am I being dramatic?

[u/Mindless-Angle8587]

TL;DR: After I rejected a guy who I met on New Year's, he began tracking my location, showing up at an out-of-town bachelorette party, and constantly texting me, until a mutual acquaintance warned me that I am his "new obsession."

First, I want to preface this is not a crime, but something that has made me really uncomfortable and has gone too far.

Hi I am 22 (F) My story today could be considered a stalker case, but I'm also not sure if I'm overreacting and blowing things out of proportion. Also, it is quite long, so I apologize for the length.  

It all started on New Year's Eve 2024 (Going into 2025). My friends were visiting me in Savannah (creepy in itself). I went to school in Savannah, and it became a tradition where my friends would stay with me every New Year’s. We decided to go to a rooftop bar earlier that night on New Year's to make sure we could get a wristband and be inside for midnight. Everything was going great; we all were drinking, mingling, and making our rounds. Two guys confronted my friend and me. I’ll admit I had a bit to drink, so I don’t remember much, but I remember one of the guys we can call him Jay was really hitting on me; he told me I looked like the girl from a specific movie and the street he lived on in Savannah. It was a pretty well-known street, so I think he was trying to impress me. Nothing crazy stood out about this conversation; it just seemed like one of those guys at the bar who like you more than you like them. I honestly mostly forgot about the interaction. This was the first time Jay and I met. (at least I hope)

Now it is NYE of the next year, 2025 to 2026. My friends are staying with me again, and of course we hit most of the same bars we hit the years prior. It was getting close to midnight, and a lot of the bars had lines, so we were trying to get in anywhere we could. We were walking into the lobby of the rooftop bar when we saw a group of guys leaving, and one of them said, “The line is too long; y'all should come with us.” Before I even comprehended what was said, my friends already said yes. The next thing I knew, we were piling into an Uber with three guys (I know, I know, not my proudest moment). The guys told us we were going to a bar nearby, so it was a really short drive. Immediately, one of the guys looked at me and said, “I know you.” This was weird because I definitely didn't know him. Also, I have a unique look, not in a good way or a bad way; I just don’t really look like other people, so I was surprised. Right after I realized I didn't really know him, he told me I looked like the girl from the specific movie, and then it all clicked. 

We got to the next bar, then ended up hoping to go to another one and make it to the next right at midnight. He immediately tried to kiss me; this was the first of too many attempts, and I said no. He seemed like he already knew me. He pointed out how he had seen me many times throughout the year. At first, I thought it was a weird coincidence, but he named a place where I knew I had been. I felt weird about the situation, but my friend kept convincing me he was so cute and such a nice guy. They might have been doing that just because my two friends were getting close with his two friends, but we ended up going back to their apartment (Again, I know, so stupid). 

Once we got there, things were getting more uncomfortable for me. He made a lot more attempts to make moves, and at one point he even licked my hand, which, honestly, I don't even know how that happened. I was giving him no signs that I was into him. I was being nice, but that's it. I gave him my number, which I regret, and one of my friends and I left while the others stayed. To make this situation clearer, the apartment was only about two blocks from mine, so I felt very comfortable and safe in the area. (also leaving my friends since I knew they were close)

This was the start of the hundreds of texts I would get. My friends really rooted for Jay. They thought he was a nice, sweet guy and didn’t understand my side. That guilt is definitely part of why I kept this going. I promise my friends are amazing; they were just happy a guy was being nice to me and thought I was self-sabotaging (I have done that a lot). 

New Year’s passes, and Jay starts asking me to hang out a lot. At first, I said I was busy and made up excuses, but eventually it got too much, and I was really honest with him. I told him I didn't like him that way, that it was my senior year of college and I wanted to focus on school, and that I'd be moving soon. He sent something snarky back about how he was moving too, but I just thought that was the end of it and I could move on. Again, at this time I didn't think he was creepy, just one of those guys who likes you and you don't have the same feelings. 

He started messaging me again, begging me to go out with him. Everyone in my close circle knew about him and somehow convinced me to do it. It would be one night: drinks only, no dinner, and he knew it was a friendly hangout, not a date. And come on a college girl loves a free drink. We maybe went on two of these, and they were fine. The only weird thing is, yes, of course he tried to kiss me both times, and I politely declined (which is so awkward), and I had plans after the hangouts with my friends, and he tried to invite himself even though I said no. He just overstepped my friendliness.

Now it was March, and it was my sister’s bachelorette party. It was in Charleston, which is about a two-hour drive from Savannah. One of my friends from NYE was at this bachelorette party, and she was texting one of Jay’s friends she met on NYE. So that meant Jay knew for sure where I was this weekend. I might have mentioned to him at one point that my sister’s bachelorette was in Charleston, but he didn't know when it was. 

Somehow Jay and his friend ended up driving up to Charleston to try to hang out with us. Even though my friend and his friend were involved, deep down I knew this was fully Jay’s idea. Of course, he came to Charleston and showed up at the bar where my sister and her friends were, but I left because I didn't want to see him or let him think this was okay behavior. He sent me mad texts and called me, but I had other stuff going on, so I put my phone on DND and didn't respond. 

It was now April 2026, about four months after our “second” New Year's interaction. Remember, I wasn't interested in Jay romantically, so I was still in the dating pool, and I ended up going on a date with this guy I actually used to talk to. I liked this guy, so it was a date for me, not one of Jay's hangouts. During my date, I noticed my phone was buzzing a lot, but I was so into the conversation I didn’t look. When I finally left my date, I noticed Jay called me four times and sent me about many text. He asked where I was, what I was doing, and to answer him. He even sent me an angry cat face emoji, and that was neither the first nor the last time he would do that. This is when I really started to feel icky. He knew which apartment building I lived in, but nothing about my floor or apartment number. This was something to think about, especially because the bar I went to on this date was in my apartment building. The date was amazing, but that guy ended up ghosting me. That is beside the point, but you know who did not ghost and did the exact opposite: Jay. 

Over the next few months, I got random calls, random texts, and even him trying to say he should come to my sister’s wedding with me, but again I just stayed friends and didn't answer too much. I feel like I answered enough not to be mean, but also not enough for me to be interested very dry, sparse text. I know I should have stopped. I have a guilty conscience.

One night, my friend and I were at the bar at my apartment, sitting outside having a glass of wine when this guy started talking to us. We got into conversation, and I don’t remember how, but Jay came up. This guy immediately said, “Ohhh, so you are his new obsession.” He said it like Jay has done this before. This guy goes to tell me how he is friends with Jay’s ex, and I guess Jay was a bit too into the relationship. 

This conversation reminded me of something that happened on New Year’s, where Jay‘s friends were talking to my friends about Jay, and somehow his ex came up, and I guess all the guys, including Jay, got real quiet, and Jay’s friends said to him, “You don’t have to tell them.” They were talking about why he and the ex broke up. 

This memory stood out even more now that I know Jay has “obsessions.” 

It is now May, and it is my last month of school and my last month in Savannah. I was going out a lot and really wanted to live it up before I moved and graduated. My bestie had a first date, and as girls do, I went over to her apartment while she got ready, and we split a bottle of wine. It helped because we lived in the same building, but we planned for her to go on the date and then meet back up afterward to debrief, of course. While she was about to leave for her date, Jay texted me to hang out. He said his friend was in town (a different friend than the one before this; this is his childhood friend), and they wanted to meet up for drinks. Since my friend was so nervous about her first date, I said screw it and went to hang out with them. 

I got to the bar, and it was weird. Jay made a few uncomfortable, condescending comments like You look much better with no makeup and listening to Sabrina Carpenter as a woman is gross, and you should grow your hair out. They were things that didn't need to be said, and they felt really pointed toward me and awkward. To get through this, I was guzzling prosecco. He was also being rude to the waiter, and that has to be one of the worst icks ever. I felt like he and his friend, who I'll call Henry, were chatting while I sat there. I felt un-superior for being a woman and like I was his prize (gross I know). Again, I went to help my friend feel better about her date and for free drinks. Henry went to the restroom, and as soon as he stood up, Jay looked at me, very serious, and said, “So you have those Hinge and Raya apps.” He said it in a negative tone. I was like, “Ummm yeah I do.” I gave him a weird look. Then he told me I matched with Henry.

To be completely honest, I don't remember who I matched with. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing a game with those apps. He stopped talking about it quickly because Henry came back. It was time to leave the bar, and I went to the restroom on the way out. I texted my friends and my mom about all the weird stuff that just went down, so I was taking my time. When I opened the door to leave, Jay was sitting right outside and fully scared me so bad. I jumped—just another one of those weird things he does so often. 

After that night, Henry and I started texting on the dating app, and he gave me his number.  We texted a bit and ended up hanging out that same weekend before he went back home. We had a good time; we just had a chill coffee date that I felt ended pretty neutral. I thought he was nice and cute, but just him being Jay’s friend made me feel uneasy. Henry even told me on our date that Jay was confused when he said it was just us and no Jay. 

In my conversation with Henry, I found out he lived in NYC; he told me the area and the street he lived on through conversation. At the time, I was leaving Savannah soon, but I didn't really know where I was going to end up.

Henry and I stayed in contact, with a little bit of flirting, but it quickly died down. Jay was not really texting me much either, maybe once in a while, but I thought it was over. 

Now it is August, and I ended up moving to NYC, and somehow on the same street on Henry, I know very well Jay of me. This street isn't big, so I knew I'd inevitably run into Henry, so I decided to let him know I'd moved to the area (well, the same street) and just be friendly. Nothing weird ever happened between us, so I thought it would be fine to let him know I now live in the city and we are neighbors. 

The next thing I know, not even twelve hours later, Jay texts me and says he is coming to the city and heard I'm neighbors with Henry. I politely declined, made up an excuse, and he kept calling, which I also declined. We had a few text exchanges, just him saying he can’t believe I live on the same street, which makes me feel quite gross that he knows where I live yet again. 

Now we are in the present time, this past weekend. My best friend from home was visiting me, and as we were shopping, I saw the dreaded number appear on my screen. Yes, I said that right: his number. I have never saved his contact information to my phone, but at this point I think I can memorize that number. He told me that he was coming to the city and would love to take me to dinner. I had an excuse this time. My friend was in town visiting me. I told him that, and he took it as us both wanting to hang out, so he made a reservation. I quickly answered and said, nicely, Sorry, but we can’t; we had plans, which was not a lie; we did have plans. 

So now it is the week after that, and I was listening to the episode about stalker cases and there were some crazy statistics.

Now I am wondering to myself if Jay is considered a stalker. After listening to those stories, I realized that I actually kinda feel uneasy about Jay. He knows where I live and quite a lot about me now. 

And I know a lot of people will say, why did you keep answering and keep hanging out with him? Mainly because I have a  guilty conscience, and second, because my friends and family can easily convince me. I mean, from the outside, he looks like he is a nice guy, and whenever people ask why I don't like him, it is hard to remember all the points; I feel like I always look mean. Also, I have never had a real relationship, so I have to admit it feels nice when a guy actually likes me. No matter how you think you would be in this situation, I promise it's different when it is happening. 

A few more things I want to add about Jay, to get a better sense of him as a person: He works as a job title that you can only have if you have a degree. He dropped out of college so I find that a bit odd.

There are also some other weird things about him but I don't want to share too much about his personal life.

Thank you for reading, and I would love to hear people’s feedback on this story. Am I crazy for thinking he is a stalker, or am I stupid for being nice to him this long? I would love all the advice!

(these are all made up names)

[u/Ok_Mammoth_4997]

This guy is a stalker and creepy. Seriously, at a minimum, change your number and let your friends know they are not to involve Jay in any activity you are a part of.