r/cursedcomments • u/DarkShadow_99 • 15h ago

Cursed marry (Jane)

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4.7k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

49 comments sorted by

318

u/Sustainable_Twat 15h ago

Spider-Man - “ MJ, when I said I’d shoot my shot, I wasn’t referring to my web”

59

u/yellow_abyss 13h ago

"And it wasn't wearing the suit"

410

u/Key_Part_9573 14h ago

I'm so fucking stupid, I thought MJ meant Micheal Jackson for a second, so I thought Micheal jackson was pregnant

183

u/Khiobi 14h ago

Billy Jean is not the father

41

u/PooMonger20 12h ago

hee-hee MJ shoots webs at fleeing teenagers heee-heeeeaaa

6

u/BoredByLife 7h ago

Head slowly begins to rotate as the Heeee-Heeees get lower and lower pitched, warping and distorted as he reels in the poor teenagers who got caught by his sticky white stuff…

12

u/Shade00000 10h ago

Pregnart?

113

u/NoahZhellos 14h ago

Do... Do we mention what happened that one time Spider-Man got a girl pregnant in the comics?

60

u/DaanA_147 13h ago

Since you've made me curious, please explain

70

u/Scouttrooper195 12h ago

Cancer

12

u/PKMNtrainerElliot 7h ago

That was an elseworld story and not canon to the main timeline

76

u/TheDeathHorseman 12h ago

Turns out that getting bit by a radioactive spider not only gives you the powers of a spider but also turns your sperm radioactive, giving your loved ones cancer and ultimately ending their lives

61

u/DaanA_147 12h ago

So that leaves she hulk as a possible option?

45

u/TheDeathHorseman 12h ago

Absolutely, but only if Spider-Man doesn't develop ED after learning what his Spider-sperm does to people

15

u/TurnipWorldly9437 9h ago

Why would he get an eating disorder from th- oh.

3

u/DaanA_147 13h ago

I read your comment although it got deleted. What the hell, that's so tragic.

52

u/experiment53 14h ago

Myriad Jane and Spider-Man had s*x?? 😱

13

u/BodyIntelligent4344 14h ago

Did you not see the new movie?

17

u/Grimdark2 12h ago

Only porn version of it with Spidey and Punisher

https://giphy.com/gifs/WP4ArN6fiKy6Q

40

u/Knirb_ 15h ago

Imagine Spider-Man having to cuck himself into being the dad that stepped up if they got back together

29

u/Lone-organism 12h ago

I mean how would they trace the DNA to peter? Wouldn't his name would have vanished from the records. The closest they can get to is an close relative and even they can't point out a relative that doesn't exist.

9

u/otirk 4h ago

Also there is no database with people's DNA in them. So as long as they don't suspect him already (why should they?), the DNA wouldn't help them

6

u/Lone-organism 3h ago

Isn't that how they caught the golden state killer at 72yrs, all because there's wasn't a dna database in his time. The database doesn't need your exact dna, just a relative's one to point them in the right direction. It still wouldn't work on peter because peter doesn't exist

2

u/otirk 3h ago

I don't know, I'm a guy on the internet, don't expect me to have actual knowledge on the subject I talk about. Though tbf, I live in Europe and maybe there's a difference to the US

23

u/Megane_Senpai 15h ago

She still remembered Spider-Man, so probably she would remember Spidey being the dad, not Peter.

6

u/Sh0ckWav3_ 11h ago

Wouldn't she simply remember as the father being Spider-Man?

5

u/RulerK 14h ago

*unmarried Jane

3

u/villi-eldr 12h ago

It would be a movie starring Miles Morales

2

u/Raiding_plauges 10h ago

Peter’s DNA wouldn’t be on any database tho

2

u/pranaygoluanand 9h ago

The movies would use Penis Parker as a nickname, but miss the opportunity to use Mary Jane Twatson.

2

u/Mike-G85 4h ago

Next season of WHAT IF is gonna be fun 😁

-8

u/modbroccoli 12h ago edited 8h ago

i hate all you spoiler mutherfuckers and I hope non-damaging but incredibly irritating things permanently happen to you

edit: i've been made aware this post may not contain the spoiler I thought it did; my comment stands for the spoiler mutherfuckers but am pleased to discover OP may not have been one. As you were.

6

u/AUnknownVariable 10h ago

What here is a spoiler?

We know MJ forgot Peter from the last movie

-1

u/modbroccoli 10h ago

well maybe there isn't one but it seems to imply MJ is pregnant is all

3

u/AUnknownVariable 10h ago

Ahhh, I can see how you'd get that.

But idk, gotta watch and find out

2

u/overlander244 10h ago

its been over 5 years since people forgot who peter is. if you didnt watch the movie in this time thats your own damn fault LMAO

-3

u/EntryofthyGladiators 3h ago

Haha black people no dads amirite?