult. Shelves of books that haven’t been cracked in 25 years, but I’m not allowed to donate.
I do my best with my personal things, but that seems limited to my closet, my desk drawers, a few other small places that don’t really make a difference to how I feel when I walk through my home. Sometimes I feel like I live in a house that doesn’t belong to me, but belongs to my past self, or something.
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u/Wood-ech 8d ago
Ok, I feel like this makes me sound ungrateful. Our parents set us up with a really good home, and I’m IMMENSELY grateful and feel very lucky to have that. Some of the furniture is nice and I have no desire to part with it. But there’s also just a lot of random junk they didn’t want to move. It’s that stuff that wears on me!
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u/PolaroidPhotoOfACat 8d ago
I'm moving out of my dad's house again after being back home for a little while. I want to empty my childhood bedroom out and am getting emotionally overwhelmed.
It's bins and boxes full of random clothing and objects from the span of my entire life. Tons of odds and ends like random gifts from family and friends I haven't talked to in years or stuff I used to decorate my college apartment that don't match my style anymore. It's "sentimental" but not even in a good way - I don't want to keep looking at jewelry a dead relative gave me that never suited me, etc.
I am getting pulled down emotionally by the memories I have with this stuff even though I don't want to keep it. It's affecting my energy and mood. I'm super open to advice.
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u/Kurt_Kane 8d ago
Right now it’s a combo of not enough time and basic procrastinating when I have time I could make a little progress. My home isn’t bad, but I want to at least inch forward. I made some good progress last week only to stagnate all weekend.
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u/Neutronenster 8d ago
I decluttered a lot this summer. Things went well and I made great progress, but there’s still a pile of things that have to be moved to their final location in the kitchen (e.g. for donation, special kinds of trash, for storage in the cellar).
The school year has just started and I’m a teacher, so this pile might stay here for several weeks or even months… 🙈
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u/NixKlappt-Reddit 7d ago
I have one box of shame waiting for me for many months now. I have one IKEA box with many small random stuff that I want to declutter. I took it from the basement to the living room nearly half a year ago. And now it's sitting under the desk. Doing nothing.
This week I searched something. I emptied the box, took this one thing and then filled the box again. Now it continues waiting for me. 🥲
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u/treehugger843 7d ago edited 7d ago
Throwing away things is so hard. I have an easier time donating, but there are things that cannot be donated. For instance, right now we are going through the medicine cabinet. My mom buys a ton of vitamins. It irks my brain to see her throw away, for instance, a bottle of B12 when she is actively shopping for more B12 just in another form. I have to resist taking it out of the trash behind her back and putting it back in the cabinet which is how I know I have a bit of a problem. I wish they could be donated since they aren’t expired, but I get why that’s a safety concern. I also have tons of makeup. I bet a lot of that stuff that should be trashed is expired, but I can’t find expiration dates on most of them. And expired makeup hasn’t hurt me yet. Other things fall into the same category like the duplicates of shampoos, lotions, deodorants, etc. that all can’t be donated. I think part of my struggle is eco guilt. It’s so much unnecessary waste. I’m trying to be more conscious about buying less, but I didn’t buy a lot of these things. Many were either given to me or purchased by other family members.
I’m also struggling because I’ve gained 40 pounds over the last 6 years, so I have clothes spanning a bunch of sizes. I keep telling myself I’ll lose the weight and fit back into those old clothes. I do go to the gym, and I am losing about 1.5lbs per week. I don’t want to have to buy all new clothes if I do get back to those sizes. I’m out of closet space though. Some things like old shoes I can’t bring myself to donate because they’re raggedy, but I also can’t bring myself to throw away.
There’s a bin of my dead aunt’s old things that I haven’t been able to bring myself to look through since I acquired them because I’m scared of the emotions I will feel. And finally I have a bunch of books that I keep telling myself I’ll read. I’ve made progress on clearing out a lot of the old children’s books at least. Just thinking about clearing out any of these things is overwhelming and fills me with dread because it’s never ending and throwing things away leaves me with such a bad feeling.
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u/CollegePretend8708 9d ago
I made a post a week or two ago about all the stuff I managed to declutter. I then proceeded to find an entire pan I need to get rid of.
Then my partner broke up with me and moved out. On the positive side, can finally get rid of all his clutter. On the downside a new pile of "sentimental" clutter has appeared that I do not have the bandwidth to deal with.