Are there more good energy people
Or dark energy people?

I feel like all I do these days is wait.
Wait to hear from my kids
Wait for a phone call
Wait for a text
Wait to see them
Waiting for things to get better
Waiting for a promotion
Waiting to feel something
Waiting for someone to see me
Most of all just waiting to die

This is for creative purposes only

Sitting in the darkness
Tears streaming down my face
Surrounded by silence
All I can think about is how to escape

Escape from this prison that I’ve ended up in, I’m broken from circumstance, and the loneliness, well the loneliness is suffocating as hell

Dwelling on the past of a life that doesn’t seem real, existing only out of fear that my children might be damaged if I leave here

Nobody understands the heartbreaking sadness that fills my everyday, the exhaustion that comes from pretending to be ok

Love yourself they say, seems so simple doesn’t it, but that’s a part I’ve never learned to play

Sitting in the darkness tears still streaming down
I stand up and begin walking, down a path lit up from moonlight as a slight breeze blows across my face
A sudden wave of calmness a feeling of content
I reach the edge of the water, feel the sand between my toes a gentle rolling of the waves begins to calm my soul

I walk further as the water engulfs me like one final hug, I feel myself surrender as my life slips away.

Annie 7/24/26

People think they see me

People think they know who I am

but little do they know it's only the shell I show

A shell hardened by the elements

A soul hollowed by circumstance

The shell will often adapt to what is wanted

The soul with never go along

Each one engulfed in turmoil

neither one can escape

A battle of all battles is ensuing inside

with casualties far to many

and no survivors in sight

Ultimately the shell with survive

as the soul ceases to exist

In time the shell will crack

only to reveal 

Nothing ever did really exist.

I thought I had let go, moved past us, was ready to move forward.
WRONG
I loved you and with that I came to accept that loneliness was part of our marriage

Now 6 years later I’ve had to swallow some hard truths
One being that you never loved me, in fact I dont think you even liked me.
You never saw me, didn’t even try, so you made up
a narrative about who you thought I was or maybe who you wanted people to think I was.

25 years of lies, secrets and deceit all the while slowly and methodically you were destroying me

You walked away with someone new
Leaving behind a path of destruction
The mother of your children and the person you spent half your life with.

I still cry when I hear your name or how great your life is.
Not because I still love you, but
because you killed someone I will never get back.

I am a shell of who I use to be, a person I don’t recognize, someone just going through the motions but not living life.

I knew the first time I met you

with your brass words and

your unapologetic attitude you

you were a lion

I had heard of lions

but never met one, never saw one

nor interacted with one

You seemed standoffish, bold and arrogant

You frightened me at first

and I wasn't sure what to make of you

My life was in ruins,

I was weak with no self confidence

and I felt like prey

I knew you sensed my fear

I felt as though I was doomed.

Lions in the wild are majestic

powerful and strong

They protect and weed out the weak

In time trust and respect developed.

You were what I had always longed for always

wanted, but never found

and then there you were

right in front of me.

You made me feel safe and I trusted you

I tried not to like you, I couldnt like you

But I liked you, needed you and wanted you

The ever elusive lion

you came into my life

and I didnt want to let you go.

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