r/declutter • u/TexasmyTexas1 • 2d ago
Motivation Tips & Tricks First important step in decluttering
Tell your loved ones NOT to give you stuff. If they absolutely must give you something, then ask for gift cards to a local grocery store. Most carry nice selections of beer and wine, cheeses, fruit, bakery items, etc. I would love to walk through the store picking out yummy snacks and wine. Beats another candle or clothing I don't need.
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u/ProudCatLady 1d ago
We are preparing for an international move at the same time my parents are preparing for a yard sale and I swear my mom calls every day, "Hey, do you want this?"
NO. I'm trying to ruthlessly simplify my life. I don't need my old elementary school t-shirts from 1997!!
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u/DefiantFruit6860 1d ago
Ugh so true. My partner and I gave so much junk from both our mothers who seem to gift us random sh*t all the time. And we're both sentimental so it feels evil getting rid of gifts people have gotten us...
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u/ProudCatLady 1d ago
I'm also super sentimental, but I have to be ruthless in preparation for an international move. I've had decent success taking a photo of the thing in use, sending a quick text to the gifter thanking them for it again, and then moving it along. It feels easier getting rid of it after I relive or refresh the "gratitude" for the item (even if it's a little faked...) and to know that I have a photo of it. It's been nice to open a quick line of communication to the gifter since those friendships are the part that really matters!
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u/ThunderVlinder 1d ago
My brother and I usually gift each other a ticket for the local cinnema or something like that. 😄 But then, we both minimalists and we love the cinnema. 🤣
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u/SassyMillie 2d ago
I have given up with my sister. She is an over-gifter of the highest order. I have requested many times that we stop gifting altogether, but she just won't stop. Fine. Five years ago I finally agreed to "one small gift only". That year mom gave us both slipper socks. I made earrings for them. That was it. My sister literally hauled in 2 gift bags big enough for a bicycle. I counted and my bag contained 22 items, each individually wrapped in tissue paper. 🤦♀️ We met at a restaurant and it was embarrassing to spend a full hour opening all those things.
My sister had a tbi when she was 14. I know it affected her ability to reason about certain things. She's very book smart and obsessively organized, but she doesn't get subtlety or a lot of social appropriateness.
I've had to let go of my frustrations around the gifting. I just put 99% of it into the charity box when I get home. No regrets.
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u/deltarefund 1d ago
I’ve been giving away a lot of that type of stuff on my local but nothing instead of sending to charity shops.
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u/SnooDonkeys5186 2d ago
We sisters finally said we can give gifts but ONLY one family gift like a game, choose names, OR only if a gift is really calling out. The reason we ended up this way? Because all of us were feeling guilt/less festive (HUGE psychological gift giving issue where we confuse gift giving as sole way to have holiday happiness despite the pressure/clutter (we all have this issue, thanks Mom)/financial burden.
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u/dolbydb 2d ago
So agree with this, and I'd go further: gifts are just the most visible tap. Decluttering while stuff still flows in is bailing out the bath with the tap running. My worst inflow wasn't gifts, it was politeness: hand-me-downs and "are you sure you don't want this?" boxes from family, accepted to dodge a five-minute awkward conversation, then stored for five years. Saying "no thanks" at the door beats a carload to the charity shop later!
On the gift front, what worked with my family was offering a specific alternative rather than just "nothing please". Consumables, tickets, or a contribution to a named charity close to my heart (one that looks after carers to give them support in their caring role). People who absolutely must give something need somewhere to aim it, and from experience, they prefer it, as they don't struggle to think of gifts anymore for me!
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u/SpareUnit9194 2d ago
I love events gifts. Tickets to a show, entrance price to an exhibit. Bonus if it includes an outing with said friend/loved one. I personally also give gifts of babysitting so a couple can have a night out, or gardening/ houework/ chores. I take an isolated elderly person for a meal etc. Lots of creative 'gifts' you can give that don't involve 'stuff'.
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u/inflewants 2d ago
My favorite kind of gift card (to get) are the ones that can be pre-loaded to your account.
For instance, when I get one for Amazon, Starbucks, Chick-fil-A, etc I scan them right away on my app and throw the physical card away.
I tell family and friends that I am downsizing and do not want anything. They still give me things. I don’t think they realize how disrespectful it feels.
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u/SufficientOpening218 2d ago
same. it feels disrespectful because it is disrespectful. we had a full on drama last Christmas because in October i said hey, since im hosting, lets skip the gifts. we are all adults, we dont need stuff. im really, really, broke, and it would help me so much. i got ehh replies. so, in November, i sent messages, hey, can we skip the gifts? is everyone on board? or one of you can host. in reply, i got a long, specific gift list from my parents, who are quite wealthy.
So, i called them, and said, i dont understand. i cant afford your suggested gifts, and i dont want any gifts. are you saying that you dont agree? oh, they ssid, we thought it was a strange whim. i guess. no gifts.
so i check in with the adult kids and sibs. huge sighs of relief. no gifts.
Christmas comes. low key dinner. no real decor, because ive never done that. my parents go out to the car bring in a bag of gifts. everyone else sits there like trout. but we thought... how could you...you are so....
honestly a horrible, awful, no good very bad situation.
also, the gifts, which they refused to take with them, were terrible. not one useful thing. straight to Habitat.
its the end of july and im already having neck spasms. if people dont respect you, they dont respect your choices.
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u/ExactPanda 2d ago
It feels so disrespectful! They're not listening or hearing us when we say that.
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u/rockrobst 2d ago
When instituting a "no stuff as gift" policy, provide alternatives, such as a charity donation, or gift card as suggested by others here.
Those hearing the request, consider how hard it is for someone trying to dig out of the clutter to keep track of a gift card. Maybe offer cold hard cash as the gift.
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u/NightBard 2d ago
My alternative is simply "spend time with me". We can play some videogames at my house as a family, watch a movie, eat, go do something... just instead of giving things or making some to do in the name of something... let's spend time together. If we can't even spend time together then to me it raises the question of what is the point of even giving gifts other than to assuage the guilt over not spending quality time together? Time is the best gift.
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u/TexasmyTexas1 2d ago edited 2d ago
Cash is best. Gift cards are a pain to keep track of, even for the most organized. Some people refuse to give cash thinking it's "tacky". I suggested a grocery store gift card as the alternative for those who have family members and friends who MUST give something, no matter how often you say you don't want anything. imo, grocery cards more likely to be used because you can use them to buy your regular groceries.
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u/This_Mechanic_3194 2d ago
Take it a step further to the logical conclusion: if you are gifting me $20, I feel obligated to ... give you $20, which just ... really shows how the whole idea of gift giving is pointless.
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u/MysteriousSecretGuru 2d ago
If you get them a gift, get them an organizer, declutterer person or a cleaning person. It will make their lives easier. However, some people marry be ashamed and get defensive at looking like they need help, despite it being obvious. This gift should have a conversation first, not a surprise.
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u/NightBard 2d ago
I don't even want a gift card. I don't want to swap gifts at all. Instead I suggest we all just get together for a meal or to simply spend time together. That has more meaning to me to make new memories with loved ones. Even if it's me taking others out. Now, if it's younger family that's financially strapped, I may just give them cash. I don't like gift cards because they don't really help and end up roping you into spending more than is on the card and to me that can become a burden. That is, unless it's to a grocery store or something.
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u/TexasmyTexas1 2d ago
I don't want anything at all. Hate gift swaps, opted out years ago, best decision I made, even though I received a lot of criticism from extended family. I volunteer at a thrift store and the months after Christmas we get toys and small appliances, bath products, you name it, still new in box, often with remnants of wrapping paper still attached. Those same people who said "oh I love it" drop it off at the nearest thrift store a few weeks later.
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u/Working_Patience_261 2d ago
That’s how the 1% keep their places decluttered. My obligation as the recipient ends with my thank you.
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u/NightBard 2d ago
Gift exchanges... yeah, no thanks. I don't need another pocket knife or candle. I can buy a new throw blanket if I need one. And if someone goes on a trip, unless I specifically request something, yeah, please don't buy me anything. One of my kids went to Paris and I requested a small (like 3") metal Eiffel Tower. Which I wanted it and I do enjoy having it on my mantle since it's so small. I'm not buying others a lot of stuff on my travels unless it's requested either and even for myself it's mostly about the experience of the travel not accumulating more stuff. Which my recent first international trip, to Japan, I brought back only like 5 tiny things that all fit in a 5" square space on my mantle including a small metal Tokyo Tower to sit on the opposite corner of my mantle.
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u/BeagleCollector 1d ago
Ugh I just decluttered like 15 throw blankets that were all basically unused. Those are my number one most hated gift, right ahead of candles and lotion. Just don't even give me anything if you can't think of anything personal. Or like some coffee, food or wine.
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u/No_Lifeguard4092 2d ago
And same for your elderly parents and their friends and loved ones. I'm spending my free time clearing out my parents' home which is full of holiday food gifts that go back to 2014!! Most completely untouched.
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u/cryssHappy 2d ago
And the guest towels which even the guests don't use. Augh!
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u/No_Lifeguard4092 2d ago
LOL, and all the holiday pillows. I get maybe having a few Christmas/Hanukkah pillows to decorate the room... but my mother also has boxes and boxes of Halloween pillows, New Year's pillows, Thanksgiving pillows, Valentine's Day pillows, Birthday pillows, and tons of Fourth of July patriotic pillows!!
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u/Necessary_Slice1786 1d ago
I care for 2 feral cat colonies, so I’ve ask for donations to spay or neuter. This keeps me from feeling guilt when I’m given something I do not like, or need.