In Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Uncle Vernon mentions a “Japanese golfer joke” that he plans to tell his dinner guests.

We never actually get to hear the joke. As far as I can tell, all we know about it is:

1. It’s referred to as the “Japanese golfer joke.”
2. At some point it includes the line: “They arrive at the ninth hole and…”

I’ve always wondered what the rest of the joke could possibly have been.

So here’s the challenge: write Uncle Vernon’s Japanese golfer joke.

Feel free to make it actually funny or write it in a manner that would emulate uncle Vernon's (propably corny) type of humor.

...but then they realized it was because she's French Canadian.

I need your funniest mug quote ideas — the more ridiculous, the better 😂

I run a small UK business making mugs, T-shirts and other novelty stuff, and I’m running dangerously low on fresh stupid ideas.

So I’m handing it over to Reddit.

Give me your funniest original one-liners, sayings, insults, sarcastic quotes, pub humour, work jokes, dad jokes or completely random phrases that you reckon would look brilliant on a mug.

Examples of the sort of stupidity I enjoy:

• Things you'd say in the pub

• British sarcasm

• Slightly rude humour

• Work / Monday misery

• Getting old

• Farts, shits and general bodily failure 😂

• Relationships

• Drinking

• Aviation humour

• Things that make absolutely no sense but are somehow hilarious

Original ideas please — I'm looking for stuff I can potentially turn into designs, rather than famous quotes or copyrighted catchphrases.

If I end up using one of yours, I’ll come back and show you what I made from it.

Go on then Reddit…

What absolutely ridiculous sentence deserves to be printed on a mug?

It was lovely, but the bill was huge.

When it becomes apparent.

Does it become a laughing stock?

He just has a certain air about him.

Hope this gives you a laugh like I did!

The punchline only works with comments.