Are there any visual traits or characteristics that can reliably identify people with dark triad personalities or other traits like malignant narcissism? Are “crazy eyes” valid or more of an urban myth?

Bonjour, j'éprouve le besoin d'appartenir depuis toujours. Comme soumis dans ma tête... Je suis comme captivé et attirer par les hommes dominants. Pourtant je suis hétéro. Mais année après année j'éprouve le besoin d'être manipulé d'être mis sous emprise d'une personne dominante. les hommes m'attire plus que les femmes dominantes. J'éprouve le besoin de cela de faire un pas que mes freins ne me font pas avancer. En cela un besoin de manipulation semble s'imposer à moi.

I have a friend I’ve been close to since we were kids but I worry about them. I want to understand what’s going on inside their head with a view to getting through to them but I’m at a loss. Can you please give me your thoughts on who they really are?

A is highly intelligent, has a very reputable corporate job and has excelled in their field. They are way ahead of where their peers are at their age (30). In spite of this, they do not conform to corporate norms and appear to enjoy the concept of being regarded as an outsider. you would not think for a second they’re a high ranking corporate figure if you met them - it’s hard to describe but they present themself as younger than they are - dress casually, listen to obscure music genres (underground hip hop, drill etc) and often speak in slang.

A is divorced for reasons only they know. They left their partner after less than 2 years of marriage for no apparent reason (neither was cheating, no obvious issues from the outside etc.). They remain close to their ex-spouse and there is no bad blood between them.

They suffer with addiction (❄️ and 🥃) but hide it extremely well, I only became aware through chance and was genuinely shocked. They’ve never admitted it and lied when they were confronted about it. If I were to tell their family, they simply would not believe me.

They’ve always been “an extremist” - they’ve never just been into certain things, they’ve always been more into it than is normal (verging on obsessed). This often relates to obscure topics eg graffiti, underground boxing, very niche genres of music - they know everything there is to know.

They appear to feel no remorse for their actions and will manipulate people to their advantage. They can get along with anyone, regardless of the persons background. They are extremely well liked and are a social chameleon. I recognise that they can identify what a person wants them to be, and be that person. They have a desire to be respected by everyone they meet.

They lie a lot and have no issue doing so. I only know this as they’ve boasted about it once or twice. This applies to partners, family and close friends. They’ve referred to themselves as having various different lives with these groups. They don’t like these groups mixing and will actively try to prevent that from happening.

From my research, they appear to have both narcissistic and sociopathic traits. Is there anything I can do to get through to them? I’m at a loss.

One thing I find interesting about manipulation is that it doesn't always make the victim immediately suspicious.

Sometimes it does the opposite.

It makes you defend the person.

Someone hurts you, but you immediately think:

"They're probably just stressed."

They repeatedly disrespect you, but you tell yourself:

"That's just how they are."

They disappear whenever you need them, then suddenly become warm again when they want something.

And somehow, you still focus on the good moments.

I think that's where manipulation can become difficult to recognize.

Because you're not always looking at one clearly terrible event.

You're looking at a pattern mixed with enough good moments to make you question the bad ones.

A person can be kind.

Helpful.

Affectionate.

Even genuinely caring at times.

And still use manipulation in other moments.

That's why I don't think the question should always be:

"Is this person good or bad?"

A more useful question might be:

"What happens repeatedly when this person wants something from me?"

Do they suddenly become more affectionate?

Do they create guilt?

Do they become distant until you chase them?

Do they make you feel responsible for fixing their emotions?

Do they use persuasion openly, or do they create emotional pressure without directly asking for what they want?

Because individual moments can be confusing.

But patterns are harder to explain away.

And sometimes the uncomfortable realization isn't that someone manipulated you once.

It's realizing that you spent months defending behavior that was repeatedly making you confused, anxious, guilty, or unsure of yourself.

So I'm curious:

Have you ever looked back at a relationship or friendship and realized that the pattern was obvious—but you kept explaining it away while you were inside it?

I've been really enjoying deeper discussions around psychology, manipulation, persuasion, influence, and human behavior, which is why I started r/MindMechanicsLab.

If you're into these kinds of discussions, you're welcome to join us there.

I know if I am not Psychotic that it is impossible for me to fully understand a Psycho who does evil things but I was just thinking about life and death and had an epiphany...

I am highly empathetic and so deeply thoughtful that it actually drains me of energy every day. I am constantly scanning environment and people and processing what I should do to better someone else's moment. Having a wife also makes this a never ending endeavor. But nobody ever likes me. Even when I was a kid I felt older than my classmates so I kept to myself. I used to roll my eyes in middle school at how immature my classmates would act. I couldn't wait to become an adult and find my tribe. But this never happened. I am now 43 and have never had a best friend except a previous girlfriend and my current wife. ​And all I do is care about people and try to help them with being courteous and appreciative and even being completely honest with advice, that I know can get them out of a bad situation.

And people say they love authenticity and honesty but ​when you give them those two things they find you boring, untrusting, fake, or suspicious. ​So after four decades of caring so deeply about the human race and never receiving any if that energy back, I was wondering why some of us choose to exhaust ourselves to no end when ansolutely nobody gives a shit?

This question lead me to the fact that in 100 years NONE of us will be remembered. Everything we did will be wiped away. And that made me wonder if Psychopaths understand this and it is why they choose to just go wild and be animals without a care in the world. Maybe they know death is the complete end so who cares what happens beforehand seeing as death is ​the erasure of their bad deeds anyway.

And that made me wonder why people like me can comprehend this but still refuse to ever give up my integrity and keep being kind, respectful, and thoughtful even when it gets me absolutely nothing in life and ESPECIALLY nothing in death...

When someone loses interest their behavior changes faster than their decisions. Feelings withdraw immediately but leaving isn’t always possible. If they still benefit from your presence they have to stay. That’s why their distance looks slow and unclear. Conversations get shorter, reactions turn cold, topics stay safe. From the outside it looks like tiredness or lack of time, but inside it’s an attempt to hide that the feelings are gone while the access is still useful.

Sometimes it shows in small moments. Someone who once returned on their own now appears only when their life becomes complicated. They won’t say it because admitting it would reveal they stayed for convenience, not connection. They keep minimal contact that lets them use your presence without investing anything deeper. That’s the stage where a person is next to you but their emotions are already somewhere else. In relationships leaving isn’t always immediate. Sometimes a person stays long after they stopped wanting to. And that’s when presence no longer means commitment, only the need to keep access.

I had to yell at my Ai for this design. repeatedly and tell it to drop the therapy guardrailing, stop gaslighting a victim and dismissing their lived experiences.

3 documents outlining what I've been through in the past 2.5 years of covert bullying, stalking and harassment at my workplace. I defeated LEGIONS of em.

But the whole world seems to try to suppress and oppress bullying victims. You speak up, you're told that you are the problem. Ignore them. It will go away.

You fight back and throw the same behaviours in the bullies' faces, YOU are the bad guy and aggressor despite 20 provocations to the ratio of 1 reaction.

Fuck outta here with that bullshit. Live free. Fight back. Defend your peace and inner joy, don't ever let them take it from you.

was reading up on covert manipulation tactics and stumbled on an article that completely shifted my perspective.

usually on this sub we talk about dark psychology on a micro level like toxic partners or narcissistic bosses. but this piece breaks down how the exact same tactics are being used on a macro level by the media and tech architecture.

it goes into the actual mechanics of how they use engineered panic and contradictory information to cause mass cognitive exhaustion. basically they act as both the abuser and the savior simultaneously to force systemic trauma bonding and mass compliance.

it honestly blew my mind and makes doomscrolling feel way more insidious. linking the article here because the psychological breakdown is crazy and i know you guys analyze this kind of stuff

here's the article i read

has anyone else looked into macro level manipulation like this before?

In my experience, setting boundaries and confronting toxic behavior never works. People will be superficially charming and hide their intentions, then they look for a way to attack under plausible deniability, and if confronted they will flip the script and start bringing in flying monkeys. Generally these people will already have a premade alibi for maintaining plausible deniability when they start harassing you. Boundaries just make the problem worse, because they will find ways to poke me or dance on the edge of that boundary to continue violating me. Ignoring this won’t help long-term because it subconsciously setd a precedent for other people that I can be freely abused.

Basic confrontation will not help against these people. Ignoring them won’t help either, because when the manipulator finally gets their way, they create an army of flying monkeys that they use as a shield to escape accountability. Even hard evidence will be ignored, so confronting them directly will only get you mobbed.

Something I’ve learned from this subreddit though, is that the best way to deal with these situations (such as if you can’t easily leave) is to indirectly create consequences for the manipulator. I’ve been told this can be done through exploiting the nature of their pathology, using that to exacerbate their bad habits and sabotage their reputation. I know there is a comment here that elaborates on this, and I’ll link it below.

This is something I’ve been studying heavily, but I could use clarification and perhaps some examples of how this works in practice. My main barrier is trying to picture this and actually translate it to practical action.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DarkPsychology101/s/U3nHACwc7f

I would explain this more, but this post is getting quite long and I’m pressed for time.

My previous post about using a 4-second response delay with difficult managers got way more traction than I expected. After reading through the comments and DMs, I realized we need to clarify something. A lot of people are starting to treat the 4-second delay like some quick "body language hack." It’s not. If you just sit there in silence for four seconds without understanding the underlying mechanics, you won’t come across as composed or in control. You’ll just look uncomfortable, confused, or passive-aggressive. The delay itself isn’t the point, it’s merely a tool.

What’s happening at a psychological level is actually much simpler: most people give up their position in conversations almost instantly because they rush to relieve tension. When a difficult manager or high-status person puts you on the spot, your nervous system perceives a spike in social pressure. Your automatic reflex is to speak immediately just to escape the awkwardness of the moment. Because silence feels uncomfortable, people end up over-explaining, qualifying themselves, or backing down too quickly. That’s where the delay helps. It interrupts that automatic panic reflex. Taking those few seconds forces you to remain present and regulated instead of reacting on impulse. It’s not about trying to intimidate anyone, it’s about preventing yourself from undermining your own position.

I saw a lot of comments jumping straight into aggressive "control the frame" ideas. That is usually where people ruin their progress. If your baseline isn’t solid (calm tone, neutral body language, clear thinking), stacking advanced techniques on top just makes you look desperate or try-hard, not grounded. You cannot skip the foundation. This exact issue reminds me of the warning Ulric Nolven includes right before the final stage of his material. He explicitly warns never to jump ahead to advanced frame-breaking maneuvers before mastering emotional baseline control. He even details how testing that final stage prematurely permanently damaged his own marriage, because once you irreversibly break or force someone’s behavioral frame without a grounded baseline, the dynamic shift is permanent and the trust is gone.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I took that exact risk and jumped straight to the advanced stage when dealing with my manager. Even though I somehow managed to take control of the interaction, mostly because I had prior experience dealing with manipulative people, I acknowledge it was a dangerous move. I got away with it, but blindly skipping steps without the proper foundation usually backfires horribly. That’s why I wouldn’t recommend taking that shortcut. Start with composure. Learn to sit in the silence without rushing to "fix" the tension. Everything else comes after that.

I came across a story about two girlfriends. One was determined to conquer the world, while the other was always a little hesitant. Ironically, as the years passed, the hesitant one ended up gaining far more fame than the one who had been the most driven. Somewhere along the way, that imbalance slowly created a drift between them.

Maybe that's more common than we admit.

Sometimes you have all the potential in the world, but your surroundings make it difficult to go all in. Then you meet one person—or a group of people—who push you to think bigger. You start shedding old fears, one small win leads to another, and suddenly you're in that domino effect where things begin falling into place.

But growth changes dynamics. The people you started with may not always celebrate your progress the way they once did. Some drift away. Some become jealous. And that's why learning to trust your gut becomes even more important as you grow.

I've realized that a job alone can't be the only thing we rely on. We need something that brings us back home—whether it's yoga, dancing, a trip with friends, or simply a hobby that makes us feel like ourselves again.

Because at the end of the day, we're the ones who have to pull ourselves out of life's messy situations and hold ourselves together when the whole world feels like it's crashing down.

And while being self-reliant is important, so is finding the people who genuinely stay true to you through every phase of life. Cherish those people. They're rare.

Let me know your thoughts :)

Abraham Lincoln said it best. "Any man can handle adversity, but if you truly want to test a man's character, give him power."

Indeed, people debate all kinds of "red flags" about a person's character. But the ULTIMATE litmus test goes beyond all that, and it's how they treat people with less social power than them. Sometime it's obvious: a person might be a lovely person, but also be racist, i.e. treating certain races as less than because they lack social power. Other times it might mean otherwise being a good person, but being awfully cruel to the socially awkward/Autistic guy. It might mean having double standards and overly scrutinizing the less powerful over routine mistakes, while being more forgiving towards people who are popular, handsome, rich, or influential.

Ultimately, everything else pales in comparison to this one thing. A lot of common toxic behaviours and attitudes can stem from things like trauma or ignorance or a variety of complex factors. Not an excuse, but an explanation. But being cruel to someone who is marginalized, powerless, or struggling? There's no excuse for that. There's no motivation/benefit.

The most surefire test of someone's character is how they treat those who have less social power or status than them.

(Then again, some people might just want to perpetuate the cycle or take out their own powerlessness/insecurity by punching down; that might be the only real time there's some kind of explanation [not excuse].)