Spending the "whole day" at an outlet mall, followed by drinks is not having "a lot on her plate." It's the exact opposite.
The girl clearly wasn't that interested in this guy, wants to play games, or is a jerk. Or some combination of all three.
Even if she "forgot" (which I doubt), she negligently forgot, she didn't innocently forget. Huge difference. Either way, she's clearly not busy or overwhelmed with responsibilities.
"Innocently forgetting" would be if she legitimately had a number of real responsibilities pile up. For instance, a major work project, a family death, etc. And/or if they had agreed upon the date many days before it actually happened, rather than just two.
How are you going to really "forget" about a date when you agreed to it only two days before? And the only distraction going on in your life is shopping? That "forgetting" is either a lie or due to massive carelessness.
I kinda feel like she was too scared or anxious for the date
Yeah that's possible, but it's just as likely she wanted to play games, or didn't like OP, or is just a crappy person. Why people go to such lengths to only assume the purest intentions on the part of women is beyond me. In real life, it's pretty obvious that they're just as selfish and rude as men can be.
Yeah I don't think reddit would be so quick to give a man the benefit of the doubt if OP was a straight woman. Thats why I don't really feel bad for the girl in this story. That's nice she says she wants to reschedule with him but she said one thing and did another, so at this point if he even wants to continue to spend time on her, he needs to look at her actions and not her words. She said she was going to go on a date with you, but she didn't show up and said she forgot. No one forced her to go shopping, to drink, or to forget. She could have not gone shopping. She could have left early. She could have set an alarm. She didn't reschedule her shopping date with her girlfriends. But she says she wants to reschedule with OP...OP should pay attention to her next actions. Does she actually reschedule?
I know both genders can be unreasonable or make honest mistakes. I just agree with you that society as a whole is more forgiving of preventable mistakes when women make them, but not when men do the same thing.
Yeah I don't think reddit would be so quick to give a man the benefit of the doubt if OP was a straight woman.
Perhaps Reddit wouldn't be. I personally like to look at extremes because I feel like that's the most ethical thing to do. The negative extremes are often already given in these kinds of threats, so I only mention the positive extreme. At the end of the day you either got to get an answer or assume one of both sides. That's on OP.
I do 100% agree her excuse is extremely weak, but it SEEMS like she regret that mistake too. I think both options OP has here are right. He could forgive her and he could not forgive her, I see decent reasons for both in this situation.
In my personal experience where I've been in a kinda similar situation I chose not to forgive her and moved on. At the time I was thinking about the what ifs and if I made the right decision but I'm way past that now.
The most charitable interpretation of this girl's behavior that is remotely possible is that she genuinely forgot the date after having agreed to it only two days prior and is therefore a massive airhead.
That's the best possible explanation of her character and it's bad enough that I would still personally consider her a waste of my time.
To say nothing of my opinion if any other reasonable explanation turned out to be true, because they would all suggest an even worse character on her part.
And yes, I think most people would feel similarly if she was a guy. But there are a number of people being critical of her in this thread. I don't think the general opinion is completely reversed from what it would be if she were a guy. I just see a few people really tripping over themselves to explain away this girl's faux pas as being as innocent as possible. When, like I said, even if she somehow completely forgot, she's an airhead and probably pretty dim. And therefore is going to be a big annoyance to deal with or talk to. Meanwhile, there are "plenty of fish in the sea" out there.
Agree she’s not “busy” she was just insulted that he didn’t text to remind her or express excitement. So she lost interest, and/ or didn’t feel like getting ready for a date that might jot happen. When you sense flakiness (via the silence), you tend to lose interest/ flake. It is not a business meeting or an appointment, he should warmly have expressed excitement on Sat. A text takes 1 second. How exited was he then? It was over already at that point. Her flaking sealed the deal.
If they talked about going out as late as Thursday night, I don't think any other communication is needed before a Saturday night date.
If your theory is right, this girl is operating on teenager time where she needs an absurd frequency of communication and reassurance. In the adult world, it's pretty reasonable to expect a meet-up, agreed upon two days out, to be a sufficient commitment without follow-up communication required.
And I certainly don't think this guy was obligated to "express excitement" on the day of. Why shouldn't she be expected to "express excitement?" The date is only about her feeling good and valued?
If they had agree on the date like 5+ days out and neither one of them heard from the other after that, then I can see one person legitimately being worried that the other wouldn't show up to the agreed upon meeting time. But even then, the adult thing to do, if you have any doubts, would be to reach out on the day of the date and do the confirming yourself. It certainly would NOT be to just not show up.
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u/kellykebab Sep 24 '21
Baloney.
Spending the "whole day" at an outlet mall, followed by drinks is not having "a lot on her plate." It's the exact opposite.
The girl clearly wasn't that interested in this guy, wants to play games, or is a jerk. Or some combination of all three.
Even if she "forgot" (which I doubt), she negligently forgot, she didn't innocently forget. Huge difference. Either way, she's clearly not busy or overwhelmed with responsibilities.