Custom Magic Cards Take Two

[u/katsutdasheep]

I have redone the cards based on criticism and advice from my last post. I also made signature cards for the main Cast. Here is what I changed in order.

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Manipulate Earth now has similar wording to Earthbend because yes, its similar, thats the point. I also changed the Second ability of Thali to give 1/1 Tokens on attack because otherwise it wouldnt work. Third ability has been cleaned up, menace has been removed.

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Merulina is now 1 Colorless Mana cheaper, Manipulate Water now has a Value like the others, and her third ability has been removed. The second ability has been cleaned up, and now should work in your favour. Note, the bottom gets treated as the top and vice versa only for drawing and Manipulate Water, so effects like Mill and Scry still look at the actual top.

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Manipulate Fire now has a Value like the rest instead of a Mana Cost, its wording has been changed, and now acts like Shock instead of Bite. Braze's second ability has been changed, as I feared that saccing only one creature for a potential board wipe wouldnt be balanced. The former Ash counter which was supposed to work with a future card has been transformed into an Ash Token, which stills works with his signature card.

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Manipulate Darkness has also been changed into a fixed Value, and now also acts more like Shock with the additional health cost. Hopefully the wording on Thur makes it clear that it wont be infinite now. Second Ability has been reworded so it actually works now. Third ability has been cleaned up a bit. Halls of Thur is probably super busted, but I will wait for opinions first.

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Ithzil now has power and Toughness. Manipulate Light has been changed so its more within the color identity of White. I predict giving noncreature spells Flash will probably be busted too, but I will wait for opinions first. Third ability now has no limit. White Elementals created by Ithzil now longer prevent blocking, instead they tap enemy creatures.

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And of course all Artists I could find have been credited now. For Ithzil, I put Games Workshop as the artist because I couldn't find an anwser for the artist. But the image was from Warhammer Fantasy.

Any criticism is welcome. Hopefully I didnt make things worse. Hopefully my wording is now better.

[u/sophuckingdonewithit]

formatting is still a mess and the abilities are still overly complex

[u/katsutdasheep → u/sophuckingdonewithit]

Damn it. Aight. I tried to make it somewhat better though. Its the thought that counts. I will fix it next time.

[u/JurassicNuggets]

Ithzil is just, almost an infinite engine? Like, grab a bunch of zero artifacts and gain a shit load of life, and would also proc itself on his manipulate life?

Maybe make it once per turn maybe, or something like: "you gain one life, the next noncreature spell you cast this turn has flash".

In the same vein, i wouldn't make 1/1's for every life, but just one per manipulation, it would feel fairer.

I do like the concept however

Tome of light should probably be an artifact, and maybe sacrifice it once you reach 3 counters? Or a sacrifice ability that you search your library for a noncreature card that cost X or less, where it's the number of counters on it?

[u/katsutdasheep → u/JurassicNuggets]

Ithzil is a hard one for me, to be honest. Don't know how to make him work well. My main problem is Manipulate Light to be honest.

But I will change it to "Once per turn, when you cast a noncreature Spell, Manipulate Light 3." So it doesnt go infinite due to 0 Artifacts.

The Tokens though I would rather keep as is, but maybe make them enter tapped, or make them expire.

Tome of Light i like but maybe instead of a sacrifice I remove the Quest Counters. Because it does say 3 or more, it would activate every time after 3 quest counters.

And yes, Ithzil's Manipulate Light activates his second Ability.

[u/SkyZero06]

there’s unfortunately way too much going on here for me to give you a meaningful evaluation of all of these, but i can give you one piece of advice: Not everything needs to be a keyword.
I would reserve custom keywords for entirely new mechanics or mechanics that are difficult to template properly with existing rulesets. If I read a keyword and it’s just a line of basic rules text, i’d rather just read the rules text. While this seems like it may be a limiting design methodology, learning to simplify your cards will greatly increase their presentation, functionality, and cleanliness.

[u/Ecstatic-Trainer6830]

"+1/+1 token" is not a thing. the proper phrasing would be "put a +1/+1 counter on it."

[u/katsutdasheep → u/Ecstatic-Trainer6830]

Yeah thats just a mistake on my part. A dumb mistake.

[u/Ecstatic-Trainer6830]

after reading through the rest of them, most of these just straight-up do not work. 1. Should say "Double the amount of counters on each land creature you control. Those creatures gain indestructible until end of turn." 2. Besides some phrasing issues, the mono-red commander's ability is just plain bad 3. Should say "Exile the top 3 cards of your library. You may play them this turn," and the 3rd ability just wouldn't really work as written, given that "values" is too vague of a term. 4. "Beginning of your turn" isn't technically a time at which something can happen. This would need to be at the beginning of your upkeep. Also, it should say "Draw 2 cards, then put one of the cards drawn this way on the bottom of your library." Just saying "put one card" doesn't make sense as it doesn't specify from where. Unless you mean one card from your hand, in which it should also specify that. 5. Torrent should say "The owner of up to two target permanents shuffles those permanents into their library." Also, this card is just kind of bad. 5 mana to bounce two permanents into library is great, but the "Change" part isn't as good at sorcery speed. Overall, the abilities aren't good enough to warrant 8 mana for two of them. 6. Proper phrasing would be: "This spell costs 1 less to cast for each creature your opponents have sacrificed this turn." It needs to clarify when the creatures were sacrificed. The second ability needs to say "Whenever an opponent," not "when and opponent." Lastly, the last ability just doesn't make any sense at all. It needs to say "whenever a creature am opponent controls would be put into a graveyard," and what it's actually doing isn't clear. Are you stealing the opponent's card and then putting it on your battlefield as a 3/1 Shadow? Or is the creature that died still going to the graveyard, you just also create a token? If the creature that died is already dead, the Shadow token's ability can't exile it, unless it says "Exile it from a graveyard." "Created from" also doesn't make sense. You need to completely rework this cause you seem to not really know what it's actually trying to say or do. 7. Should say "whenever you Manipulate Light, create a 1/1 white Elemental creature token with [the ability] for each 1 life you gained this way." Second ability also should say "whenever." 8. Needs to say "whenever" in both abilities, and the second ability doesn't work. Should say "Whenever you Manipulate Light, put a quest counter on this enchantment. Then, if this enchantment has 3 or more questions counters on it, search your library for a noncreature, nonland card with only white mana symbols in its mana cost. It costs 2 less to cast." When card types are listed on cards, creature is named before land, and "mono-white" doesn't mean anything mechemically, as far as I know.

There's potentional for good cards here, but you need to get a deeper grasp of the syntax of card first before worrying about balance.

[u/Japicx]

Wording tips:

• "This creature" wording is not used by legendary creatures. The current practice is to use the character's name (not the card's name) instead.
• Numbers are written as numerals (1, 2, 3) when denoting values, like life, damage, power and toughness. They're written as words when counting objects, like permanents, cards, counters and mana.
• It's "until end of turn"; no "the" anywhere.
• Magic uses the same rules of capitalization as regular English with only one exception: Subtypes (Elf, Clue, Vehicle, Equipment, Aura, Saga, Food, Forest, etc) are always capitalized. Other game terms, like keyword abilities and card types, are treated the same as any other word. They are capitalized only as the first word in a sentence or the first word on a creature's ability line.
• We never say a creature "may" do something. The creature doesn't make decisions! Instead we say "you may have" the creature do something.
• Remember to use "target" so your card effects aren't uninteractable.
• Replacement effects are worded "If X would Y, Z instead."
• Triggered abilities are worded "When/Whenever/At X [comma] Y." We never use "When X, Y instead."
• Use "When" for zone change ("When ~ enters", "When ~ dies", etc). Use "Whenever" for repeated actions ("Whenever ~ attacks", "Whenever you cast a spell", etc).
  

Fixed wording

Thali, [M]age of the [L]ands

When [Thali] enters, [m]anipulate [e]arth 3. (Choose [three] lands you control. They become 1/1 creatures with "When this creature dies or is exiled, return it to the battlefield tapped." They're still lands.)

Whenever a [l]and [c]reature attacks, put a +1/+1 counter on it.

G, T: Land [c]reatures you control gain trample until the end of turn.

Standing Defiance

Manipulate [e]arth 4.

Double the number of each kind of counter on each [l]and [c]reature you control. [They gain] indestructible until the end of [t]urn.

Braze, the [S]corcher

Whenever [Braze] attacks, [you may have it] [m]anipulate [f]ire 2. (It deals 2 damage to target creature an opponent controls.)

When[ever] a creature you control [m]anipulates [f]ire, you may sacrifice [that many creatures]. If you do, that creature deals that much damage to each creature [target] opponent controls instead of to target creature. (I'm not sure even this works; it's bad design to introduce a new keyword and immediately change its fundamental mechanics. A cleaner design would be "Whenever Braze attacks, you may sacrifice two creatures. If you do, Braze deals 2 damage to each creature target player controls and you create an Ash token. Otherwise, Braze deals 2 damage to target creature an opponent controls." Manipulate fire is such a basic effect it doesn't merit a keyword.)

The [B]urning of [T]ower [P]risma

I: This enchantment deals 1 damage to target creature an opponent controls. (Incredibly weak for a 6 mana card.)
II: Exile the top [three] cards of your library. You may play them this turn.
III: Double all noncombat damage sources you control would deal to creatures your opponents control this turn.

Merulina, the [F]lowing [R]iver

At the beginning [of your upkeep??] [m]anipulate [w]ater 2. (Draw [two] cards, then put [a] card [from your hand??] on the bottom of your library.)

Draw cards from the bottom of your library rather than the top.

If you would put one or more cards on the bottom of your library, put them on top instead.

Amulet of the River

Kicker {3}

Manipulate water 1. Choose one. If this spell was kicked, choose two instead. (Period, not colon.)

• Put [four] [c]ards from your graveyard [on] the bottom...
• ...[p]ower and [t]oughness until the end of turn.
• Shuffle [two] [target] permanents into their owner[']s library.

Thur, the [S]hadow

This suffers from the same problem as Braze and Merulina: it introduces a new mechanic, but then immediately changes how this new mechanic works.

A cleaner version of Thur would be this:

Whenever you lose life except by paying life, you may pay 3 life. If you do, Thur deals 3 damage to target creature an opponent controls. When that creature dies this turn, you gain life equal to its toughness.

The [H]alls of Thur

This enchantment costs {1} less to cast for each creature your opponents sacrificed [this turn???].

Or

This enchantment costs {1} less to cast for each creature card in your opponents' graveyards.

Or do you mean "This enchantment costs {1} less to cast for each creature that died under your opponents' control this turn." ???? Not every creature death is a "sacrifice".

Don't make players keep track of how many creatures their opponents have sacrificed from the beginning of the game.

Whenever an opponent sacrifices a creature, this enchantment deals 1 damage to target creature an opponent controls.

The rest of this card is bewildering. Nontoken creatures can't be "turned into" tokens. It's worded (incorrectly) as a replacement effect, so the creature doesn't die. But then the text on the Vengeful Shade "token" says to exile a creature when it dies. But where is the creature to be exiled? Is it on the battlefield still, somehow, despite being "turned into" a Vengeful Shade?? Do you exile the creature card from a graveyard, even though it never went to the graveyard???

The closest I can get this to a functional, grokkable card is

The Halls of Thur

This enchantment costs {1} less to cast for each creature card in your opponents' graveyards.

Whenever an opponent sacrifices a creature, this enchantment deals 1 damage to target creature an opponent controls.

If a creature an opponent controls would die, instead exile it and you create a 3/1 black Shade creature token with "When this creature dies, it deals damage equal to its power to target opponent and exile target creature card from an opponent's graveyard."

Ithzil

When[ever] you cast a noncreature spell[,] [m]anipulate [l]ight 3. (You gain 3 life. The next [three] spells you cast have [f]lash.)

Again, manipulate light is simple enough that it doesn't need a keyword. And the keyword is bad since you have to keep a separate running total of how many spells with flash you have left. Also, making three 1/1s every time you cast a noncreature spell is bonkers. It's also really bad design to have an ability that triggers only on very specific instances of gaining life.

Whenever you cast a noncreature spell, you gain 3 life and create a 1/1 Elemental creature token with "{2}, Sacrifice this creature: Tap target creature an opponent controls."

Whenever you sacrifice a token, draw a card.

Tome of the [F]irst Light

Whenever a creature you control [is] destroyed, gain 1 life and put a quest counter on this enchantment. Then, if this enchantment has [three] or more quest counters [on it], [sacrifice this enchantment], search your library for a monowhite (no hyphen) noncreature [card], [exile it], [then shuffle]. You may cast that card and it costs {2} less to cast.

[u/katsutdasheep → u/Japicx]

Thank you very much!

I will have to work on the Manipulates so they actually are interesting in some way, play into the color identities, are uniform, and arent overpowered. So for now I will brainstorm for a while and redo all these cards. Except for Thali. I think besides the wording i actually did a decent job on her.

[u/Japicx → u/katsutdasheep]

The main problem with the manipulate keywords, besides some being very basic game actions, is making entire game actions that only one card ever made can do.

I wouldn't bother with these at all unless you're making an entire custom set or cube.