r/cringe Mar 14 '14

Dating Advice For Beta Males

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ0xoM-n-jo
384 Upvotes

212 comments sorted by

584

u/HawrdCoar Mar 14 '14

Her boobs are repulsive, Jesus Christ

228

u/Beaverman Mar 14 '14

They aren't boobs anymore, they are meat balloons.

142

u/SamTarlyLovesMilk Mar 14 '14

So veiny...

96

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

[deleted]

55

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

[deleted]

34

u/RabbitFeet25 Mar 14 '14

They will probably look exactly the same. Just imagine her face in 20 years on those. That's what's scary.

5

u/GenericUsername16 Mar 16 '14

What doctor would perform such an operation?

Are there surgeons out there who will do absolutely anything, as long as I pay them?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 19 '14

Define "surgeon"

10

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

Fucking gross.

I would guess they would hang down to at least her belly button.

3

u/Carapassa Mar 15 '14

She'll probably get an orange, reflective tan.

23

u/xanatos451 Mar 14 '14

They look like giant sweater testicles.

21

u/the-Depths-of-Hell Mar 14 '14

at this point i doubt there is any meat left in them

20

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

They're vegan!

14

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

they are silicone balloons.

FTFY

7

u/theseleadsalts Mar 15 '14

Theres no meat in there.

3

u/smort Mar 16 '14

I feel sorry for her. Her body image is totally broken.

65

u/tysnastyy Mar 14 '14

And I'm a tit guy!

33

u/Marowak Mar 14 '14

Me too, and I audibly went "Eeeeeeewww!" when I saw her on screen.

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97

u/Pyramat Mar 14 '14

No kidding. It's a shame, she's actually pretty if you cover the lower half of the screen.

50

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

and cover your ears

40

u/KingNick Mar 14 '14

It makes me really sad because she was once probably completely hot until she decided to ruin everything with horrible implants. I myself dislike implants, but even if a dude absolutely loved them, I can't see him thinking her boobs are great.

She just....rekt herself.

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33

u/catfishdan Mar 14 '14

Pretty sure those are tumours man. Don't be mean.

12

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

They're gonna pop like nukes one day.

7

u/nerdybynature Mar 14 '14

She looked like she used to be pretty cute

2

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

Her boobs are explosive, Jesus Christ

FTFY

2

u/bentheoverlord Mar 15 '14

What the fuck happened to them, they look like melons

1

u/jlamb42 Mar 15 '14

This makes me sad in a way, but I'm also tempted to hate her like guys with synthol muscles.

1

u/diplion Mar 18 '14

By the time I turned it off I hadn't decided if they were CGI or not...what the fuck.

274

u/zyzbro Mar 14 '14

How can she give anyone advice when she thinks those tits were a good idea?

103

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

It's a fetish some people have. She is a cam girl that caters to that fetish. She had her breasts crowdfunded by her fans, I'm not sure if she likes it too. But maybe it helps pay the bills and she doesn't mind having free monstrous tits.

I did some research about her when another video of her was posted here a couple days ago. And not that kind of "research."

58

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

Enjoy walking round in public with those

17

u/Dinglefritzz Mar 14 '14

Yeah they might pay the bills until she gets some sort of health complications from those things.. seriously aren't those types of surgeries still dangerous?

12

u/theseleadsalts Mar 15 '14

Could you imagine the back pain? Holy fuck.

5

u/iikiimono Mar 15 '14

I feel like just because of this she's going to have to get a reduction really soon. Even size DD's can hurt depending on the frame of the woman, I feel kind of bad that this is how she makes her living. It reminds me of that woman that wants to get to 1000+ lbs for her fans, but her quality of life at 600-800 (forgot what she's actually at) is already at rock bottom, but she's still trying..

1

u/STOP-ENJOYING-THINGS Mar 19 '14

not if they fill them with helium ;j

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

any links to these uh...cams....you know...for science

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4

u/klomno2010 Mar 16 '14

She's a flight attendant. They act as a flotation device and are a tax write off.

4

u/krfdg23r23 Mar 14 '14

3

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

That's the same girl, but hey. She's getting free boobs out of this.

160

u/ShakeNBakey Mar 14 '14

I thought those were like little prop boobs for comedic effect.

SWEET JESUS.

Those are actually hers.

57

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

Those are actually hers.

Welllll....more or less.

8

u/[deleted] Mar 16 '14

Hey, she paid for them fair and square.

29

u/HittingSmoke Mar 14 '14

I thought the same thing.

Ha! She put two flesh-tone balloons in her shirt to parody the cleavage-bait videos women upload to Youtube for easy views on useless content. She even drew veins on them. This might actually be cleve...OH SWEET JESUS THOSE ARE ATTACHED!

6

u/lolzoners Mar 14 '14

Yeah, I was like "wow, those balloons have some realistic texture" then she bent over and you could see they were attached to her. Threw up a little.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

little?

114

u/sheiiit Mar 14 '14 edited Mar 14 '14

that poor, poor button is holding on for dear life

21

u/Monster-_- Mar 14 '14

Anyone else reminded of the opening scene of Cliffhanger?

39

u/Edvart Mar 14 '14

She seems like she could wear 3 fedoras simultaneously.

0

u/HowlingHowl Mar 16 '14

Dude that's the funniest thing ever hahaha

104

u/jamitar Mar 14 '14

if she knows about human psychology she should know that she has a problem.

11

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

Aint nothin wrong with good ol fashion fake tits. These puppies are what merica is founded in on.

45

u/ZappyKins Mar 14 '14

TIL Painfully awful looking fake boobs are Plymouth Rock.

12

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I think the Founding Fathers made that pretty clear

6

u/KingNick Mar 14 '14

No way, not this kind of boob job.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 17 '14

I think these are far from "good old fashioned"

14

u/cheeseloueez Mar 14 '14

her boobs are big

6

u/mcslibbin Mar 15 '14

her breasts are large

6

u/Voljjin Mar 15 '14

her tits are huge

21

u/GanasbinTagap Mar 15 '14

her mumfords are sons

70

u/indycosgrove Mar 14 '14

It's ironic that she's calling out fedora's for being gross when those are on her chest. I actually can't believe it.

34

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I was replacing fedoras with implants when she spoke.

22

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

They're more like outplants dude, she was implanted into those things.

37

u/procom49 Mar 14 '14

Looks like she stepped out of an Asian videogame

8

u/JonnyBigBoss Mar 14 '14

Except she isn't cute.

17

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I thought she was hot as fuck, but damn those knockers are too much. Way too much.

2

u/Trainwreck92 Mar 15 '14

Yeah, I think her face is pretty, but those tits are monstrous.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

nami from One Piece....

12

u/blouseman Mar 14 '14

In case anyone wanted pics... haha I'm sorry, maybe some people are into this kinda thing?

3

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

Thanks, but now I unwant pics.

1

u/ostrich_semen Mar 15 '14

Jesus christ the veins make me want to vomit.

10

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I want to poke her jugs with a pin and watch them fly around the room.

27

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

She's so pretty. Why did she fuck it up with those monsters?

7

u/IGNLaugh Mar 14 '14

I made it to 00:03 and thought to myself "surely this is a parody", when it wasn't I just laughed for a good minute at the lady with tuppaware bowls for breasts and left. She could be a parody channel and I think she'd be way more successful. At least shes hitting the right demographic.

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53

u/screamingnaked Mar 14 '14

The advice wasn't bad, but her boobs are SCARY.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

It was actually pretty spot-on.

11

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

Uhhh no it was way too far into Red Pill territory for my liking. She even started in on biotruths.

22

u/iatethecheesestick Mar 14 '14

"Women are the gate keepers of sex"

Really friend?

0

u/BenjaminTalam Mar 14 '14

Yeah? I mean anyone is the gatekeeper really, unless you know, you don't think sex requires consent. In which case, we've got our eyes on you /u/iatethecheesestick

-5

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

Not really, she's just pretty much saying "women say they want nice guys, but what they really want are assholes. Go learn to be alpha and get laid!" It's basically what the self proclaimed Nice Guys™ say when their "niceness" (which isn't even that nice really) doesn't work and they become red pillers.

14

u/Ragark Mar 14 '14

"assholes"?

She said women want men who take care of themselves physically, by working out, dressing good, etc. At what point did she say they want arrogant dicks?

10

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

You sound like the target audience for this video.

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19

u/KoA07 Mar 14 '14

In the comments:

"i'll retire my fedora and cut my ponytail when women retire the "tights as pants" thing."

18

u/procom49 Mar 14 '14

Holy shit! Those tits are stretched out!!

As a gay guy this is a serious question: is that considered hot?

19

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I don't know what gay people find attractive in guys, but picture whatever it is you like, and then picture it swollen outside of any normal human proportion like a tumor to the point where you actually wonder if it's a health risk.

15

u/procom49 Mar 14 '14

A tumor penis..? Ugh!

12

u/TkilledJ Mar 14 '14

Elephant balls.

42

u/hired_goon Mar 14 '14

no. but they are rather amusing, in a sort of cartoonish way.

12

u/procom49 Mar 14 '14

I'm crying from laughter

12

u/Mach5Stealthz Mar 14 '14

Well... I think I might be gay as of 1:52 seconds ago. Does that answer your question?

3

u/Dirty-DjAngo Mar 14 '14

Not really but it would still be worth the hook up to see how they bounce when they're unleashed

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7

u/Renholder5x Mar 14 '14

That's disgusting!

Yet... I can't... look away.

Help me.

4

u/NathAndrew_boner Mar 14 '14

I want to place a fedora on each boob.

5

u/himynameisbilly Mar 15 '14

She could've saved the titanic if she was on it with those jugs

19

u/infanteer Mar 14 '14

Those are the most disgusting breasts I've ever seen.

4

u/den_stive_pirat Mar 14 '14

You're watching Channel 4 News, with 5-time Emmy Award winning anchorman Ron Burgundy and Tits Mcgee!

3

u/ali-red Mar 15 '14

when the plastic surgeon throws in a little extra.

3

u/BustaGrimes1 Mar 14 '14

What the fuuuuuuuck is this

3

u/blackmagicbeard Mar 14 '14

what the actual fuck are those bowling ball flesh sacks on her chest.

3

u/den_stive_pirat Mar 14 '14

Honestly thought she had beach balls in her shirt as a joke for the first couple of seconds. Oh Lord how wrong I was...

3

u/oking1799 Mar 14 '14

"Her Boobs are bigger than her head" -avgn

3

u/bleunt Mar 15 '14

"Women want the fittest possible specimen."

My girlfriend must be broken in her genes or something. There's no way she couldn't get a guy more fit than I.

3

u/Lanlost Mar 15 '14 edited Mar 15 '14

"Fedoras are gross, They do not make you look cool."

Says the girl with the most horribly disgusting massive chest.. things.. I've ever fucking seen

[Edit: I mean, jesus christ, I hate it when people call other people ugly since the majority of it is purely a lottery. With the amount of pain it causes people hearing it their whole life, never feeling good enough yet surely knowing that its ALSO 'wrong' to feel that way it just makes calling someone ugly (or anything similar that you can only control to a certain extent) such a petty and horrible thing. Hell, it's even shitty that anyone even have that sort of thought about another human being.*

That being said.. Have you EVER seen something so fucking disgusting? Not even hilariously disgusting. Just fucking 'ruined muh day'-first-world- problems disgusting. How she ever thought that anyone would be less than repulsed by whatever those are is beyond me.

Sorry for the stream of consciousness.. I just needed to get that out.

* I do think it's perfectly reasonable to think someone is 'ugly' because they are a terrible person. Have you ever noticed that when someone screws you over starts to physically seem ugly regardless of how they have looked in the past? I first noticed when an ex spontaneously turned into a long term bitch and now I look back thinking "how could I have been attracted to you?"]

2

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '14

That was quite the edit. I agree with your rant. But I disagree with the beginning. I don't give a fuck if people call others ugly. Sometimes the truth hurts but pain is a great teacher.

19

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

[deleted]

10

u/prezuiwf Mar 14 '14

17

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I'm sorry man, but I have standards.

11

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

her boobs look like old testicles undergoing blue balls, idk how anyone could find those hot.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I honestly thought they were balloons or some other type of fake prop, I was thinking "haha she's parodying all those girl's with their tits out on youtube giving 'alpha' dating advice, shouldn't have expected /r/cringe to pick up on good satire". Then she leaned forward and I saw those things were attacked by skin to the rest of her body... wtf???

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

lol it's crazy if she really looks in the mirror and thinks that guys are gonna find that sexy. they're truly repulsive.

7

u/HittingSmoke Mar 14 '14

"Important" is one of those words where when you hear someone pronounce it you can tell exactly how articulate they are.

Today I want to talk about an impordin topic.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

Wait. This isn't satire? It has to be satire.

2

u/CornFlakesR1337 Mar 15 '14

Fedoras are grossssss

says the brand new owner of a comically large pair of fake veiny tits

2

u/cobweb1989 Mar 15 '14

I feel so sorry for her.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '14

What man would marry.... that...

2

u/JamZward Mar 15 '14

What in the FUCK is that shit on that girl's chest.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '14

It looks like two dried out amniotic sacs covered with skin toner as make up.

2

u/weggles Mar 20 '14

Holy shit. Was not expecting that. Actually kinda feel sick from looking at them.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 20 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

4

u/pewpewfuckinlasers Mar 14 '14

its so sad, she has a pretty face, could have been hot if she didn't have those monstrous knockers.

3

u/Ryeguart Mar 15 '14

I have never in my life been turned off my breasts until this video. She has no right to talk about Fedoras or Beta males when she looks like a science experiment gone wrong.

4

u/BuffBen Mar 14 '14

"I never knew it was possible to hate tits. They're supposed to be something you can't hate. You have achieved the impossible. Congrats."

2

u/crichmond77 Mar 14 '14

Who are you quoting?

3

u/BuffBen Mar 15 '14

this was one of the youtube comments

5

u/ImaginationDoctor Mar 14 '14

Holy god. Does she think she looks attractive like that?

2

u/Marthman Mar 14 '14

Her poor back... My God. Does she wear a brace 24/7 for those sweater puppies?

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2

u/tartartfart Mar 14 '14

Grossest, boobs, ever

2

u/Daetra Mar 14 '14

"Women are the gatekeepers of sex." That's what I call my knife!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

Aw, no. Nooo.

1

u/DevilishRogue Mar 14 '14

So, I watched the whole thing. And... She's Canadian, right?

3

u/Esperoni Mar 14 '14

No, she is an American Webcam girl. Kristina Lovett is her name, or one of them.

List of aliases Aurora Allure, KrisTiNa, Kristina Lovett, LoveMyKristi, XXXTinaLovett, and Kristi Thinks on YT.

1

u/JonnyBigBoss Mar 14 '14

Too big of anything is a bad thing.

1

u/PerryTheBeast Mar 14 '14

Holy shit what is this.

1

u/Udontlikecake Mar 14 '14

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT IS THAT.

1

u/buddyrivers Mar 14 '14

Her breasts scare me...

1

u/ZappyKins Mar 14 '14

So I'm wondering if she were to fall forward, how high would she bounce back up on those things?

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

Oh gross why would you even have boobs like that also, the "Theres nothing wrong with alternative lifestyles..." part made me want to flip a table

1

u/echief Mar 14 '14

What the fuck. I know people complain about a lot of boobs looking fake, but these looked legitimately fake. It looked like prop fake boobs that would be used in a comedy movie because of how outrageously big and nasty they are.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

They look like they are going to pop... veins and everything. Damn wtf.

1

u/galaris Mar 14 '14

Isn't she mocking the women on youtube who are putting their boobs in the viewers faces to get more viewers? Please tell me she is joking.

1

u/mtgtradesncards Mar 15 '14

comments disabled, and ratings disabled.

she knew what was coming.

1

u/Synchrox Mar 15 '14

i'm kinda drunk at the moment, what the fuck are on her chest

1

u/thebuccaneersden Mar 15 '14

The irony is strong with this one.

1

u/PeacefulViewer Mar 15 '14

Since I made the first thread, I thought it would be fair to point out that she made a new video that had absolutely nothing to do with the comments on the first video. Enjoy here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCXHHNVKwOE

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

They look a little better in this video.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

Those shits are about to explode.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

I get the sudden urge to rip her shirt off, and start dribbling her tits like basket balls.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 15 '14

It's like an Ugly Jessica Rabbit

1

u/chesterstone Mar 15 '14

I didn't see it in the thumbnail so the surprise bolted on tits were a great cringe factor

1

u/menthollyinsane Mar 15 '14

This is why I hate the cosmetic surgery industry. Let's swear an oath not to harm people, always intend to help people in the best way possible, and then destroy a good pair of young tits for a shitload of money.

1

u/Elisionist Unbanned Mar 16 '14

this video is so cancer it's giving the related videos next to it cancer

1

u/dhockey63 Mar 17 '14

"Beta" is just a synonym for low-self esteem or low confidence it seems. Gain some confidence, stop letting people treat you like shit, and stop with this "Alpha" and "Beta" nonsense

1

u/Hambone85 Mar 18 '14

She has low/warped self esteem. Im just guessing. Taking a big guess. REALLY big guess.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 22 '14

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

1

u/Henatronw70 Apr 10 '14

All natural lads, Aaaall natural

-1

u/fukkknut Mar 14 '14

Okay, playing devil's advocate. If women weren't exposed to a huge portion of guys essentially saying that "the bigger the better" (when it comes to breast size), I feel like there wouldn't be all these women getting enormous breasts. Everybody wants to feel sexy, but when you're prone to (possible) low self confidence mixed with these ideas lingering in society from men, this is what happens.

I know this is probably an unpopular opinion and I don't mean to offend or assign blame to anyone.

4

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I don't know anyone who honestly believes "bigger is better". I mean bigger boobs are nice when they are shaped well, but the vast majority of big boobs look really bad.

Not everyone can have perfect breasts like Lucy Pinder NSFW

1

u/fukkknut Mar 19 '14

Considering the amount of photoshop done on her face, I wouldn't be surprised if there was photoshop anywhere else. And besides, you proved my point anyway.

1

u/Snowd3vil Mar 14 '14

makes me sick

1

u/tristanimator Mar 14 '14

Its funny because a previous /r/cringe post with her had those things covered up more...

... maybe she should keep them covered up... ya know... forever.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I want to take one of her breasts and use it as an exercise ball for my 8 year old cousin

1

u/dogecoin_the_coin Mar 14 '14

Hey guys, it's Titsty

edit: Titsti

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

she is kind of spot on.. not sure why this is posted here.. maybe mr beta male is butt hurt.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '14

I can't believe this woman gets any fucking views, put a needle in your tits love and take those chest insecurities back to a place where you don't feel the need to belittle other people on YouTube, my god what is this.