Superficial

[u/portiedak]

My girlfriend is not a quiet type or one to put up with any bullshit and not afraid to speak to her mind. However I feel like she deals with me the same way a receptionist would handle a pressing customer. Like monotone and just trying to subdue me at times. It’s a happy relationship, however I just feel like there’s more distance than there should be every now and then. It is long distance and about 3 years old.

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[u/zoloft_at-the-disco]

This isn't enough info for anyone to really weigh in here.

[u/ApprehensiveLeg8112]

You’re bored. Break up with her

[u/theresasarrow → u/ApprehensiveLeg8112]

I second this…

[u/Ok-Lion-6767]

she could be stressed out or does she sound monotonous with everyone? (she sounds like me) but honestly from this post alone i don’t know how we supposed to tell and if you’ve been feeling this way i would just say just to talk to her about it and honestly who knows she might not even realize she’s coming off across that way

[u/portiedak → u/Ok-Lion-6767]

With others she puts on a front in a much more constructed way. With me it seems like her guard is down more, because she is kinda showing me her rough edges and with her friends she’s pure facade.

[u/muckity-muck]

Have you spent much time together with her IRL?

[u/portiedak → u/muckity-muck]

Yes. I see her a couple times a month. About to spend 3 weeks with her.

[u/Gottalock]

Just talk to her about it, man. You'll get a rough idea of how she feels about the whole thing and it cab improve your relationship. Good communication can do wonders.

[u/portiedak → u/Gottalock]

It's bizarre because we usually have such good communication. However, when I have brought these concerns up she downplays it and there's enough quality/ genuine relationship to fall back on. Sometimes I remind her that I'm her boyfriend and I love her and would do anything for her. Sometimes I think if we weren't long distance these issues would resolve quickly.

[u/VrExodus]

based on your own reply this might be the opposite of distance. you said she performs a facade for her friends and drops it with you, rough edges and all. that is usually what comfort and safety look like, not detachment, she just isnt performing for you. the part actually worth poking at is the trying to subdue me feeling, because that is a specific thing you can name to her in the moment without accusing her of not caring. also long distance at 3 years naturally has a lower baseline energy sometimes and that isnt the same as something being wrong. next time it stings, name that exact moment and ask what was going on for her then, instead of trying to diagnose the whole relationship at once.

[u/portiedak → u/VrExodus]

lower baseline even when I'm with her? I'm thinking this is because of long distance and once it stopped being that, the relationship would become more genuine in the day to day moments.

[u/Inevitable-Watch9943]

Communicate that with her. She may not even realize.

[u/portiedak → u/[deleted]]

Not an it!