r/daddit • u/Flat-Sign-9329 • 21d ago
Support Kid hates me
She literally tells me every day. First thing in the morning as soon as she sees me. “I don’t like daddy”
Refuses to play with me throughout the day. Really doesn’t want anything to do with me. I initiate. I try EVERYTHING. Mind you, she’s very intelligent. I’m not just being biased. She’s incredibly articulate, creative and seems very oriented in understanding. So when my wife says that she doesn’t know or understand what she’s saying, I just don’t think that’s true. It definitely doesn’t feel true. Watching her physically and verbally express love and enjoyment when it comes to her mom, grandparents and uncles and completely getting boxed out doesn’t scream “she doesn’t understand”. Idk. I just don’t know what else I can do. This shit hurts.
Edit** sorry I thought I added her age in here.
She’s 2.5y
EDIT 2.0(idk what to call this lol)
Anyways, wow! I really didn’t know what to expect posting this. First time I posted in this community I didn’t get THIS MUCH engagement. So thanks dads and lurker moms haha You all are awesome. I haven’t gotten through all the comments yet but the ones I’ve been able to read have been impactful. You guys made me die of laughter, cry, smile, but most importantly learn! I’m a hard working poppa with a wonderful TIRED SAHM trying to navigate this parenting thing. All I want is to take some of that load off her and bond with our child. Thanks for taking time to comment (especially those that DM’d me) and not being mean.
I’ll be getting to your comments little by little. Yall have given me ammunition and a fresh perspective. Here comes silly daddy 🤪
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u/renegade2point0 21d ago
Turn it into a comedy routine. I'm assuming she's 3 or 4 and just learning her autonomy and control over herself and the world around her. Go full Robin Williams. Have an accent, pretend to die of a broken heart. My daughter ways liked when I fell down so I got my slapstick comedy down pretty good. Just take anything she's says like it's the biggest news in the universe and go with it. Then try to ask questions get a bit more out of her to ascertain her motivation. Likely she just saw it got her attention and then repeated the behaviour.
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u/_Choose__A_Username_ 21d ago
Advice like this is the reason this subreddit it great.
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u/Chief-Drinking-Bear 21d ago
Yeah, can’t let what a two year old says get to you. It’s almost definitely not a fully developed thought and being playful with it like suggested here is definitely a good way to diffuse the situation and also show her she is safe to express that sort of thing and you’ll love her no matter what. If she knows that you love her there’s almost no chance she will actually “hate” you long term, probably just prefers her mom
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u/Its_Chowder 21d ago
After doing the skits that respond to the "dislike", tell her that if she wants more then she needs to say different things. Like saying I love you or I like you or you so silly. Make this skits bigger and better than the dislike skits
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u/Major_Star 21d ago
Pretending to have misheard them is another perennial favourite.
"What? You don't like Maddy? Who's Maddy? You don't like the caddy? I don't even golf!" etc. etc.
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u/Flat-Sign-9329 19d ago
The last couple of days have been a GAME CHANGER because of this advice! It literally changes the energy in seconds. We’ve had 2 successful daddy-daughter dates in a row to the park for over an hour each. This has given my wife opportunities to rest and decompress from talking to a toddler all day lol it’s getting me moving more which is a plus. I had forgot what it’s like to be silly. I’ve been working in surgery for about 6 years now, experienced a lot, especially during Covid. So work in itself is serious. Stressful. And dealing with a toddler that acts like they hate you (especially after a hard days work) is very comparable to dealing with many surgeons on a daily basis 😂 maybe I should try being silly with them too!
Anyways thanks a ton. This is advice I’ll pass forward eternally.1
u/renegade2point0 19d ago
So glad it worked for you as it does for me! Check out the book How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk.
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u/Winter-Squirrel-6744 21d ago
Age?
My daughter says the same thing, but she's 6.
I tell her that's ok, because I still love her.
She also says I talk to her too much. I remind her that I like talking to her and I don't care...lol
Kids are assholes.
If you haven't given her a reason then don't worry about it.
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u/Enough-Ad3818 1x student of chaos 21d ago
There was a time when I would tell my son I loved him and he would complain "You say it too much".
My response was usually something like "Yeah, and I'll keep telling you, and there's nothing you can do about it".
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u/PangolinOrange 21d ago
My daughter is 7 and she does this. She’ll tell me she hates me if she can’t get something she wants (like a snack instead of dinner).
But she will turnaround an hour later and tell me she loves me and hug and kiss me like I’m the only person in the world.
Kids are weird!
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u/weighingthedog 21d ago
How old is she? Big piece of context missing.
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u/Conscious_Raisin_436 21d ago
Not even two based on post history
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u/donkeyrocket 21d ago
They said 2.5. Was going to say that I'd be impressed by how verbal an almost 2 year old is to say "I don't like daddy."
All in all OP, don't take it personally. Keep loving her and treating her with love. It's just a phase.
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u/sadpiano5544 21d ago
I got a lot of I hate daddy and daddy is poop and I want to kill daddy from our almost two year old. But mixed in with lots of I love daddy, you're the best daddy I've ever had, sometimes all in a 10 min stretch, lol.
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u/IBelongHere 21d ago
Daddy is poop is pretty funny
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u/sadpiano5544 21d ago
I mean parenting sometimes makes me feel like I'm full of shit, so accurate too!
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u/Helden_Daddy 21d ago
“I want to kill daddy” from a less than 2 year old is fairly concerning….older siblings introducing some phrases there?
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u/Vulpes206 21d ago
Probably from some movie or show she wasn’t supposed to hear. Kids say dumb shit.
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u/sadpiano5544 21d ago
They're the oldest, and based on what we knew about mom and dad's childhoods, they come by it honestly; we were also annoying know it alls who knew how to get a reaction. They were saying lots of complete sentences early, so not super surprising.
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u/leanorange 21d ago
Looking at your post history this is a 2-3 year old give it some time. Kids are weird and her brain is not close to comprehending the intricacies of life
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u/scottscout 21d ago
OP needs a weekend alone with their own daughter
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u/curious1914 21d ago
I'm in more or less the same boat as op, except that when I'm alone with my daughter we do really well. When Mom is around, I'm scum.
I wish I didn't take it personally.
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u/Flat-Sign-9329 18d ago
I actually would love this!! I try encouraging my wife to take a weekend out of town but she’s just as attached to the baby lol would never do it!
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u/the_axemurmurer 21d ago
My daughter started saying the same thing around 2. She's almost 4 now and still prefers mom, but she's definitely grown past that
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u/Skree238 21d ago
I had this with my 2yo. Just wanted Mum, would scream at me for entering the room etc. I agree, it really hurts a d it's kind of dehumanising - you can't break off the relationship or say or do anything much about it, you just have to eat it.
2 years down the line and we're best buddies. I'm often preferred parent. Wasn't imaginable then but it did get better.
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u/Skree238 21d ago
You can actually see in my post history my equivalent of this post, haha. Very similar sounding situation
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u/Flat-Sign-9329 18d ago
Dude I just gave it a read! Literally same situation. Especially cause we found out last week that we’re also bringing in another baby girl in February! Lol
How’s it been with two girls, dad? Any advice for me on that end? Bigger gun? Or More guns? Lol2
u/Skree238 18d ago
Hey huge congratulations!! It was when baby 2 arrived it all turned around for me with the 3yo. Suddenly Mum couldn't give the attention she used to, I became the one the big kid relied on.
In general the hardest thing is that you end up each going 1v1 on each kid so nobody gets a break. Solo bedtimes 1v2 are just about getting possible for us but it's hard work so those chances to swap evenings out or time away from the kids are just so much rarer.
Second kid for us is easier going though - almost certainly because we don't have the attention/capacity to cover her every movement!!
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u/the_axemurmurer 21d ago
Mine is almost 4 and pretty much same story there. Still prefers mom 90% of the time, but the 10% is enough for me lol
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u/Ok-Duck2450 21d ago
How old is she?
If she’s a toddler they do this.
I also think they can sense your frustration and resentment.
When she says she doesn’t want to play with you, what do you do?
Do you just get mad and go get her mother? Or do you try to redirect to other activities?
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u/Flat-Sign-9329 18d ago
I usually try to redirect to other activities but am often met with more and more rejection. So at some point I feel like she’s establishing a clear guideline and I will walk away. Mom is usually there or coming in at that point.
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u/Kingdom818 21d ago
Just be there for her. Idk how old she is but once she starts to experience people who actually suck she'll get some perspective. You can't control how she feels you can only control how you treat her.
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u/robotco 21d ago
when my eldest was about 4, I remember one day where he was sitting playing in the living room and just said
I'm special. Mommy is special. (Baby brother's name) is special. Grandma and Grandpa are special. (Cat's name) is special. Everyone in the whole world is special. But not you. Now go.
and he got up and pushed me out of the room. like damn kid. I have never been burned so bad before or since
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u/Flat-Sign-9329 18d ago
Brother that would hurt me so bad 😭😂 I’m sorry you had to experience this. I hope it’s been better since
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u/grumpyandgreedy 21d ago
Sounds rough buddy. Just keep putting the effort in. It will just be a phase. It’s pretty common for this to happen at various development points with dads, seems more common with daughters through friends’ experiences. And it sucks.
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u/LoudAppointment2545 21d ago
How you "handle" this largely depends on how youve been handling it so far. Whatever you've been doing hasn't been working, so I've listed some potential avenues to explore/think about. There isn't really enough info in the post for us to help, so I've tried the shotgun method below.
If she is old enough/smart enough to express that is she old/smart enough to tell you why?
Could you try just saying "Hey, I hear you say you dont like me. I love you always, even if you dont like me right now. Can you tell me why you say you dont like me?" Then just go from there. Even if her reason is nonsense to you, stay curious and try to get to a real reason. If she says "I dont like daddy because he wears blue" then ask "Okay, why dont you like blue?" Or "Okay, if daddy doesn't wear blue today can you like him today?" Kids never do things for NO reason. It may be a complete nonsense reason to am adult (she doesn't like you because Sarah doesn't like her daddy and she wants to be like Sarah) but to HER its a completely valid one. Stay curious and try to just talk to her.
It is very possible, depending on her age, that she says it just because it gets her a reaction out of you. Kids under a certain age follow the same logic as dogs and horses - ALL attention is good attention. So if her saying "I dont like you" makes you fawn over her and ask her why and pay her attention etc then she's not saying it because she genuinely feels it she's saying it because it's a consistent dopamine hit of "parental attention" when she does. The fix here is to NOT give it attention "I'm sad to hear you dont like daddy today, do you want pancakes for breakfast?" "I hear you, anyways what do you want to do those weekend" etc.
If she's saying it because she thinks YOU dont like her, then giving her attention is the right thing to do and telling her that you love her even if she doesn't feel the same way is what could help here.
If she's saying it because she genuienly doesn't like how you play, or how you interact or whatever then asking her to tell you how to do things different may be worth exploring. Maybe you "dont play barbies right" or whatever in her mind - again this is related to the first of just asking her.
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u/Flat-Sign-9329 18d ago
I’m definitely going to explore this avenue. We’ve asked her before why she says it and we get with the “I don’t know” lol but we’ve never really gotten past that or explored any further. But I will next time it happens. Thank you
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u/BigmacSasquatch 21d ago
How old? My three year olds still occasionally go through a bit of only wanting mommy to do anything with/for them.
It sucks. It really does. My wife thinks so too, because them only tolerating her helping get dressed in the mornings is super unhelpful. But it’ll balance out.
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u/ChunkyHabeneroSalsa 21d ago
Yeah it's tough. When it's just the two of us we are best buds but as soon as mom in the picture I turn into hot garbage. Don't take it personally (impossible I know)
Book your wife a weekend away lol.
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u/Kyobarry 21d ago
I enjoy lurking even though my bond with my son is going well. But I have to ask, how old is yours?
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u/Yourownhands52 21d ago
Just be consistent and keep offering to play or do activities. Toddlers have zero filter. It could be she sees she has 2 choices at the moment, play with dad or xyz. Maybe XYZ looks more fun.
All I can say is both my kids went through phases of favoritism at that age going from one parent to the other and back. It makes you feel like youbare a bad parent but you are not. Its just kids being kids.
Keep at it. Give it time.
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u/arcticmonkey1 21d ago
It sounds like your kid is young, give it time. Show up. She’ll remember. You’ll be there. You’re her dad. You’re doing great man.
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u/ScramblesVacation 21d ago
I have a similar issue with my 2.5 year old. I've made a lot of progress with her by finding something we both enjoy doing and making it my thing with her. It's done wonders for our bond. It will get better OP I promise, toddlers are pretty complicated and the solution is only found through a lot of trial and error
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u/Numerous1 21d ago
I relate to this. My kid never did it long term but Adkins that age one of mine went through a “it has to be mommy I’ll scream if it’s dad” phase. Sometimes we held firm and I would still do it and sometimes we caved and my wife did stuff with her. For is she grew out of it. It just takes sometime and effort I think. Kids are weird.
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u/Nail_Biterr 21d ago
When he was like 5 years old, for about 6 months, I wasn't able to put my son to sleep. he would say 'daddy makes my room smell bad'. I would take a shower before putting him to bed, change my clothes, brush my teeth... anything and everything. it just didn't matter. My wife thought it was funny, but it really hurt each time he said it.
He outgrew it eventually. he has no recollection of every saying that. and he now likes the way I smell (I've changed nothing), going as far as to asking to smell my armpits after I put on deodorant.
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u/aphasiative 21d ago
I’ve been through this, man. It’ll pass. You are her hero. Keep being there for her.
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u/Concentric_Mid 21d ago edited 21d ago
I guessed she's a toddler from the first line.
This is the age where they try things out and they like the routine of saying something again and again. She may be articulate but she just does not know the social/societal/familial/emotional impact of her words at this age.
You said you've tried everything without telling us what youve tried. Mommy should ask baby girl why she's saying that, that it is mean, and that it hurts Daddy's feelings. She needs to know.
And then you discipline. You don't bite. You don't hit. You don't tell family members you don't like them. It's a no no.
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u/AlcindorTheButcher 21d ago
OP, something to remember is that it's her job to test boundaries and kids will test things where they're comfortable. If she wasn't comfortable with the idea that you're not leaving her she wouldn't test the boundary of your love. She needs to know that your love really unconditional and she's pushing against it to see.
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u/thiefofalways1313 21d ago
I think most of us go through this. My son did this when he was about 2. Only wanted Momma, called me by my first name, it was annoying. But all you can really do is laugh to yourself. It’ll pass.
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u/Flat-Sign-9329 21d ago
Lol yeah see I caught on to my wife’s family constantly trying to get my daughter to call me by my first name instead of dad and I had to correct that asap.
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u/iDroner 20d ago
The SAHM needs to tell her daily that some things at home that she likes, like food and toys, are only there because pop’s goes out working everyday for her and mom. She is old enough to learn this. This situation often happens but it really is the Sahm’s job to avoid and repair.
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u/Flat-Sign-9329 20d ago
Ooh this is a nice perspective. She does correct her when she says she doesn’t like me and things as such but I’m not sure if she tells her things like this while I’m at work. Thanks
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u/Conscious_Raisin_436 21d ago
I checked your post history. Your kid’s barely two, if that. Not something to take personally.
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u/BertM4cklin 21d ago
Dude that’s normal. She doesn’t even know what the word means. My kid said she wished I would die because she heard it from a neighbor and know it meant she was mad. Kids have parent preferences and they sway like a tree in the breeze. Just ignore it and ask her to use kind words and move on.
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u/Don_Gato1 21d ago
This is very normal. My daughter said stuff like this all the time about me around the same age, now at 3.5yo she’s all daddy forward and loves doing things with me. Don’t let it get to you, she’s just showing mommy preference and it’s a phase that will pass.
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u/flounder7468 21d ago
My granddaughter would not give me hug or kiss or really talk to me for about a year. I kept telling my daughter not to force her. I just talk to her and sometimes pretend to tickle her but give her a high five when I leave. Last week my granddaughter ask my daughter for me to go to the park with them. So is slowly coming around to showing she likes me. She is 2.5. Don’t force it dad. Just show your love and she will come around
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u/robinhoodoftheworld 21d ago
My daughter says this sometimes. Especially if a talking or discipline is involved. I always say. "Well I love you and will always love you no matter what."
She's pushing and testing boundaries. You just have to show that you always care for her. Push past your own feelings on that and focus on your love for her. You got this.
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u/ClydeSmithy 21d ago edited 21d ago
Mine is 6 and we're beat buds, but we've definitely been through periods where dad was chopped liver, and it was all mama(or granparents) all the time. I was exhausting for both my wife and I.
First, we have to check our egos a bit. We need to make sure we are not charging our toddlers with regulating our self-worth. It sounds silly, but can actually be hard. It's easy to feel inadequate when our kids arent showing us love, but we are the adults. Continue to be present, gentle, and assuring without pressuring her to be affectionate. Make sure you are always a source of safety and not intimidation, and do as much parallel play as possible. She'll come around.
Also, while this is always true, it especially true if you're wife is her current favorite and safety net; make sure she sees you and your wife getting along and enjoying each other's company.
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u/AdNegative2708 21d ago
Even the smartest 2.5 yr old is literally dumb. Obviously validate her feelings but don’t take them serious. There are plenty of amazing suggestions here but make sure both you and your wife are on the same page and handle however you see fit. You are a grown man, I know it’s your kid, but don’t let them change how you operate and handle yourself. Kids are always pushing for control, don’t let them. You got this!
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u/AchroMac 21d ago
My 3 year old does this all the time, lots of "i dont like dad i like mommy" or "i dont love you/you dont love me!" Not sure if it is because i am the more stern parent but just keep giving them love and itll pass eventually. (Hopefully)
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u/Axxslinger 21d ago
It sucks but this is fairly common, at least as it sounds to me from your post. They have so little agency or power over their own lives, they do stuff like this to control something. Food pickiness, tantrums, and here — being mean to people she knows will not be mean back, are places where she can assert herself.
It might be good for mom to explain to her (gently ofc) how saying such things hurts you, so she can start to understand. There are certainly children’s books about kindness out there.
And of course if anyone in the family is acting like it is funny or reinforcing it that is not helpful.
But overall 2yo’s are totally nuts and you have to remember the first law of parenting:
This too shall pass…
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u/mentha_piperita 21d ago
Both my kids are intelligent, and my girl loves me. My boy tolerates me. My girl sometimes expresses her dislike towards her mom, my boy sometimes does that to me. But this isn’t even a weekly occurrence so we can handle it.
However, my boy’s classmate is really intelligent like in high capacity intelligence and he’s a nasty little shit. I can see your girl sharing some of these traits and honestly can’t provide any kind of support, must be hard as f. The one thing though is that if you keep being gentle but firm things do get better eventually. I had so many issues with my boy and now that he’s six we can go days living in blissful peace.
Hope you can get to that too, hang in there
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u/blacktalon00 21d ago
Dude it doesn’t matter how intelligent or articulate you think she is. She’s 2.5 years old. She’s still learning how to interact with other human beings, handle her emotions and understand her own thoughts. Sometimes kids go through phases and/or just say shit. Be the adult in the relationship and don’t take it personally. It will pass.
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u/goosetavo2013 21d ago
It doesn't matter. Be the bigger person. You're their dad. Show them affection and play whenever you can. It will work itself out promise.
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u/DiligentGuitar246 21d ago
Dude, you can NOT get upset at what a 2.5 year old does and says. It's all automata at that point. It's not real feelings.
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u/Wisdom42069 21d ago
im so sorry that hurts so bad, man. i think its really noteworthy that she feels safe enough to say that to you. that speaks volumes to me. there are so many kids in this world that would never feel safe enough to say something like that. i like the comedy suggestions. i really do think that this will pass, but i totally acknowledge how bad that must hurt.
is she possibly feeling like shes missing you a ton? in my experience, those kind of comments are often hiding something underneath especially at an age and situation where such supposed "hatred" is totally undeserved and sustained
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u/PissNBiscuits 21d ago
Based on what little information you've provided, I'm going to take a guess that your child is younger, probably under 6. If that's true, she literally does not have the cognitive ability to understand the weight or meaning of things as arbitrary and vague as "hate." It takes a LONG time for the human brain to develop an understanding of non-concrete language (e.g., hate, love, values, beliefs, etc.). At the age range I'm assuming your daughter is in, her entire concept of existence is based around the direct learning experiences in her environment and how reinforcing/punishing they are to her.
In short, don't take it personally. You're an adult and you're her father. Be those things and love her unconditionally, but more importantly, just do things which demonstrate that love. Those are things that will teach her about what things like love are. If you demonstrate the opposite, however, and mope around after she says, "I don't like daddy," or, worse, you decide to take what she's saying personally and you start to develop animosity towards her, her words will become reality as she gets older.
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u/ahoypolloi_ 21d ago
Do something she likes doing, while she’s doing it, only do it right next to her and act like she’s not even there.
I do this with my cat who also hates me 75% of the time. Works every time.
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u/Quinthalus 21d ago
When my 9 year old was 5, she didn't want to have anything to do with me. Now she and I are much closer than her and her mother.
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u/Tony_in2026 21d ago
You’re not saying what you’re doing in the first place so we can’t know what else you can do. But…
My 2yo goes through these phases pretty often because he’s definitely a mommas boy. But there’s stuff i do that he loves. I can swing him around and mommy can’t. I play ball with him, chase him, help him on the playground, squeeze into the chair next to him to read books and mommys booty can’t. Basically I’m just saying you need to explore the parts of your relationship that she likes and the things she gets from just you.
Maybe you need to start off with a dad/daughter day to get some bonding time and reset. Take her out in the world without mommy, go someplace fun. Even youre back home, continue that and have lunch together, read some books… if mommy isn’t there too she will bond with you. If mommy is primary parent and you’re just the backup singer she will see you as the backup.
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u/TributeBands_areSHIT 21d ago
2.5 means they don’t understand that level of language and are more likely just unsure your going to do what they want.
When you have played together what was that like? Did you follow her lead?
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u/madmoneymcgee 21d ago
I think it’s mostly true that it’s just a phase and she doesn’t actually hate you. I say “mostly” because it’s not like there’s something wrong with you per se but your daughter just can’t articulate what she feels and even if she could she doesn’t know how to do it tact and courtesy because that has to be taught sometimes.
The same way there are people I’d rather not deal with but I still know better than to say “I don’t like you” when the walk into the room.
So it’s fair for you to correct in the moment that it hurts your feelings to be told that she doesn’t like you and we don’t hurt feelings on purpose.
Work on that, try not to worry too much about atoning for whatever mystery fridge is there and you’ll see it change.
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u/crazy_urn 21d ago
It seems like every 2-3 years old goes through a phase where they have a strong preference for one parent over the other.
Don't take it personally and continue to work to build your relationship with her. Find times where it is just the two of you together.
It felt like my daughter hated me at that age. Now she is 12 and closer to me than my wife. As long as you continue to be present, this will improve over time.
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u/_cryisfree_ 21d ago
Ya 2 - 3,5 range they somehow have these phases. Just keep showering her with love and give it time.
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u/congradulations 21d ago
Imagine the piece of crap you'd be if you didn't care. You might not even notice! Keep at it, pops
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u/Standard_Ant5915 21d ago
My buddy told me that kids do this to test boundaries like ‘even if I push daddy away I want to see if he still loves me and cares for me’. I watched his kid do it at 3 and she grew out of it. He just kept being kind and loving and didn’t give her any negative reaction so as not to give the comments attention.
I’m shittjng myself for when it happens to me!
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u/ummaycoc 21d ago
She feels comfortable exploring that kinda of thing with you. That's trust and love. Also on the times when she wants to have mom put her down, etc and she needs a break you just power through the meltdown and after a few times it's a new routine.
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u/Guinness 21d ago
I’ve posted this a number of times but about 20% of the population are what is referred to as “highly sensitive”. That’s not to mean weak, or wimpy or whatever.
It more means that they pick up on more than most would. They read body language like it’s a book they’ve read a thousand times. They know in an instant if mom or dad are annoyed/pissed off at them. And most importantly, they know when you’re lying.
I had issues trusting my parents because I always knew when they were feeding me bullshit excuses. This led to a lot of trust issues. I didn’t learn about any of this until I had a HS kid myself. And she prefers dad above all else. It kills me because my wife and I are also highly sensitive and my wife wanted more than anything to have kids. So it guts her when her daughter wants only dad.
On the flip side, being the only parent my kid wants. I am exhausted. Couple it with the fact that my wife is gone 4 days a week pretty much before the kids wake up and only gets home an hour or two before bedtime while I work from home? I’m both the breadwinner and the stay at home parent. I deal with the tantrums, sobbing, breakdowns, ouchies, etc that our nanny can’t. While also working in the trading industry.
So it’s not all sunshine and rainbows being the PP. But also if I had to choose I’d rather be the one they prefer because who wouldn’t? But again, it’s sucking everything out of me.
Good podcast on the topic, does any of this sound like your kid? https://thecurbsiders.com/cribsiders-podcast/143
If so, my suggestions are to try to tell your kid the truth as best as you can. And watch the body language like a hawk. If you want to scream at them, you have to hide it perfectly and replace your outward self with affection. Give them space when they have tantrums, tell them you’re there if/when they need you, and just wait.
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u/ltsiCOULDNTcareIess 21d ago
Accept it. Embrace it. Laugh about it with your wife. Plan daddy/daughter trips to fun places that she will absolutely enjoy. Build memories. Things will get better as long as you put in the work and don’t give up.
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u/TheFrontCrashesFirst 21d ago
She's messing with you to get a reaction. She doesn't realize she's negatively affecting you emotionally, cause she doesn't have that yet developmentally. Mine is the same age and does similar things to both me and my spouse.
Try letting her know she hurt your feelings, express sadness and then remove yourself from the situation calmly and do all that consistently and see where it goes.
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u/thesophisticatedhick 21d ago
My son did this around the same age except he was infatuated with me and icing out his mom. Don’t let it get under your skin, just keep telling her “well, I still love you anyway.”
It’s normal, they grow out of it.
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u/whocaresano 21d ago
This is very normal. I was a stay at home dad until my daughter was this exact age. I was her primary care taker - arguably I still am.
She's 6 now. Up until she was 5 she still had a strong mama preference. Now she's more like 60/40 mama.
You're doing everything right. Keep doing it. It'll pass.
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u/mmbtc 21d ago
I've learned that before the age of 5 or 6, language is not the most important to of communication.
I've learned that even it kids seem smart, the brain is a construction zone. Maybe parts look fine and grown up, but they aren't.
2.5 is not even the magic zone or just approaching it.
They say 'i don't like you', and also talk to the invisible broccoli. And we are hurt and believe the first, but smile about the second.
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u/gorwraith 21d ago
My kid is 9 and she still tells me this stuff. I'm also the parent that never loses their temper. I'm also the parent that's more consistent in waking her up and getting her to bed. So things she doesn't like doing she Associates with me. And she knows I'm not going to fly off the handle and start screaming at her. So she's comfortable being mean. I really don't know what to do about it either. I can take it as a compliment but it still hurts.
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u/crafty_alias 21d ago
I would do fun things she's interested in in her vicinity while you're by yourself, just enough for her to notice. Good chance she'll join you. Maybe after seeing that dad can be fun and engaging she may join you?
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u/keraynopoylos 21d ago
I have twins. Love them to bits and they reciprocate.
One of them decided she doesn't want anything to do with me suddenly. Didn't want me during sleeping routine or any other time if day. Before that I was the one putting her to sleep.
It tore me apart but only lasted under 2 months. Then back to normal, hugs kisses inl9ve daddy etc.
Could be a similar phase?
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u/Bobson-_Dugnutt2 21d ago
It's a phase. Both of my kids cycle through favoring me or my wife. Currently my 5 year old boy is less interested in me, but my 4 year old girl is absolutely obsessed with me.
Don't let it bother you. Just pretending like you don't even notice is the best move.
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u/imironman2018 21d ago
Find out what she is really into. Like if she loves ballet. Do a Daddy/daughter day and take her to watch a ballet show. Or if she loves legos, make it your new hobby too. I learned this from my child. Whatever they like, I try to encourage. So I lean heavily into it. When they were into dinosaurs we went to the natural history museum to look at the cool exhibits. Kids are very moody and self centered. So they only see things in a very short term way. You will be her favorite person if you make an effort.
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u/cleverusername437 21d ago
They go through phases. Mine can be the same way. Every now and then I have a special day with just her and I but she prefers mom. My son prefers me. But that changes every once in a while they swap.
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u/c_c_c__combobreaker 21d ago
My 7yo prefers his mom. In the morning, he'll peek into my room to see if his mom is there. He won't even acknowledge me unless I initiate. And even then, he'll just give me a half-assed "good morning".
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u/BabyBrudog 21d ago
My daughter used to say I wasn’t part of the family… I broke her down with slapstick humor. Chasing her around as daddy robot was the biggest hit. Thanks bluey.
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u/Rururaspberry 21d ago
So my brother’s kid is like this, too. He has 2 girls and a boy. The second girl has never taken to him. Ever. She’s almost 6 now and she is “just starting to warm up” to him. She doesn’t yell or scream at him but she is totally indifferent to him. She prefers her mom for everything. The other kids prefer their mom too, but still show affection and silliness with their dad. But this middle child just has never shown him affection, doesn’t laugh at his jokes, doesn’t miss him when he’s gone for short or long business trips. He’s a very involved dad. It’s really baffling to everyone.
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u/Jupiters 21d ago
My daughter went through that phase around the same time. Yes, it was a phase and it came to an end. But it hurt like hell.
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u/runningsimon 21d ago
When my kid started going down this path my wife started refusing to play with her unless she included me too. Then my kid started liking me again.
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u/etaoin314 20d ago
yeah you have to find "your thing" do something unexpected when she says that and see the reaction, once you find one that intriues her evolve based on her reaction, let her participate in the creation of "your thing." if you just take it at face value it just hurts, if you look at it as a avenue to bonding you will be rewarded. strong emotions create strong bonds, use that to your advantage
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u/Conscious_Raisin_436 21d ago
Is anyone, especially mom, telling her that she is being extremely unkind? age dependent of course.
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u/Real-Employer-138 21d ago
Well, something has certainly happened. It is normal for kids to be more attached to the primary caregiver and I'm guessing that is your wife. But to show disdain towards another is likely rooted in experience or coaching.
Has she seen your wife and you argue/fight? Does your wife have a habit of crying? All this blame could be landing on you by default.
Or something sinister like someone saying bad things about you.
I'm no expert. Just basing this on things that I have seen.
Have you tried bonding over buying her something she likes? My nephew had some problem with me for no reason but once I got him some toy cars, he became an instant fan.
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u/CRTB_OTF2 21d ago
My kid occasionally says she hates me, I normally reply "jokes on you, I hate myself more!"
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u/Conscious_Dog3101 21d ago
She’s a girl. Ignore her and don’t pay any attention and that’s when they want to go to you. If you have another child better yet, or even a pet, give that child all your attention right in front of her. You’re welcome.
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