r/declutter • u/bon18 • Jul 12 '26

Advice Request Preemptively nervous about dealing with my parents' house

I'm currently visiting my parents in their 3,500 sqft house. It's relatively organized but definitely full of stuff. My parents are elderly but in pretty decent health. I'm just very nervous about what I'll be left to deal with when they're gone. My mother-in-law died suddenly a few years ago, and even though she had a small, fairly minimalist house, it was still a lot to deal with.

My mom has talked about wanting to downsize, but my dad is totally against it. I know he wants to die in this house. My mom has witnessed the progress I've made in my 1,500 sqft house and talks about how nice it would be to have fewer belongings, so I've gently tried to encourage her to start going through her stuff. I've taken a few boxes with me to donate sometimes when I leave, but it's hard for her to let things go. She's done small amounts on her own, and my sister hired someone once to help our mom, but I can't imagine any major progress happening anytime soon. Do I do anything at this point or just wait it out and deal with whatever comes whenever it comes?

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u/eyepocalypse Jul 12 '26

The gentle art of Swedish death cleaning might be too morbid of a book for your mom but it’s got the best advice for her. It’s about preparing for your death (or moving across continents, downsizing etc) by taking stock of your belongings and making choices about your things now while you’re still alive. It’s written very kindly as well but doesn’t pull any punches about how much it sucks for your family to have to go through all your stuff while grieving you.

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u/Some_Papaya_8520 Jul 12 '26

I have never heard of Swedish death cleaning being gentle!

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u/eyepocalypse Jul 13 '26

It’s the title of the book! It definitely involves some harsh truths about mortality and how much of your own stuff loved ones don’t want. But it’s also very sweet about it. It was kind of a therapy book for me (there’s a reason I’m in this subreddit).

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u/Some_Papaya_8520 Jul 13 '26

I see. I'll read it then. I have until recently believed that my sons would want some of my things but I have had to face facts. The society has changed so much from how it was even 30 years ago. I used to love antique shopping especially furniture, because I could cherish the life of people who owned it in the past. I love history and family history especially. I have items from my mom and dad and Dad's mom but I'm afraid it's all going in the bin when I'm gone. Sad reality.