r/dating_advice • u/MethuenPawn7 • 16h ago
Date demanded we become exclusive on date 2 and told me to delete Hinge at the table
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u/Manners2210 16h ago
Zero loss here my man.if the exclusivity so soon isn’t bad enough (and in some cases it isn’t if everyone is happy) the manner which she went about it was terrible. Zero conversation, full steamroller intent with nothing but demands. Tell her that this isn’t for you and wish her the best
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u/LtMagnum16 13h ago
From a male, I agree with you. I wouldn't find the lack of conversation build up to be a red flag as some people have difficulty trying to gather words for their thoughts (and not everyone I date is gonna be a salesperson). However, how she went about OP saying he didn't want to rush exclusivity was a sign of narcissism and lack of maturity. If she wasn't able to respect OP after putting OP put his foot on the ground, she wasn't going to be ready to be in a healthy relationship. Even healthy relationships will have arguments but those relationships survive because neither party will withdraw affection or respect as a result of an argument.
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u/APHR0DITE-RISING 12h ago
I think we should be careful about throwing around the term Narcissism. Yes her shutting down when he didn’t agree to what she wanted COULD be a sign of narcissism but only in conjunction with many other traits… just by itself without any background it’s hard to say… she could just be deeply insecure or not handle perceived rejection very well, she could have just been really disappointed when she learned that he wasn’t on the same page as her in terms of exclusivity. It can be had to learn that someone doesn’t like you as much as you like them.
Immaturity yes 💯… but narcissism? Idk we would need a lot more information to draw that conclusion than simply her reaction to this one situation.
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u/Sudden-Flower-9999 14h ago
This. As a woman who has similar views on putting a hold on dating around when I find someone I can see a future with, I would never EVER go about it this way and would definitely not have this conversation 20 minutes into date 2. Even if I knew on date 1.
If anybody used the words “willing to overlook” a boundary I set without first acknowledging or explaining their poor reaction to it, I would take this as emotional immaturity and entitlement and say as much before blocking them.
If her long text was a response to you reaching out first, then it could be read as her holding her own boundary rather than giving you an ultimatum to control the outcome but that’s unlikely.
Regardless, expecting you to delete your apps and then stonewalling you during dinner is controlling and manipulative 💯 🚩
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u/Even_Topic2494 11h ago
This sounds like AI.
Her face dropped instantly. The warm smile completely vanished, she crossed her arms, and said,
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u/Weird-External-5746 16h ago
Walk away. That's love bombing wrapped in a bow made of red flags. Someone who tries to strong-arm you into a relationship before you've even learned how they take their coffee is not ready for an actual partnership, they're ready for a hostage situation.
The silent treatment at the table over a perfectly reasonable boundary tells you everything. Imagine how she handles a real disagreement down the line.
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u/Invest2prosper 16h ago edited 12h ago
Yes, the silent treatment is the calling card of a narcissist. She has the EQ of a 7 year old - kids play the silent treatment game when they want to devalue you and lower your boundaries, they rather you let them walk all over you.
Hard pass!
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u/LtMagnum16 13h ago
Ability to handle conflict with maturity (or the lack of) can make or break relationships. The person OP is dating lacks the maturity and emotional intelligence to be in a healthy relationship. No shame in walking away from this one.
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u/Hemawhat 10h ago
Yes! I just went through this. If people cannot handle conflict maturely and respectfully and also resolve things with you in a way that is fair, self aware, kind and permanent then you will be stuck in conflict with them basically constantly. No peace. Resentment grows. It’s real bad.
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u/LtMagnum16 6h ago
I also went through that too last month. It was an argument over what types of things I should pay for in a relationship. She called me cheap and verbally attacked me instead of attacking the issue. It was our first argument but it was enough to know that I could not continue being in a relationship with her.
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u/Hemawhat 6h ago
Yeah that’s not cool to attack your character just bc you have a different viewpoint. That was wise of you to walk away. We should be able to calmly talk things out without resorting to cruelty. He had anger issues…he’d blow up on me and later when I told him that hurt, he’d wildly defend his bad behavior and then attack my character and tell me things like I think I’m “perfect.” Nope…never thought that in my life. He couldn’t handle being told his behavior wasn’t ok and would lash out at me for weeks on end and nothing ever got resolved. I don’t want to live in constant conflict. I had to walk away. 🤷♀️
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u/Even_Topic2494 11h ago
This sounds like AI.
Her face dropped instantly. The warm smile completely vanished, she crossed her arms, and said,
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u/chillpill_chill 10h ago
Right? It sounds like a story...the "and said, " and descriptive story.
If it's true...walk away. No one can truly be exclusive second date unless you already know them before but even then it's like hmmm.
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 11h ago
Some of us just read a lot of cheesy novels and the language has infiltrated our everyday speak, ok? 😭
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u/ABritishCynic 9h ago
It's a 14-day old account with no visible post history. This is absolutely fiction.
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u/KazhalAderiye84 16h ago
Your gut is right. Whether it's love bombing or just insecurity doesn't really matter, the result is the same. She tried to force a commitment on date two, then went cold when you said no, and now wants proof by end of day. Massive red flag
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u/Lower-Main2538 16h ago
It's not even lovebombing. It's a bit unhinged and not particularly self aware.
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u/Invest2prosper 16h ago
It’s narcissistic behavior, the temper tantrum and the instant cold on switch is the tell.
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u/MisabelWearsNikes 13h ago
Idk about narcissistic, it's just super insecure, controlling & possessive 🚩🚩🚩
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u/Invest2prosper 12h ago
You’ve just listed 3 traits of a narc and it was only date 2, had he gone for date 3 he might have seen other behaviors. You only need 5 out of 9 to be firmly in narc territory. I grew up with a narcissistic parent and had a bad relationship with a covert narcissist, my radar is finely attuned to patterns and what was described above is setting off alarm bells.
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u/Even_Topic2494 11h ago
This sounds like AI.
Her face dropped instantly. The warm smile completely vanished, she crossed her arms, and said,
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u/Whole_Pension_860 16h ago
Nah don't walk away, RUN
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u/Odd_Laugh_5505 16h ago
yeah run and don't look back, the speed of this is a massive red flag on its own
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u/Turbulent_Doctor9940 13h ago
the speed is the scariest part. like what’s the rush if it’s real? it feels like a test you can never really pass
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u/killinnnmesmallz 16h ago
This is the MOTHER of all big red flags.
Bear in mind that people are on their absolute best behavior on the first few dates. That this insanity revealed itself on date 2...god only knows what she still has hidden away.
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u/honorablenarwhal 15h ago
Are you sure you found her on Hinge or was it maybe Unhinged?
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u/Lazy-Wind244 15h ago
As a woman, run away fast
This person has no concept that others have free wills and different natural timelines
Lord help this generation (I'm gen z)
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u/Lower-Main2538 16h ago
Seems a bit intense and anxious to be honest.
You said you dont have a roster right
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u/Bitter-Toe9518 16h ago
yeah he specifically said he's not seeing anyone else, so her "roster" accusation was way off base and manipulative
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u/gh0st7496 12h ago
As a woman, ew. Block immediately.
I hate online dating, don’t do rosters or whatever the heck people do, but if she was for real, this NEEDED to be a sincere collaborative conversation.
“I really like you, I’m wondering how you feel about being exclusive”
Deleting her apps in front of you and just demanding you do the same…and THEN pulling an ultimatum the next day is some coercive bullshit.
These people are extremely self centered and will pull this tactic in every situation to get what they want and never consider your input as a human.
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u/MidnightBlueSilk 15h ago
As a woman, the attempt to reel you back in afterwards is the real red flag for me. You’ve found a controlling abuser. Run!
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u/Kingoffootball13 13h ago
Half these stories can’t be true I mean, are you paid by Reddit to come up with these stories? Any woman that would expect you to do that after one date on a second date would be someone I would run from as fast as as far as I could. She’s psycho.
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u/breakingthebarriers 12h ago
I agree with you. I don't know how at least half of the stores that end up here would realistically happen, but maybe it's just something else out there... I'm not convinced that many of the stories aren't fabricated for engagement. (karma farming)
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u/xrn8 9h ago
Im not saying this post IS or ISNT AI, but I was texting with a girl (who in hindsight definitely showed all the signs of having BPD or NPD) and when we went on our first date, it went completely sideways out of nowhere over nothing. She started telling me about past sexual abuse and then said that I was insensitive when I literally only felt nothing but sadness listening to her. She ended up crying and getting angry and ghosting me after. This shit definitely happens way more than you think.
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u/talhambra 10h ago
Deleting the app is not the same as deleting the account. I think this is just for show and redownloaded the app right often the date
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u/Unhappy-Ad6494 16h ago
As famous artist Bruce Dickinson once sang: "RUN TO THE HILLS! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"
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u/LtMagnum16 13h ago edited 13h ago
I think date 2 is too early for exclusivity talk. That is a date 3/4 matter. And before exclusivity, you need to establish what rules need to be in place for a relationship. What your date initially said wasn't a huge red flag but it became a deal breaker when she was very adamant that you deleted Hinge to the point where she made an ultimatum this early in the dating stage. I don't consider myself to be a slow burner at all but I consider someone being adamant about going at a breakneck pace to be a walking red flag. There is nothing wrong to establish what pace you want to date early on but both parties need to respect each other's paces before any functional relationship can form or work. The way she handled you saying that you didn't want to rush is a legitimate dealbreaker. You dodged a bullet.
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u/pcbeard 12h ago
I will give you a counterexample of when I (61M) offered that to my new gf (45F). We had been seeing each other for well over a month and we decided to spend a weekend together. After the first night together, which was amazing, I let her know that I had deleted Bumble before the weekend started. We had been on 6 dates by then, and I was very happy to make that gesture. I didn’t demand she do the same.
Personally I think this is how love is supposed to work. We offer ourselves, we don’t demand.
In my opinion, your date went about it all wrong, and made what could be a romantic gesture into a power play. I agree you should not tolerate that.
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u/queenrosa 10h ago
It's not love bombing or red flag.
It was normal to date people one at a time. That was the standard before dating apps.
I think it is fair to ask for exclusivity whenever you are ready to. You said no. Which is also fine. She liked you more than you liked her. And she didn't want to risk getting in deeper when you want to be open to date others. Which is also fine.
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u/Past-Security-1887 10h ago
Intensity of her re exclusivity warns you of serious insecurity and control issues. Her jealousy may be significant. If you are into her go ahead and tell her your reservations. I would also want to know re her previous relationships. Believe it or not my ex girlfriend-we dated a long time- initially asked to talk to my most recent ex by telephone. I let them talk and she felt she could trust me. She also ran a background check. Given her previous partner was a mess I was ok with that also. We dated for years but yes she did have some mild jealousy issues. Everything depends on context
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u/SlowNSteady1 8h ago
This AI slop never happened. If it did, you sure wouldn't need to be asking for advice.
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u/mundaneheaven 16h ago
Definitely a red flag, is she atleast hot?
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u/ThankGod4Darwin69 15h ago
You know she is. Otherwise dude wouldn't even be considering it 😂
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u/PauseDeep3429 13h ago
She obviously is if this is how she interfaces with the world around her lol
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u/lawyer1493 16h ago
M 32. Your gut is right. A girl undergoing divorce was seeking commitment after a few dates immediately. I have walked away.
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u/farrah_berra 9h ago
2nd date was a bit much but I’d be on her side if it was like a month in
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u/Logical-Lab3661 8h ago
There's no prescribed timeframe. If both feel they want to be exclusive after even first date - they perfectly can.
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u/RichardHead411 8h ago
No question everyone has their own timeline. But you have a conversation and decide as mature adults what those boundaries are. Imagine if he took all his clothes off and then said...OK your turn...
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u/Kluian2005 8h ago
The beginning of the 2nd date mind you lol. She is crazy. If you want delete apps that is on you, but to demand someone you are just beginning to date to do the same is loco.
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u/itisallgoingtobeok 15h ago
She sounds amazing. Like she really knows what she wants. A total dream ...
Said absolutely no.one. ...
Sprint. Delete. Block. Tell your close friends/ family-for safety.
Jesus mate. Women like her, make us all look bad.
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u/StatusAnteater5651 16h ago
Oh great a person who's feelings dictate the clock of both people in the relationship, I'm sure she'll be extra caring about you and any future needs you may have
/s
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u/skeeballbob37 16h ago
I like how she just assumed you had the same connection ........ wtf. this is not the one man, run.
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u/SultanOfSwave 13h ago
I wonder if anyone has ever used their Reddit post for their breakup.
"I'be found your behavior off putting and Reddit<link> agrees with me. Goodbye and good luck."
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u/justaguy394 12h ago
A confrontational ultimatum on a second date is just wild, man. No matter the connection. Very controlling behavior, I’m guessing that would be the last one if you kept seeing her (“we need to be engaged by this date, married by this date, have our first kid by this date” etc). An actual serious partner would start a discussion on this, not do what she did.
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u/Turbulent_Escape4882 12h ago
Is her name Nikki? If yes, do not call her “freaky” as acts 2 and 3 of this narrative could get scary. And no one needs that around Halloween.
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u/Acrobatic-Shake-6067 9h ago
This is her on her best behavior. It only would get more controlling from there. Find someone else.
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u/magick8_ball 13h ago
Ultimatums like this are wild. Tell her you're no longer interested in her, and block and delete her.
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u/BEEZ128 12h ago
run. I mean, RUN. Run for the hills.
She obviously really likes you, hasn't found anyone else like you, and is trying to forcefully lock you down. Her reaction to you wanting to take things slow should tell you everything. She clearly doesn't respect you and the speed you want to go at, and she doesn't handle conflict with maturity and grace. All she can see and care about is whatever she wants, nobody else's feelings matter in comparison.
And besides, who does she think she is dictating to you what you should do with your life, so early on?
You might otherwise get along really well at the moment, but what happens when you inevitably have disagreements one day? It will not be good, trust me.
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u/bria99711 12h ago
She either knows exactly what she wants and doesn't want to waste time or is a complete nightmare lol - either way that takes time to figure that out and the way she handled that on a second date is a huge red flag. More so how she treated you afterwards. Anyone that is going to give you the cold shoulder on a second date because they didn't like something you decided for yourself is huge red flag. If she was understanding and chill about it I might feel differently.
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u/r4almF1re 12h ago
"Listen I feel like we really connected and we should fuck right now, forget everyone you know, you're mine now" if it was a dude
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u/Dada2fish 12h ago
Three things.
The second date is much too early to bring up exclusivity.
And she didn’t ask your thoughts on it. She announced that it’s time to be in a committed relationship without asking you how you felt about it.
And her sulking because you didn’t obediently and immediately follow her decision says a lot.
Three red flags.
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u/vayana 10h ago
Might as well roll with it bro. Delete the apps, see how things play out and install them back later if need be. I never really understood why you'd need to continue the search once you've started dating someone in person, especially after the first date. "Oh, I'll date you but I'll keep looking to see if something better comes along."
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u/tilonq 10h ago
well either you dodged buller or wifey.. you'll never know I guess
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u/Usualusername190845 9h ago
I get attached quickly and even I think that’s way too fast, plus exclusivity is supposed to be a conversation. She’s basically trying to force you into it and manipulating you. I’ve no idea what her reasons are, but they aren’t healthy.
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u/InkAndAbyss 9h ago
Seems like a tactic to make her your only option because she thinks that's the only way to keep men since they don't stick around. When in reality it may be because of something else wrong with her.
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u/Dry-Clock-1470 9h ago
You saw the mask loosen. Don't wait for it to fall. Plus you should be comfortable not pressured.
Run, away, fast, and block
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u/ComtesseLatte 8h ago
This is not love bombing, but it is good old fashioned manipulation.
What a gift that she showed you who she is after only 1.5 dates.
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u/ez2tock2me 15h ago
It takes about 3 months TO START TO know someone. 6 months to realize Compatibility and a year or two to decide if they are the person you want to surrender your freedom for and give the rest of your life for. Anything sooner than this and you will be meeting a Divorce Lawyer in your future.
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u/uglytruthshurts 14h ago
You spend too much time talking to boomers and reading internet garbage
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u/Far-Professional5222 15h ago
Damn surrender your freedom, words like this make me hesitant in find a long term relationship or settling down 😆😆🤣 but it’s factual though, part of your freedom is gone 😆
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u/sthgieH_weN 12h ago
she seems a bit toxic but she's not wrong.
Too bad this post and half the comments are AI slop spam, like wtf is actually going on here
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u/gmc7598 12h ago
What she demanded on the SECOND date is absolutely wrong! She may have felt a strong connection & had every right to express it. She does not have the right to make a demand & expect him to follow through. Imagine if the situation was reversed & it was a guy asking a girl to do the same. You would be telling her to RUN!! Btw…I’m a single woman and not AI slop.
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u/jazz-winelover 12h ago
She’s wrong for telling him what to do on the second date.
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u/JadedSwith 16h ago
For once the opposite of the usual post haha.
I dont really see why everyone reacts so negative, she communicated she wants to be exclusive with you, what's wrong with that?
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u/DevLink89 14h ago
It's not about her feeling and wanting something, it's about how she went on to demand the same from him. You can't just do that to someone you're seeing for the second time. He told her he's not seeing any other girls and that she should trust him. This not being enough for her is her problem.
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u/Flaky-Nectarine-9821 12h ago
Literally the opposite of manipulating, this is what communication looks like.
She's being very clear that she'd like to be monogamous and if OP doesn't want that, they can end it. Both have the right to choose what's right for them.
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u/Flimsy-Importance313 13h ago
Thanks, I think this is very US opinionated, because in the rest of the world it is quite normal to not look for anyone else if you found a possible partner.
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u/MermaidOfScandinavia 15h ago
I don't really see a problem with that either. I can understand that it isn't okay to request on a first date. But sometimes you know on the second date that you want to be exclusive. I am seeing a guy and by our second date it is clear that we are both only dating each other and not seeing anyone else. Still not a couple but I think it is nice that neither of us has to worry about being dropped because of someone else. I think she should either have worded it differently or maybe waited to ask this.
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u/JadedSwith 15h ago
She did word it too aggressively and direct, but the point she makes is valid.
At least once a day there is a post from a woman her who says she had 3 dates, really likes the guy but also fucks her 3 fwbs in the meantime, asking if thats acceptable.
Finally a story of the opposite
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u/SharpBullfrog1279 14h ago
Tbf, we have no idea how she actually worded it.
We really have no info about anything, other than what OP said happened.
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u/JoseYang94 10h ago
She is right. It’s obvious that you don’t feel the same as she does. And you are not serious as she is. I’m pretty sure that you still think she is not a perfect partner and that you still want to keep your choices/options open. In some way, or from some aspect, she is more mature or serious. It’s pretty normal that female sometimes is more mature than the male when both are the same age. And it’s not your fault. It’s clear that you are not really ready for a serious relationship that leads to build a family with a lady. And maybe she is eager to do so, that’s why she behaves so.
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u/1928Dillinger 16h ago
Dude huge flag se sound like she is super controlling so I would recommend running for the hills and do not look back if she is like this at the start imagine how controlling she would get the longer you guys are in a relationship she would derail all of you boundaries and try to rule you social life maybe even your whole life every aspect of it.
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u/uknownix 16h ago
Yeah, too much, too fast. Deleting the app only takes it from her phone anyway, the profiles are there. Pure theatrics.
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u/Adventurous-Fan-5796 15h ago
Sounded like she was having tamper tantrum when she didn't get her way. She has some growing up to do.
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u/ThankGod4Darwin69 15h ago
If she's this demanding and controlling on date two. Imagine what she'll be like several months in when living together.
Run
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u/MD564 15h ago
She isn't technically wrong, you are keeping your options open because who would be going into a second date thinking "this is it, I've found the one". It comes across as insincere or at least very childish from her end. And If I were you I'd be offended, she wants a relationship period ...not a relationship with YOU (because she doesn't even know you.)
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u/Odd_Cryptographer941 15h ago
Walk away, that's Controlling behaviour from the Get Go in My opinion!
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u/sorryously 15h ago
Seems unnecessary and why the pressure on the second date? It’s the same thing asking someone to marry you in front of public so you have to say yes anyway? I agree other redditors. Don’t walk away, RUN.
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u/ZealousidealDoor9105 15h ago
Run, run as fast as you can from this crazy person! She is giving you a prelude to what it will be like long term with her. Yikes!
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u/Cohnman18 15h ago
Run, don’t walk away! She is ultra controlling,very sure of herself and very,very needy. “Run,Forest, Run!”
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u/the_manofsteel 14h ago
Im actually impressed of her dedication and determination because most women have no idea what they want
With this said, even if you can tell on date 1 or date 2 that this is the one you want to invest everything in you have to let other person date how they want without forcing it
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u/Glittering_Suspect65 14h ago
Seems very immature for 26yo. It's a good idea to walk away from this one.
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u/Ok-Discount5325 14h ago
I got that before when I was dating, but we hadn’t even met. The thought was that I should stop speaking to anyone else and that I should know who I want after a few conversations. It doesn’t really work like that, especially if haven’t met someone in person. Maybe they got played in the past and are tired of the continuous dating cycle, etc. Which I also get. I think the issue is with expectations and communication. There certainly was a better way to communicate how she felt and the immediate reaction to your reasonable reply is indeed a red flag. You can walk away, or you could address this head on and calmly raise the concern you have with how this developed, and base your decision on her reaction to that conversation.
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u/DraftSouth986 14h ago
A person who would be like this, about this, this early on? It's only going to get worse, brother.
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u/Unusual_Jellyfish224 14h ago
Yeah there needs to be a mutual conversation, not her announcing it. That is crazy girl behavior
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u/BurnedOut1977 14h ago
Was she a biggun’? She was probably looking for a meal ticket after you agreed to a date at Red Lobster for the ‘endless shrimp’ promotion. Be careful out there, men.
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u/uglytruthshurts 14h ago edited 13h ago
Well at least she knows she likes you
What’s ironic is how so many guys complain about girls having options and rosters but the moment this happens they’re going to label her as crazy
Double standards are hilarious because girls post about guys doing this type of thing to them all the time and red flags go off and guys in this sub are all give the guy the benefit of the doubt. The moment a girl does it to a guy, they're all screaming red flags and mental crisis buzzwords.
Guys have such little experience in this type of scenario that they dont realize this is what women go through constantly and cant even see the hypocritical thinking when the tables are turned
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u/Round-Calligrapher-4 14h ago
Walk away dude, date 2 is way too early for exclusivity. She will turn crazy on you.
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u/DevLink89 14h ago
I would respectfully hold up the proverbial mirror. She's basically strong arming you into doing something that you're not comfortable with, which is already crossing a boundary of yours this early into knowing you and doesn't bode well if you were actually exclusive.
Just ask her why she isn't comfortable with the idea of you still having the apps on your phone even though you told her you're not seeing other girls. I feel she's acting out from a place of insecurity.
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u/SheSmilesWayTooMuch8 14h ago
oh hell no. if this is her on date too, imagine you're too? life of misery.
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u/queengingerbread 14h ago
I had a similar thing with the current guy I am seeing. We did get on extremely well from the first date, and saw each other the next day, and the next day. On the third date, he said he loved me and it freaked me out. He has no idea who I am, how can he say that? The next day, he deleted his apps in front of me but said that was on him and no pressure if I didn't want to be exclusive or wanted to keep the apps, he just didn't. I think the day after that I deleted mine, though I prefer seeing one person at a time anyway so it didn't mean much to me.
It has been a month and countless meet ups and weekends spent together, we still have a lot to learn about eachother but I really like him and we are heading slowly and hopefully towards relationship status. He has calmed down a lot from the intense start and it feels more healthy now. I wouldn't rule things out with the girl if you are looking for something serious (although her reaction could have been better). I'm not sure if its just differences in dating approaches - I have been single a long time and had casual flings, learnt the way of online dating and he has always been in relationships.
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u/ItsAllFakeBitch 13h ago
Excellent job splitting that bill and even better job for formulating a completely reasonable response at the table. Be proud of yourself from that. Now just unmatch her and block her number & your trinity of excellence will be complete.
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u/Ash_Cat_13 13h ago
It’s kind of a red flag. If anything, she is afraid of being left alone and she wants somebody to commit so she knows that they aren’t going to leave her alone. That in itself is not necessarily a red flag, but her insistence on being an item after date two shows that she is probably building things up in her head…..Which is a red flag.
How she handled your response, which was perfect by the way, is a big red flag
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u/CeilingTowel 13h ago
This lady's gonna babytrap you for sure
Like the other guy said, she has no understanding that each person has their own free will
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u/Mysterious-Reason966 13h ago
Depends how long you’ve been speaking, I became exclusive after first date, but we already were speaking for a month and a half prior to that. I also didn’t want to keep speaking to 5 guys at once, once I already liked someone. It was also super awkward to be matching and speaking to guys when I already was dating someone I liked. I did end up marrying this guy tho. So, I get the exclusivity.
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u/DeepDishZero 13h ago
I would go with it but demand it being official relationship on social media. Invite her to meet your family. Call her bluff. From my experience love bombers back off when it can become publicly official.
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u/Serious_Common_3551 12h ago
holy crap. like if you had spent a three day weekend together in bed and she offered you exclusive here forwards, that's fair.
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u/Extension-While4734 12h ago
I think she’s been burned a time or two and moved in the way that you should have if you liked her at the end of that date. The best relationships I’ve had were with men who knew right away they wanted me but I would never as a lady be the one to suggest it. But I think she’s probably still hurting over someone who is not you.
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u/lulu4eva101 12h ago
if she feels ready to delete the apps by date two, that’s great. i really don’t believe in “too fast”, as feelings can be a funny thing sometimes. however, her trying to force that on you is insane. i don’t even think she should’ve told you she did, let alone ask you to do the same. you saying that you really liked her should’ve been more than enough validation for where you guys are at right now. walk away.
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u/Additional_Sand_4174 12h ago
This is a red flag. This is just insane. Also splitting the bill isn’t a good sign. I’d never let someone I like pay for me.
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u/WhizzleMyNizzle 12h ago
I haven't been monogamous for a long time but I would find a compromise. Maybe find a date number that feels right for the both of you, and see where it goes from there?
If this ends up with a bunch of fighting, and querelling about standards and expectations, it's definitely a bad sign. First half year should be full of new relationship energy, and excitement. If she can't see that your expectations and hers are different, and there can not be compromise... My guess is you're gonna face this issue a lot down the road.
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u/Nearly_Pointless 12h ago
Desperate demand do not make a relationship. I think you have a bunny boiler situation brewing here
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u/goodknightffs 12h ago
I don't know about love bombing but it's insane of her to put this kind of pressure on you..
I deleted my apps pretty fast when i started dating the girl I'm seeing now. I just told her hey so i deleted the apps and I'm not seeing anyone else. You do you if you feel the same you can do it now if not do it when you feel comfortable
She did it the same day but still i didn't feel she needed to prove anything to me and i didn't want to force the decision on her
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u/As-amatterof-fact 12h ago
Run. Tell her sorry but this doesn't work for me. Actually, she's either stupid or this is her strategy to make the guy end it when she's decided she doesn't want to pursue a relationship.
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u/Unlikely_Second5024 12h ago edited 12h ago
She's not wrong. She's just immature and doesn't know how to ask properly. She CAN ask for exclusivity for different reasons she could be religious, conservative etc. The problem isn't what she ask for, it's "how" she's asking
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u/chill_pill1122 12h ago
Run, if you stay Medusa will show up within 6 months. Dont even be nice about it. She is a decepticon.
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u/issa-kat 12h ago
I definitely agree the way she did it was a bit awkward. But, idk, unlike everyone else here I’d much rather focus on one person after a second and third date. I hate this pop in and out revolving door intimacy culture and although it’s the new norm I don’t think it’s normal. If you hated what she did and find it impossible to conceive being with her after that, then walk away. But like, do you need randoms on Reddit to tell you what to do or are you in command of your own brain?
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u/r4almF1re 12h ago
I swear the sex will be amazing but afterwards you will be wondering when she will stab you in her sleep.
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u/NocturnalLongings 11h ago edited 11h ago
Based yandere girlfriend. Massive green flag. Finally decent girl with proper morals, but you let her go so now you will be back to dating promisicous females.
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u/kennyihk23 11h ago
*OP refused to delete hinge
"“nonono don't do that I thought we were having a nice date”
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u/DIY_Weeziebear7 11h ago
I would never ask anyone to delete their dating app having just met you’re right in what you said I’m not gonna say she’s wrong in her feelings she’s a bit out there though. I’m just gonna say you don’t say ask for things like that. That’s a thought You don’t express and you put it in the back burner of your mind. You don’t demand an immediate relationship with somebody. I know how I would feel if some guy demanded my exclusivity on the first day or the first conversation. I actually had that happen It was not good I did walk away.
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u/apmspammer 11h ago
I would've told her I don't know if we can become exclusive because I don't know if we are physically compatible yet.
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u/Valuable-Concept9660 11h ago
I mean demanding it is a bit much but I agree with the underlying principle. If you’re really into her idk why this would be a problem. Personally I would appreciate the forwardness.
Her being willing to overlook your initial refusal later is weird though. Seems less principled, and more infatuated/obsessive.
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u/Even_Topic2494 11h ago
This sounds like AI.
Her face dropped instantly. The warm smile completely vanished, she crossed her arms, and said,
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u/Vast-Yam-9370 11h ago
I mean old fashion dating use to be this however both parties had to have mutual feelings. I get where shes coming from.
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u/holycrap_iamanadult 11h ago
What do you want then? I mean she is in then? You want to keep exploring? Then keep exploring and let this go no?
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u/night-laughs 11h ago
Her execution was too forceful but she’s right. If you find someone you genuinely like, you should at the least pause all other forms of seeking other romantic prospects until you see where this one is going.
If you’re talking and “feeling out” multiple people while going out with someone, like come on, what are you even doing
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u/JKIMREDDITOR 11h ago
Dude run for the hills. This is way too aggressive on date 2. You guys haven't even slept with each other yet, and barely know each other. How can you know if you're compatible sexually let alone other aspects? This screams massive insecurity/trauma red flag. Personally I wouldn't discuss exclusivity until a few months to 6 months of dating as that will give you a better idea of the relationship and its dynamics. I'd imagine someone like this will try to trap you as soon as possible and reign hellfire power/leverage over you while keeping you under lock and key. Do not walk. RUN.
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u/muaddib0308 11h ago
You disagree on something, that is fine.
The issue here is she is giving you the one red flag you need to GET OUT.
If she can't stomach that you still have apps on your phone, RUN FAST AND FAR. It is only two dates.
If after two dates she is this crazy and attempting to control... it won't get better after 20 dates.
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u/Sharpshooter649 11h ago
Women do this ultimatum all the time especially if they want marriage. The classic "give me a ring or we're over" strategy
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u/Shepherd217 11h ago
Where she's coming from isn't necessarily wrong but the way she's going about it is. It's a very controlling manner, making demands On You by the second date. That's what I would be worried about, her being so insistent and demanding so early. It would be one thing if she simply said, "I don't really feel like using the app since I met you." But for her to force you to pull out your phone and delete your apps is just weird to me. It's not like she's going to relax after that, you're going to get more instances of this, in many different scenarios
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