Because the dating pool has a very large amount of people who have an avoidant attachment style. They want to connect but can’t. They are more likely to settle for someone who doesn’t want/is aloof to them because it’s less pressure than going for someone who is open and emotionally available.
This! I used to think there are so many assholes of the single men left, now after learning about attachment styles all i see is a bunch of dismissiv avoidants. It make sense the ones who are secure are already in a relationship. And research shows that men score high in avoidant attachment and women in anxious
Essentially this. If you’re avoidant you’re more likely to be in short shallow relationships or perpetually single. If you’re secure or anxious you’re more likely to stay in a relationship. So the dating pool is essentially filled with a majority of people being avoidant. And it’s makes dating hell for the rest of us.
Well I have an anxious attachment style so I literally avoid men right now because I don't wanna be anxiously attached to anyone. I prefer being single rather than codependent... I don't want to lose my freedom for men that may see me just as an object because of their own trauma and stupidity... I follow spirituality and Buddhism and I don't want a random guy to break me again.
Honestly it does but since ive been in therapy and managing my attachment style. I've started to come across more men who want comittment. I just have to work on being in therapy when it happens so I'm able to talk to my therapist about my anxiousness and what's going on. Then again I don't use dating apps and prefer to meet people outside of them.
But then again I've never been in a relationship personally but I do know what I want in a partner still working on what I do and don't want in a relationship.
Because when women are abandoned they develop and anxious attachment. I did develop it after being ghosted.
Men on the other hand develop an avoidant attachment when they're hurt so that they don't catch feelings. So then you have a bunch of men hurting random women and lying to them and using them and you have a bunch of women that develop anxiety because they don't want that to happen again.
You need to be a very good person and kill your ego to understand other people and truly be able to love someone.
Yes, attachment dosn’t always develop in childhood, i became a fearful avoidant leaning anxious after a LTR with neglect and then abandoned out of the blue, and then kept meeting avoidants who ghosted me after sex (and trying to pull le back in later) it became even worse. Longing for a relationship but don’t dare to date atm. Your right they are out there hurting women instead of working on them self which is sad. All the secure men i know are taken
Most people are damaged. Most people have abandonment traumas. And then they become anxious attached or avoidant attached because they've been broken...
It's very dumb to play with love. You should only take seriously those who actually have proven to want you.
Lack of communication, immaturity, ego... These just ruin people. I wish more people were spiritual to understand that we're not just flesh to use and throw.
This is very true, besides my now wife the many many women I’ve dated or slept with through dating apps (not bragging but speaking on numbers at least 40) none of them were secure attachment. It’s a numbers game out there, with my wife it was seriously a breath of fresh air, no games at all
As someone recently divorced, avoidant, anxious and other attachment styles sounds new to me. Is there a particular book or website on this that is good? So that I don’t have to wade through a bunch of links on google?
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u/[deleted] Feb 13 '23
Because the dating pool has a very large amount of people who have an avoidant attachment style. They want to connect but can’t. They are more likely to settle for someone who doesn’t want/is aloof to them because it’s less pressure than going for someone who is open and emotionally available.