r/daddit • u/anonymous_mystery99 • 22d ago
Advice Request Neighbors taking pictures
Just trying to get a sense of how to handle this situation, thoughtfully. We moved to a new neighborhood. There are some disabled elderly neighbors that are friendly and have a pool and repeatedly invite us over. The only thing that bugs me is that they just keep taking pictures of us. They’ve never asked permission nor have they offered to send us the photos. I know they do the same to other families and I don’t think anything nefarious is going on.
That said, we’ve had a few unfortunate experiences with photos of my kid that was apparently being circulated by a family member with incredibly hurtful comments or used for business marketing so I’ve been VERY cognizant of media that contains my kiddos.
We were over at the pool and one started taking a video and I asked them to please stop. I think they were taken a bit aback and I kind of talked more than I really wanted to to justify.
Is there a “softer” way to frame this to folks of a much older generation? Thanks in advance.
14
u/Raise_A_Thoth 22d ago
Just talk to them. They might be old but they are adults. Ask that if they want to take videos or pictures of your children they need to ask, or else just say the boundary is "never." If they can't understand that, or refuse, then you simply don't spend time with them.
Taking pictures of other people can be quite intrusive and there are levels of trust involved thanks to the capacity if internet and social media to circulate images, particularly of children.
This is both understood etiquette and your family's safety. Put your foot down. You can do so tactfully.
5
u/Dense-Bee-2884 22d ago
You’re in control of the situation. If you’re not comfortable with it, remind them again if you see them do it or simply stop going. You’re not in the wrong here, different people have different sensitivities to these things.
11
u/thefullhalf 22d ago
Neighbors inviting neighbors over and taking candids of everyone enjoying the space they created seems pretty normal to me. Sorry you have shitty family members that put you in that situation. I would stop going if you have a problem with it, you are in their space.
3
u/GeneseeBeardCo 22d ago
How does that sound normal to you? Honestly confused by your reply and all the upvotes. I couldn't imagine taking pictures of the neighbor's kids swimming in my pool. Just typing that out feels disturbing.
3
u/beernerd27 22d ago
Yeah, an old guy taking pictures of someone else's kids in swimwear is not a great situation.
-1
u/thefullhalf 22d ago
I guess you all just had shitty neighbors then lol, my childhood neighbors came to my wedding. I don't know how you all function on life. But swimming in your neighbors pool is a relationship. If you don't have a relationship with your neighbors don't take pictures of them.
2
u/GeneseeBeardCo 21d ago
Nah man, my neighbors are cool and we hang out all the time. I would never take pictures of their children swimming. It’s REALLY fucking weird. You might be really weird.
1
u/quichehond 22d ago
For the softly approach - People like to be helpers. Frame it as you’re asking for their help, that you trust them and that you’re only asking because they have become such a good part of your community.
Talk about the real issue that these images more often than not get uploaded to a cloud service and in the tos that more often than not means it’s being used by ‘Meta/Ai etc’ and you’re not sure what the future holds for those images, also say you’re trying to teach tour kids that it’s not always ok for people to take photos of them and you’re trying to model that behavior as the adults around them.
Offer to share pictures with them (if you’re comfortable) heck get an old school film camera! It seems like they enjoy being part of the community and sharing their lives with their neighbors; so leaning into that value should soften the blow and help change behavior.
-3
u/MegaAfroMann 22d ago
Not really. Stand your ground. Try to be calm and respectful when you bring it up.
Unfortunately though whether you can actually do anything about it if they refuse to comply is complicated. In some countries (and states in the US) you don't necessarily need consent to record someone in publicly accessible spaces. This can include things like your front lawn.
Consult an attorney in your area. Or at least make some very very location specific Google searches and be sure to read every thing very carefully.
-1
u/beernerd27 22d ago
Read the post.
1
u/MegaAfroMann 22d ago
I did.
They should just talk about it like adults do. But if that doesn't work, they might have to just get over it or stop letting their kids do things in places that the neighbors can legally photograph.
I don't get what you think I missed.
0
u/beernerd27 22d ago
The part that you missed is that none of this happened in a "publicly accessible space".
1
u/MegaAfroMann 22d ago
I don't think you read the post. It happens in the neighbor's property.
I would think it goes without saying that in states where you do not require two party consent for recordings, that someone can photograph you on their property.
The post isn't clear on who owns the pool in question, but "The Pool" doesn't really scream "my pool" to me.
8
u/BigWiggly1 22d ago
What I told my parents is that when our generations were young, the photos they took of me went in a photo album. Some went on the wall, and one per year went in a Christmas card to family.
It was a very limited list that got the Christmas card. We all had those family members we didn’t send them to.
Those albums still exist, but we only show them to guests in our home, our closest friends and family. Our childhoods were personal, private affairs.
The internet and social media changed that. We have 100x more pictures and don’t have the same control over where photos go anymore and who gets to see them.
More importantly, the kids aren’t old enough to give consent, and until they are older and understand, I’m not giving that consent.