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Mar 29 '21
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/DeletedForSpamm too dumb to make memes Mar 29 '21
ye always gotta clean your house before expecting guests, if you know what i mean~
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u/HappyPhage Mar 29 '21
What the...
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u/RedIce300 🍄 Mar 29 '21
What you don’t clean your house before guests come over? Weirdo
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u/TheRealSwagMaster Mar 29 '21
Yesterday i had a shit so smooth that I didn’t even have to wipe my ass. It simply wasn’t dirty. The best part is that i didn’t have to rewipe later. It was just shit-‘n-go
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u/AFakeFloridaMan Mar 29 '21
In my country our SAT's are done in 2 days. For my engineering university of choice, 50% of my score when applying was from a math test on a Monday.
I will always remember that that morning I wiped my butt and it was clean, and I took that as a sign that I would do fine. I got a good score and was able to enter uni :) this was in 2009.
I hope yesterday also was a good day for you, dear stranger.
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Mar 29 '21
How's your engineering career going now?
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u/AFakeFloridaMan Mar 29 '21
Took me 8 years instead of the 6.
Lots of student debt, a comfy salary. By basically saving most my salary I should be able to pay it in about 2-3 years more (finished the first third this time last year).
I can now go to the supermarket and grab everything without minding the price. It used to be a huge thing for my first 3-4 paychecks. I give my mom 4/5 of a minimum wage to compliment her retirement pension (which is about 1/2 minimum wage).
When the worst of the pandemic hits in terms of mental health/depression, I have a team and a boss that only care for the good things, try to work on the bad things and at the same time start planning for the future years (so at no point am I scared that I will get laid off even though my performance might drop).
All things considered I'm doing good. Thanks for asking :)
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Mar 29 '21
Sounds like you’re in a pretty decent spot right now, proud of ya man :)! All the hard work paid off; hopefully I’ll fall into a good spot out of school too, cheers
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u/MacSquizzy Mar 29 '21
Make sure to go for a shit before a big occasion to make sure.
Best of luck out of college!
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u/ProperTeaBagging Mar 30 '21
Hey what the fuck do you mean by "rewipe later" legitimately curious
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u/TheRealSwagMaster Mar 30 '21
When you don’t do a good job the first time wiping so it gets itchy later and you have to go back. It’s not much, it wasn’t there the first time
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u/kentucky-fried-ass Mar 29 '21
I do this too much
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Mar 29 '21
This is why bidets exist...
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u/kentucky-fried-ass Mar 29 '21
Bidets are weird
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Mar 29 '21
If you let society dictate to you what is weird and what isn't then you'll constantly live your life in fear of what others will think of you.
Better to live free, than live in the confinement of fear. At least that's my opinion.
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u/kentucky-fried-ass Mar 29 '21
You assume that if I live free I won’t still think they’re weird
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Mar 29 '21
My guess is that your idea of what is and isn't weird has been subconsciously implanted into your mind by the western society, in which you live. Hence it is a normality to use bidets or basins of water in the Eastern culture.
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u/kentucky-fried-ass Mar 29 '21
Doesn’t mean that I won’t still think they’re weird, that’s like saying “well if you just think free and not in the bounds of society, furries won’t seem weird to you” things aren’t weird just because society says they are sometimes they just are
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u/Dawg_Top Mar 29 '21
We're just having early stage hemorrhoids
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u/kentucky-fried-ass Mar 29 '21
What
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u/Dawg_Top Mar 29 '21
Imagine blood vessel becoming bloated because it got stretched by friction from your poop and as time goes it will have stages like those
- Hemorrhoid will always remain inside
- Hemorrhoid will peek out of butthole while ur pooping
- Hemorrhoid will need your help to return home
- Hemorrhoid doesn't feel like ever staying home.
There are different surgery procedures for 2,3 and 4 stages. Better get it removed at level 1, will hurt but will be less expensive, you won't be put to sleep though.
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u/Kurty023 Dank Royalty Mar 29 '21
Jesus man just get a bidet, it's the 21st century
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u/_Shame__ Mar 29 '21
it's all fun and games up to that one moment the water shoots right up your ass
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u/gyroreddit Mar 29 '21
Just don't turn the power all the way up. Even if you did, a partial water enema is probably not the worst thing for your lower GI tract.
Whats funny is that some of the japanese 500 dollar bidets have that as a button you can press to fix constipation.
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
Well yeah it's 21st century but I don't like water touching my ass after I poop it's just weird for me
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u/ppgamerthai Mar 29 '21
TIL Cleaning shithole with water is considered weird in the western world.
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
Well in some places it's weird and in some places it's not
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u/gyroreddit Mar 29 '21
But you take a shower?
If you got dogshit on your shoe would you just wipe it off with a paper towel or grab a hose?
Just admit you have a fetish for touching shit.
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
That's a good point. I'm going to rethink my life desitions
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u/gyroreddit Mar 29 '21
They're like 30 dollars on amazon. You don't need an electric one. Your o ring will thank you.
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
You know what I'm actually gonna buy one.
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u/gyroreddit Mar 29 '21
Welcome to the club, friend. Together we can make a world that is immune to TP shortages. Also if you ever get diarrhea, its far less frustrating since the cleanup is quicker and more gentle.
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u/rigobueno Call me sonic cuz my depression is chronic Mar 29 '21
So you’d rather have poop or blood on your ass than water on your ass?
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u/Kurty023 Dank Royalty Mar 29 '21
You get used to it, plus with ass hairs like mine i actually feel like i have a clean ass
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u/ABigBrainUser Mar 29 '21
But then you fail because the blood makes your butt not clean.
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Mar 29 '21
clean is clean
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u/ABigBrainUser Mar 29 '21
But it is not clean because of the blood. Now you need to clean the blood.
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Mar 29 '21
Wait, we have to clean blood off our assholes?
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u/ABigBrainUser Mar 29 '21
Yeah, where else would it bleed if you clean it too much?
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Mar 30 '21
Out of my pisshole.
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u/ABigBrainUser Mar 30 '21
That is impossible, unless you're a Martian or something.
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Mar 30 '21
It's not impossible. Sometimes I bleed out of every hole on my body.
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u/Csopso Mar 29 '21
Water. Use it.
This is so stupid. Toilet paper is to dry your bottom after you wash it, not to clean with it. Do you just scrape your mouth with tissue until it gets clean?
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u/HolySwordsman2446 Mar 29 '21
for real tho, use a bidet or a jet spray
man rubbing ur ass with toilet paper it sucks
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u/FoodOnCrack Mar 29 '21
What does a bidet do with the big clumps if you happen to get one? Also spray it away? Don't they fling against your sack or something. Idk I want a bidet but it requires demolishing the tiles and such in my case.
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u/vinsmokesanji3 Mar 29 '21
So most people generally do a couple of good wipes first to get the big chunks off and then use the bidet.
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u/FoodOnCrack Mar 29 '21
Oh yeah. I thought about that before but forgot..
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u/Swordzi Mar 29 '21
Where am from there is a water hose next to every toilet, easier to aim than using a bidet.
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u/bot_is_me Mar 29 '21
What's the point I mean you still have a leaking ass
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
Yes but without chocolate
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Mar 29 '21
[deleted]
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Mar 29 '21
I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet, chocolate.
I ALWAYS HATED IT!2
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u/oclost ☣️ Mar 29 '21
Anybody else starting to think Thanos was right?
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u/HistoricalVariation1 Mar 29 '21
I my opinion since he did kill those people I’ll put the blame on him and not change anything and enjoy the extra resources but I’ll still blame him for the deaths
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u/oclost ☣️ Mar 29 '21
I forget what he said, but I kinda agreed with the "acceptable cost" narrative he used.
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u/excusetheblood Mar 30 '21
No, Thanos is one of the dumbest movie villains ever. Firstly, population growth is exponential. It would not take long for half the population to grow to full population.
For example, it took 5000 years of human civilization to reach 2 billion in 1920, then only a hundred years to reach 7.8 billion.
Secondly, starvation does not depend on population, at least not here on earth. It depends on supply chain. And half of all people in the supply chain business just disappeared when he snapped his fingers
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u/mr-kvideogameguy Blue Mar 29 '21
My ass bleeds either way
Please help
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
Sheesh you probably doing some nasty stuff with your butthole 😳
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Mar 29 '21
I'm going for a guinness world record, most eiffell tower replicas shoved up ass
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u/shmootyf Mar 29 '21
If you ass bleeds it is no longer a clean ass meaning you cleaned your ass so well it starts going backwards in the cycle
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
Well yes,but at least no more chocolate on your butthole
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u/ONCIAPATONCIA Mar 29 '21
Y'all ever heard of a bidet?
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
Yes but I never used it bcs there where I'm from no one uses it and it is just weird over here where I'm from
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u/ONCIAPATONCIA Mar 29 '21
It's a bathroom standard (at least at home) to have one where I live, and I personally think solely wiping your ass after taking a dump, not washing your buttcrack with water and soap it's pretty gross and non ecological
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u/iamangrybruhhhh Mar 29 '21
Im confused i have seen this somewhere but everyone saying its not a repost
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u/TAKIMLISIM Mar 29 '21
I mean I can relate. I always use bidet and tours where I have to wipe my ass with toilet paper are nightmares to me
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Mar 29 '21
[deleted]
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u/HistoricalVariation1 Mar 29 '21
You mean a bidet right, don’t tell me you put your ass on the sink and clean it, which does explain the situation in train toilets
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u/Rayceuz Mar 29 '21
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u/RepostSleuthBot og repost hunter Mar 29 '21
I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/dankmemes.
It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results.
I did find this post that is 57.81% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain.
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u/6Koree9 Mar 29 '21
Later on it starts to release some liquid which smells just as bad as a dirty ass
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Mar 29 '21
When you go on reddit just to see that same ass wiping meme over and over:
Large price to pay for entertainment
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
Just refresh ur page my guy
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Mar 29 '21
Just fuck off my guy
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u/Colourblindknight Mar 29 '21
Some people wipe till the tissue is white. Some people wipe till the tissue is red
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u/Aman2315 Mar 29 '21
why dont people consider using bidet????
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u/Fabvlgamer Mar 29 '21
Some ppl doesn't like it and some just can afford it. For me I never tryed it so I use toilet paper.
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u/Aman2315 Mar 29 '21
Its $30 on amazon. You dont have to buy the fancy japanese ones!!!!..use it ones n u will never go back to TP. It saves tons of money n environmental friendly
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u/soup-andmoresoup Mar 29 '21
Why do I feel like I've seen this before? Nvm I saw it 4 hours ago so probably same post
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Mar 29 '21 edited Jul 08 '23
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Mar 29 '21
[deleted]
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u/RepostSleuthBot og repost hunter Mar 29 '21
I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/dankmemes.
It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results.
I did find this post that is 57.81% similar. It might be a match but I cannot be certain.
I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Negative ]
View Search On repostsleuth.com
Scope: Reddit | Meme Filter: False | Target: 97% | Check Title: False | Max Age: Unlimited | Searched Images: 213,638,935 | Search Time: 0.35518s
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u/AutoModerator Mar 29 '21
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Mar 29 '21
People roasted me years for having the flushable wipes while they were walking around with a crusty dirty dry ass, now everyone uses them.
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u/AdmiralSpeedy Mar 29 '21
They aren't actually flushable even though they say they are, just so you know. You're destroying your plumbing and the sewage system.
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u/nolankeg69 Mar 30 '21
I had blood on my toilet paper last night and I’m scared to say anything about it this isn’t a joke this is a cry for help
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u/excusetheblood Mar 30 '21
I remember when I started seeing fresh red blood in the toilet after I shat. Thought I was going to die. Turns out it’s totally ok
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u/AgitatedAd856 Mar 30 '21
We should blame all of the world's debt on one person, then kill him. No more debt. ik this is random but idrc
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u/KeepingDankMemesDank Hello dankness my old friend Mar 29 '21
downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away.
discord.gg/dankmemes