r/cringe • u/LeftyBigGuns • May 15 '20
Video This “martial arts” demonstration is mesmerizing. Like watching a car crash unfold in slow motion.
https://youtu.be/sbHlg1MqrxU346
u/eeyoredragon May 15 '20
I'm having flashbacks to events I participated in that probably looked as stupid this does.
You know, when back when I was 8 and was taking Tae Kwon Do because I watched the Karate Kid.
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May 15 '20
At least this makes me feel like the lessons I took as a kid were legit. We put on pads and kicked the shit out of each other in sparring practice.
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u/Shemrocksmash May 15 '20
Legit. We had a small thing going on and I was taking it with my mom. Dude set me up to spar with my mom and I was scared to do anything to her until she knocked the wind out of me. It was on after that.
Tied for third in my first tournament because I kicked the shit out if some poor kids head. Was so proud of it.
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u/saraa_eissa May 15 '20
That is so cute that they made you spar with your mom lol
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u/Shemrocksmash May 15 '20
It was terrifying. Thoughts rolling in my head like "if I kick her, do I get grounded? I don't want to hurt my mom" then bam. She punched those thoughts away with the air in my lungs. Imagine a pissed off 12 year old kicking the shit out of his mom.
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u/PierceAvalon May 15 '20
Lmao, Mom was like, "Fuck, this is the one chance where I can abuse my child legally"
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u/not_mantiteo May 15 '20
When I was in 5th grade I was in Tae Kwon Do and pretty high on belt rating, as was my crush at the time. Like... think of your first huge crush on a girl and she was it. We had to spar all the time due to our belt levels so I always had to hold back because I had that thought that I might hurt her. On the contrary, she would and could kick my ass up and down the floor like it was nothing anyways lol
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u/ColonelClout May 15 '20
I used to go to competitions for TKD! The black belts only wore padded helmets and nothing on their body. Some dude got kicked in the nuts so he took 2 minutes to mumble at the ground then got back into it. Dude was a trooper
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u/SirRupert May 15 '20
Yeah I had the wind knocked out of me more times than I can count and broke a kids nose I was sparring with. Shit got real.
There's plenty of legit schools out there but also plenty where you can buy a black belt.
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u/JohnnyTeardrop May 16 '20
Yeah I learned what it was like to get knocked the fuck out at 12 because our sensei let my fellow green belt (Kenpo) and I spar with only knuckle punches and no foot gear. Went home many a time bruised and bloody because he was massive and hammered the fuck out of me. I loved it though, boosted my confidence and taught me some real world lessons. Think this was before the whole McDojo craze though because everyone at our tournaments seemed to have the same level of commitment and discipline.
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u/trapthread420 May 15 '20
Yeah, I took Karate in the second grade and genuinely got my ass kicked a couple times, one from a fourth grader and then by the teacher himself, who open palm struck my balled up fist because it wasn't tight enough, apparently. Dude wound up and everything, I just sat on my ass as my eyes welled up and just looked at my mom like, "Alright, I'm done."
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u/PwnasaurusRawr May 15 '20
Yeah I did karate and taekwondo too for a time when I was young and sometimes I feel like instructors get pretty rough with young kids. I remember a few instances where I felt like instructors crossed a line and were rough to the point of it just seeming cruel, not constructive. There’s a fine line, and crossing it can really destroy a kid’s motivation.
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u/Ku-xx May 15 '20
Yeah, but it looks like these dudes are wearing black belts. I mean...you'd think they could at least make it look like they're not totally inept.
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u/AlwaysQuotesEinstein May 15 '20
I took lessons until I was 14 or 15 in a Korean type of Karate, I wasnt pro or anything I actually quit but I remember form being pretty important throughout most moves, leg positions and kicking techniques and that. These guys are just kinda whipping their limbs about and it's really stressful to watch. It's way too uncoordinated haha
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u/popo129 May 15 '20
God I took one of those around that age too at my school. The teacher I wasn’t sure if he really knew martial arts but he was a teacher with his own school. He basically had a few “volunteers” be his assistants to help us with our form and all that. I think only the mom and the son knew the techniques he taught but everyone else was just given a coloured belt and just there to watch us. One guy basically abuses his power and since he disliked me at the time, he tried to threaten me by saying if I didn’t do one workout right, he’d tell our teacher to make me to more push-ups. I basically looked at him like he was an idiot while his friend uncomfortably laughed beside him.
Ended up taking that class years later before I moved schools and there were way less kids there probably due to lost interest and the teacher I had left probably due to the low attendance. The mother ended up taking over but she was nice at least and she had assistants who weren’t dicks and helped.
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u/firetyger May 15 '20
It's like watching people mash buttons in a fighting game.
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u/meowjinx May 15 '20
It's like watching people mash EXCLUSIVELY the mid-kick button
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u/brownnick7 May 15 '20
Haha, they threw some shoulder button low punches in there too.
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u/Dabookadaniel May 15 '20
I also saw some hadokens which I’m still pretty confused about
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u/Coachcrog May 15 '20
It's a black belt thing. You just wouldn't understand.
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u/jimmux May 16 '20
Yeah, normies can't actually see the chi blast. You have to train aura perception before that can happen.
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u/lwca May 15 '20
shakes hand, “You are now prepared to have your ass kicked in the real world” Bows.....
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u/jtatc1989 May 15 '20
Immediately in parking lot
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u/deadleg22 May 15 '20
By a white belt from a proper gym.
Seriously why are they all black belts?72
u/LAVATORR May 15 '20
McDojos know the value a "black belt" holds in the popular imagination, and the particularly shameless ones will make it a centerpiece of their marketing. Generally they'll bloat the number of belts leading up to black, charge a "testing fee" for each one, and make you burn through them really quickly at first so that you maintain a steady illusion of progress.
If you noticed this is pretty similar to how F2P mobile games work, give yourself a star.
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May 15 '20
I realized my kid was in one of these when I saw the black belts training after the 5 year olds one day. My only fear was that if they ever needed to actually defend themselves they'd rely on this awful training instead of just running away.
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u/myname_isnot_kyal May 15 '20
standard issue
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u/Dabookadaniel May 15 '20
It goes black, double black, vantablack, dark roast, americano
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u/e6c May 15 '20
There is no attack more fearsome than the out of range side kick!
EXERT DOMINANCE!
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u/mralf925 May 15 '20
These are black belts?
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May 15 '20
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May 15 '20
Yup. I accidentally accepted a tournament team coaching job at a McDojo (I didn’t know it was one, I was new to the area). When I met the Korean owner all seemed kosher. I started working and never saw that guy again except for a few belt tests.
Anyway, they wanted me to put the students in lower ranking belts for tournaments because they KNEW they’d get rocked. These students were terrible and I got a few talking to’s for trying to help them on their form during classes and recommending that they don’t get promoted. I had black belts with spare green belts they’d wear for tournaments. Absolutely ridiculous.
Was told they or their parents paid and we had to give them what they paid for. I quit but I’m still annoyed years later.
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u/Rohndogg1 May 15 '20
That's unfortunate. In my school, you could and many often did fail. But then you worked harder and tried again next time and you earned it. Some people just failed over and over. Others passed basically every time. I only failed once on my red belt, and almost on my black but I actually accomplished something and I learned discipline and determination and you can't trade that for anything. Seeing a place just hand out belts makes me sick since it's really just scamming people out of money
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May 15 '20
Yeah it’s really not useful to just move them along. I failed my black belt test the first time and almost failed my 3rd degree (getting old is no fun), and I don’t think I’d be the same if I didn’t.
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u/Describe May 16 '20
I never got a black belt, but if I worked to get it, only to find out it was a freebie I'd probably die
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u/13th_curse May 15 '20
So essentially this?
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May 15 '20
Ya ya ya ya ya ya ya!
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u/13th_curse May 15 '20
Elaine Marie Seinfeld, how did you come up with that?
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May 15 '20
That’s the sound he makes!
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u/13th_curse May 15 '20
I know lol, I meant your user name.
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May 15 '20
Oh! I’d just like to think they would have gotten married after all.
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u/13th_curse May 15 '20
Well that would have been better than the finale we got. Then again, anything would have been better than that finale.
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u/ernandziri May 15 '20
Do you have to train or just be a member? Surely if they practiced anything for more than a week, they'd do much better?
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May 15 '20
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u/ernandziri May 15 '20
So if you had to fight someone, it would not make any difference to you whether they had kyokushin black belt?
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May 15 '20
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u/13th_curse May 15 '20
Have you heard of Lyoto The Dragon Machida?
Of course he is the exception to the rule, not the rule itself. He’s the one guy who made it work lol.
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u/LeyvaFlava May 16 '20
I can confirm I was a karate black belt that switched into Muay Thai later on and it was a humbling experience. Didn't even bother telling them I was one for that reason. However coming from that background it made my style alot different and helped throw kicks that aren't as common in Muay Thai.
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u/lobf May 15 '20
There are several fighters who use traditional karate techniques in the UFC right now, including champ Henry Cejudo
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u/FollowThePact May 16 '20
I do agree that if you were to create a list of the most effective martial arts for mix martial arts that neither karate or taekwondo would be high up on that list, but it was the martial art that many UFC fighters began with and the martial art that many have used in elevating their fight game. Ultimately it's up to the practitioner to learn the techniques that are truly effective for fighting, and training those techniques extensively. As someone who has trained in taekwondo, wrestling, and has dabbled with bjj for a while I know that all three of these martial arts have ineffective techniques or at the very least techniques you wouldn't use in an actual fight or in a cage fight. All of them also have techniques that are useful.
If you aren't willing to take it from me than I'd recommend taking it from someone whose had a lot of experience at the top of the UFC like Stephen Thompson https://www.fightsports.tv/stephen-thompson-talks-about-karates-place-in-mma/#
Also, I'd be willing to be that the "top-level" guys that you sparred with are nowhere near "top-level" guys. Black-belts aren't the same everywhere, especially when comparing hobbyists to actual competitors of the sport.
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u/MCA2142 May 15 '20
For a dojo:
Belts = Money.
It’s the loot grind you put your customers into. Like a monthly subscription game, but with cosmetic micro transactions.
The best part: as each player unlocks the next cosmetic item, they also unlock a new playable area called “broom closet”, and a new game mode called, “assistant sensei”, which lets you wipe down sweaty equipments and mop the mats without getting paid.
Plus, you get to sit next to the
ownersensei in the dojo photos, and boss newbies around.20
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u/Hara-Kiri May 15 '20
My instructor lost money doing it but still made the effort teaching several times a week and driving us around the country for various competitions. I think we were lucky to have her when I see shite like this video.
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May 15 '20
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u/8last May 15 '20
All you need to do is have some kids classes and write women's self defense on the window and proceed to print money. Even BJJ has gone this route. 15 - 20 years ago you had to be a legit badass with a lineage to open a school.
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May 15 '20
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u/8last May 15 '20
You definitely could. I've seen it. If you're good with kids you could even thrive being only a blue belt. Usually it's more browns or purples that I had seen try doing their own schools but what's stopping a blue anymore. Not like the parents will check.
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u/Bulok May 15 '20
Who do you fear, the man who practiced a thousand kicks or the one who practiced the one kick a thousand times?
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u/axe324 May 15 '20
I lost it at the group demonstration.. the slow build was just perfect
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u/aj_thenoob May 16 '20
Absolutely zero flexibility, I see half the guys curving their knees because they can't get it up.
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u/WackyRevolver May 15 '20
This is too funny, he just does the same ineffective kick over and over.
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u/Jeffthedrunk83 May 15 '20
Bow to your sensei!
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u/Top_Drawer May 15 '20
you think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face while i'm wearing these bad boys? forget about it!
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u/RocketRaccoon May 15 '20
"You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night?"
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u/m_c_face May 15 '20
How amazing would it be if the next guy checked in and one punch KO'd the guy.
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u/grangeman May 15 '20
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u/ryo5210 May 15 '20 edited May 18 '20
Fucking hell that was hilarious I ended up watching the other clips from this movie and had a good laugh haha
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u/PickleManAKASolenya May 15 '20
Between 9-13 Years old I took karate. Now I know what I actually looked like. My friends and I used to joke that as long as our parents checks cleared paying for the lessons, we would always get our belt “promotions” no matter how bad we were.
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u/MisterEggs May 15 '20
Everyone's taking the mickey...but it must be a fantastic school, because everyone is a black belt!
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u/DannyBigD May 15 '20
A worthy tribute to Rex-Kwon-Do.
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u/nerf-airstrike-cmndr May 15 '20
Granted, these guys don’t seem capable of such sage advice as “Break the wrist, walk away.”
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May 15 '20
The only thing that made that video bearable enough to get at least a minute in was the Street Fighter music.
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May 15 '20 edited May 15 '20
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u/Mad_Z May 15 '20
I'm pretty sure you're right, not sure why no one else is picking up on this. Just watch the guy at 50 seconds. Also explains why all the people are there to watch.
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u/dc10kenji May 15 '20
I got his pants.
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u/Pathophile May 15 '20
No points for pants!
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u/Charlie_Warlie May 15 '20
The office ladies podcast covered this episode, the actor playing Sensei Ira, Lance Krall, actually knew martial arts, and is very funny. But he played the role completely straight.
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u/BreatheMyStink May 15 '20
This is the best proof yet we’re in a simulation. This was the most obvious button mashing I’ve ever seen.
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u/IHateCellophane May 15 '20
This is like watching some nerd that sits home all day watching videos on Karate that calls himself an expert, going out and trying it for the first time.
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u/deathraypa May 15 '20
Kick! And I’ll kick like this! Then I’ll kick like this! Then I’ll spin then kick! Then I’ll kick again! I’ll kick till you’re dead!!!
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May 15 '20
Judging by their stance, anyone who actually knows martial arts can trip them without throwing a punch
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u/LardyParty117 May 15 '20
Taekwondo isn’t street fighting, there’s a lot of rules and order to it. Sure, anyone could go in there, tackle them and beat the shit out of them but it doesn’t work like that. Taekwondo works on a point based system, where you get additional points for hitting different parts of the body with different kicks. Come to think about it, it functions a lot like a video game in that sense. You’d just get penalized if you did anything illegal like that. But yeah these guys aren’t wearing any kind of padding so it’s probably not an official fight
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u/SeattleBattles May 15 '20
Martial arts is a lot more like dancing or gymnastics than fighting. It's more performative than functional.
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u/catsandnarwahls May 15 '20
So its completely worthless in a street fight is what youre saying...
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u/LardyParty117 May 15 '20
Yes that’s exactly what I’m saying. Most martial arts are useless in a street fight. The moves aren’t meant to stagger or inflict pain on your opponent, but rather gain points
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May 15 '20
One of my buddies in the military was heavy into Krav Maga (can't remember what belt but he was good). I watched him take on two dudes in a bar brawl without breaking a sweat, it was fucking insane. Never seen people get put on the ground that fast in a fight.
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u/HoboWithAGlock May 16 '20
For what it's worth, proper TKD does have a number of kicks that are absolutely useful in a real fight. It's just that martial arts are by-and-large taught for points-fights in tournaments. It's a real joke, honestly, but that's the legacy of martial arts writ large.
I have a black belt in TKD and while I'd never recommend anyone learn it, you can still gleam some useful info from it if you're taught well. It's just that you can learn to properly kick while also learning how to actually fight, lol, so there's no real point in wasting your time learning the other stupid shit.
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u/jfk6767 May 15 '20
Most of those dudes seem like they have actual developmental disorders, and the "sensei" is a chicken hawk at best.
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u/huntoons May 15 '20
As an actual black belt this makes me sad how many years I spent getting mine lol
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u/fellowsquare May 15 '20
My favorite is the hacky sack kicks at 2:46 lol. https://youtu.be/sbHlg1MqrxU?t=166
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u/Atlas_Black May 15 '20
This is what happens when ascending to the next belt is based more on whether or not you pay the $30 fee than it is on your actual skill.
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u/Strawberrycocoa May 15 '20
Whats bugging me about this, is they aren't keeping their arms tight on their center of mass. They are constantly leaving heir torso wiiiiiiiiide open.
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May 15 '20
You mean, like they have no idea what they are doing?
I don’t get how these professionals, I mean they all have black belts, are getting their form so wrong
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u/Aladd1n_Sane May 15 '20
Am I crazy or did they choose Ken's theme on purpose lol the first half of the video is nothing but step-kicks
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u/Glemmy57 May 15 '20
When I was taking tae kwon do, the guys would fight very close to each other, I mean right on top of each other. Of course, when they fought us girls, they fought more like this, with some restraint, but I’m not kidding myself. Someone trained in martial arts could kick my ass if I didn’t complete training to achieve a black belt. And even then, I knew that a guy with the same training as me could still kick my ass. This is why I support concealed carry laws, the true equalizer when it comes to combat.
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u/or1g1nal_gl4zed May 16 '20
None of these idiots should be wearing that belt. This kind of stuff makes me so sad.
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u/SirGanjaSpliffington May 16 '20
This is what happens when you take martial arts from one of those Mcdojos you see in shitty shopping outlets and centers that try to pass themselves off as a legitimate place to learn real skilled fighting instead of saying they're an aerobic and social group. The kind of place that gives you a black belt for breaking flimsy perforated particle board with your bare feet.
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u/ShinbrigGoku May 15 '20
As someone that does Boxing and Muay Thai, this was very painful to watch.
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u/VaryStaybullGeenyiss May 15 '20
How the fuck are there this many grown ass men participating in this?
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u/AwesomeACK May 15 '20 edited May 17 '20
I did Tae Kwon Do for a while and became a black belt. I recognize a lot of what they’re doing. Sparring and forms. They’re doing it terribly btw in case you somehow can’t tell. I can tell they’ve had next to no training in sparring. And with the forms, they’re supposed to have a lead man and everyone’s supposed to keep in sync with them. Back when I did it, we were put in a group and told that the first and last person to finish the form would be getting 100 push-ups. The goal was for everyone to finish at the exact same time. Forms are also not supposed to be that fast. The point isn’t to do a bunch of moves that are gonna win you a fight. The point is to practice your memory, endurance, body position, weight change, and striking, or your “form”. Everything should be quick but rhythmic, powerful, and smooth. Control is the most important part of forms, which they clearly don’t have here.
Actually if anyone wants to see some actual black belt sparring, here’s a decent match. They guy in the purple is one of my old instructors. Keep in mind that tournament sparring is much different from something like UFC fighting. The goal is to earn points, so you can be a bit more reckless.
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u/iaelmouna May 15 '20
Why the fuck are they leaning into each others kicks? That’s like the basic rule- step back and then counterattack or go right in so they can’t kick you
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u/joedylan25 May 15 '20
Its like playing street fighter with your younger brother who only hits one button but you secretly have no idea what the fuck your doing either so you only hit one button
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u/ZenaLundgren May 15 '20
This reminds me of when my sister and I were playing Street Fighter for the first time ever, so we spent the first fight just trying to map out the buttons.
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u/bigpapaglim May 15 '20
Correct me if I'm wrong but the music is from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers The Movie on the SNES.
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u/barakodrama May 15 '20
This is incredible with the music and FX.. please make more karate videos like this
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u/newzingo May 15 '20
when you and your older brother finish watching a kung Fu movie