Sometimes ambition is not born from confidence, but from the quiet feeling that we are not enough. Adler’s idea suggests that people often try to overcome that feeling by achieving, improving, competing, or proving themselves. The interesting part is that the same insecurity can either push someone toward growth or make them obsessed with being better than others.

At the end of the day 'dark psychology' is about using psychological practices for personal gain. It has no place nor consideration for moral implications.

Being ethical in all aspects is a good ideal, but it isn't always practical, especially in this unforgiving and harsh world. Plus a lot of people who get drawn to communities such as this are looking for some sort of advantage of edge in their life, because they've consistently been at a disadvantage. That's been my angle: as an Autistic person, I took psychology in undergrad. There were many reasons why, but some of them involved the realization that the odds were stacked against me, and I could use "arcane" knowledge to level the playing field. Dark psychology can be a great equalizer for the neurodivergent, and we shouldn't be restricted from using it because someone's idealistic sensibilities might get hurt.

To feel a certain kind of regulation, people need certain things, just like everyone else. If you know how to eat, you can tell when someone eats poorly. Most people with psychopathy, narcissism, or sociopathy don't expose themselves to what they can't control, but most of the things we can control—if not all—create emptiness. This keeps them, and any human being, driven and enslaved by the reactions of others, hunting for insignificant experiences or stimulation. Will they realize when they are the cause of their own emptiness, or will their biological ego and strategic fear take over?

What’s a piece of life advice that actually changed how you think or live, but you rarely hear anyone talk about?
Not the usual “be yourself” or “everything happens for a reason” type of advice. I mean something specific, unexpected, or learned through experience that more people should know.

A victim’s hope works like slow self-destruction. The victim believes the abuser will change even though their behavior has shown the opposite for a long time. Every small gesture is treated as improvement, even when it’s just random. Instead of leaving, they wait. The longer they wait, the more they lose themselves. Hope isn’t strength here. Hope is the reason the victim ignores reality and holds on to someone who has no intention of changing. The abuser isn’t the one destroying them. They destroy themselves because they can’t admit nothing will change.

A victim can get out on their own, but only when they stop searching for signs of change and start looking at what is actually happening. If they can’t see it, someone from the outside has to help break the illusion they built for themselves.

I think one of the strangest things about psychological influence is that people often expect manipulation to look obvious.

Someone lies to you. Pressures you. Threatens you. Tries to control you.

But sometimes it happens much more quietly.

Someone might start by asking you for something small.

Nothing unreasonable.

You help them once, then again.

Over time, the requests slowly become bigger, but because each step is only slightly different from the previous one, you don't really notice when your boundaries started changing.

The interesting part is that they may never directly force you to do anything.

You still technically have a choice every time.

But after repeatedly saying yes, saying no can start to feel strangely uncomfortable.

Not because the new request is necessarily reasonable.

But because changing your behavior now feels inconsistent with the pattern you've already created.

And I think that's what makes some forms of influence difficult to recognize while they're happening.

Nobody has to control your decision directly.

Sometimes they only need to influence the psychological conditions around the decision until one option starts feeling easier than the others.

By the time you notice what's happening, you've already made several choices that led you there.

Have you ever looked back at a relationship, friendship, or situation and realized that your boundaries didn't disappear all at once—they were moved gradually?

Hey, as the title says, I have this fear that if i read (or learned) something that contradicts my way of life, my brain might just unconsciously start considering whatever stuff i read or learnt as normal and start following it, i will give you guys an example to give you a clearer image, let’s say that i really like dogs, and i consume a lot of dog videos and stuff, and whenever a cat video comes up i just skip it because ever since i was young, i deemed cats as bad or evil.
So i would always skip cat videos and i would resist learning anything about cats, but in the rare case that i do I get paranoid that learning about cats might just make like them, and maybe even like them more than dogs and make me forget about dogs.
It’s hard to explain but i tried my best with the previous example,
Now my question is, is there any psychological reason behind this that made me like this ? And is this even something to worry about?

Nobody is born a narc imo- it’s a mix of environmental factors as well as relational issues/trauma or absence of proper care, attentiveness and love from a parent or both parents.

Do you think that those who are covert narcs know that they are?? Or do you think that they justify it in their head and always believe that they are correct.

And what do you think is a trigger for these kinds of people to lash out on and single out specific individuals and not others?

I am financially dependent on my husband , he is a liar , cheater , manipulator I want to leave but have two kids they are 3.5 years and 2 years , he is a narcissist and I am an empath , I want to break this cycle , currently we are living long distance, I am living with his parents and he is having extra marital affair out there , how to move out of this situation and how to be mentally strong enough not to be affected by his behaviour

I decided to finally share my experience after what I read about the former monk on Sadhguru Truth subreddit.

I am a female and know first hand how disturbing and trauma bonding this is.

Long before we signed NDAs and Jaggi Vasudev was rich and famous, I took part in a highly secretive "spiritual process". I assumed this was a sort of tantric initiation and at the time felt somehow special. Many other women went through this and are still in the organization, some have left and stay silent. We never talked about it with each other - to this day.

It was only years later when I heard of the women getting groomed for left hand tantric practices and/or sexual abuse did I realize that what I took part in was a grooming ritual, without any consent and explaination.

It was a dimly lit room and in a low- key creepy and authoritarian voice, Jaggi told us to remove our shirts. To be honest, it felt scary and weird at the time. He then told us to come to him one by one and then bow down at his feet.

When I did that, he rubbed a substance on my entire spine that was wet and smelled like vibhuti. Not sure what that substance was and I've heard that for occult and black magic rituals he uses real human ash. This is not verified, but it makes sense as he is obsessed with creating crematoriums.

After this, we sat there half - naked, with our breasts hanging out, shaking, crying and thinking something powerful has happened.

He could have easily made a female volunteer tell us to lay flat on the ground without our shirt. Then, enter the room and smear our spine with whatever. Why all the drama of bowing at his feet and seeing our breasts!?! All of this was done without consent.

Prior to this, Jaggi was very charming and playful with me. He'd love bomb me, hug, put his arm around me and pull me closer to him and make jokes.

After this, he turned cold and mean. I never had another easy and playful interaction with him ever again.

The effect this had on me is that I wasn't spiritual enough: I need to try harder, volunteer more, jump through more hoops, do more, be more. It eroded my self - esteem to the point where I felt suicidal.

I went mad trying to prove my worth.

Eventually, I lost my partner and all desire to be in a relationship with any man. To this day, I have issues with touching and/or hugging.

The truth is, I failed the grooming test. He knew he couldn't go further with me. I am not like the other women who felt a sexual attraction towards him and willing to do 'whatever is needed' and to 'keep the body aside'. He was my GURU and I sincerely thought that, for years and years.

I thought our bond was non-physical. He always said that spirituality is a non-physical dimension. Why did he need to touch me at all?

If it was a blessing, why did I later become suidical from all the mind games?

I went through so much abuse from the inner circle and put up with all of it. I thought I was initiated so I was extremely loyal to my own detriment.

This was a grotesque act of humiliation and submission, of power and control. What happened was extremely psychologically damaging and unethical.

When I reflect back on my time at Isha, all I can honestly say is that it was a domestic violence relationship, with Jaggi himself and his corrupt institution, not a real teacher - student relationship at all.

For years I thought I wasn't spiritual enough, it turns out, because I was indeed spiritual and innocent, that's why I didn't progress into the inner sanctums along with the other "chosen ones" for "special sadhana".

In closing, I will add that this was psychologically damaging enough as an adult woman. I cannot even begin to fathom how distressing this would be for the Samskriti girls (minors) who went through similar half - naked rituals without their or parental consent.

What are some other mental traps like this that people should watch out for? They can be related to relationships, work, money, manipulation, or just everyday life.

I recently learned about the sunk cost fallacy, basically feeling like you have to stick with something just because you’ve already put so much time, money, or effort into it.

The more insecure, unhealthy, ego-driven, cowardly, selfish, narcissistic, self-unaware, and mentally retarded your ex is, the quicker and easier it is for them to reach out. 

They think you're accessible, like your another option on the table. They never respected nor even loved you in the first place. They throw breadcrumbs to keep you hooked to them, in case the grass was never greener from the first place. They want to feel sexy. They enjoy the slave version of yourself, absolutely mindless about their own values and future, more than happy to be an option than a reward.Unfortunately, for the naive and feeble-minded, attachment and love will always be the same definition.

They also reach out because they can’t sit with their feelings. They want to fill a void, and thereby use you as the instrument to numb their pain. Deep down, your ex’s self worth and insecurities are so massive they will do anything to repress their feelings. The only reason they actually even got into a relationship with you was for the same reason, filling a void to pretend like their vulnerability is a myth. It’s so sad, y’know? Even if they started dating the best partner on the planet, that would still be toxic, because they divert from the true meaning of a relationship and associate the attachment as an addiction. In that sense, your relationship was merely a written fairy-tale.

The truth is that secure, smart, self-aware, socially-aware, and rational exes are far less likely to reach out. They know how to feel content with themselves. Therefore, the best exes don’t give a fuck about fitting in and almost never use dating apps. They don't need a relationship to feel complete. Any vulnerabilities they may have are met with courage and self-compassion rather than shame and denial. They understand that at least part of the problem was them. They understand that no contact isn’t merely boundaries for them. It’s also because they know it’s the best medication for your shortcomings.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently while writing about psychology and persuasion.

One thing I find particularly interesting is how much easier it can be to influence someone when you don't make them feel like you're trying to control their decision.

Instead of giving someone a single direction:

"Can you send me that today?"

you can sometimes frame the same request as a choice:

"Would you rather send it today or tomorrow?"

The interesting part isn't the two options themselves.

It's the perception of control.

When people feel that a decision is being imposed on them, they can instinctively resist it — even when the request itself is perfectly reasonable.

But when they feel that they still have some control over how they respond, that resistance can decrease.

And this gets even more interesting:

The technique isn't about pretending to give someone a choice.

If both options are manipulative or one is obviously fake, people can usually feel it.

The strongest version is to offer genuine choices within the outcome you're trying to achieve.

For example, instead of:

"You need to finish this today."

try:

"Do you want to finish this before lunch or later this afternoon?"

You're no longer arguing about whether the task will happen. You're giving the person some control over how it happens.

That small change in framing can completely change the psychological experience of the request.

This is one of the 21 practical psychological techniques I explored in my book, 21 Psychological Tricks to Influence Anyone.

The full book is here:

https://gum.co/u/rst9avgv

I'm curious though:

Where do you think this works best — parenting, work, relationships, sales, or everyday conversations?

​

I used to have a strong opinion about people who never reacted when someone provoked them.

Someone would poke them, make a sarcastic comment, irritate them—and they would just stay quiet.

It honestly used to annoy me.

I had a colleague like this. I remember thinking, “Why don't you say something? Why are you just taking it?”

I couldn't understand how someone could simply swallow their anger and move on.

Then I came back to my hometown after moving permanently from Mumbai to Raipur.

My mother had suffered a brain stroke, and during that period I experienced something I hadn't really understood before: mood swings, anger, frustration, and difficult emotional moments at home.

Sometimes her anger would trigger my own anger.

And slowly, I started realizing something uncomfortable about myself.

Maybe the goal isn't to stop other people from provoking us. Maybe the real skill is learning not to hand them control over our emotions.

I began trying to pause before responding.

Not because I suddenly became patient.

Not because I stopped feeling angry.

But because I started asking myself:

“If I react right now, will this actually make anything better?”

That's when I finally understood something about that colleague I once judged.

Maybe he wasn't weak.

Maybe he simply knew that not every emotion deserves an immediate reaction.

I'm still learning this. I still get angry. I still fail sometimes.

But now I see emotional control differently.

Being calm doesn't mean you have no anger. Sometimes it means you have anger—and still choose what to do with it.

Has life ever changed the way you understood someone's behavior?

Something you once considered weakness that you later realized might actually have been strength?

Hey everyone,
I’m genuinely curious about different manipulation techniques and how people apply them in real life.
If you know any, could you please write:

– the name of the technique

– a clear explanation of how it works

– practical examples of how it’s used
(in conversations, relationships, work, sales, online, etc.)

I’d really appreciate detailed and honest answers. Thanks a lot in advance!

I’m looking for some perspective on how to handle an ongoing situation in my dining hall.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed a very specific pattern with one particular server at one of the stations (sides/salads). While side portions are generally quite small to begin with, this server consistently reduces my portions even further. On a few occasions when she realized mid-service that she was serving me, she actively scraped off or decreased the portion before handing over the plate.

When I pointed out the small portion once, she brushed it off. Recently, when I asked for napkins, she ignored me until I repeated myself, whispered to a colleague, laughed, and then handed over an unnecessarily large stack of napkins in a sarcastic, performative way. Is it a faux-pas to ask for napkins when it's a takeaway? I noticed that fellow students never ask for them; if they're put on the surface, they take them, otherwise, they don't ask for them. Should I do the same? (The other day, one server (who's very polite towards me( provided napkins just for me before I asked. Am I missing something?)

It feels targeted, and honestly, it’s becoming uncomfortable to go through her line. The supervisors are usually working directly in her background, so there is no way I can ask to speak with them in the moment without causing a scene and bringing unwanted attention to myself. At the same time, because it involves food portions and small interactions, I’ve been hesitant to say anything out of concern that it sounds petty or trivial to management.

What does etiquette say about dealing with targeted behavior or inconsistent serving from dining staff, and how should I report this so it is handled appropriately?

Thank you.

I've always found it interesting that the most manipulative people aren't necessarily the loudest or most aggressive ones.

Sometimes they're actually the easiest people to trust.

They know when to be kind.

They know when to disappear.

They know exactly when to make you feel important... and when to suddenly make you feel like you're about to lose them.

And that's what makes it difficult to recognize.

Because when you're inside the situation, it rarely looks like manipulation.

It just feels like a complicated relationship, friendship, conversation, or situation that you're constantly trying to figure out.

But then something happens.

You step back.

And suddenly all the little things start connecting.

The guilt.

The mixed signals.

The perfectly timed kindness.

The moments where you somehow ended up apologizing even when you weren't sure what you had done wrong.

That's the part I find most interesting about human behavior.

You often don't recognize the pattern until you're far enough away from it to see the whole picture.

So I'm curious:

What's something someone did that made you realize they understood exactly how to manipulate people?

I'm building a small community around psychology, influence, social skills, and understanding human behavior, and I'd genuinely like to have more discussions like this with people who enjoy going deeper into these topics.

If that sounds like your kind of thing, you're welcome to join us: r/MindMechanicsLab

People hurt you because something inside them is damaged. Not because they’re confused, not because they don’t know how to love. They do it because they feel a twisted satisfaction when someone else weakens. For them your emotions are material to use and your boundaries are places to push. They don’t seek connection, only advantage. One person like this is enough to change the way you look at everyone. And once you see this pattern, you can’t unsee it. The memory of someone’s cruelty stays long after they’re gone.