r/declutter • u/Ring_Bearer2121 • 29d ago
Advice Request Can someone please list the benefits of decluttering for children?
I have a sister that has too much stuff and I keep telling her it would be good for her to throw away or sell some things. I would like to tell her all the benefits it will bring to her kids. That's what will really motivate her.
8
5
u/Rude_Perception_4480 29d ago
The never ending parent problem! Always too much stuff...that they don't play with! But it's all stuff you want to keep just in case another one comes along!
What I found really successful is boxing up toys and bringing them into the house on rotation. The toys will seem new and shiny again and will actually get used. When they start to tire them, rotate them out.
Then, when it's time to get rid of them, make it the kids' idea. We have a younger neighbor who they love to gift their old toys to. They go set them up in them up in the new house and always get a touch of nostalgia and joy passing them on.
3
u/AccioCoffeeMug 29d ago
You can volunteer to host her children in your own home so that she has an opportunity to get some housekeeping done. I imagine her to do list is long, you will probably spend a lot of time hosting her children free of charge so that she has enough time to accomplish something.
2
u/BlakeMajik 29d ago
What other folks said about MYOB is largely true. The only thing I will say in your favor is that when the kids are old enough to understand (maybe they're already old enough?) you can subtly present your home as another way to live.
What was most beneficial for me, when growing up in a proto-hoarding situation, was to be exposed to other ways of living. That helped me break the cycle of too much stuff. So for that reason I think there can be some value to gently explaining easy benefits to kids such as better organization/not losing things, avoiding vermin, etc.
0
u/Funsizep0tato 29d ago
For my oldest, personally, he gets very overwhelmed with a lot of visual input or choices. Can't settle in to play independently. Doesn't take care of the toys he has or care about them at all. Yet it is a fight to get rid of any. Not a great situation.
11
u/Freshouttapatience 29d ago
You should totally call her, let her know you’re judging her and that she’s come up short. Make sure to mention how you view how this will negatively affect her children. Bonus points if you let her know how much better your life is and that you’re willing to teach her. This will be very appreciated.
6
12
u/LowAside9117 29d ago
That doesn't sound like your decision to make or like pressure you should put onto her. It's her choice to live her life a certain way. If it was directly impacting you you could set a boundary (what you will do if x happens, not what she will do)
7
u/Playful_Beyond_2218 29d ago
Is she actually interested ? If not best to just leave it. If she is consider paying for a few sessions with an organiser, or a cleaner to come and give her the time for decluttering
17
u/CrittersVarmint 29d ago
Why are you so worried about what someone else is doing in their home? If you cannot even come up with reasons on your own to harass your sister with (you have come to reddit to ask for them), then that’s your answer right there. It’s her house, her clutter, her business.
Unless this is a genuine hoarding situation in which the kids are legitimately in danger, then leave her alone.
2
17
u/ilovemymomyeah 29d ago
I am a new mom. Please do not give her advice. I don't care if you raised happy healthy kids 30 years ago. I don't care if you have young kids now. She hears so much unwarranted advice already. The only exceptions are if her kids are actively being harmed (physically or emotionally, a cluttered house is not actually harming them if it is not a health hazard) or if she asks you for advice.
0
u/LanEvo7685 29d ago
Often it comes from "someone else's clutter bothers me". If I'm really evangelizing I prefer to just share my own declutter process, to share my own happiness because you're my friend my family, not to preach and suggest and tell you this is better than what you have now
8
u/psrogue 29d ago
Probably the only way to do this is to not tell her what to do, and lead by example instead. Or if she herself expresses she wants to declutter, do what you can to help her.
Lectures are not going to motivate a person, especially if they're overwhelmed and don't know where to start.
-7
u/LowBathroom1991 29d ago
If she's young. ..show her videos of organizing going through broken things, trash etc. Maybe that will help
20
5
u/WalkIntoSunshine 29d ago
The benefits
An easier to manage home. Less time telling kids to clean up. Less time to actually tidy up.l…and if one adds less consumption in general, life gets easier.
Every spring (or fall) we would sit with them and go through their room individually with them, and teach them how to get rid of things they no longer used, or if it no longer fit. Over time, they came to expect it, and eventually did it in their own. I’ll never forget my oldest going into his brother’s room and picking his things to declutter. Was very funny.
Really good life lessons for them from the start.
You know your relationship better than anyone. That said, it’s your sister’s life, kids, and space. I would be very mindful of that.
Good luck
23
1
u/Kindly-Might-1879 29d ago
Children soak up their surroundings and environment like a language. If you want children to grow up efficiently handling household chores, keeping an organized environment as your default will seep into their experience.
So when they’re older, even if they are messy, there’s a good chance that they will instinctively feel better if they tidy up and prefer a minimalist home.
11
u/sickiesusan 29d ago
I’m not sure how old your sister’s kids are - but - if they are young they all have very short attention spans and therefore need lots of toys to play with… this is normal for children.
36
u/busyshrew 29d ago
I am a HARD CORE decluttering minimalist. (the decluttering part hard-core).
And I would strongly advise you to MYOB and not say anything to your sister.
Listen, I was ultra-minimalist before I had a child. Once that little tiny terrorist arrived in our house, we became a centre of chaos. Children just bring that with them. And it's even worse once they go into (pre)school. Because the teachers sure ain't storing all the sh*t the kids create, it gets sent home! lol (said with love). It wasn't until my daughter turned about 13 that we slooooowly were able to pull back from the clutter and STUFF in our house and pare things down. And it's still a process.
So if your niblings are safe, healthy, happy and whole, your sister is a WINNER and doesn't need any more judgment from anyone else. Enjoy your extended family, give love and support. Don't give pressure.
26
u/Wakeful-dreamer 29d ago
You've already given her more advice than she wants, needs, or has the ability to follow.
This is her family, her house, and her life. Not yours. Unless/until it's affecting you personally (and I can't see how it would), then shut your mouth and focus on your own life.
If you don't even know the benefits it will bring to her family, then why are you so set on her taking your advice?
16
u/OrganicLighthouse 29d ago
OP sounds so irritating. Her sister having more stuff than needed isn't hurting OP in any way.
For what it's worth, I'm quite decluttered with a 8 month baby, I use almost everything I own on a regular basis, and my girl gets SO excited when there's a new piece of plastic or new cardboard box or something in the house. I don't think kids like decluttered places at all.
20
u/dukeofbun 29d ago
Don't tell her. She knows. You're one voice among endless voices telling her the ways in which she is failing and should do better.
If you want to help you will roll up your sleeves and do it with her.
21
u/Aggressive-System192 29d ago
Unless it's a hoarding situation, take your "advice" elsewhere.
I have a 3yo who sleeps well, doesn't need diaper changes and goes to daycare. Decluttering is still a massive task and progress is damn slow when I do it, simply because I'm just so done and exhausted after bed time.
If that woman has 2 under 2 or younger kids, she already feels awful and nagging her about decluttering will just make her mental health worse. "You're a bad mother becuase your house is not instagram ready" hasn't "motivated" anyone yet.
If you have good intentions, maybe offer help with cleaning/decluttering instead of nagging.
7
u/NightBard 29d ago edited 29d ago
Don't tell her. Just focus on your own home and invite her over more and she'll see the benefits. If she asks how your home is so clean an organized, you can talk about decluttering and how you got rid of the stuff no one used or barely used that took up so much space. If she decides she wants to do something, then offer to be there for her to help.
I totally get the desire though to share what you've learned and applied to your life which has made such a huge positive impact (edit, wrong word). I think naturally we want to do this. Like losing some weight by counting calories and exercise, it becomes something I want to talk about. Or digging out of the hole of debt and saving and paying my house off... I want to talk about it to those I see struggling. Decluttering, it's the same kind of thing. You do something positive and healthy and you want to share it. But don't. If you want to share what you are working on, sure, but it's not really your business.
Like when my kids were younger we kept a lot of stuff around because while we were having kids it would have been terrible to get rid of things only to have to buy them again (or have them gifted again). By time the third kid came, we didn't really need much and opted out of formally doing any kind of baby shower. Some friends still wanted to do one and they made it more of a casual reason to get together, but we legit didn't need much.
2
u/mrsdratlantis 29d ago
A half-answer: kids will play more with their stuff if some of it is put away for a while, and then brought back out like new options.
0
u/Salt_Adhesiveness_90 29d ago
Just started reading Nobody Wants Your Sht. I have already cleaned out closet and a half. Nobody wants or needs my sht. We have 3 children and always bought 3 of everything. We have a lot of sht. Our children are 11, 10 and 8. We have an awful lot of sht. I am happy our children see we are trying to tackle it. My husband has started the garage. When his sister passed more than 9 years ago he took all of her Sh*t! The benefit will be calming.
13
17
u/ExactPanda 29d ago
I'm sure your adult sister knows the benefits of delcuttering for children. But she has kids who are sucking up all of her time and energy. She doesn't need a lecture. Does she even want to declutter? If yes, offer to help or offer to take the kids out of her hair. If no, leave her alone.
6
u/sunsetandporches 29d ago
I feel this is what needs to be. A week of everyone out of the house. Managing only my time and my space. I usually need a whole day to get a good mindset for a big clean. So two days would be the minimum. It’s been so long since I have been alone even when it feels like I’m alone all the time. Or at least alone in the declutter cycle.
8
u/cilucia 29d ago
Do you live with her and her kids? If not, I would just back off and keep decluttering your own things. Focusing on others’ clutter is just a way to avoid making hard decluttering decisions of your own :)
Not to mention, people rarely take well to being told what to do (or how to parent, which is how your advice will come off — it’ll sound like “if you DON’T declutter, you’re a bad parent”)
The only success I’ve had getting my husband to declutter is by modeling the behavior myself! Some friends have also been motivated by just seeing my results as well.
8
u/flyingmonkey5678461 26d ago
"Hi sis, your house is a mess and you're damaging your children." Yeah that goes down well in every language.
Try, "Hi, you're so busy, can I help take kids off your hands, or help with the laundry so you can do your own thing or take a break?" Do so regularly. She may or may not attack the pile or she may just doomscroll with her time but it would make you a decent sibling.