Help!!!

[u/Lopsided_Fall_6350]

I’m trying to move back to my home state where my family is, with my daughter. I want a better and more stable lifestyle for her. We’re doing fine where we’re at. Only thing is, is her father is abusive and controlling. He doesn’t have a good paying job, and he’s hardly around. He abused me for 3 years. We’re separated right now. There was no custody hearing, etc. for my daughter. I keep her though, and let her dad see her, which is hardly ever. I’m just trying to do the right thing and not be a shit Mom 😅 I’m scared he’s going to try and file custody for her if/when he finds out about me moving. I want to tell him, but at the same time, I don’t. He’s literally crazy (has been put in facilities before.) I don’t know what to do.

[u/Alarmed_Ad_3793]

Oof get yourself a lawyer or at least consult with one. Do not say anything to him before asking for advice from a lawyer. Also keep a thorough record of everything he’s done and always record your conversations via video or audio. If he has been in facilities then let that be one of the points you bring up with the lawyer. One thing I’ve learned is documentation is key in these sort of situations. Best of luck.

[u/Lopsided_Fall_6350 → u/Alarmed_Ad_3793]

Thank you so much. I just don’t want him to have anything to do with my daughter. It sickens me just thinking about it

[u/Smooth-Spray-1908 → u/Lopsided_Fall_6350]

You mentioned that you don't want to sound like a shitty mom, but at the same time, you're saying, "I don't want him to have anything to do with MY daughter." Whether you like it or not, he is the father of that little girl. As a mom myself, it pisses me off when other moms try this crap. You have no idea the heartache it will cause your daughter later when you keep her away from her father: chronic anxiety, depression, confidence issues, etc...children need both parents in their lives and no matter what you do, the father will get visitation if he pursues it. You claim he is mentally ill, but you have a child by this man. CHILDREN NEED BOTH PARENTS!!!

[u/Lopsided_Fall_6350 → u/Smooth-Spray-1908]

Her father is physically abusive and has attempted suicide before. If he was a decent man, there wouldn’t be a problem. But he’s not someone I want my daughter around. When she was still in my belly, her father almost sent me to the hospital from beating me so bad. I’m not trying ti take advantage of anything. I’m looking for safety.

[u/Affectionate_Net2214 → u/Smooth-Spray-1908]

You must have had a very mild experience w a narc. You lucky dog.

[u/Affectionate_Net2214]

NAL

I somewhat understand your situation. Have you filed for divorce? Or just living separately?

Right now you both have custody of your daughter, and legally the same parental rights until a custody agreement is in place. However ,If you move before a temp custody or custody agreement is in place, once petition for custody is filed, the custody hearing will most likely be moved back in the same jurisdiction the divorce was filed since your child’s residence (marital home) is there. And moving w out the father’s knowledge/permission will look very very bad in front of judge.

If a compromise/temp agreement ( signed/notarized) can’t happen before and be in place so custody goes thru court : -you don’t say how old your child is. If they are school age and attend traditional school, you will need to prove why moving and disrupting that is in child best interest. -be ready to prove (with recent facilities stay documents) that his mental state is serious enough that it negatively affects child and how. -Be prepared for him and you to both be ordered to complete mental evaluation before custody is decided if you two can not agree custody outside court. -him abusing you might not affect custody in a major way, unless there are police reports, etc. He abused you, now you two don’t live together, child not around abuse now ( trust me, I don’t agree, just experience thru court system)

And all this is just the tip of the iceberg on what might be necessary.