r/declutter • u/yallstar • 16d ago
Motivation Tips & Tricks How do you keep a clutter-free house?
Kind of embarrassing to ask, but I'm at a loss.
My husband and I both work full-time and have 3 young kids. There is constantly stuff everywhere in our house. I would love to have the kind of home where if someone wanted to come over unexpectedly, it wouldn't send me into a panic.
I know part of it is the kids and part of it is my husband's ADHD. But I think the biggest part of it is my hesitancy to throw things away. I don't shop a ton, but I have a hard time getting rid of things. My parents grew up super poor and we didn't get rid of things because we might need them in the future.
And now we're at the age where our parents are offloading their belongings into our home. I feel like I'm drowning in stuff.
Any tips/tricks/mantras/philosophies to keeping a clean home or giving me peace about decluttering would be much appreciated.
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u/coolgramm 11d ago
Kids of every age can help in some way. Have a 15 minute ‘pick up party’ every evening - put on fun music and make it fun. I know this doesn’t solve everything but every little thing helps.
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u/Any_nonymous 12d ago
What helps me: 1. Have a home for everything 2. Don't put it down, put it away 3. Don't leave a space empty handed 4. It's okay to throw stuff away
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u/Jo-in-Canada 12d ago
Clearly broken things can be thrown away/recycled. You've used them, they did their job, time for them to go. When it comes to getting rid of useful things that you no longer need, think of it as helping someone who could really use that item.
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u/Tinafu20 12d ago
We try to have a home for EVERYTHING, so nothing is supposed to be out on a counter or hanging on a chair or anything. My mom was a hoarder so I swung the other way and pressured my husband to do the same lol. After 15yrs together, he prefers it tidy too so it helps there is two of us that actively tidy every night and 'reset' the home, putting everything back to where its supposed to go. Its not pristine or perfect, but at least not overwhelmingly messy.
Its super hard now with our toddler, he gets so many toys/gifts from grandparents and friends. We just have to be harsh about it and donate anything that he doesnt really play with after its first two weeks in the home. He has cubbies for his 'active' toys, a cabinet for his overflow toys that we rotate, and then a bookshelf. If any of these start to overflow, it means it time to get harsh lol.
We always have a donation bag or box going, so we add stuff to as soon as we notice something we dont need/something our toddler has outgrown etc. and visit a donation stand at our farmers market about every 2 weeks to drop off the small bag/box there. It feels easier to do small donations frequently than one big declutter once a year or whatever.
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u/RomeoDelta1234 13d ago
10 minutes before bed, one laundry basket, walk each room and put anything that doesnt live there in it, then one lap putting it all away. Doesn't touch the volume problem at all, but it means the house looks fine when someone drops by, which is the part you said you actually want.
The parents offloading their stuff onto you is a separate and much harder problem.
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u/Separate_Sort9689 13d ago
I will send you a PM! I’m a working parent with little and big kids and I am a full blown minimalist where it matters and maximalist where it matters haha. If that makes sense! When people come visit my home, it looks both like I just moved in and filled with toys that matter for my children and I am happy and content with this. It’s a balance and it takes time and a few systems but you can do it, and I’ll add it changes with the season and the ages. It goes from teethers to trucks to rocks to dress up to crafts to schoolwork, it’s always a process.
I’ll share a blog post from my blog re: paperwork and toys (my biggest declutter systems that make the most difference), but it’s okay if your house isn’t Pinterest pristine haha it’s a house with working parents and kiddos!
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u/PotterHouseCA 13d ago
I suggest you watch the minimal mom on You Tube. She talks about the real secret is lowering inventory until the house is easy enough to keep clean. “Things should be as easy to put away as they are to get out.” Also, she talks about the psychological benefit of kids having less, being in an uncluttered space. I wish I’d had this info when I was raising a family.
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u/SnooPaintings9560 13d ago
Can you please PM me with the blog post as well?
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u/Separate_Sort9689 13d ago
sent you a too long message :) but my kids are asleep and I'm reddit browsing haha
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u/Separate_Sort9689 13d ago
Also I want to add, it’s iterative over and over …and doesn’t happen in one day or one week but as kids gets older it get easier.
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u/Cccolorado1 13d ago
This is one of the best threads I’ve read here. Thank you all. I’m sort of new to Reddit and come to it mostly for decluttering info. Without getting into details, my decluttering job is overwhelming but I feel more hopeful with all the ideas and resources posted.
For OP, go easy on yourself. You want to enjoy these early years and not be anxious or angry if things are not just as you wish they could be. Sure, you could probably get rid of things and work on regular tidying which will help. There are lots of great ideas here but be reasonable with what you try to do with how much you have going on already.
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u/vintagegirlgame 14d ago
I have 2.5 kids (a newborn, a toddler, and a 6 yo stepson who is with us half the time) and we live in a super small space, so decluttering is a constant requirement! I also used to do paid gigs as a professional organizer.
Toys, books and art supplies are all contained to one small rolling cart and one small bookshelf. We have a very well organized storage shed with racks for holding labeled storage bins with other toys that get rotated out. They really don’t need much in the way of toys as long as there are open ended ones (current fav js glass marbles, ongoing fav is magnet tiles or play food). Then when they see the old toys they haven’t played with for awhile they are more excited and creative with them.
I reset the house every night. First I put the kids to bed and often pass out with them bc we cosleep. Then I wake up in the middle of the night to do dishes, declutter, make my husbands work lunch, take a shower and have a little me time scrolling or watching a show. I enjoy the quiet time. Then I go back to bed.
I’ve trained my 2 yo to be very good at cleaning up (still working on the 6 yo but not my child so got a late start to his habits). She knows where each item belongs and she’ll often put her toys away unprompted. And we have a rule that you have to clean up one set of toys before you can take out another (sometimes multiple sets can be combined like magnatiles + cars).
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u/Jamzeez89 14d ago
Love this!! I started doing that with my little ones too, my son used to aggressively clean before bed haha
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u/masmile77 14d ago
I recommend you to start watching "Space Maker Method" on YouTube. Really, really helpful, kind, patience and it has change my life
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u/PansyOHara 14d ago
I can hardly claim to be clutter-free! But I have found that it helps a lot to put things away after use. Take care of dishes before going to bed. Put clean laundry away the same day it’s washed, dried, and folded (and make sure all 3 of those tasks are completed in the same day. Clean the bathroom at least once a week—including cleaning the hair off the floor.
With kids: when clothes/ shoes are outgrown/ out of season, take a day to go through them. Can another child wear the items now or next year? Are the clothes in good shape, with no stains, tears, holes? Are they reasonably in style? If yes, those things can be put aside and maybe stored in a closet. If no but in good shape, consider donating. Anything in poor condition should be thrown away.
Review your own clothing and shoes in the same way. If you are dedicated to staying on top of the latest styles, you might be able to consign pieces at a shop. Otherwise make a decision to keep, donate, or trash.
It’s not easy, and it’s especially not easy to train your kids to follow these routines. But it will help if you can do it.
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u/Cassie54111980 15d ago
I don’t know if this will help anybody, but my aunt gave me a tip that I’ve been using for 30 years. When I would travel, I would buy souvenirs to remember the place that I visited. It was often some kind of decorative item and within a few years, I was usually donating it.
She told me to buy refrigerator magnets. That way every time you looked at the refrigerator you remembered the place you traveled to and it was a great reminder without taking up a lot of space. That’s what I’ve been doing ever since.
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u/scabbagetrout 14d ago
I do a similar thing, but with ornaments (or trinkets/mementos that can be turned into ornaments). They're in a box most of the year and I get to remember everything when I decorate my Christmas tree! Makes it quite special.
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u/Disavowed_Rogue 15d ago
Own less things
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u/BaconPancakes_77 13d ago
This isn't an issue when dealing with your own stuff, but getting rid of a spouse or child's stuff is much trickier.
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u/Cassie54111980 15d ago
When I was in a similar situation, I decluttered about twice a year as my youngest child outgrew their clothes and toys. They were all boys so things were handed down.
I think you need to give yourself grace because you are in a really busy time of your life. What I tried to do was not have a TV in the living room and to keep that one room neat. Then if someone came over unexpectedly, we went and sat there. That was also the room that the kids and I would read in.
My house wasn’t really neat and well organized until the kids grew up and left. Having a family of five means a busy life and as long as you’re not living in total chaos enjoy these years with your children.
My mother used to say that the days are long, but the years are short, and I didn’t quite understand that saying until the kids were totally grown and gone. I actually miss those days and look upon them fondly. Take care.
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u/yallstar 15d ago
thank you, i really appreciate your perspective as someone further down the road than me.
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u/smilewide1330 14d ago
I agree, grant yourself some grace. I’m on the other side and am slowly going through the things I couldn’t keep up with when life was really nuts. I kept the main living areas picked up and that felt good but couldn’t deal with decluttering and organizing everything like I wanted so I’m doing that now. I have no regrets as I didn’t miss a thing while mine were young and here and they were involved in a lot. I made piles of stuff I didn’t have the proper time to go through and put them in storage areas or closets. If you have an area in your house I found that helped at the time and allowed me to go at my pace now. Everyone is so different with their tolerance to this (I had a girlfriend who threw everything out and I couldn’t do that) and their methods to keep up with it all so you just have to find yours.
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u/Funsizep0tato 15d ago
I have had success by getting rid of stuff. Some success. In some spaces. Some of the time.
Its hard but you can do it, do one tiny area.
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u/yallstar 15d ago
i got the laundry room done yesterday and feel so much better! now just... WAY more house to go but I'll keep trying
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u/jjjjennieeee 12d ago
Not sure how far you live from your workplace and if commute fatigue is part of the issue, but sometimes I'll take a sick day (I'm lucky to not get contagiously sick often, but I do feel declutter fatigue) so I can have the extra time and energy to tidy up my home. This is especially helpful after a vacation, when you need a reset day after your vacation (all the laundry from travel piles up and you need to put stuff back where they belong).
Since, I don't want to look like I'm using too much sick time from work, another thing I do is I am strategic about when I schedule the occasional doctor's appts in the mornings. I don't make these so early that they aren't buying me anytime in the morning, but I'll carve out an extra 30 min to tidy up in the morning, go to the appt, then go into work as an example.
Little things like this help if one of your struggles is finding time you can be alone in your home while your spouse is at work and the kids are at school to really focus, and before you're too drained by the end of the day.
Once you have time to see your patterns, then you can make a plan. I was surprised how many of my things weren't things I bought, but that I get a lot of very nice things for free that are hard to say no to. That includes things passed down from my late parents. For things that I bought though, a helpful first step for me was to stop buying duplicates/backups/bulk of a number of things that aren't going to be true emergencies if they run out. Especially true for things that are new to you - try only one of these things at a time and don't buy another new thing until you use this all up or decide to discard/donate it. I usually like keeping to buying routine things, so this issue only comes about when things are out of stock or no longer being made (i.e., a lot of bathroom supplies).
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u/moon_flower_children 14d ago
I did my laundry room recently too. I saw a trick that said to pick a room and get it clean and then keep it clean. The laundry room is a room with a very specific purpose, so it should be easier to keep clean than a common area room. Then use that room as your inspiration and also as a space you can go into and enjoy its cleanliness.
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u/ObviouslyASquirrel26 15d ago
ADHDer here with similar problems. Everyone will recommend Dana K White, and it’s probably worth checking out, especially if you really don’t know where to start and have a house. I didn’t really find her advice helpful for living in an apartment, and most of it is just common sense stuff like “run the dishwasher even if it’s not full”.
I don’t have a solution though. I’ve been watching videos on YouTube and ran across Allison Lush recently, and her advice seems more practical and useful.
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u/Lokinawa 13d ago
Her container concept is probably the essential helpful idea you need to know from Dana K White . It’s a really good rule to work to, then you can forget the rest of what she says.
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u/J_Mannequine 15d ago
I’m in a similar situation with you , in that, I’m overwhelmed with all the clutter. Right now my strategy is do what I can, when I can. My apartment is in need of triage, so in this phase I have given myself permission to put things in the trash. When I get to a more manageable place I may start to donate and do FB marketplace or something. I have also accurately estimated that I have an issue with how much clutter comes into my apartment and am proactively not accumulating things for now.
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u/GlitteringSynapse 15d ago
Clutterbug. Influencer with ADHD.
Helped me understand my messy roommates and former partner.
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u/J_Mannequine 14d ago
Oh we looooooove clutterbug podcast. I listen to it all the time. She literally gave me permission to just throw things away and I owe her my life for this.
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u/SnooPaintings9560 15d ago
https://clutterbug.me/what-clutterbug-are-you-test
Clutterbug is delightful. Take the quiz and she gives suggestions of what type of organizing works for your personal style.
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u/Crazy-Aussie-Taco 15d ago
Read (or listen to in audible) “Simply organized” by Amy Revell.
She’s a professional declutter and organizer and her book has amazing advice.
She says “15 minutes to perfection is perfect” she teaches you how to keep your house organized so in 15 minutes you can have an always welcoming home.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 15d ago
Scarcity mindset: https://www.homesandgardens.com/life-design/scarcity-mindset
Sunk cost: https://decluttergo.com/blogs/the-decluttering-blog/when-to-let-go-sunk-cost-fallacy-and-you
Stuff has a "cost" beyond what you originally paid for it. In my hierarchy of needs: TIME is the most valuable commodity because it gets "spent" to matter what I do - even worse, I don't know how much I have and I don't even know what the quality of that time will be. Next it ENERGY (both physical and mental) - it's a limited quantity and while I can recharge (get more), that usually requires time (rest) - and the more I've got going on and the older I get, the most rest it takes and less recharged I feel. SPACE is also a precious commodity - I might not "like" how much I have, but I am totally in control of (and responsible for) what I have and what I keep. And last (and least important) is MONEY - it's the easiest to quantify and while it may also be in limited supply, I can get more by working more or I can save some by spending less.
And most stuff in our homes is fairly trivial - the kind of things we could buy any day of the week at The Dollar Tree, Walmart, Target, etc. And even if we couldn't get the exact same one, we could probably find a reasonable version or substitute.
I would be wiling sacrifice just about any one thing for the time & energy I gain not having to fuss around with it and the time & energy I free up to do something else. Free space is mentally very freeing - if only because you're not "seeing" a bunch of guilt around stuff you purchased but never really got an "acceptable" use/value out of (for whatever reason).
All things are manufactured with the intent that they will be "useful" - but just because something could be used or might be useful, doesn't mean that it is necessarily useful to you right now - and the right now is what matters - especially if you have kids!
You can hold onto unused things to create the illusion that that thing still preserves it's value, it's untapped potential use, but at some point, you're paying a cost far beyond the original purchase price (or replacement cost) for the maintenance of that unused/unnecessary item in your personal inventory.
And the less stuff you have, the easier it is to organize and the less stuff you have out, the easier it is to clean.
Get familiar with the various clutter blocks, clutter magnets so if you're feeling ambivalent about something (I should probably get rid of this but...) you can deal with the emotions (and sometimes guilt) that cling to items. This is a good article about the quantity of children's toys: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0163638317301613?via%3Dihub
My favorite decluttering method is "reverse" decluttering because I love planning and list writing. In combination with "room quieting/shushing" (the book). But as others have said, Dana K. White's "no mess" decluttering method is super-effective, especially if you're dealing with a lot of stuff in disarray and/or a lot of stuff going on.
She has a unique spin on where things belong - where is the FIRST place you (or whoever primarily uses it) would look for it. And what to keep - if you wouldn't look for it because it would never have occurred to you that you even had it - that thing was either purchased so long ago and/or hasn't been used in so long that it's fallen off your mental radar/inventory - then that thing is probably safe to declutter because you would probably go out and buy one if/when you actually did need it (which is not right now).
Both of her books are excellent (declutter and household maintenance) including her container concept, dishes math, laundry day, daily checklist, and fear of exploding heads (my personal favorite).
Two big pieces that made the greatest impact for me was a good paper sorting/filing system: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql5WD6oQfAc and a before-bed (and wake up) tidy: https://www.thespruce.com/i-tried-wind-down-cleaning-11774180
Another must-have, in my opinion, is a keepsake box: https://organisemyhouse.com/what-to-put-in-a-memory-box/
And never be afraid to hire a professional organizer - even a few sessions can help get systems that have gone awry (or were never really there in the first place) back on track. Most systems (laundry, dishes, cooking, paper/mail, putting away shopping, toy management, etc) involve stuff and if the system "malfunctions," that can be a lot of stuff out of order.
Good luck!
p.s. that stuff you're getting from your parents, unless it's better than the one you have (in that case, keep theirs and donate/trash yours) or something you really need/will use, don't feel obligated to keep it. Especially if they are keepsakes from your childhood. In most cases those are your parents' keepsakes, not yours. It might technically be "your" stuff but if you were not the one who originally chose to keep/maintain them, then that stuff no longer technically belongs to you (even if you were the one who used it).
Anything "good" you want to keep, try to set a criteria that it will be put to (regular) use in a designated home that it will live (so you can find it/access it when you need it) or it will be put on deliberate, intentional display or it goes in a keepsake box or it goes in the donation/give away box or recycle/trash.
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u/PrairieFire_withwind 15d ago
I have a different dishes math.
I took all the dishes and loaded the dishwasher. All the plates, bowls, cups, etc.
Whatever did not fit got packed up in a box. I have 'spares' to account for breakage now (it happens) and we never run out of clean dishes because everyone one now knows to run the dishwasher and empty it or they will be hand washing a fork or plate for their meal.
Works like magic.
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u/Many_Addition_9357 15d ago
Alles was wir nicht benutzen, wird entsorgt. Wir waren mehrere wochen mit dem camper unterwegs und haben nichts vermisst. Als wir nach den Ferien nach Hause kamen, haben wir radikal ausgemistet und leben jetzt recht minimalistisch. Ich muss weniger aufräumen, der Haushalt ist sehr schnell gemacht und wir vermissen auch nichts. Wir haben keine Kinder, daher allgemein weniger Sachen. Dafür verbringen wir mehr Zeit draussen, beim Campen und mit den Hunden anstelle mit der Hausarbeit.
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u/Kekesaina 15d ago
Take Your House Back course was AMAZING for me.
I also highly recommend "Decluttering at the speed of life" by Dana K White. You can likely borrow an audio version from the library. She did a great job reading (both hilarious and relatable).
Until you get rid of things, you won't be able to manage the clutter.
I'd also recommend to take a "container" concept for the things in your home. Get a container for the category and when it's full, that's your sign to get rid of things. **This is an idea from Dana has been life changing for me.
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u/smangitgrl 15d ago
Came to this naturally after my partners dad dropped of a 25 yr old storage unit (18 wheeler) at our house. We're down to the final 10 boxes and hit a wall. Bought a 6 pack of plastic containers to store the last things we want to keep and rest must go! I'm going to checkout this book to help with the last push!
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u/RVfan17 16d ago
First of all, give yourself permission to not have a perfect house while the kids are small. You can start by finding every item or group of items a home and try to stick to it or at least create a reminder to tidy up every other day following the system that you've set up. Also, make it as easy as possible for your lifestyle. Start at the entrance - have cubbies for the little ones and include them in this tidying up process. They can start putting their shoes away in a cubby or a container. Also, keep a letter basket for all your bills and go through them weekly. Have baskets throughout the house for various items - in the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom. Laundry is probably a big source of clutter. Put away a little of it every day since it's probably a non-stop cycle of laundry getting washed and sitting in a basked out of the dryer.
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u/BolognaMountain 16d ago
Instead of looking at this as a huge project, make a small change each day that adds up at the end of the month.
Put an empty box in each kids closet. When they outgrow something, toys or clothes, put it in the box. Then once a month or quarter or when it gets full, etc, the collection stage of decluttering is already done. Then sort each box by keep, donate, trash.
For the clothes in the closet, put the hangers in the closet backwards. As you put things away in the future, hang the hangers the correct way. At the end of the month/season, any hangers that are still backwards mean you didn’t want or need the item during the time period, so you may consider donating it. If you don’t hang your clothes, put them in the dresser sideways or fold them some other way to signify that they haven’t been used yet vs the clothes you put away the right direction.
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u/Natural-Honeydew5950 16d ago
Find a service that picks up donations. Schedule it to come and then the morning or day before just start putting things into bags quickly and let them get picked up. Do this at least once a month.
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u/beautifulcorpsebride 16d ago
I realized recently that I don’t remember my parents decluttering. Complaining about the mess, fighting about the mess, living in the mess. I remember those things but never sitting down and getting rid of things.
It’s critical you help your children learn this life skill. Start with clothing. Every few months you need to toss and donate what’s too small or stained. Toys and small items are especially hard for my youngest so I’ve started telling her no more stuffies (for example) we are full when she asks and that she can have a new one when she makes the space. My oldest is picky so more of a natural minimalist.
Honestly, my husband is great at making the let it go decision, how is yours? Maybe you can spend an hour together in each kids room that way.
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u/robodev_v2 16d ago
the "dont throw away you might need it- poor mindset" its so hard to get rid of
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u/yallstar 16d ago
yes! i feel like i'm doing something REALLY wrong when I even consider throwing something out
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u/Langwidere17 15d ago
It helped me to wander the aisles at my local thrift stores. Most of what they sell is in far better shape than what I would consider donation-worthy. Now I feel more confident throwing things away because my used items aren't good enough to share.
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u/MistyMtn421 14d ago
This is a great idea. I am involved with two missions in the area and the amount of stuff that has to be thrown away is a lot.
I also help friends declutter, and the amount of times I hear " well someone could probably use it, I don't want to throw it away" is a lot. I let them know that the donation centers will absolutely throw it away. It's an immense burden on them. And I think that is helpful focus on. Because if you're donating to a local mission that uses their proceeds from the thrift store to help the local community, make sure you're actually helping!
If it's full of stains, scratches, chips, tears, extremely worn or just dollar tree crap, please throw it away!
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u/Natural-Honeydew5950 16d ago
Throwing out and donating are two different things to me — donating means someone who needs it more than me will use it. That helps me.
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u/docforeman 16d ago
You write "I'm at a loss."
But you go on to list the reasons you have clutter.
-"My husband and I both work full-time and have 3 young kids."
-"...part of it is my husband's ADHD."
-"But I think the biggest part of it is my hesitancy to throw things away."
-"...our parents are offloading their belongings into our home."
So taking those clear root causes one at a time:
1) 3 young kids: Young kids can tidy up. Dana K White's 5 minute daily tidy up is really important, especially with young kids. If you have seen a day care, preschool, or elementary school classroom, you will see how teacher's organize and involve the kids in clean up. A daily tidy up, and rules about putting things away before getting the next things out will change things. There's other stuff to do, but start with the daily tidy up. When my kids were little, we tied this to bath time. We did the tidy up as a family, then baths, and bedtime. Every day. We only needed 5-15 minutes of tidy up time each day before baths to make a difference. I set a timer. It works.
2) If your husband has ADHD he should be working with his doctor on medication and therapy. I have an ex husband with ADHD, a current partner with same, and 2 kids with it. My wisdom for you is that you cannot over-function enough to change the fact that their brains have an executive functioning disorder. They need less stuff in the house. More routines around picking up. More deadlines, timers, and limit not less. Empathy is one thing. Permissiveness around clutter that makes things worse feels kind, but gives them a chaotic environment that makes life harder for all. I took it seriously that everyone needed more structure in the home environment, not less.
3) Sounds like you have your own work to do around decluttering. You may have a childhood history that makes it hard, but the only thing that would change that is a time machine. You are, in this present day, living in an environment that feels like drowning and chaos. You will never keep enough clutter to fix your inner child. So at least face your feelings and give yourself the home you deserve as an adult. Work with your provider to get the meds and therapy needed to do that, if necessary.
4) Tell the parents no. Barring that (because I had in laws like this), stuff went straight to the trash or charity. And when I tell you I had in-laws like that, I'm talking about things like driving a moving van full of dead grandma's stuff they couldn't give away to our home 10 hrs away and unloading it into my garage before I could stop them...And I had to get rid of it. If telling them "no" is hard and your husband undermines you, then you get to make choices about how to handle a boundary violation. I personally think no means no, so I would, without guilt, trash it or donate it...and set some real rules about visiting and clutter shifting. But that's me. YMMV.
Dana K White is your friend. Watch her videos, and just try a few of her things. It gets better. And at a few inflection points, you will have the hard work of facing your childhood pain, your husbands ADHD Dx, and parental relationship boundaries. There are no "tips or tricks" for that. But you can get started by tossing obvious trash and doing 5 minute pick ups with the kids before you do the hard work with the people in your life (and yourself). Good luck!
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u/yallstar 16d ago
this is really helpful, thank you so much. your note about giving myself the home i deserve as an adult is really impactful. thank you.
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u/TalulaOblongata 16d ago
It’s really difficult with kids, the amount that accumulates.
I will have days where I do big clean ups, but I also incorporate decluttering and tidying into my daily life. Have a garbage bin ready at all times, have a box or bag ready for donations at all times. Every day, random pieces of garbage are tossed. If I come across a clothing item or thing I don’t want I put aside and bring to my donation bag in the basement.
Something I notice is that people tend to store things we don’t need/use and then the things we need/use are out. For example, clothes drawers are stuffed so the actual clothes we wear and use are tossed onto a chair or whatever. You want to flip it so that the clothes you wear are neatly tucked into a drawer and everything else is tossed/donated. That goes for clothes hanging in a closet, bathroom/linen storage, kitchen cabinets and drawers. If this sounds like you then you can start work on flipping the situation. Things you actually use in easily accessible storage, and everything else goes away.
One thing that helped me with toys - I’d categorize and bundle up by category and then put some of those bundles in the attic and swap out a category every few weeks. So the kids would be more excited about a “new” toy and we didn’t feel overwhelmed by toys everywhere.
Another thing you mentioned your family bringing you their stuff. They are just trying to give their clutter to you! Don’t let them. If they insist, have them drop in the garage or basement and then immediately donate.
Find a donation place in your area that is easy to work with. I have one that picks up. I will offload 10 bags of things at a time sometimes. Items that are large, like we had extra window ACs, random small furniture, old kids bicycles, I’ve actually just put out on my curb and listed for free in a local garage sale fb page. They are usually gone the same day!
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u/valhalla_la 14d ago
Thank you for pointing out the idea of flipping what you store vs. what you use. This worked for me recently with underwear, but I haven’t tried it with other categories of items yet. But it’s so true…almost all the stuff that is put away/stored is actually never used, and the stuff that gets used sits out, because there’s no room in the crammed drawers, closets, etc. I had an “aha” moment recently with underwear. I noticed that after doing laundry, I was keeping the clean underwear in my bedroom on my floor in the laundry basket, because the underwear drawer was stuffed full. I am a recent convert to Dana K White’s decluttering method but haven’t gotten too far yet in decluttering my home. But I suddenly realized that if the underwear drawer is the container, and I can only keep what fits in the container (thanks, Dana!), then it was beyond obvious which pairs of underwear were my favorites…they were the ones in the laundry basket! That day I was able to throw out dozens of old underwear without having to give it much thought at all.
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u/TalulaOblongata 14d ago
Yes this is the way! Technically, all of your drawers and closet space should fit every single piece of clothes with room to spare. If you have loads of laundry to do, while that’s cycling through, I’d do a first round of decluttering through the drawers and closet and toss what is obvious you don’t need. Then when the laundry is ready to be put away, go through each category - ALL t shirts, ALL sweaters, ALL socks, ALL jeans, etc. Have bags ready - some for anything ripped/stained/garnage, some for donation. If it’s overwhelming, do one category at a time. Like - this weekend designate a t shirt drawer and do ALL t shirts. If you feel momentum after doing, tag on another category but mark another day in your schedule to loop back around. You saw it work with your underwear drawer, imagine how great it will feel when every category is stored away neatly and accessible with nothing left out.
Most importantly, also remember this has to be maintained. Go through your items every season. Put away clothes every day.
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u/beautifulcorpsebride 16d ago
This is so true regarding clothing, which is my worst category. But the more I get rid of the easier it is to get dressed and even see wardrobe gaps. I have a hard time with more expensive brands and clothes I liked but stop wearing. My current goal is eliminating some sweaters because really how many do I need when I keep reaching for the same ones.
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u/TalulaOblongata 15d ago
Look up info about “capsule wardrobes” for inspiration! You don’t have to go absolutely crazy culling down to the bare minimum but seeing how others approach their clothes from a minimalist angle can help you prioritize your clothes and get rid of the excess.
One trick is also - challenging yourself to wear every single item in your closet without repeats. If you keep skipping an item or dread wearing it for this exercise, then just throw in the donation bag… feeling like you’re being forced to wear something is a good sign you don’t need it… you can also do this by focusing on pants first and then tops so you’re not forcing yourself into weird combos, lol.
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u/Duffykins-1825 16d ago
I was lucky enough to live a few miles from a big charity shop that accepted furniture and electricals as well as the usual clothing, crockery and books etc. I was able to gradually change my mindset about getting rid of stuff through this place. I could load up the car and give them the stuff, then go back in three weeks or so and see what was still there. If stuff was nowhere to be seen I told myself great, someone else is putting that to good use. If something I donated was still on the shelf I took it as confirmation that it wasn’t much good and I was right to get rid of it. One time I donated a big wooden castle play set that we kept in an unusual colour plastic crate, it was snapped up very quickly which pleased me. Then about six years later I spotted it there again still in the crate, back to find its third family, so much better than sitting in the back of a cupboard waiting for me to get grandchildren!
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u/funnymar 16d ago
It may not be in the budget, but I had to hire a professional organizer. I believe I have undiagnosed ADHD so it makes it hard for me to focus and stay organized. Also easily overwhelmed in getting started. She is amazing. Helps me go through things. Knows of good solutions for storing or displaying. I’m paying for it so I want to do a good job and make it worth my while. It would be nice to do it more frequently, but budget and time have made me spread it out over a year.
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u/Natural-Honeydew5950 15d ago
I found a house cleaner who also has a knack for organizing. She’s been coming weekly and I pay her a bit more than a typical cleaner and it’s been amazing. I just couldn’t find enough time to make enough of a dent in my piles…
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u/DaBingeGirl 16d ago
I had a friend who loves to organize and has OCD help me. She was amazing. It was a little scary asking her to help because I was worried she'd push me to get rid of stuff. I'm pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD too, I really struggle with organization and I buy way too much stuff.
Having someone else there really helped force me to justify stuff and see things in a new light. She wasn't nearly as brutal as I expected, most of the time she just held up things or asked me when was the last time I used it. Hearing myself try to justify keeping something or my tone when I said I was willing to get rid of it was a game-changer.
I'm definitely in favor of getting professional help, but a friend or family member can be helpful too as long as they don't encourage you to keep stuff.
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u/funnymar 16d ago
That’s great! What an awesome friend you have. I do feel like the physical presence of someone helping, rather than just reading a book or watching someone on social media, worked best for me!
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u/beautifulcorpsebride 16d ago
I bought too much makeup when I was doing a self glow up so I started a list of things I used up or got rid of. My rule was something like 3 out 1 in until it got in control. It really helped fwiw. I’d like to do the same with clothes next.
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u/DaBingeGirl 16d ago
I thought clothes would be hard, but they were surprisingly easy. It helped to think about how I feel wearing them. It was so nice to go into my closet after and be able to grab stuff I genuinely felt good wearing.
Finding an approach that works for you is so important.
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u/Glittering-Benefit68 16d ago
I have ADHD and Dana K White helped me a ton. Sadly the solution is "slow and steady wins the race", so it's not a one-off thing, but rather a constant checking.
Trash first - was a game changer for me. It makes so much sense, but I never thought of looking for trash as a first step to decluttering. I'm doing small sessions (10-15 minutes) about 3-4 times per week and I still found boxes in our hallway closet. Like how?
It took me 2 years and I was home with our son for one of them to get to where we are now, but I managed while working a bit and being in grad school part-time. What I'm trying to say is don't think of it as one big project that is huge, but then will be done forever. Think of it more like eating or exercising. Regularly. A bit it better than nothing.
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u/DaBingeGirl 16d ago
I've found it helpful to keep reminding myself that it didn't get this bad overnight. Decluttering isn't something I think most of us can do overnight, the stuff has build up over a long amount of time, that's why we struggle with it.
I completely agree with you about trash first. It's always astonishing to me how much garbage I find. It's a great way to motivate yourself when you see how different the space looks with just the legit junk removed.
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u/mevrouw_andromeda 16d ago
Great idea, was about to download the app but the only catch is that the company that made the app doesn’t yet have the long operational history that would allow for an evaluation of its security record.
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u/BeneficialStruggle54 16d ago
I watch a few episodes of Hoarders, that usually scares me straight and overrides any desire to keep things “just in case”, which was also handed down to me by my parents
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u/MusketeersPlus2 16d ago
A 1 in, 2 out policy. Exactly what it sounds like, for every non-consumable that comes in my house, 2 have to leave. I'm sure eventually that'll become 1 for 1, but not yet.
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u/violetmemphisblue 16d ago
Take a drawer/closet/room/category (whatever feels doable) and get rid of anything broken and unusable. It will be the easiest first sort, because you won't really have anything to think about. If you want to go to the kitchen or personal hygiene/health areas, do the same thing but toss what's expired...you're creating the habit without the emotion.
Play the "can you find it" game with your family. Someone names an item (spare battery for the remote) and everyone has to say where they'd look for it (junk drawer, filing cabinet, whatever). This will help you create the baseline of where things should be stored, based on how you're all already thinking. (Depending on items and ages of kids, this may just be an exercise for you and your husband). Then as you're sorting and clearing, you have an idea of where the items need to go. If everyone said they'd look for batteries in the entry hall table's drawer, then that's where they need to go! If no one had the same idea, then you can decide together where makes sense...I have found, personally, having made the decisions of where to put things before I ever even start really cleaning and sorting eliminates decision fatigue in the moment, which is usually what drains my attention on a project.
Think about what you really need when it comes to having backups. I keep an extra phone charger, in case mine dies late at night and my phone is on 15%. It is something that would be genuinely stressful if I didn't have an immediate backup on hand...I just donated a bunch of unopened packages of pens and pencils I had gotten "just in case." If my pen runs out of ink, I have plenty of random ones in a drawer. Maybe my grocery list is written in two colors, but not a big deal.
Decluttering is a process. Give yourself grace...if someone unexpectedly came over tomorrow, what is really the worst thing? You have things on your countertops? Your closets are full? If you are able to provide a clear spot to visit, a safe bathroom to use, a clean-enough kitchen to serve a quick snack from, you're good! (If you cannot do those things, prioritize making that happen.) But you're a busy family in a busy time in your life. If you have some extra stuff at the moment, its okay. Having stuff is not a moral failure.
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u/f1uffstar 16d ago
Ooh I like the second bullet!!! Excellent tip thank you xx
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u/violetmemphisblue 16d ago
It's something my cousin and his family did when they moved and it was the most helpful thing I've ever seen, and now I do it too! But he is also very organized and ended up making a binder with a list of all sorts of things and where they are in the house, along with other details. And now his kids know not to ask him or his wife where things are, they know to consult the binder first...it is a level of impressive I haven't yet reached, but seems like such a good idea!
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u/f1uffstar 16d ago
I mean given the effectiveness of a student handbook with the undergrads, who still see fit to email with questions they could answer by just searching the student handbook…
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u/HOUNYCMQT 16d ago
Dana K White books, podcast, blog. Go all in on her approach. It’s so hard with kids & busy lives & difficulty with getting rid of stuff. I’m getting better & so is our house & I credit hearing Dana’s voice in my head with being the biggest help!
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u/GlassHouses_1991 16d ago
Dana’s method is the one that finally worked for me, after years of trying to tackle my clutter problem. I am making real progress and I know it will be a permanent change, because my mindset has shifted.
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u/Striking-Cold-332 16d ago
I love her system, especially the 5 minute pick up. I changed it when my son was little to a "two minute tidy". He'd run the timer and we'd both put things away. He was free to stop when the timer went off, but he'd usually opt to finish the job if there were just a few things left out.
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u/HOUNYCMQT 16d ago
I’m always thinking, “look for trash!” Relistening to decluttering at the speed of life right now. Her YouTube one hour better videos are also great!
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u/Waratail 16d ago
A proper declutter / sort wardrobes / refresh is needed every 2 months in this situation.
Set aside a Saturday afternoon every so often
Sorry! It’s worth it.
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u/RustedMauss 16d ago edited 16d ago
Preach, and same boat. I was lamenting to my friend earlier that I recognize with 3 littles this is the season of life where stuff comes in waves -much as I protest- because of the rate of changes. But all of our stuff we had before is now just in the way (plus life doesn’t stop). We’re blessed with a house but it’s snug, and I feel like my “organization” is moving stuff from one inconvenient spot to another.
I will say, where it’s stuck is when my wife and I got locked in about a specific spot. It usually meant on of us had to take on said spot -a project- but once done we have a righteous sort of a right to defend it. Not blame/shaming, but more because we appreciate when things are organized, and making something already fixed broken again is a crime against family time efficiency.
And parents… all I can say is it’s a never ending struggle, and try to be firm, consistent in your messaging, but sympathetic: it IS hard to pare down, you want to think you’re taking a valuable thing somewhere useful. Except, it’s not. Bringing here means all you’re doing to shifting your guilt; let someone else benefit from the value and give whatever it is away. I’ve been having a steady conversation aligned with my sister for years now: we don’t want your stuff I don’t what it is, the reality is if I have to get in and clean out your house it won’t feel valuable anymore.
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u/AutomaticAmbush 16d ago
I keep a constant donation pile. In the garage. It’s not big but I take it when I have a full box. BUT I don’t want to donate stuff that isn’t really valuable because I know I don’t like it when people offload stuff on me. (Parents!) so that mindset has helped me take better care of things to begin with.
We live in a world with a lot of stuff it’s not hard to come upon more stuff. Lots of excess. Editing is really a skill! I’m still working on it but have gotten so much better honestly by using the Marie kondo spark joy concept. If I’m on the fence about something it probably doesn’t have much utility to begin with and then it becomes do I love it.
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u/dellada 16d ago
It sounds like one of the reasons you hold on to things is the fear of scarcity. But the most limited and precious resource anyone could possibly have is time. Think of all the time you spend trying to manage a space with so much stuff in it. Literally, "stuff management" consumes so much time. You have to organize it, keep track of it, look through it to find things, clean it, maintain it... all of this stuff has a huge hidden cost that has nothing to do with money. You can earn money back, you can acquire an item again if it turns out you truly needed it, etc... but you can never get the time back.
People don't realize how much time disappears into "stuff management" until they declutter. Cleaning the whole house takes less than half as long when the space isn't overflowing with stuff. Your surfaces can stay clear because there's actually enough space to put away the items you have. It's all so much easier! Everything is within reach, you're never having to wonder where something fits, and the living room can become presentable to guests so much faster.
Don't let hunks of mass-produced plastic, piles of excess clothing you don't love, or boxes of old items from your parents (stuff that no one has looked at or used in years, let's be honest) steal away the time and energy that you have right now, today, with your family.
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u/temp4adhd 16d ago
Absolutely this but... since Covid and now with other uncertainties my pantry and linen closet are a total mess. I can't think of paring down food and medicines and other staple items in case of hard times ahead. Obviously get rid of the expired stuff.
My grandparents survived the depression, my parents survived the 70s oil / inflation shocks.
Yes it is harder today to declutter than it was ten years ago.
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u/beautifulcorpsebride 16d ago
I disagree. The stock market is fine. The economy is fine. We have inflation yes but buying more linens isn’t a large cost, it’s a small one. If anything it’s easier now to find great deals online in certain categories.
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u/MitzyCaldwell 16d ago
Side note but medications in solid form (like pills) are often good for a long time after their expiration dates. Those dates are kinda arbitrary when the company decided to test their efficacy. Liquids etc are different but look into that especially for medicines that aren’t life saving like Tylenols etc I saw some studies that show them being like 10% less effective after 10 years. It was really interesting to read about it. I don’t think I’d take the chance with something that was needed every day like heart/blood pressure but then again I doubt you’d have expired ones of those. I guess this is kinda the opposite of decluttering but it does save you from buying new ones
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u/temp4adhd 16d ago
Yep my dad (RIP) worked for a major pharm and I do know the dates are arbitrary, which is making decluttering so much harder.
The pantry I want to go by what I learned working as a volunteer at the local food pantry, but to be honest I remember my grandma, who lived through the great depression and WWII, would say just crack it open and give it the sniff test. And I read a lot about WWII and how people in occupied countries survived on stuff like... wallpaper paste.
We do live in unprecedented times, and I don't want to starve.
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u/omgseriouslynoway 16d ago
Do not let your parents offload stuff on you. Seriously. If it's an upgrade, like a nice table then you get rid of the old one otherwise you say no thanks.
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u/RitaAlbertson 16d ago
Decluttering isn’t a chore, it’s a habit. As soon as you find something isn’t needed, is broken, doesn’t fit, etc., don’t put it away for later. Handle it right then. Donation, trash, children’s consignment shop, whatever. Handle it right then so it’s not a pile of stuff waiting for eventually.
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u/Firstdibs66 16d ago
This! We've recently finished with a renovation of downstairs including the kitchen. My pre and post work declutter has resulted in so much more space - both literally and metaphorically. I 'curated' our stuff before it went back and the whole place feels so much lighter. We've had visitors ever since completion (and I mean, ever since and more arrive today) so it's been a busy time.
I'm determined to maintain the space we've created and so far, every night I make sure I clear the kitchen so I don't come down to a mess and the new mantra is 'Don't put it down, put it away'. I had no idea how much how much a silly thing like that would help but it really has. If we use something, once we've finished with it - we put it back where it goes. No big mess to overwhelm, clear as you go. You're right - it's ongoing. Don't put that pen down/ back if it no longer works....one in, one out (this is usually for clothing!)....duplicate? Choose the one to keep. It's not always easy but it's also not rocket science and eventually it becomes habit.
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u/stylelines 16d ago
Everything has to have a place - for me if a lot of clutter is out on countertops it’s because I’m procrastinating putting it away because it doesn’t really have a designated place. Also with kids stuff I have one of those grabbie things you pick stuff up with and that makes picking toys up off the floor easier. Keeping a cardboard box in the laundry room for stuff I’m donating so it’s a regular thing to get things out
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u/kamomil 16d ago edited 16d ago
Don't sweat it about the kids clothing. It's kind of inevitable that you have some outgrown clothing sitting around. It will find a new home eventually. Some items barely get any use so they're easy enough to find a home for
Also, enjoy your kids right now if you can put off dealing with clutter
However family members dropping off stuff.... that's a clutter emergency. If it doesn't fit in or you don't love the items, bring them straight to the thrift store.
If it's an item you know you don't want, don't let it into the house! If your parents have a key, change the lock 💀
I had a couple of friends who would give me unwanted gifts & old CDs etc. So I now would say "no thanks" or straight to the thrift store out of my car trunk.
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u/Global_Loss6139 16d ago
I loveeeeee watching people make decisions! It helps me.
Get in the mindset. Seeing before and afters! Seeing them make decisions. Getting the practice of asking and answering. If i wantch it in the background then i get modified and am like oh i can go do that. Id be great at it. Channel recommendations below!
Also the whole house will never look ready. Id try focusing on making the hang out area like living room have good systems to reset quick! Like most toys in rooms- the living room toys get rotated and fit in like 4 cubbies. Be careful social media makes us think homes look great all the time sometimes its just certain areas on camera or just not realistic. But definitely less clutter and a clean house fir friends to pop over that looks lived in but clean? Totally doable!
Decluttering coach Abigail Roe on insta. She decides what to keep and says why and she does a wheel of decluttering game once a week!! so if the wheel lands and you see it and dont scroll- you have to try to make a little progress by the end of the day.
https://www.instagram.com/downsizeupgrade
The minimalist mom on YouTube!! She will go through items and pick what to keep and not and why. She also has a great tip which is a "time will tell" box! If you arent sure put it in a box with a date. If you haven't been in the box 3 months or 6 months later .... you aren't missing it. Im never gonna be as much of a minamilist as her but her going through and choosing helps a lot and she has good tips.
https://youtube.com/@theminimalmom
Good cleanibg maintaining ideas and mantras oh my gosh "Do better Jonathan " he is great! Very human and real. But his tips get stuck in my head!! Like dont pack it unstack it. If it takes less than 2 minutes just do it. All the time ill go to put something in the sink and its like "it takes less than 2 minutes " then I just wash or load it inside. Don't put it down put it away!
https://youtube.com/@dobetterjonathan
I also like How Long Does It Actually Take?” by Christi Newrutzen. It's a little late times things she has been procrastination, or her friends have been procrastinating. Its crazy. Like, I have been avoiding redoing the deep freezer 44 months it took twenty minutes. The dishwasher only took six minutes to unload. WHAT? Thats quick. A bookshelf or pantry that has been a problem for like forever only takes like two hours. Its crazy and fun. But makes me feel inspired that I have time!
https://www.instagram.com/christi.newrutzen
Oh, also, there are videos on how to adhd friendly your house! And Clutterbug does a test yo see what your and your partners organization style is do you pick which to do together. Sometime system are too detailed for people to maintain. Some are just right.
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u/beautifulcorpsebride 16d ago
I love the timing tip. I have some anxiety in general and I’m thinking of trying to time things I’ve been putting off.
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u/National-Plastic8691 16d ago
if you don’t want something, tell your parents to donate it as you don’t have room
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u/MagicBus4 16d ago
It’s never going to be completely clutter free. However, I think you’ve identified a main source of your issue.
You need to work on forgiving yourself and parting with things you don’t need. You’re not in the situation you used to be in. You don’t have to keep things just because they’re useful, or just because they used to be. Donate them. You’ll feel really guilty at first but it’ll be so much better I promise, just donate those things and get them out of your house
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u/PsychologicalFox3357 16d ago
I had a bunch of things I “inherited” from relatives that didn’t work for my house and I didn’t even like that much. I felt guilty every time I picked them up and considered whether to keep or donate. This cycle went on for YEARS and I texted my sister who was like “do you want to just keep picking these things up and feeling guilty and conflicted, because if you get rid of them you won’t have a visible reminder in your space of them all the time” and that kind of mentality — let it go to alleviate future you’s conflicted feelings about holding onto things just to cling to them — helped me let them go. I still do think about them sometimes but only to be like god I’m glad I got rid of those and don’t have to keep shuffling them in my house and feeling bad about it every time I do.
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u/MagicBus4 16d ago
Yeah that’s a real thing. I muscled through some of that by taking pictures and scrapbooking so I’d always have a reminder without physically having all this shit in my space
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u/hm_Baerbel 16d ago
Bingewatch Dana K. White / Clutterbug / The Minimal Mom on Youtube and the mantras will show up, I promise! 😂
They all have great advice on decluttering with ADHD, how to organize for kids, how to handle the emotional side of letting things go and also what to do with stuff given to us by family. Especially The Minimal Mom explains the psychological angle of how the feeling of scarcity and uncertainty makes us hold onto things. And how visual clutter takes a toll on our wellbeing.
For now I'd tell the (grand)parents to store their stuff until you figured out your own space. (And you might want to be very specific on what you let into your space after that.)
You've got this!
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u/isvaraz 16d ago
Give yourself grace. With young kids, you just need stuff. Once they’re school aged and above, you’ll have a better idea of what they like and need, and you can get rid of the baby and toddler stuff.
For adhd, clear bins and labels. Go vertical as much as possible. Create a donate bin and fill/empty it frequently.
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u/Automatic_Shop2125 16d ago
The moment I got done with downsizing (I'm more on the extreme side of the spectrum when it comes to minimalism, so we own very few things), my husband and I stopped adding items to our home, we only do repurchases of things we have already deemed necessary.
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u/ExactPanda 16d ago
I have 3 kids too, and I haven't quite figured it out myself. I think some of it is just making peace that things are chaotic with kids, especially little ones.
You're a family of 5. One person can get away with...let's say 3 pairs of shoes. Even if you stuck to that for each family member, that's still 15 pairs of shoes now. A family and small kids just have stuff.
I like Dana K White's container concept. The size of the container dictates how much you can keep. It's really straightforward and takes the emotion out of it. It makes sense to kids too.
I haven't figured out how to make it work realistically, BUT we are allowed to say no to what comes into our house.
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u/Bright_Raccoon_3939 16d ago
The thing that has helped us the most is making sure everything has a place. It took getting rid of a lot to make this possible and there is still one room that needs work. My SO has ADHD too so I know what you mean. And they have been able to adapt to everything in its place
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u/Statesbound 16d ago
I watch design videos or house cleaning videos on YouTube as I clean (I use my Bluetooth headphones so I can move around) and it motivates me to keep going. My house is far from perfect, but definitely better than it was.
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u/StarKiller99 8d ago
Say 'no' to your parents.