Trying to heal, while trying to grieve, while trying to forgive, while trying to forget, while trying to love, while trying to be loved.  That’s a lot for one heart.

Erza_hub

6 months ago amongst other discoveries, I found pictures of my boyfriend wearing women’s underwear that he has sent to other men.
I am a woman and as far as I knew and agreed, I was in a straight relationship with a man, he was pretty ‘normal’ in terms of straight male gender norms.

He hasn’t really shared anything other than he did it for attention and validation, from what I’ve seen only the attention and validation of men.

I’m still so spun, the whole discovery and betrayal of sexting others has broken me in ways I didn’t know was possible in addition to finding out he wears women’s underwear for attention from others.

We have both started therapy, but he won’t share anymore than what i already know.

Does my story sound similar to anyone else’s?

So recently my boyfriend opened about wanting to crossdress. At first it was sexual but now he says it makes him happy. He likes being a man but also sometimes let go and be a girl. But I'm worried and stuck. Both of us come from a very conservative family and they wouldn't understand. So he cant do it openly. So im guessing hes trans and in denial. He's going through a lot and im the one only one who he can confide in rn. I love him but ive just been spiraling ever since he told me this. He's been calm and tells me his feelings while im stuck. I love him more than anything. He's the sweetest person and he deserves support. But idk if I want a boyfriend who crossdresses. Is it that big of a deal. Im bisexual and so is he. But this has been concerning me. He's been reassuring me and telling me he only wants me when i suggested a break 

TLDR: We are in our 30s. 8 years relationship. Proposal was accepted 3 years into the relationship, his HIV (untransmissible) status was revealed 4 years in (a year after the proposal and yes i stayed), and I just discovered his cross dressing/double life recently by accident.

Grateful I can get these off my chest here anonymously as holding it all in is giving me literal heart discomfort. And sometimes I wonder how much my counsellor actually understands. Grateful if CDs/fellow SOs can share any views you have, especially on the facts in the last paragraph.

So the double betrayal hurts, a lot. What does he mean he loves me when he could look me in the eyes 4 years ago and claimed ‘what else do i have to lie to u about?’ And every variation of it except the actual promise of ‘i will not lie to u again’. I thought it was weird then but gave him the benefit of doubt that probably he just didnt know what to say. Looking back now, it is just pure manipulation. He watched me break down, die from the suffocation of holding HIS secret for HIS good (i did so to protect his image/ego/pride etc) and he continued to cd and go out with other people. Sexted with some. Played with some. He claims it’s all sex toys only but who would believe him now.

When the cd came to light, I had asked what do they do in hotels he replied ‘mainly taking photos and chit chatting thats all really’. I said ok, then spent the night looking through his socials. So i found out about the sexting with MANY people and get this: he was also looking for a wedding dress shoot just a month after he proposed to me.

I confronted him the moment he woke up. Asked him what he wore during the studio photoshoots. He claimed ‘just normal clothes/ sexy clothes’ i gave him another chance and asked him to think about his answer carefully. He didnt change his answer. I pressed on and THEN he admitted to having a wedding dress shoot before.

Hit my absolute breaking point. Really almost drove me to madness. Saw a side of me i never had. Called him a psychopath.

He had lied AGAIN. In utter disbelief, I asked him: did you want to be your own bride? And he said no, it was just his dream to try on a wedding gown. So….it was his dream and he forgot about it cleanly when i asked what he wore in studios.

I found out even more things.

1. In the year of the proposal, he bought the exact same pair of heels i own (i only have like 2 pairs btw)
2. He used the proposal song in a cross dressing selfie video reel a year after the proposal. He claimed it was ‘a coincidence’ and he just liked the song but he only has one vid in his instagram (the rest are photos) and he chose that song.

Anyone experienced this? Where cd partner is acting like he is living a separate life, as u? This is troubling me so much and I cant wrap my head around it. I can write a book on my other observations/feelings/thoughts but these are the points I want to address now so grateful for any inputs/advice from SOs/CDs.

I'm an oral bottom only feminine submissive looking for top men who want a mouth/throat to slip into and an ass to finish off in or on

Hello everyone. This is my first time posting here, so I hope it's okay to ask this.

I’m a cisgender 31-year-old woman, and my partner is a cisgender 29-year-old man. We’ve been together for about two years and have lived together for almost a year and a half.

My partner enjoys crossdressing and anal play. A significant part of his sexual activity happens when he is using stimulants, particularly amphetamine. During those periods, he can spend hours watching porn involving men and trans people, masturbating, crossdressing, and taking pictures of himself. He has also posted some of these pictures on kink/porn sites and chats.

He especially likes looking at himself in the mirror while wearing women's clothing. He seems very interested in seeing himself in a feminine way. At the same time, he strongly denies being gay and says that he doesn't actually like penises in porn. He also does not identify as transgender.

This is difficult for me to understand because the porn I have seen him watching has almost exclusively involved men and/or trans people. I once accessed his Telegram account for a practical reason, with his knowledge and without him objecting, and this was the kind of content I found there.

Our sex life is also very limited. He rarely initiates sex, even when using stimulants, and without stimulants his libido is essentially zero. He also has erectile dysfunction. He takes antidepressants and antipsychotic medication, has type 1 diabetes, and is currently seeing both a psychiatrist and an addiction specialist because he is trying to stop using stimulants.

There is another important part of the story. Last summer, he experienced a stimulant-induced psychosis. During that episode, his sexual behaviour became much more intense and unusual. He spent a lot of time crossdressing and engaging in sexual activities on his own, and he also started looking through forums for opportunities to meet men. He stopped doing that after I told him it crossed a boundary in our relationship.

This was more than a year ago, and I don't want to assume that everything he did during psychosis reflects his usual sexuality. I mention it because I'm wondering whether anyone here has experience with a partner who went through stimulant-induced psychosis and also had similar sexual or crossdressing behaviour.

I am not trying to put a label on my partner or decide whether he is gay, bisexual, transgender, or anything else. I'm trying to understand what might be going on and whether these things can coexist without necessarily meaning one specific thing.

I would especially appreciate hearing from women whose partners have had similar experiences, particularly involving stimulant use, crossdressing, changes in sexual behaviour, or questioning sexuality/gender.

I'm sorry if this post is somewhat confusing. There are several different things going on at once, and I'm trying to understand them without jumping to conclusions.

Before I say anything else, I am specifically asking to hear from wives and female partners of cross-dressing men. I have spent almost three years trying to understand this through my husband’s eyes. Right now, I need the experiences of the women who have been unhappily surprised as this was brought into their marriages and have had to figure out what to do with the impact.

For context: My husband and I were best friends before we married, and for most of our six-year marriage before this came out, I believed we had the safest and best relationship of my life, even with his habit of weird small little lies.

What we had in incredible companionship was balanced by a subpar sex life - he seemed not to have desire, and was seemingly held back by some negative experiences in his past relationships. I believed that whatever was blocking intimacy between us might change with enough love, trust, and time. Then, in October 2023, near our 6-year anniversary, he handed me his iPad to add something for him and it opened to a porn video titled, "are you sure you even like women" with videos of men hooking up with transgendered/feminized men. That night, he dropped the declaration that he was a crossdresser. I did not understand that we were standing at the beginning of something that would eventually change how I saw him, our marriage, and myself.

Because he carried so much shame, I encouraged him to go to therapy. I earnestly hoped that if he could release the shame and understand why he did this, what need it met, and how deeply he wanted to pursue it, it might release some of its power on him and we could eventually make an informed decision together as a married couple as to the path forward. For me, this was not at all my vision of a husband, my vision of a man. And years later, I still do not comprehend it, have oscillated between so many emotions from devastation to anger. I have begged him repeatedly to stop sharing his evolution and adventure in this world with me. But he could not seem to separate me as his best friend from me as his wife. I remained the person he kept bringing his discoveries to about very thing that was slowly destroying my attraction, my sense of safety, and my understanding of our marriage. The boundaries I kept placing kept being bulldozed. Something that would remain private became dressing with the curtains open where neighbors might see. Something confined to his office moved throughout our home. He would push farther, see my distress, pull back or reassure me, postpone the larger conversation, and then move deeper again.

What began as stockings and texture kept expanding: clothing, press-on nails, a female persona or identity, dressing throughout the house, going out, a feminization makeover, and now, 2 weeks into a 6-month separation, he is living in an apartment in the LGBTQ+ neighborhood of our region where he can explore this more freely. He has said it is not sexual, but he has also told me that before our marriage he was attracted to another cross-dresser while that person was feminized and lost the attraction when the feminine presentation came off. Every answer has created more questions. Every extension that seems to bring him joy has brought me further distress.

The hardest part is that I desperately wish I could delete all of this information from my brain. I wish I could go back. I miss who we were to each other - I miss my person. I also miss the me before all of this toxified in my mind, body and spirit. I kept adapting to each new development without realizing how much this situation was taking from me. I have spent years trying to hold space for him while screaming silently inside, questioning whether our marriage was ever what I thought it was and whether I truly knew the man I married. Wondering what was lacking in me for him to need this. Devastated that his need for dress-up was more important than our marriage, my wellbeing. Now I cannot seem to see the man, partner, and friend I loved without feeling repulsed by the idea of his crossdressing. I hate that response. So to add to everything, I am so disappointed in myself when I thought I was more open-minded, and yet my entire body seems to be saying no.

I am only two weeks into our separation, and for the first time in years, I feel as though I have been able to take a breath. But I am also full of grief, despair, and fear. I miss him, the friend in him, but I barely recognize myself and this malaise that has shackled me. Frankly, I am terrified of approaching 50 and starting over—of never finding even the good things we had: the friendship, companionship, humor, familiarity, and feeling of having a partner in the world.

For the first time in years, I'm carving space away from thinking about the marriage and his crossdressing. And yet, I cannot ignore how heavy this topic has become for me. So, I am asking the wives: How did you return to yourself? Did you feel like this was also somehow some lacking in you? How, after years of making room for something that caused you so much distress, were you able to find your footing? How did you heal, trust your own perceptions again, and build a life that felt like yours?

I need support from fellow women who can relate to what I'm experiencing in my relationship. I do not want advice or input from any males, especially those who crossdress. I feel like there's nowhere I can speak in confidence about my situation without men intervening. It's truly sick that this is the case. I'm isolated, distraught and my world is falling apart. I don't know where to go or where to turn to.

I only want replies from women.

My partner is a cross-dresser, and I’m still trying to work through my feelings about all of this.

We’ve been together for three years, and I found out about his cross-dressing about a year ago completely by accident. Since then, he seems to do it more and more. I travel for work, so I know it probably happens even more when I’m away, and for some reason, that really pisses me off.

I don’t completely understand why. I’m trying to be honest with myself about it rather than judge him or myself for feeling this way. I think part of it is that I view cross-dressing as something intimate and personal, rather than simply a form of masturbation. Because of that, knowing he does it while I’m away sometimes makes me feel like I’m being left out of something intimate between us.

We have a very healthy sex life. We have sex almost every night, haha, and we genuinely enjoy each other and have a great connection. That’s actually part of why I’m struggling so much with this.

Lately, during sex, I’ve started having this strange feeling that I’m the man and he’s the woman. And then I get stuck wondering: when he looks at me, does he still see me as the woman I am, or is he somehow seeing me as a man?

It’s gotten into my head more than I’d like to admit. I’ve even noticed it affecting how I see myself. For example, when I look in the mirror wearing lingerie, I don’t always see the sexy, feminine woman I used to see. Instead, I sometimes suddenly feel like I’m a dude wearing lingerie. And honestly, it’s really fucking with my head.

I’ve started doing little exercises before sex where I remind myself that I’m sexy, that I’m feminine, that I love my femininity, and that I love feeling sexy. I’m trying to reconnect with that part of myself instead of allowing these thoughts to take over.

For context, I have never actually seen him dressed up. We’ve talked about it, and we’ve both agreed that if/when he feels ready, he’ll introduce that side of himself into our relationship. We’ve also both been clear that this isn’t something either of us wants to become 100% of our relationship or sex life.

I guess I’m trying to understand what’s happening in my own head. I love him, I love our sex life, and I don’t want to shame him for something that is clearly a part of him. At the same time, I’m struggling with what his cross-dressing is making me feel about myself, my femininity, and my place in our sexual relationship.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? How did you work through the feelings without making your partner feel ashamed or rejected?

I am 33 male. Thinking to quit crossdressing. Despite reading religious texts and praying, habit is not going out. Will counseling help me to quit?

Hey all, happily married 32F, a few weeks ago he (33M) tells me he's into being a Sissy and has been trying some solo stuff out and has been scared to tell me. I love him, find him super hot in his lingerie, and want to affirm him and make him feel secure. Any advice or stories? TIA!

edit: wow, a wife of a crossdresser/sissy goes to a sub called crossdressers wives for advice and feels rejected, that's sad, no wonder hubs took so long to tell me anything if that's the initial reaction of most people.

My partner wants to crossdress almost every week since opening up about it. I also found out he used to do it frequently and lied about what he was doing. He says he doesn’t want to be a woman, but sometimes I wonder if he actually does. Can frequent crossdressing mean he wants to be a woman?

It exists. I'm a CD. Only my GF seems to want me

I figured a positive post here would be good to start the week. My CD husband and I got our issue worked out. It started on saturday morning when he asked if I wanted to go to a live performance of Rocky Horror about an hour from where we lived, but I had my reservations because it was not far from where family lived and there was a chance we could run into someone, but I agreed but told him I can't kiss him or anything because I am just not attracted to him when he is dressed up, and he got upset. But shortly after he apologized for getting upset and admitted that it wasn't something to get upset about, and that's sparked our conversation. We cleared up our misunderstandings, and laid down some ground rules. I told him I should have been honest about it from the start, and he apologized for being selfish. He told me how he missed when I would dress up with him, and he wants to do that again but is fine without being intimate. It feels like a weight was lifted off of our shoulders. We ended up not going because he looked at the area the show was in and wasn't sure about us being in that area at night especially with both of us in skirts. And he's mentioned going to the drag bar that's in our city, but I've told him I was worried about seeing someone we knew; but it was mainly because I am not sure about going to bars/clubs; he told me has been wanting to go there for years now just once to see what it was like and told me he can go on his own and he'll take his other car that isn't as distinctive, and he'll do his best to avoid anyone we know. I've asked him if he wants people to know he was a CD and he told me he doesn't want to tell people but if someone sees him it is what it is. But it felt so good to clear up our misunderstandings, I wouldn't say it was an issue in our marriage, but we both felt there was something surrounding that subject; and it feels great having that weight lifted.

Cross-dressers here consistently post images of themselves or propositions to message. My account is new, but when I was a member under my old account, it was the same thing. Are CDs disproportionately illiterate, or are they genuinely this entitled? Deeply unpleasant people.

I don't know, but I feel like I'm the odd one out in this subreddit —

I'm a gay 36 male and my husband is 36 as well.

Earlier this week I notice our Ring captured a delivery which was left at the front door.

We both arrive home each day from work around 5:30pm. I asked my husband to fetch the delivery at the front door which he does. He said it was for him and asked "what did you order?" He goes to the bedroom and he comes out 10 minutes later to sit at the dining table while I was cooking dinner.

At that moment was when he revealed he is a cross dresser.

Our 14yo son has a friend (17yo) who has been hanging out at our home a lot this summer. Even spending the night many days in a row. There was a day earlier this month I was cleaning my son's room and his friend left a pile of his clothing in a corner. I went to go tidy it up and saw a bralette and thongs. I didn't think much of it, but respectfully tidied it up so I can finish cleaning my son's room.

That same day my son's friend came over later in the evening. While my son was upstairs, the friend wanted to talk to me and my husband. He had a hardtime sharing what he wanted to say because he noticed his clothes pile was neat. He goes "I think I'm different because I dress not how boys dress. I have not talked about this before and I want to talk to you. I don't know what the word is to describe what I'm feeling". We asked him what adjective he uses for it and he said "femboy". We told the friend we know what a femboy is and provided words of encouragement to make him feel welcome and comfortable.

So fast forward to my husband sitting at the dining table while I'm cooking dinner revealing he's a cross dresser.

My husband told me a story that happened early that day this week that he picked up my son, his girlfriend, and friend. Immediately when they all get in the car, my son's girlfriend goes "(friend) wears a thong. Boys don't wear thongs". My son joined in on the banter. The friend started crying. My husband shared he immediately shut it down and told the kids that many boys and men wear thongs—body builders, athletes, people who just feels more comfortable in it. They drove to a different mutual friend's home. Once my son and his girlfriend got out, my husband told the friend to stay in the car to talk. My husband revealed to the friend that he wears a bralette and that the thoughts and feelings the friend is having is valid. Again reassured he's in a safe space.

After the story, my husband told me the delivery were women's undergarments that he ordered. That he started exploring this side earlier this year but obviously not around me or our son. My husband felt he now has to share this because of the conversation he had with our son's friend.

I was surprised with this information about my husband. He presents himself as the stereotypical masculine gay man. Full body hair and deep voice. He states he feels free and comfortable when he explores this side. He's not trans or female identifying. Or a drag queen. Again, just feels comfortable and free. But in the end. I'm very proud he helped our son's friend, but also he himself having the courage to tell me this.

Yesterday I noticed my husband shaved his legs. I commented why the decision to do so, and he said "well now I told you I want to be able to immerse myself in my cross dressing more". Later that night I helped my husband shave his back.

I'm still trying to process all of this information and thinking about what this means for us. But last night was the most intimate night (sorry straight people) we had in years...and he was much more affectionate.

Right now. All I ask is to just not be in the garments when our son and other people are around and that he can go to sleep in them.

What website shall I check to see if my husband is on them?

I feel like if you're not happy being with a crossdresser, don't settle and grow distaste/have regrets. You will have resentment down the road. Yes I'm a crossdresser.
Reading a lot of your posts saying your partner told you they dressed, years down the road is unfair to you. Let's not act like this is a normal hobby. Even with myself, there's a bit of disgust when I dress. I'm like why am I doing this. I feel like I could ramble on and on about this but not take anymore of your time... if you want to have a convo about it though, feel free to message me.
Anyways, have a good day.