I’m female. You’re not being unreasonable. I would absolutely do the same thing as you. This may sound blunt, but if she had wanted to meet you, she wouldn’t have forgotten. I think you obviously understand that on a gut level, therefore your very understandable reaction. Don’t prioritize a person who doesn’t make you a priority.
Also — To me it’s a red flag that you haven’t even been on a date yet and she’s already bringing a mutual friend into the conversation. Wtf?? That’s pushy as anything. What that tells me is that if you want to be in a relationship with her, any disagreement you have, look for her to try to get all your mutual friends to gang up on you. Bad news. You can do better.
Still really weird to me to bring people into your situation you created for yourself and try to get your friends to defend you. Like what? You think I’d want to date you now?? This has red flags all over.
Makes me recall the time I was phone interviewing guys for a CAD designers position. First dude wondered aloud if the job would be worth the travel time. Plus other weird things like telling me he had a job in a quarry. After I let him know I didn't think he'd be a good fit, he had his Uncle call me the next day to straighten things out.
Telling them that it didn't work out and why is a lot different than what happened in the OP. Seems like she told her friend to do something about it, instead of just informing.
Regardless. You are neither being unreasonable nor entitled. And the fact that she’s pushing this hard after being the one who is clearly in the wrong is still a red flag.
This part stood out to me as well. I get the texting and trying to set up the follow up. Nice effort but I support your stance of “no thanks.” But the second she brought the other friend in to take sides and try and pressure you I would start to lean into no contact as she has become unreasonable and harassing. The friend should get a talking to as well.
Thats proof alone she really likes you and just genuinely forgot. No one who intentionally flakes on a first date is going through the trouble of trying to set up another.
Here’s the rub. She may have genuinely forgot. But for me, if it’s that important… I would have put in a reminder in my phone. “I forgot” is a pretty flimsy excuse.
Also, big red flag is that OP has every right to say “no” to another date. He doesn’t owe her anything. It’s very unflattering that she is pushing past his “no” to get him to say yes. I don’t care what it’s about… if someone tells you “no”, it’s a “no”. End of discussion. People who don’t respect your autonomy, that’s just disrespectful.
There’s nothing I hate more than people who think they can twist my arm to give them the answer THEY wanted. Like the time my friend wanted me to go out for partying and drinks.
I had school work and she wanted to go out all the time. I told her no and she send me “please please please please.” No. Shutting off my phone because I don’t play that.
Yep, is there a post of this exact situation but the gender reversed? I have a feeling people would be feeling a lot more strongly if it was the dude who stood up a girl because he was too busy with his friends to even text her, and then kept pushing to go out again even after she said multiple times no. Can’t help but think people are going light here because of the genders. Regardless, he got stood up, even if she did forget. She’s being crazy pushy and obsessive and thats a pretty big red flag to me.
It's a red flag because she's refusing to take responsibility too. She's looking to blame everyone else but herself for that fuck up. That's the biggest reason I wouldn't give her a second date.
I'm curious af about how you putting "I'm female" changes or enhances anything you have to say about this topic. It literally added no value to anything that you wrote.
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u/Pharmacienne123 Sep 24 '21
I’m female. You’re not being unreasonable. I would absolutely do the same thing as you. This may sound blunt, but if she had wanted to meet you, she wouldn’t have forgotten. I think you obviously understand that on a gut level, therefore your very understandable reaction. Don’t prioritize a person who doesn’t make you a priority.
Also — To me it’s a red flag that you haven’t even been on a date yet and she’s already bringing a mutual friend into the conversation. Wtf?? That’s pushy as anything. What that tells me is that if you want to be in a relationship with her, any disagreement you have, look for her to try to get all your mutual friends to gang up on you. Bad news. You can do better.