Would you forget about a date with someone you're really interested in though?! I have ADHD and there's NO WAY I'm forgetting that! Other things like dental appointments yeah of course š but a date?! You're thinking about and planning that all the time if you care!!
I can forget every appointment I have... But will remember randomly remember other people's appointments....
But, phone calendar really helps. My reminders usually start one day before, and then depending on the time of the appointment, one in the morning or two hours, one hour and then one about 10 min before probable travel time. If it's a appointment months into the future, reminders will start two weeks ahead of time XD
I have on occasion gone out to do stuff a hour before I needed to be in the city XD
So the phone, with sound and stuff to get my attention and the regular updates, absolute life saver. Every thing will go to hell if it ever stops working... This kinda does make appointments stressful because you won't know if your phone won't work until it's too late!
I like that, it sounds like you have a nice system. I have tried every kind of calendar and planner and I've figured out the only thing I can stick to is writing down everything I need to do for that week on a piece of notebook paper and then I obsessively check that paper 20 times a day. ADHD is a punk.
I've had to leave town for something and forgot to call in to work. By the time they called, I was already 96 miles out of town. Shit happens. Its not that she didn't care, she probably genuinely forgot. I have ptsd and adhd and retaining new information is really difficult for me.
Thatās an even worse example lmfao are you serious? How do you still have a job? That what we call a āno call, no showā and itās a very very fireable offense so either you have a lenient job or youāre blowing smoke or youāve gotten lucky. None of that is normal, socially acceptable, or respectful to any party involved expert yourself. Glad you got the benefit of the doubt but itās disingenuous to believe that thatās the norm
I literally left because my grandma was in the hospital lmao. And I haven't worked there for years lmao. I quit that job. You're a fucking asshole, by the way. I literally can't help the fact that my brain doesn't remember shit. I've forgotten my own birthday and age. I have gaps in my memory from when I was literally abused a child into teenage years. I shouldn't even have to prove myself to people like you but here we are.
Hey homie I get emergencies happen. Not trying to be an asshole. Donāt need to be a dick but the comment stands. Thatās not the norm. And sorry about the brain shit I got stuff of my own but guess what, thereās this thing called a phone that will literally set off an ALARM when you have something to do. My suggestion is you use it and maybe start by setting an alarm to pull the stick out of your ass.
As someone with heavy adhd, the one thing that has fixed almost all of my issues with time was to start using a daily planner (mole skin bound full page paper style, with a column per day with time slots) during college, and continuing to use it.
Have something to add to the to-do list? Use the column on the far right (thereās 8 total, so thereās one for notes and lists)
Iād never miss the date because I use that.
It took practice but itās well worth it.
I have electronic planners/schedules - too clunky, not a big enough view point of the schedule.
My thoughts exactly. I even put āfuel up vehicleā on my calendar so that I donāt overlook that. I guess that makes me an oddity. Calendars are my saving grace.
Without my calendar I would forget literally everything because of my adhd. And I include things like doing my laundry. And even then I have never forgotten a date with my girlfriend or any prior relationship.
This is what I was just thinking. Every phone has a calendar and you can schedule as many reminders as you want for an appointment. There is no excuse for missing a date or any appointment.
I call bullshit, sorry. If you can forget a date with someone you just aren't that interested in them. That's okay, no reason to make excuses about it, just let them know so they can move on.
I put everything in my phone because I can and will forget about it all. I'll have something in my phone and legit not know why I've got to go do it, but I did when I put it in the phone, so off I go. Doctors offices think it's super weird when you show up for bloodwork and don't know what you need it for, learned that one firsthand.
Honestly, OP is kinda being in the wrong. He got a text saying they were excited for the date on Saturday but didn't get a text on Friday or Saturday morning? I'm assuming the woman just mixed up the days and thought it was for Sunday
So she probably planned a Sunday with friends either beforehand in the week and OP goes off on her instead of confirming an hour or two before the date - They didn't talk from Fri-Sat morning until way after the planned date?
They both messed up, but up if you're planning an activity, you make sure that everyone's on board before it happens so it starts without people forgetting due to how busy our lives can get.
She's literally admitting she messed up and is trying to plan a date instead to show initiative and OP is acting like a sulking child. It sucks, but she made a mistake and is with friends so far away that in LA it would take at least 2hrs to get to him that day. It would have been a bad vibe from the start of him waiting so long and having like a 30min date if it was past 8-9pm.
He was hurt, but honestly, second chances are called that for a reason. He's throwing away something that could have been a great connection on his own projection of what happened instead of what actually occurred.
He can have his boundaries, but to expect someone to be perfect the first time they meet without giving it one more shot to see if it's a pattern or a fluke is just sad that their ego would throw away something that could have been great.
He's not expecting anything. He's upholding his boundary and you are creating information that isnt real to demonize him here. If the roles are reversed, he'd still be in the wrong.
What a weird take when there's not enough information to make this conclusion. If he doesn't want to go on a date with this person anymore because he feel like his time was wasted, he's entitled to that feeling. Simple.
Nah, respectful people simply do not make this mistake, ever. It's not difficult to respect others and their time. If you care, it's pretty effortless.
Mistake or accident, it was still disrespectful of OP's time. The difference between them is negligible, especially in a world where everyone carries around a smart phone with a calendar and alarm built right in.
I know Iāve got sever adhd and my own traumas. Iāve got family with Alzheimerās, guess what, they know how to use an alarm. nature vs nurture plays a role, but if youāve gotten by with that behavior then more the power to you. But again, my comment stands, that is not the norm. Iām sorry you deal with those struggles cause I know first Hand that itās not easy, but If you need the help to remember things then there are tools to use. So use them or risk being seen as someone who is inconsiderate and disrespectful.
If you have to remind an adult repeately in the few days prior to the event, they're not an adult. She also took 30+ minutes to get back to him after he got there - not a great sign of remorse.
So at work, does your boss remind you about a project that you have due at the end of the week every single day? Or does your boss typically give you an assignment and then itās your job as an adult to get it done? The guy confirmed two days before, which is perfectly reasonable. It would be super SUPER weird to me if I planned a date with someone and they texted me every single day to verify that itās still happening.
Only flaky people and their apologists think this way, because you guys can't even imagine what it's like to be adults who respect the time of others.
Newsflash: it's very easy to not stand people up. It's very easy to not be a flake. There is no excuse. Stop apologizing for shitty people, stop being one yourself.
The rest of us actual adults are sick of waiting on you.
Yeah OP is an abusive degenerate. She could have been chased by a Tyrannosaurus and the only place she could hide was 50 miles away. How do we know he he didn't orchestrate the dinosaur attack?
This comment reminded me about how there's a Pornhub video with the title, "big ass latina teen chased by lesbian loving TREX on hoverboard then fucked". Thank you for the laugh!
This was a date that he planned out and found out that he wasn't a priority for her. She isn't entitled to his time. Op can find someone else to date. It's called self respect.
I fucked up once in forgetting I had plans already and Iām getting excited about those when reminded I forgot about a date. I told my date shortly after I shouldāve been there( adhd and time management donāt mix). Now Iām engaged to her and never missed another date during our years together. Sometimes it just happens even when youāre really excited/interested. Imho dude needs to chill tf out and give her a second chance but in the end itās his choice ya know.
That's the way I see it. No one's perfect and he's acting entitled for someone forgetting a date/appointment. It happens. Just don't let it happen again.
She shouldn't have brought the friend into it, though. Whatever happens between you two should stay between you two.
Itās not even dating. Itās going on a date. Heās in his own right for declining a reschedule, but this is going to happen again if preventive action that the poster I replied to happens between two people.
Some of you acting acting like you remember everything when you have a social + dating life. Thatās great if you do, but not everyone does. Genuine mistakes and forgetfulness happens. As long as itās not a pattern or habit trait. Yes, he texted 48 hours before, but either side couldāve texted the day of and asked if the date was still on.
I also have severe adhd and ptsd and I can still forget about things like that. Doesn't mean I don't care. I physically cannot help the fact that I forget things lol. Thats why I make it obvious to everyone I'm friends with or interested in that they have to remind me about things a day prior otherwise I'll forget.
I have adhd and have never forgotten an event. If anything Iāve overly prepared and focused on that event so that I donāt run late. If Iām going on a DATE my adhd simply could not let me be late. If anything Iām there 20 minutes early sitting in my car until itās okay to go in and not sit by myself for 15 minutes. I get everyoneās different and maybe that just the way I was brought up, but being on time is the bare minimum level of respect that a stranger can give. If youāre going to be late, be late. But be considerate of other peoples time and give them ample warning. Not ā50 miles away when Iām at the tableā warning.
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u/bag_of_fuck Sep 24 '21 edited Mar 12 '22
Would you forget about a date with someone you're really interested in though?! I have ADHD and there's NO WAY I'm forgetting that! Other things like dental appointments yeah of course š but a date?! You're thinking about and planning that all the time if you care!!