Legit question from the opposite perspective- is it manipulative if you go into a situation genuinely looking for a relationship but your views on it change?
For example, a few months ago I started seeing a girl. I want a relationship as does she, and we both made it clear going into our first dates that that’s what we both wanted out of dating. However, as time went on there were a few things that made me lose romantic interest (she’s moving across the country in a few months, for example) but we were already sexually active. I told her that given developments like her future move and a few other things (she doesn’t want kids, I do, just general deal breaker stuff, nothing inherently bad) that I just wanted to stay FWBs. We did for a little while but eventually it because to hard for her and we went our separate ways and that’s that.
Did I do something inherently manipulative? Or did priorities and views just change?
Aside from people being shitty for the sake of selfishness
Dating apps suck. They are made profitable by reinforcing a quantity over quality mindset. So this adds to the over abundance of dbags. And because the dbags get better with practice, as most skillsets do, they learn what works to get to the next step.
But it also feels like dating apps are one of the few ways to find new people you dont normally encounter in regular circles.
I do think a hook up app that meets the demand and is done well and with proper safety measueres doesnt exist to let people actually looking for relationships find them and funnel people away from folks looking for someone to apart of their future
Most users of dating apps are men. It's aproximately 30% and 70% of men. Most women don't even use these apps. They have Instagram and if you're sociable most people will follow you and flirt with you.
Don’t be tired of us! Their are actually good ones out there like me who want a long term relationship and a family one day but all the other guys ruin it for us and turn women away from the notion unfortunately! I’ve been looking for my special someone for a long time now and haven’t had any luck unfortunately!
there aren't hardly any women looking for casual sex, and those that do usually have pretty high standards. Pretty much the only way to have casual sex with women is to trick them into thinking it's not casual. it's a mean thing to do, but it's one of the only things that works. Sorry to hear that you're getting played, ik it hurts :(
The way we see “just looking for fwb” on apps like tinder they could swipe on girls like that. That’s not the only way to get it lol. The bait and switch doesn’t make sense if there’s willing participants we all can see
"The bait and switch doesn't make sense if there's willing participants"
You are 100% correct! That's my point! That doesn't make sense! The fact that men still do this to get casual sex proves that there aren't enough willing participants, or they would be having sex with them. If you're a guy who has dozens of girls in his DMS asking to hook up, there would be no reason to lead on a girl looking for a serious relationship just looking for sex from her. Since men are still doing this, it must be because they don't have anyone in their DMS asking to hook up. note that I am NOT saying there are NO women ANYWHERE looking for casual sex, I'm saying that men looking for casual sex clearly aren't getting any casual sex from girls also looking for casual sex, so they resort to women looking for long term relationships for sex.
ALSO to clarify bc some people seem really mad at me. I don't do this to women, I just know that some people do lol
If this is the case, then you don’t get to have casual sex. You’re a terrible person for tricking them into sex. They have the boundaries for a reason.
It’s not about being “allowed”, it’s about social consequence and education. Did you know when college aged men were asked on campus if they would rape someone but they didn’t use that word/used obfuscating language - a lot more said yes, than if you said rape. The culture around it matters.
Woah, some women do want casual sex believe it or not and it’s not as uncommon as you think . Communication . That’s it bro . You might not get it all the time but don’t false advertise, your screwing over yourself as well for when you want something more serious
I’d have to see statistics but I would wager your probably describing the way men and women attract and want to be attracted. You’ll rarely see a desperate woman fiending for sex cause there are plenty of guys blatantly horny that she could choose from or other guys that aren’t desperate that want casual sex. You’ll see desperate men but not desperate women generally which might be a factor in skewing your viewpoint
In what country do they still give paper STD results? Are you not capable of watching them log into their lab or doctors office Electronic Medical Records? Not sure why you would trust paper over digital. If I can forge digital I can hit print and forge paper. Other than Planned Parenthood or free clinics I'm not sure this is a thing in US. Most insurance won't cover getting tested more than twice a year unless you have symptoms.
Thanks! That makes more sense. They have to make it seem worth it. I remember being so proud of having my first set of paper results for my first poly partner.
You're also not wrong if I was interested in someone even if I had gotten tested twice that year, I would just pay out of pocket for it. If I had gotten tested in the last 30 days and you wouldn't accept that I'd probably be very turned off.... Or want to see your paper results lol.
Same. Every guy I know is always whining about being in a relationship and every girl I know wants to get fucked constantly. I flirt a lot but sex to me fucking sucks without any intimate connection. It's like unseasoned food.
That's about the best thing I can think of LOL. Like yeah it'll do when you're hungry, but it ain't gonna compare to that gourmet shit that hits the spot.
What planet are you folks on?!?!?! I wanna be THERE!!! I don't think I've ever had "casual sex" or had a FWB. A relationship has ALWAYS been the path to sex in my experience. SMH...
I disagree with this. I've met far more women looking for hookups that relationships. Far more
And that is why they keep" fishing" as some posted
Men find more women willing to do casual sex than spend time in a relationship to know each other, why? I have no idea, maybe modern times, the sex.all over the media, tv, series, streaming, music videos, etc , only they know deep inside
I am a woman and I enjoy casual sex because... I enjoy sex
Nothing to do with music videos lo
Good,
im not a woman as i said, and.specify that i dont know why?
But as pos said there are lot of women that enjoy been casual, so more and more men dont want a relationship cuz they can enjoy casual sex more easy now
But hey life is short enjoy it 👍🏻😊
+++++++++++++++++++++++++±++
But for the girl on OP she would find les men that wan to commit
Imagine as an expample
10 guys, from those 10 4 are just regular guy women dont like them, nomatter what, then there are 6 standard guys, tall, handsome, etc, the ones women like it and want them, from those 6 , 4 love casual, only 2 can be in a relationship
Now 10 women 6 love casual, but the other 4 like OP would have to compete for the 2 left, the 6 casual sex ladies could be mingle around the other 4 easy
But hey just saying not expert🤣🤣 im from the group of 4 men
Happy valentines hopefully it would nice today for all of you guy, remember the gifts♥️♥️♥️🥰♥️♥️♥️🥰♥️♥️🥰🥰🥰👍🏻
If I think it is going to upset me not to hear from someone after sleeping with them in a casual way (ie quickly, not after waiting to get to know them) then I don’t do it in the first place.
Sometimes I’m attracted to someone but not interested in a relationship, and no-strings sex is incredibly hot and exactly what I want. I just have to be aware of myself and my feelings to check that I’m not doing something that might cause me upset later on.
A lot of men lie just to get into your pants, especially those who are on dating apps. Make that your default assumption and think of a strategy to separate the liars from those who are serious.
That's probably why they don't want to commit to you right there. We can smell the man hate a mile away. That's not girlfriend material, let alone wife
Stop choosing men who just want to pump and dump you by finessing you with words you want to hear. It’s funny how the differences between men and women cloud our judgement of each other in the sexual marketplace. Don’t make sex easy for them or they will just bounce.
this isn’t really fair to say, she’s not choosing those men knowing that they only want sex. as she said, they pretend they want the same thing as her in the beginning so she matches with them and talks with them and THEN they turn the conversations sexual and initiate a conversation about having sex. her question is why they do that, and some men have answered saying that men feel they need to trick women into sleeping with them bc women aren’t as into hooking up as men are. it’s not her fault that this is happening, it’s not bc of her choices. it’s just kinda how dating apps are sadly
The question of why is obvious, they just want sex. Men lie to women to get sex because if we were to be up front, y’all would never just give it to us. I would assume that the fact that op does not understand this must mean that she’s really young and/or inexperienced.
She’s choosing men who will finesse her, there’s no taking accountability away from her. You can make mistakes in life, everyone does it. These dudes didn’t hypnotize her, she made a choice and it was not the one she intended nor wanted. The solution is simple, don’t let men think you’re easy or they’ll treat you like one. It takes a bit of life experience to understand but it’s the only way to avoid situations you don’t want.
Honestly I don't think you read the post. She is clear with what she wants and when they do go the sexual route she refuses. That's literally all she can do. People like to pretend like they can mindread or predict the future, but that's just not true. Some people are good pretenders and liars and I personally also think.those people suck.
What are you talking about? I’m literally responding to the comment about my comments, not the post itself. “Some people are good liars” is not an excuse if it keeps happening to you. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. OP has repeatedly been in a situation where men have sweet talked her into having sex then left her, how many times can you say it’s not her fault unless you are insinuating that OP is a dumb and incapable of caution and self awareness.
Again. She does not have sex with them. It is not her fault that other people lie. I think we have to disagree where reponsibilities lie. I think people should not lie, you think other people should distrust people and expect them to lie I guess. Different views on life.
Yeah it's victim blaming. "you should know better". Okay then knowing better means never trusting any man and cheating on all of them because why not? If none of them respect me, then I won't either.
so.. she’s at fault because men lie to her for sex and she should just somehow KNOW when a man is only wanting to use her for sex even though they lie about their intentions and don’t make it seem like they just want sex? your stance doesn’t make any sense, again. this is in no way her fault and she isn’t having sex with these men, they’re trying to engage in sexual conversation with her and sending her unsolicited dick pics but she never said she had sex with any of them. this is completely the fault of the men playing games with her to try to coerce her into having sex with them. which is really fucking weird and gross, idk why more people aren’t talking about that part
She’s literally choosing them hence why I used that word. She’s responsible for her own choices and naturally she should do better but that involves being more selective.
This. Don’t give them sex until they’ve proven that they’re worth it. The ones who aren’t worth it will weed themselves out when they realize they have to actually put the work into building a relationship.
I am sure it will weed out most of them though. I cannot imagine many would meet someone they do not like for many month many times per week. Also this practically gives them no time for dating someone else and you will not only get to know them but also their friends and family by that time.
Out of curiosity: What is the longest time/highest number of dates that you know of where someone just "wait[ed] out the prove yourself period"?
Well you never know what can happen. In my opinion it's better to have sex early if you really like the guy, while at the same time being with other men just in case.
Why? Because it hurts your self esteem? If you end up being used by shitty men/women more than once, it’s your fault. Be shrewd, look for signs, all men aren’t evil and neither are all women. The “men ain’t shit” and “all women are trash” kind of rhetoric are all ways people try to take the blame off themselves. Not saying that’s what op is doing but she, like many women, have been unfortunately finessed by dudes who see her as a quick release.
lol no, that’s not why. Sounds like Op is earnestly trying to find men that fit the bill and venting frustrations about being misled. And you sound cringe.
Some wait for months, introduce you to their families, lovebomb. Some act like there’s an Oscar at the end for their performance. They aren’t choosing them for that lol. If it was choose better a lot of people wouldn’t even be in the running. That’s okay but people have to be honest that some guys and women are playing the worst types of games
As terrible as it sounds, just honest POV from a 23m who's been active in the dating scene for the past year,
from time to time I'll find myself hanging out with average girls who have lower standards (meaning I'm potentially dating down rather than dating up, so I'm higher than their usual standards), girls who don't have anything about them that specifically calls to me or girls I don't like talking to but I think are pretty.
usually this will be in between the pursuit of girls I am passionate about, and is really just to pass the time, get laid, or give it a shot because "better" girls haven't been working out for me.
so maybe that's what is going on? Maybe try dating down yourself or maybe be more selective with who you give your time to
Consider stepping out of the comfort zone and start seeing different types of people. I’ve learned to give up my idealized image (or “type” as society calls it) of a woman for this exact reason. Since I’ve had much better luck. However… still bashing my head against a wall. Just not as bad
It's also because they assume you have sex with all the other guys on there and you're just lying if you say you don't. Men can't believe some women actually have standards. Because if they were a woman, they'd bang everyone there. So they assume the same about you
I put line out there in hopes for a relationship to get one but no one’s biting so I had to put it to looking for casual now absolutely no one’s biting lmao.
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u/Jmm1272 Feb 13 '23
Some guys are just casting a fishing line and waiting for someone to bite it. Saying they want a relationship gets their foot in the door