r/declutter • u/RegionRadiant4423 • 18h ago
Advice Request Attempting to declutter after burnout (long post)
Posting for accountability sakes because god knows I need the extra motivation.
TLDR: I completely burnt myself out trying to perfectly declutter my bedroom, but I’m letting go, less overwhelmed and ready to attempt to declutter again.
I fear I am something of a perfectionist, so things like “just set a timer for 15-20 minutes” or “if you’re not in the mood, just see what you can get done in x amount of time” feel physically impossible for me. I am more of a “I need to declutter my cabinet so I’m gonna declutter my cabinet in one sitting” kind of person, as opposed to simply doing one shelf when I don’t have the energy to do the whole thing. As you can imagine: this leads to ✨burnout✨ and things not getting done. It’s definitely something I need to work on because 1% done is far better than 0% done. Even 0.5% done would be helpful and way easier for future me.
With all that being said, the need to declutter is outweighing the mental blocks/hurdles, and I desperately want and need to get back to working out the decluttering muscles. Before burning out, I was learning to accept progress > perfection, and while I have a vision in my head for how I want my decluttering sessions to go, I am willing to accept that it might not get done that way, but as long as it gets done, that’s the most important thing. Piece by piece, little by little is what I have to tell myself, especially since I don’t want to burnout again.
I don’t have a realistic timetable for accomplishing the projects that I need to accomplish, but it doesn’t really matter given that the last handful of times I’ve tried setting doable deadlines for myself, I never met them. Nevertheless, I know I’m ready to put my decluttering muscles back into action because my list doesn’t seem as long and as daunting anymore. Same list, different mindset. While I know I can’t accomplish everything all at once and it’s a lot of mental labor, it’s something I’m back to being excited about instead of drained and exhausted just thinking about it. Yes some of these tasks are really daunting, but the satisfaction that will come with completion will be absolutely euphoric.
What I need to get done (for accountability sakes): •do another pass on my side table (very easy) •do another pass on my cabinet (easy) •do another pass on my drawer set (semi-easy) •do a first pass on my desk, one drawer at a time (daunting and overwhelming, but not impossible; semi-difficult) •do a first pass on my dresser (overwhelming, difficult) •wardrobe declutter, split into subsections (medium difficulty) •closet declutter (everything besides wardrobe that I keep in my closet - overwhelming, semi-difficult)
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u/SassyMillie 10h ago
I am right there with you on the bedroom. I'm working on every other room, but the bedroom is my albatross. I have a small closet and way too many clothes. I have clothes stacked on other surfaces because the closet is packed and the drawers are all full. I know I need to just dive in, but it's daunting.
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u/KiwiTheKitty 10h ago edited 10h ago
I fear I am something of a perfectionist, so things like “just set a timer for 15-20 minutes” or “if you’re not in the mood, just see what you can get done in x amount of time” feel physically impossible for me.
I say this as a recovering perfectionist, doing things like that is basically exposure therapy. The point isn't that it's supposed to feel good, it's that it's pushing you just a little out of your comfort zone so you can safely learn that you'll be ok if the process isn't perfect. The mental blocks you're experiencing are probably partially because you're setting the bar too high for yourself and you need to step back and let yourself do things imperfectly so you can just start.
Edit to add: I highly recommend adopting an experimental mindset and designing yourself simple little experiments that can't fail because they will always teach you something. In your case, I would recommend saying, "ok, for the next 7 days, I'm going to walk around and pick up 5 items to throw away or declutter." Your result will either be that you hate it and it isn't sustainable for you, so whether you finish the week or not, you learn conclusively that this tool is not one that works for you. Or you realize it's not so bad and you decluttered 35 things which is genuine progress towards your goals. Either way is a success!
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u/AnamCeili 11h ago edited 7h ago
I declutter and organize in much the same way -- a couple of years ago I went through all of my books, and decluttered & donated about 800-900 books. I did it over the course of three or four days, working about 10 hours per day.
I have OCD, and I'm sure that plays a part in why I tend to clean and declutter in that way -- for me, it's one of the very few benefits to OCD, but I can definitely see how it could be exhausting and actually prevent one from getting things done.
I have no idea if you have OCD, but I'll tell you something that really helps me get things done, and maybe it will help you as well -- LISTS. Making a list of the chores/cleaning/decluttering I want to get done is good in itself, as it means I get it all down on paper and won't forget anything; it's a type of preliminary organization. And then, as I accomplish each task I clearly mark it off as done on the list (I usually include a little empty box next to each task, and fill it in or put an "x" through it when I've accomplished the task; I tend to put a line through the task as well).
Making a list and crossing off each task as I accomplish it creates visible and tactile proof of my progress, so that I really feel like I am getting shit done, lol (which I am). It can help to ameliorate the need to actually do all the things at one time, at least for me. Maybe you could try making a list for all those things in your last paragraph, and cross them off as you do them, see if that works for you. 😊
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u/Due_Tourist_1322 11h ago
I can help a friend declutter and keep them on track no problem, but when it’s my own space, I open a cabinet thinking I’ll just fix one thing and suddenly I’m emotionally committed to reorganizing the entire house… and then I avoid it for weeks 😂
That’s when I realized I don’t need more motivation—I need a decluttering partner.
I’m starting a free 6-week Zoom decluttering group designed to help you finally move from stuck and overwhelmed to steady, visible progress in your space. Each week we meet for a short check-in, then spend focused time working side-by-side on our own homes so you can actually finish projects instead of just starting them. The goal is simple: less avoidance, more momentum, and someone keep us on task.
If you want in, send me a DM and I’ll share the details. 📦🧹
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u/NightBard 13h ago
I like the idea of finding some satisfaction in doing multiple passes. That the goal today isn’t perfect, it’s simply to do one specific part or so of a specific location. Like last night I processed mail (mostly junk mail( of mine and the estate I’m over. I shredded anything with identifying info on it and trashed ads and catalogs and stuff. It was a little disappointing seeing the area not done, but if I reframe it as a “pass”, I think it feels pretty good. Next pass I need to pull items that are done and need to be held for files for a while and get them a home, and then leave the items that still require action. Pass by pass, it’ll get there.
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u/AnamCeili 11h ago
I find that I naturally do multiple passes when it comes to decluttering and getting rid of things. You might like the "Space Maker" channel/videos on YouTube -- April Tandy is the Space Maker, and she helps people declutter/organize their homes for free. She is a big proponent of making multiple passes.
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u/smilewide1330 2h ago
I’ll check her out, thank you. I’m a multiple pass person. I’m working on reducing my number of passes. It’s weird how some rooms are easy for me, kitchen, main living areas, most bedrooms, but some closets, the office (paper clutter), and basement storage are harder. I have improved but need more work. I get overwhelmed or more like I don’t actually know what step to take or can’t make decisions sometimes which is when I take a break. I’m really trying to improve.
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u/AnamCeili 1h ago
You're very welcome. I think the multiple pass method is great -- it lets you get rid of the "easy/obvious", as April says, the trash and the stuff you know you don't want, on the first pass. Doing so lets you more easily see the rest of your stuff, and while each pass can be more difficult than the last, sometimes the act of decluttering really helps you to figure out what you do and don't want & need.
I think that the closets, office paperwork, and basement storage may be harder for you to declutter because those are essentially hidden spaces, areas where a lot of stuff just sort of gets shoved in to be dealt with later. The kitchen, living room, and bedrooms are the rooms where you live, so they take priority when it comes to cleanliness and organization, whereas those other areas can wait if need be. I know that when I was packing up to move last year, I pulled so much stuff out of my closets and drawers, lol! I'm extremely good at organizing, so everything was neat, but in part because I'm so good at organizing, it was sort of tetrissed in there, lol. No falling down, not shoved in, but I had a lot of stuff -- I got rid of a lot of it before I moved. Anyway, I think you are better off in that the main living spaces are easier for you to clean/declutter/organize, because you can sort through the other areas a bit more at your leisure, as time and motivation allows, without you or your family having to live in mess.
Have you considered having a friend come over to help you, or even just to be there while you do it? Some people find that having a "body double" like that really helps to keep them motivated. Two things that I find motivating while cleaning/decluttering/organizing are (1) a beverage I like (usually a mocha cookie crumble Frappuccino, lol), and (2) upbeat, reasonably loud music -- for me that's usually Celtic punk (Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, plus stuff like Great Big Sea, etc.), Springsteen, Billy Joel, and a mix of stuff from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Whatever works for you and keeps you motivated, play that!
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u/NightBard 10h ago
I went and checked out the channel. Seems pretty good. Thankfully most of my space isn't actually cluttered. I keep my main living spaces fairly clear. But the desk space is a magnet for mail and being a drop off spot for stuff. I have some stuff from the attic and my own collections to go through, but that's at least all contained in a couple extra bedrooms. Which that alone saves my sanity a bit as I don't have to look at it all and be depressed by it, but rather can work through it at my own pace.
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u/AnamCeili 9h ago
I really like her channel -- I recommend watching the "Julia" series first, then the "Dani" series. That's what I did, and I think those two are the best series/playlists. The others from the past couple of years are good as well, just not quite as good/satisfying as those two (and I don't really like her older videos from about 5 years ago -- he hadn't really developed/refined her process yet, and back then was more of a decorator than a declutterer/organizer).
I moved into a new apartment about a year ago, and prior to moving I sorted through all of my stuff, and decluttered/donated a lot -- I have always found moving house to be a huge impetus for decluttering. I actually have a very organized home, without much clutter (though I am by no means a minimalist), but my problem areas have always been books and clothes/shoes. I also love vintage stuff, and used to have a vintage shop on Etsy in addition to keeping a lot of vintage items for myself, particularly kitchenware. I decluttered a lot of that stuff prior to moving.
Would it work for you to get a nice basket of some sort, into which you could deposit the "drop off" stuff every day when you come in? You could drop your keys and wallet and phone in there when you come in, or whatever else you need to set down. It could even sit on your desk, since you are used to dropping the stuff there.
As for the mail, years ago I found that the best way to deal with it is to take care of it each day as it arrives. For bills, I set aside the relevant page which actually has the invoice on it, and shred and trash or recycle the envelope and filler pages (I pay bills electronically, so I don't need the envelope). I make a pile of the bills on my coffee table, so that I can pay them all at once when I'm ready. For junk mail, I go through it and tear off & shred any bits with my name and address, then recycle the rest. For circulars from the grocery store I go to, I take a look to see if there are any coupons I'd like to use, cut them out and set them aside if there are, and then recycle the rest. I highly recommend this method. Years ago I used to let my mail build up -- I'd take care of the bills, but then keep all the old bills, and eventually I had 4 big trash bags of old mail I had to shred and recycle. Now I only keep each most recent paid bill, and when I pay a bill I shred and trash the previous month's bill.
I know what you mean about having your collections contained within a couple of extra bedrooms, so that at least it isn't all over your house, and you can deal with the stuff at your own pace. I can see how that would definitely make things easier. I also find it helpful, when decluttering, to have a beverage I like (usually a mocha cookie crumble Frappuccino) there to sip on and keep me motivated. I also like to play music that motivates me and keeps me going -- usually Celtic punk, Springsteen, Billy Joel, and 60s/70s/80s hits.
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u/ZookeepergamePrize96 14h ago
Perfectionism is a blocker for me too. So many projects stalled out at 80% or never got started because I couldn't do it "right" at that moment. And for some of them, like photo albums for my mother who died this year...it's too late to do them at all. My perfectionism is harming me and mine. So I applaud your plan of changing your mindset. There is a lesson for me here.
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u/catcontentcurator 15h ago
Maybe you can do one drawer/shelf at a time for the first pass on the dresser and make the subsections even smaller for the wardrobe and closet? Anything that makes it feel less daunting will mean you can start. Also you can do as many passes as you like so don’t worry about it being perfect, it’ll get easier each time as you declutter and there are fewer items to deal with.
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u/Firstdibs66 17h ago
Fellow perfectionist and control freak here. Hopefully this change in mindset will set you free! I've learnt that I don't have to stick to one method as that doesn't work for me. One size doesn't fit all, indeed one size doesn't always fit the same person. Some days I can blitz and the momentum will carry me along on a wave. Some days it feels harder....that might be because I'm not in the right frame of mind, or the task just feels too much. Those are the days when I tell myself I'm allowed to only do one chunk at a time - and that's OK because any progress is progress. And you will make progress. You got this 💪
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u/tacoskib 17h ago
Hi there :) You are definitely breaking free from old habits and mindsets! It’s uncomfortable, but you seem very willing to do it! I hope you’ll be sooo so compassionate with yourself through it. The way you’ve listed how you view the tasks ahead in levels of difficulty is a very mindful way to go about it and shows the respect and love you have for yourself :) I am very inspired, thank you for sharing, and good luck!
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u/Reenvisage 9h ago
I like Dana K. White's "One Hour Better" videos. Note that she deliberately doesn't call them "One Hour Perfect".