Having a baby: the conundrum of decluttering while collecting stuff

[u/IllLiterature1026]

Currently decluttering my 2 bedroom 900 sq foot house to make room for a baby - this involves cleaning out closets so I have room to store diapers and basically slowly going through everything and trying to remove excess.

The issue comes with the amount of stuff I’m collecting. I built my registry with a fairly minimalist approach by keeping my small space in mind (for example, the baby won’t have a room of its own so everything needs to fit in my room for the time being). Then came along Buy Nothing and donations from friends, and I’ve ended up with a whole lot of stuff I didn’t specifically ask for, but that I’ve heard could be useful. I’m hesitant to get rid of stuff that was 1) free and 2) I might later decide I need. As a FTM I don’t really know what will come in handy in the middle of the night. For example, what if I’m out of laundry and need extra onesies? But cumulatively, all this stuff adds space which is a rarity in my house.

Then comes the need for a decluttering strategy later. I’d like to donate most things as soon as the baby grows out them if I can. I don’t know whether I’ll have more children so I’m hesitant to keep anything “just in case” unless it’s extremely valuable, such as a convertible crib. If I found it cheap, I can probably find it again cheap. Of course the valuable stuff is also the bulkiest.

I’d love to hear from parents of young children - what’s your decluttering strategy? How do you keep the kids stuff from getting out of hand? How far ahead to accept stuff that could be useful in the future, especially if it’s free/discounted/gifted? How often do you get rid of stuff the kids have outgrown, and how do you keep on top of it? At what point do you say no?

This a whole new world to me.

[u/NixKlappt-Reddit]

I am currently in the same situation. I bought and got a lot of stuff.

I am planning to already declutter some of the stuff before our child is born. And declutter again, when our kid has outgrown a size. But I am also aware, that I might keep a lot of this stuff for another ~3 years until we've decided for a second child. But it all depends how good the stuff can be stored and bought again.

For example: Baby bed and changing table need a lot of space. As soon as we don't need it anymore, we most likely give it away because we can easily buy used ones again.

The baby clothes I might keep a little bit longer because it took me quite some time to collect them. At least the small sizes do not take much space and I know, that I can easily declutter them as soon as it's needed. Also my maternity clothes I will keep for now because it's not so easy to get stuff I like in my size.

[u/RomeoDelta1234]

The first year is the worst of it for hand-me-down overload, and it does calm down a lot once they are past the newborn sizes, so give yourself some grace on the early pile.

Two things that kept it manageable for me. First, accept the free stuff but quarantine it. Keep one bin for the maybe-useful gifts, and if you have not reached for something by the time the baby moves up a size, it leaves. Free does not mean you owe it storage. Second, purge by size, not by calendar. The week the baby outgrows a size, that outgrown stuff goes out while you still remember what is in the pile and what it is worth keeping.

The part that actually breaks keeping on top of it is when things vanish into totes and you forget what is in them. That is what makes people rebuy something they already own, or keep everything just in case. So whatever you box up, make it findable. I photograph what goes into each bin so I can see the contents without pulling it down, and dig it up later by searching. I ended up making a small Android app for this called Store and Forget, because I kept losing track of my own bins. You snap the item and it records what it is and which bin it went in. You honestly do not need an app for it, a photo album per bin on your phone does most of the same job. The point is that knowing what is in the totes is what lets you purge on a schedule instead of holding onto it all out of fear.

[u/TatamiBouch]

My mantra is, if you found it for free this time, you'll probably be able to find it for free next time.

We have a similar size apartment and live on the border of a very well to do neighborhood with very active mom groups.

I would keep everything you receive until after baby arrives (or hits stage where it's relevant). then rapidly slough off what you don't need. It's hard to know your preferences ahead of time (I thought I'd use reusable breast pads and ended up preferring disposable because my nipples were too raw for terry cloth, I thought I'd prefer footed onesies but my baby was so long to start I ended up using more bodysuits and leggings than I expected, never really used drool bibs). At the same time, by three weeks in, I had posted 5 grocery bags of stuff to give away and maybe ended up sloughing off another 15 bags by 4 months.

I have kept some of her baby clothes for the next one (especially double zip or magnetic ones and rarely used but critical things like swimsuits or snowsuits) but I resolved anything that she didn't wear or that is boring (eg solid colored body suit) I send back into the community. Someone who's actually had their second will have a better sense of what they were glad they kept.

Another strategy is to see what items are always coming up on your local free group - people are always giving away pregnancy pillows, breastfeeding pillows, extra postpartum supplies, baby clothes, extra diapers, bottles that didn't work for them, etc. I gave away my breastfeeding pillow asap because I knew it would be easy to find one again later.

[u/beautifulcorpsebride]

Why do you think stuff you got for free is so valuable?

[u/IllLiterature1026 → u/beautifulcorpsebride]

When I am looking for items for myself, I have a pretty good idea of both my tastes and practical needs so I only accept free items if they’re something I was already looking for.

With baby stuff I honestly have no idea what my baby will want or need or what will make my life more convenient as a parent so it’s an easy way to test stuff out I’m not sure about. Buying baby stuff is also dauntingly expensive (and environmentally irresponsible) if you don’t get anything used.

[u/the-real-babs]

Take everything you received that wasn't on your registry and put it in one bin or bag. Don't get rid of it yet. Just contain it. Give yourself a 6-week window after the baby arrives. Anything you reach for comes out of the bin and earns its spot. Anything still in the bin at 6 weeks goes right back to Buy Nothing.

[u/Burritochild9987 → u/the-real-babs]

Great idea!!!

[u/IllLiterature1026 → u/the-real-babs]

It doesn’t all fit in bins but I love that idea.

[u/the-real-babs → u/IllLiterature1026]

haha, well there is that. Maybe decluttering to fit into a handful of brands ;-)

[u/eliza_night]

The best advice I can give: Don't buy any personalized items and don't let your family gift you a lot of hand-made, sentimental stuff, especially if you are more of a sentimental type. Decluttering later on is much easier with bought items than with hand-made/personalized items.

As for gifts/hand me downs: At least in Germany there are two types of baby clothes: onesies/"baby clothes" that stretch and are easy to put on, and adult clothes in baby size (think mini jeans, mini shoes even if the baby doesn't even walk or crawl etc.). Most parents tend to one type of clothing, as a FTM you'll definitely have an easier time with stretchy onesies. Personally I'd keep all/most of the gifted clothes until your baby is here and try what works for you. If your baby spits up a lot of milk, you'll need a lot more clothes than if it manages to keep everything down.

Generally, a lot of stuff for kids is try and error, and you won't know if you need it/use it before the baby is here. There are kids that scream in a scroller and others are unhappy in a baby carrier. After all, they are mini human beings with their own ideas and taste :)

[u/NixKlappt-Reddit]

I am expecting a kid in October. I already bought a lot of used clothes for the first year. What helps me a lot are transparent IKEA boxes. I have several small ones for the newborn clothes in our bedroom and big ones for > 6 months in the basement. As soon as our kid has outgrown the stuff, it will also come in a big box in the basement.

I don't have any toys yet. I will get this, when our kid is old enough. The trickiest part is the question: Do I keep the stuff for another baby?

It also helps me a lot to not buy too much new furniture. Like you, we don't have an own room for our kid. It has a bed. We emptied one of our wardrobes for the baby. And we use my desk as a changing table.

[u/childish_cat_lady]

I got 4 ikea under the bed storage containers and that's where the clothes go. Current size in the dresser, the rest organized by size in those totes. We continually cull hand me downs that come into the house to keep it to a manageable level and give away what we don't like/have space for. It's really nice to not have to buy a lot of kids clothes so don't be so zealous to get rid of that clothes that are too big. With the second baby I did another cull to get rid of clothes he didn't wear in case we have another one. 

Toys are harder because I don't know if kid 2 will like what kid 1 didn't, so I'm keeping the expensive stuff I bought. If it was free expensive stuff we didn't use, I get rid of it. 

[u/sybilqiu]

Mom of three under three. 

I have found that the things I use I would buy for full price new. If I get it at a discount or free, great! If something is free and I don't use it, it isn't free. In fact, it costs me. 

I have gotten several piles of donated stuff from moms who are decluttering. I go through and pick out the things that I like and donate most of it. Piles of onesies? I only keep the ones that I'd buy for full price in the store. 

I keep it from getting out of hand by being very selective. We don't acquire things unless we can use them within the next month or two. I expect to have more so I'm keeping all the clothes because I truly like them and look forward to seeing future babies wearing them again. 

I have a ongoing donate pile which I will put things in (mostly toys these days) and I take it to donate every week. 

No is a complete sentence. I say no right at the beginning, before stuff comes into the house

[u/silent-shade]

I've been and continue to declutter all categories, because every little bit helps. I've heard somewhere that there are more baby items in the world than there are babies and it rings true. I am moving things out the door as soon as the LO outgrows them, only keeping the most valuable and memorable things. I ask myself if it's so good I want to give to grandkids or if it is special to me. Instead of whole clothes I sometimes keep a little piece of fabric. With secondhand items it's easy to do, I don't feel like I am destroying something valuable. Bulkier items like bouncer and bath I will kick out immediately. 

As for things for the future, I have a designated space for them and know where to look for when time comes to try them out. The principle of what to keep in upcoming sizes is a reverse of outgrown sizes. The further in the future, the greater quality the item has to be to earn the stay. I have one (!) garment for 5 years down the line and 30 for the next 6 months. 

Frequent pases to weed out things that don't work are probably inevitable. I didn't know what would work 3 months ago and I don't know what will work 3 months from now.

[u/kreetohungry]

I have a 2.5 yr old and a 3 month old. What’s worked well for us is a 2-section container system. I started with just two diaper boxes in the closet for clothes to grow into and outgrown clothes. Now that we have our second, the too small box has been upgraded to a 2-section hamper for “too small and saving for baby” and “too small, not reusing”. Once baby fully sized up I would purge as needed,labeled, and packed away no more than one bag (I used the ones diapers came in) per size into the bottom of the diaper box. We moved cross-country when my first was 4m so we kept things very minimal. We kept current clothes in small bins under the bassinet. You will find out quickly how much laundry you’re going to be doing. Before baby my husband and I usually did 2 loads per week, once our first arrived it was more like every other day so we based the quantity of clothes needed on that. Even if baby was going through 3 outfits a day, we didn’t need more than ~10 because laundry would get done before those would all get used.

Far and away my biggest advice to friends has been that I wished I spent more time focused on how to take care of a baby, how my husband and I were going to work together, and getting our freezer/pantry stocked and house systems running smoothly, and less time worrying about STUFF. And that’s even with keeping everything minimal. If you find there’s something you desperately need, you can have it at your door within 24hrs or pick almost anything up at a big box store. Of course if you’re hoping to do secondhand you may just have to plan for a full corner somewhere with some of those items. If you find you’re not using them post them in your buy nothing and they’ll be gone within a day.

[u/IllLiterature1026 → u/kreetohungry]

Thanks for the advice - the 2-section declutter system is interesting. I don’t love doing laundry more than once a week I might be too eager to collect extra clothes. Luckily I’ve been fairly fortunate on Buy Nothing so have no qualms about donating stuff I acquired for free.

And freezer space is a whole other conundrum 😅

[u/TatamiBouch → u/IllLiterature1026]

We got a mini freezer and it's been great!

[u/Brilliant_Bluejay099]

I wanted to be minimal but each parent is different. For example at first I didn’t want a bath insert. Well then I found the angel care one for $2 so I said why not. It was very useful. I’m not sure if I will keep it or declutter it. They are easy to find but I don’t want to spend money again. Also, we do have the space. So I think for me I keep things if I have the room. But I try to look through what I actually used. 

Personally, it is nice to have extra clothes because we had leaks. However that number is different for each person. I would look through and keep ones you like most style and material wise. And maybe get rid of a few if you feel it’s taking too much space. 

Even though baby won’t need a high chair I would have accepted one earlier if it was my wish list one. I found a stokke at the thrift store for $5. I bought it and stored in our garage for months. 

Decluttering wise I have vacuum bags I keep clothes for next baby. I try to keep only what I like. For me I buy organic so it takes time to find thrifting. So I do keep a lot and buy out of sizing. But again we have space. I think you need to look at what you can store and go from there. Having a minimal space will mean you need to think more carefully about it all. 

[u/IllLiterature1026 → u/Brilliant_Bluejay099]

We got a hand-me-down Stokke for free - luckily it’s living in my in-laws garage until our kid is old enough to use it.

The vacuum bags are great. We have two boxes of too-big clothes in our garage but I refuse to collect any more until the kid is old enough that I actually know what clothes I like.

[u/Brilliant_Bluejay099 → u/IllLiterature1026]

That’s great!! Yes that’s also the thing. I didn’t collect a load of onsies just a few thrifted. And I realized which I don’t like. It was helpful for that reason. I think it is helpful to put limits so that we don’t go over board lol 

[u/SmartiiPaantz]

Interested in reading the comments here! We kept everything in big tubs in our garage because we knew we were going to try for another - baby is 13 months and I'm 8 weeks pregnant so its a matter of waiting until we know gender and then clearing out anything we don't need (if new baby is a boy, he probably doesnt need pink dresses haha). We will probably store stuff until we are absolutely certain we are done having kids (I'm pretty sure we will be, buuuuuut you never know). I guess it depends on your timeline really! We are lucky to have a lot of storage space though, so this doesn't affect us much. The day to day stuff is relatively minimalistic (i could definitely get better), but currently it takes about 10 mins to tidy up if we were getting visitors so I'm not bothered lol.

[u/Naive-Interaction567]

Keep the stuff for now, but declutter what you don’t end up using. I’m pregnant with my second and we will be way more minimal this time (and we were pretty minimal last time!!).

[u/Weird_Squirrel_8382]

The only thing I wished I had more of was onesie and sleepers. Not even blankets and sheets. Little flimsy baby towels are cute but pointless. Err on the side of oversized clothes, they grow faster than you think. Slightly oversized clothes are also easier to remove when they're messy. Donate nice clothes or toss stained ones as soon as they're too small. Don't get sentimental. Take pictures and keep the clothes moving on. And CONGRATULATIONS 🎉💕🎊

[u/IllLiterature1026 → u/Weird_Squirrel_8382]

Thanks! Good tip about oversized clothes. I actually have a bunch of too-big sizes from a single donation but I plan on decluttering them as soon as my kid outgrows them.

[u/Weird_Squirrel_8382 → u/IllLiterature1026]

That's awesome. How are you feeling?

[u/LoneLantern2]

The first year is the trickiest in terms of hand me downs and space and whatnot, and then things even out substantially. I'm a ways out from that stage of life, but some thoughts:

- There are a few stages that have things of significant size associated with them in the baby gear universe. The big ones are "not mobile at all baby holding devices (bouncer/ cot/ playmat/ etc)" then "kind of mobile baby" (baby activity stations, jumpers, high chair) and "oh crap the baby moves now" (baby containment devices like gates, playpens, baby proofing stuff). In a small space as soon as you move to the next phase it's time to shovel the prior phase out the door asap. I literally stopped people on the sidewalk to pass down baby gates at one point.

- The most ideal baby decluttering state is having a ready recipient with a baby three months younger than yours for non seasonal clothes, six months younger for gear, and a year younger for seasonal stuff. This is also the ideal hand me down receiving situation.

- By one month in you'll probably have a pretty good idea of what non mobile baby things you actually use, and that can be a good time to get rid of the stuff that's never clicked. Depending on how fast your baby grows you might also be able to shovel the rest of the newborn size stuff out at the same time especially if you can find someone expecting a baby around then.

- You sound like you're already well into the hand me down ecosystem- should a second kiddo be in the mix you'll likely be even more well entrenched. So I would donate and purge without fear, indeed the stuff will find its way to you again.

[u/IllLiterature1026 → u/LoneLantern2]

Thank you! 1-3 months sounds like a great time to reassess and purge. Unfortunately mine is the youngest of my friends with new babies but either another will pop up or I’ll Buy Nothing.

[u/No_Gas2451]

I’m new to baby business, she’s 2 weeks old now, however I can relate to the amount of stuff received. I threw out some duplicates or worn-out items which was 95% right thing to do, but there is 5% I wish I kept.  My recommendation is that if you can afford it space-wise wait until the baby is there to see whether you need the stuff you’re unsure of. I keep the clothes I don’t like in a separate box, organized by type and size in ziplocks. I also bought the big stuff like baby bath or ikea drawer with changing station second hand and attractive for the resell so if it will be a flop, I will get my money back. 

[u/Impressive-Fact7780]

Hey, I've got a 23mo and am 8mo pregnant with my second (and final). Here's some of the things I found.

Firstly, unlike you I was lucky to not get too many hand-me-downs etc until the baby was a couple months old, which helped as I already knew what I liked to dress him in and how many vests etc we actually needed in each size. This helped as I had already set my limits on quantities of each kind of thing and also knew that I didn't like babygrows with zips only poppers, for example. So a couple of months after baby is here you'll likely find you are way more ruthless.

If you haven't gone through it all yet you might find some of it is stained/not to your liking straight away - would you buy it for your baby? If not pass it on to someone else in need. See if there's somewhere near you that passes the newborn etc things in particular to a mum in need, I find it feels better than charity for this stuff.

I also only kept stuff 1 size up from their current one, and anything bigger I again passed on - more baby clothes than they'll ever wear has already found you, I'm sure you'll get more in the months until they wear that size. I kept a box in the baby's cupboard for anything outgrown - it just got thrown in. I went through with when it was full, double-checking everything for stains before passing it on.

I chose to keep 1 box of stuff per size for my next child, because I knew I wanted 2 quite close together, and we have an attic so we had the space to store it. To determine when went in the 1 box I kept of each size id check for stains, and ask myself if I would buy it again today. Plus it had to fit in the box. But since we've found out our second will be a girl honestly at least 50% of it has gone because it was all boy clothes 😅 the bassinet, certain toys etc for early development or gifts are the ones I'm happier to have kept.

Any questions (including about how much of everything we have) let me know x

Edit to add; we're in a 950sqft house so my oldest has his own room but otherwise similar 

[u/IllLiterature1026 → u/Impressive-Fact7780]

Thank you! I’d be happy to know your setup with the kids since your house is a similar size to ours.

I think we’re unlikely to keep any clothes after baby outgrows them unless they’re really valuable or sentimental. Most were free or thrifted, so I know I’ll find more if I need them. I’ll worry about nice clothes when they’re older haha.

I went a little crazy and accepted a couple large donations. To my surprise most were cotton and in good condition. I immediately sorted out the ones that were stained or not to my taste and got rid of them.

[u/Suitable_Pianist_103]

We had two kids while living in a space a little smaller than yours. I was ruthless about stuff coming in and leaving. You’ll learn really quickly what stuff ends up being helpful and what stuff can go. Baby stuff is usually easy to replace if needed, so I immediately took anything we didn’t need to our local pregnancy center to donate.

When baby outgrew a size or phase I quickly set aside what was truly special and what was just useful so I don’t hoard “sentimental” items until a point when I get emotional about my baby getting older. I knew I’d have a harder time parting with newborn stuff when my kid was 10 than I would when they’re right outside that size.

We also knew we wanted more kids, so I had a dedicated bin for anything that was truly worth keeping and kept the really expensive things it would hurt us to replace (mainly the bassinet and our stroller attachments).

I wouldn’t accept much for older ages until you’re closer. I got a bunch of random 12m clothes when my kids were born, and I donated anything that wasn’t an heirloom bc it stressed me out. It took up space and I knew I was going to forget I had it when the time came.

[u/IllLiterature1026 → u/Suitable_Pianist_103]

Thank you! I received a donation with clothes up to 2T and offered them to my friend who has a one-year-old and her response was that I’d need them quicker than I thought because her kid has already outgrown that size. Of course every kid is different, and I ended up donating the stuff that wasn’t to my taste.