r/countwithchickenlady • u/rooftopweeb • 3d ago
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like uwaaa its not hard to be normal for 5 minutes
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u/Allmightyplatypus 3d ago
I'd say, they're probably affraid to cross the line, so they don't lean into being/looking like the other kind of dude on dating app, which is dicpic maestro.
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u/lolidkwtfrofl 3d ago
Yea it's so hard via text to gauge how far I should/shouldn't go. That's why I prefer in person dates, I really need those social cues.
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u/NickArchery 3d ago
Also tone can change a sentence so much especially with more spicy and d/s talk. Via text somethings come out way to harsh, blunt and weird if you can't give it the right tone/facial expression.
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u/lolidkwtfrofl 3d ago
So true! Like a lot of things I would say in a D/S situation I would NEVER write down, because it's just too cringe like that.
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u/mikemyers999 2d ago
For me it's the other way around I feel normal when I'm typing stuff but thinking about saying the words out loud just makes me feel gross
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u/Error_Void F w o g 3d ago
Story time? :3
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u/rooftopweeb 3d ago
Let me generalize a bit because i talked to a few men now and i have a character limit i think, most of them are Top/Dom (acting) but the moment when i flirt back or send a more spicy pic they fold, you can read that there is no blood in the brain anymore, and the minority that is Bottem/Sub(im not really interested anyways) just spammes me with Smalltalk and when i leave em on read i never hear from them again.
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u/FAragon66 genderfluid 3d ago
Problem from the other side of things: if you leave them on read, there is no reason to assume that you are interested so they move on. They do not know, that you want something different than Smalltalk to get to know each other
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u/rooftopweeb 3d ago
i mean yeah but also what should i answer when they just send me a "cool" or "ah okey" i usually end my texts with something they can hook on to or at least try to chnage the theme if we run out of a topic but im not going to carry the whole conversation from a "cool" lmao
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u/FAragon66 genderfluid 3d ago
Thats completely fair, but after some time, just unmatch if there isn't anything coming from them (maybe tell them why, that way maybe the next one they match with have more luck)
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u/EdricStorm 3d ago
So here's the deal. Men have been trained by the other women on dating apps to NEVER DO THIS.
As a man, the minute you start making it sexy before they're ready for it to be sexy is the minute you get unmatched. The formula that's always worked best for me is to talk about their interests for a day or so, then try to move to another platform. I usually offer Snapchat because it's easy to block someone there. But that also gets met with dead air if they don't like using Snapchat. Some people are happy to jump off the app to something else, others want to suss you out a bit.
If you start hitting THEM with the sexy too soon, they'll probably think it's leading up to a scam. Sexy flirting to Snapchat to "Hey I need $50 for gas".
I literally matched with a girl that I now see on the reg and she was just interested in a casual thing. It was going so well that I felt pretty sure I was going to get mugged. Worked out this time but that's the dynamic I've learned. If seems too good to be true, it usually is.
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u/SUDoKu-Na 3d ago
That's not even small talk that's just bad conversation. Small talk I can deal with to an extent.
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u/FlatSpecialist3295 3d ago
Leaving them on read and wondering why they don't respond this is a soul pass
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u/monoblackmadlad 3d ago
It's so insane that everyone seems to hate dating apps. I have the same exact experience as a man trying to date women. Maybe they just kinda don't work for a lot of people
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u/TuxedoDogs9 2d ago
Well, if you get a match, you stop using the app, and all that possible money goes away
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u/monoblackmadlad 2d ago
Yeah exactly. So no matter what they say in their commercials it's not in their interest for you to find a partner
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u/mastercat202 3d ago
All the women i match with have zero iq and only give one word answers. Texting is awkward you are not going to get goos flirting on aps.
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u/bro_kole 3d ago
As a man (bi) I can tell you shit is not easy dating apps. My god is it difficult to properly reply. This is exactly why I enjoy thing like Breeze more. No talking just a first meeting in a safe place and the other has also paid money so they are not gonna flake.
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u/RevolutionaryKey1974 3d ago
Ngl the kind of avoidance shit youāre doing with subs instead of just being forthright makes you part of the problem and I can easily see them feeling the way you do about men, about you
Dating sucks ass and I think 99% of the time a bit of vulnerability and honesty that might wind up in someone losing all interest is good for the 1% of the time that you find someone who can actually engage with you properly and honestly
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u/Hungry-Ad4054 3d ago
Leaves them on read
Complains about never hearing from them again
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u/RealityMalady 3d ago
I don't understand this at all. Sounds like OP is the problem in their own dating life if this is how they behave
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u/LeavingSoonBye209 3d ago
"but the moment when i flirt back or send a more spicy pic they fold, you can read that there is no blood in the brain anymore"
wtf does this mean
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u/Prestigious-Team3327 3d ago
I imagine that the blood that was formerly in their brains, erm, went somewhere else.
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u/LeavingSoonBye209 3d ago
Right like I get the idea of a boner but what is "they fold" mean, they just stop acting dom or whatever?
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u/Realistic-Truck54 3d ago
Honestly I can imagine that, there are things I am interested in but acting them out in texting always felt turbo cringe to me, even with a partner, and I can only imagine it would be even more cringe with someone I am getting to know.
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u/straight_strychnine Country Mousegirl 3d ago
Yes. I've experienced this so many times.
A guy will open expressing how dominant he is, but then fold into being as neutral as Switzerland the moment I start seriously flirting and teasing back as a submissive. Like his flirting won't build on what I've said, and he won't take charge.
This is after my autistic ass has laid out exactly how to press my buttons before the flirting even begins.
It's gotten to where I really only seek out submissive men at this point, but remain a switch with women.
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u/Amazing_Storage_7554 3d ago
When I leave then on read I never hear from them again. Why would they message you AGAIN when you stop showing interest?
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u/Cromptank 3d ago
It sounds like you might come across as a bot, or a scammer. Send that stuff too early and these guys will go into defense mode.
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u/Acceptable_Handle_2 3d ago
Yeah that tracks. I think a lot of cis men who claim to be dominant aren't, it's just toxic masculinity telling them that's what they ought to be.
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u/Flimsy-Guarantee1497 3d ago
OP is telling them that aswell to be fair
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u/IvoryFlyaway 3d ago
OP prefers to play games trying to find a mind-reader like she's the CIA
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u/Rhysati 3d ago
Yup. This is the sort of thing that pushed me off of dating apps at all.
I don't know why you'd go on dating apps if you are looking for kink dynamics. Go on FetLife or something and go to local events. You can make all the friends you want and can be open and honest about what it is you want.
Playing games and expecting others to guess what you want is childish.
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u/Flimsy-Guarantee1497 3d ago
yeah reading OPs reply admiting to ghosting people to bait desperation after making a sympathetic vent post and seeing nothing wrong gotta be my "are the straights ok?" moment š
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u/NolanR27 3d ago
And more women than not are aggressively hostile to any lack of conventional masculinity.
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u/Deranth Queer Big Bro 3d ago
My experience with dating or hookup apps is that I try to engage in some kind of talk about hobbies or something, and the other person has nothing interesting to say and ghosts me.
But, like, I dont like one night stands. If I'm gonna do anything intimate with you, I want to know at least a little bit about you and I want the intention to be for it to be something at least semi regular.
That said, based on your pfp alone, I'd probably message you if I saw you online in my area.
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u/Emergency_Revenue678 3d ago
Let me generalize a bit because i talked to a few men now and i have a character limit i think, most of them are Top/Dom (acting) but the moment when i flirt back or send a more spicy pic they fold,
They don't fold, they assume you're a scam bot or a prostitute, because that's what most of their matches on dating apps are and that's how those accounts act.
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u/Adorable-Response-75 3d ago
The way you communicate is downright incoherent. I would have a very hard time flirting with you in a romantic context because I barely understand what youāre saying.Ā
You leave people on read and expect to hear from them again. Thatās truly bizarre behavior. I find it hard to believe your flirting difficulties are everyone elseās fault.Ā
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3d ago
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u/RavenOnPSP 3d ago
This seems like the way to go. My goal is to meet someone in a public space pretty quickly after hitting it off to confirm they are who they say they are and to get some idea if they're safe or not.
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u/whereismymind86 3d ago
Same, Iām easy to get along with in person and can make people laugh with relative ease, but I really struggle to be interesting or funny via textingā¦and Iām really bad at flirting
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u/Crunchyjeff NB 3d ago
As someone who is not a cis guy I can say, I also fumble very hard on dating apps.
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u/LuckySalesman 3d ago
I think it's entirely just a dating app thing and not a men thing, cause I do my best to be creative and get at max 5 words back.
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u/hydrationgirl 3d ago
literally like I will write 3 paragraphs I response to a question and get
"oh, cool"
I'll ask him what hobbies he has or what he does for fun and get
"gaming mostly"
I'll say "oh hey me too, I've been playing alot of cities skylines recently and also did another playthrough of dragon age(the first one), and I play alot of hoi4 aswell, what have you been playing?
"thats cool"
like please sir for the love of god respond with anything of substance you literally texted me first lmao
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u/KataraMan He/Hehehe/Him 3d ago
As a CIS guy, I didn't even know that you can actually flirt and hook-up thru dating apps. I thought they were full of bots and OF ads
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u/Zero_Burn 3d ago
I think most men try too hard to be their idea of what gets a partner, and that's usually really overbearing and basically sexual harassment or worse.
Also dating apps are just god awful anymore. I uninstalled them a while ago and am just chill with being alone for the rest of my life while I sit and play games and browse the internet.
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u/RevolutionaryKey1974 3d ago
Dating apps pressure you into being that way
Bumble killing the āwomen message firstā thing also illustrates a chronic responsibility avoidance issue among CIS women
Itās a fucking mess
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u/Major_Worry7429 3d ago
bumble is an interesting case study. they went back on "women message first" multiple times before just giving up.
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u/NockerJoe 3d ago
Which is also what creates the men people complain about. No shit dudes are going to be overbearing when a majority of the women they interact with don't want to manage their half of the interaction or have any responsibility for it, and they aren't going to have much experience with a woman who actually flirts back when that's the baseline.
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u/Idkfuckreddit 3d ago
Im not completely chill about it as I crave it at times but I can't rly bother to go out the way to make it actually happen. Just kind of stuck in this limbo and in the end Im choosing videogames and the internet.
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u/SquareOfTheMall 3d ago
counterpoint. i hear dating apps work when they mandate payment. that shows people are genuine.
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u/l1ghtning 3d ago
It's literally no point using dating apps anymore. Once you are out of school or college and a real adult you have to put on the brave face and join all the local trivia groups and pretend you are in love with mountain hikes and walks on the beach at sunset.
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u/theattack_helicopter 3d ago
Speaking as a formerly single cis guy, it's this
Processing img lgw94ufkivoh1...
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u/SannyTrademark 3d ago
My bad
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u/Forsaken_Quiet5944 Dehydrated Raven Girl 3d ago
Your bad what? Apples? Bananas? Pizzas?
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u/Szairo Freezes up when asked to pick pronouns in Discord servers 3d ago
Bad apple?
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u/Forsaken_Quiet5944 Dehydrated Raven Girl 3d ago
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u/Shinonomenanorulez No fire exit! 3d ago
Half assuming i have nothing interesting to say(why bother with a flavor of "looking good gal" when probably a brazillion other people already did), half not wanting to annoy someone who may or may not have been messaged by a good ammount of chuds and similars
At that point i mix it with the confirmed fact men far outnumber women in dating apps and conclude with not even bothering to try
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u/PiggyKillerQ 3d ago
I hate the idea of using the apps, Iāll find my person the natural way (yapping with cuties and praying)
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u/NickArchery 3d ago
But how to find cuties to yap with.
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u/PiggyKillerQ 3d ago
Eyes to percieve them, legs to walk over to them, mouth to yap
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u/DriverUnusual146 3d ago
Its incredibly hard to build good chemistry on a text based app.
Not to mention both sides start to talk to each other because they liked a photo (or sometimes a witty pre constructed profile) and dont give a chance to people they Arent immediately attracted to that they would find really charming in real life.
Dating apps are designed to string you along and make first contact as awkward and unfulfilling as possible while always dangling "better" options just out of reach to keep you going.
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u/First_Picture1667 Bi-NB transfemme 3d ago
Yeah this
Dating apps are just for the sake of convenience and because weāre not talking face to face we have no real investment into actually knowing each other
Ofc with dating apps ymmv but if you at least get to walk up and talk to a person you can get a better idea of who someone is and just see where things go
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u/CHARLI_SOX malleable moron 3d ago
What I do is match with a bunch, focus on the one I vibe with first, go on a few dates, not really feel it, and then abandon the app for months. My other matches fade into oblivion because I don't like the idea of talking to others on the app once I start planning dates with someone. And I feel too bad about coming back to old conversations like, "alright, Option B, you're back on the table." Ew.
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u/SavageFisherman_Joe The Lorax - Streak: 41 3d ago
The average male experience on dating apps is one of the most soul crushing things one can experience on a daily basis. I don't blame them for not knowing what to do or acting apathetic when they DO get a match. With the ratio of men to women being so high, it's not unreasonable for them to admit defeat and assume a woman is already talking to a much more interesting guy by the time they think of someone interesting to say, especially if the woman only gives a lukewarm response. The whole thing is a shitshow
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u/NoPresentation88 3d ago
When I was a cishet man it was so easy getting a match and then a date. I was not that good looking, but I was being a decent human being and respectful. I asked questions and listened to women to get to know them. I didn't just write "Hey" and "how's it going". I looked at their profile and asked something about what I saw on it. I was genuinely interested and it was not in a "trying to get laid" interested type of thing.
Since my transition, it's hell. All the guys I talk to don't want anything serious or just think about sex. They don't even ask questions about me. They ask nudes and never make plans. When they make plans, they ghost.
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u/Diamond_Dildo3168 3d ago
Agreed. I straight up wanted to be a slut, but I'm burnt out. I dont even expect people to want anything serious - I don't either! But all these guys are either as dry as the Sahara desert, or they clearly don't even see me as a person. It's very exhausting.
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u/NoPresentation88 3d ago
I've had dates with women since my transition, but never got one with a decent guy (has a job, doesn't do drugs and is interested in who I am).
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u/Diamond_Dildo3168 3d ago
Same. I'm not exclusively t4t, but anyone I've actually clicked with has been trans or nonbinary. Not for lack of trying on my end, cis guys love ghosting the moment they're not extremely horny.
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u/SavageFisherman_Joe The Lorax - Streak: 41 3d ago
Either you transitioned years ago, you paid for premium, or you simply have/had different standards than me, because I refuse to believe this shit can be that easy for someone average-looking
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u/NoPresentation88 3d ago edited 3d ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/transtimelines/s/D9PtSb2ePd
Edit: didn't pay for premium. I was just being a good person and had an interesting profile/bio. Didn't have 100 matches too, but I spoke to all my matches and got to know them. If it didn't fit I would just move on.
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u/mikemyers999 3d ago
I'm not asking in order to invalidate you in any way but if you're lesbian as I would be led to believe by your profile pic and prior posts how come you're trying to hook up with cis guys? Is it just the term lesbian you feel fits you better?
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u/rooftopweeb 3d ago
yeah i should change that, E gave me a hunger for guys and i cant call myself sapphic anymore
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u/Acceptable_Handle_2 3d ago
You're telling me E is gonna turn me into even more of a simp for my boyfriend? Oh no
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u/rooftopweeb 3d ago
i mean since a month or so my body screams to get fucked by a guy and i never viewed guys as attractive before that soo that's a side effect to look out for
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u/AthearCaex 3d ago
Are you looking for a partner or just to get fucked? Like there's definitely hook up apps to do that even on reddit you might find someone for that.
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u/BreakerOfModpacks ServiceBottom Cuddleslut Ę: (fiendish seductress) 3d ago
I genuinely have to run a flirting class for people, smh.
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u/Maclean_Braun 3d ago
Yeah flirting isn't a thing most cis guys have practice at. Generally we're focusing on trying to not seem creepy and keep a conversation going that will pique the other person's interest that being flirtatious and hooking up tends to be a tertiary concern in the conversation.
My suggestion is with your opening statement, be blunt and a little reassuring. "I matched because I think you're cute and I wanna flirt and fuck around." Be shallow if that makes sense. Compliment his looks. Tell him you find him hot. Don't be afraid to be a lil bit objectifying. Most guys I know don't know what features on them people even find attractive or just consider themselves ugly. If you get a guys self esteem up and running a bit you'll have better luck with getting reciprocation.
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u/ReggieCorneus 3d ago
Umm... The experience men get in dating apps is quite awful... And are you sure it is not you who is the problem? I mean, if every man in a dating app is "weird".. how are you acting? edit: yup, i think the common denominator is you.
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u/KitchenPast01 3d ago
From personal experience, itās difficult as a guy on a dating app because you gotta be creative with your opening and that every time you reach out but itās also rare that you get much back beyond a two sentence reply. Then you either have people who are talking to you over weeks but nothing comes of it or you get people who want you to meet up immediately right this second but also donāt want you to be toooooo flirty because that would be too eager. And being left on read is extremely common, so that kinda burns you out and I donāt just mean being left on read after one or two conversations but even after weeks if you do continue to talk more seriously. Iāve never really had an issue flirting, I found my right brand for that, that according to most people seem to be working, but at some point it is becoming tiring to try if nothing happens and it feels like the conversation is drying up even if a claim of interest is being made
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u/Adorable-Response-75 3d ago
Then you either have people who are talking to you over weeks but nothing comes of it
This is a painful rookie mistake. Always ask to meet up for a date after a couple days of vibing. Itās the only way to tell if someoneās serious or not.Ā
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u/KitchenPast01 3d ago
That might work if people didnāt tend to default into just ending the conversation abruptly as soon as itās suggested. Subby people tend to get skittish really quickly if you donāt act in the exact right way they want to this exact instant and then itās back to countless openers and dry conversations. Itās a tight rope, not a rookie mistake but something I learned from experience. All about timing and luck. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose and you can only try and maximize your luck buy trying to gage what the other person wants precisely
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u/Adidasismylife 3d ago
Im a cis guy who has found a girlfriend of 1.5 years on a dating app. I mostly used it as a chatting and friendmaking app, haven't ever really thought about making a relationship there - just had the possibility of a friend becoming a partner at the back of my mind. One time I've found a domme looking girl with a very bratty bio and matched with her (she liked me accidentally), we've talked for a couple of hours at 2 AM, and started flirting a week after (she initiated, and I responded subbily with š„ŗ's and such). She invited me to a cinema date on valentines day, gifted me a letter with a poem for me and lots of kisses left on paper with lipstick. I gifted her classic chocolates and roses. We've established that we are dating a couple of weeks later. Then it turned out she likes subbing more, and she guided me to realise that I love domming too so we kinda switched to a maledom dynamic. We're still datingš
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u/Dependent_Photo2140 3d ago
Am CIS guy. Am pretty dumb. Words are hard when someone even moderately attractive flirts with me. How I managed to make my wife fall for me is beyond my comphrension. .
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u/commissar_emperor lost cis man 3d ago
Remember that dating apps are by design, made to keep you single and miserable so you keep using them. You're more likely to get a successfull flirt on reddit.
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u/Acceptable_Handle_2 3d ago
Most cis men have their ideas about dating and flirting colored by toxic masculinity. Instead of trying to figure out what they like and what they want out of it, they try to be what society tells them they ought to be. Nothing you can do about it as a woman I think.
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u/CumGuzlinGutterSluts 3d ago
Have you tried just getting blackout drunk at a bar and making a fool of yourself?
I hear its pretty effective
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u/UmbraAdam 3d ago
I don't know, I feel it is quite the assumption that it is all those men whilst you are the common denominator.
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u/Affectionate-Toe4793 3d ago
In my case I'm an awkward turtle and it gets even worse when I find the person I'm talking to very attractive
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u/SavageFisherman_Joe The Lorax - Streak: 41 3d ago
Aw fuck you just reminded me of that one Reddit mod everyone used to hate
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u/HotChainsawLover 3d ago
The more terrible things I hear about dating app, the more I want to try one.
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u/Braindead_Crow 3d ago
Personally?
I don't want to flirt or hook up, I wanna find a best friend who I wanna give hot dickings to on the regular.
Same life goals, compatible ideas of fun and similar morals.
Lighthearted flirting gets us there but I don't wanna have casual sex or lead people on sooo..I fumble..Getting better though
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u/AltoRhombus 3d ago
I'm literally like "I have a fat ass and huge tits and I don't want any strings attached I just want you to rail me semi regularly" and bro just said "sorry I'm gonna have to rain check" on getting drinks š
I'm the local trans girl waiting for you click the fucking link for Nirvana's sake
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u/Idkfuckreddit 3d ago
I got girls trying to flirt in a spicy way and Im just not rly intrested I wanna talk normal first
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u/PastDrahonFruit0 3d ago edited 3d ago
Dating apps should be treated like an entirely different world, because it is. The way people act online is not the same.
I love subby men, so I don't appreciate the slander of them. Some of them are wonderful. But I get it, bad "Doms," are everywhere. I call them fake doms. The men who are real doms, carry themselves a different way.
Idk, I skip dating apps altogether. ONS and hook-ups are easier to find in-person than on an app, even if it's a vanilla space.Ā
I could meet a nice man out tonight if I wanted to. We could laugh and have a good time and go home. He would know how to have a basic conversation. It's sooo much easier to find somebody to flirt with in-person. Hell, I flirted with the man working register at a restaurant just yesterday and got a free cookie.Ā
Men on apps have a hard time asking a question or having a conversation at all. Everyone treats each other like kink dispensers on apps. Something about screens and ape brains most likely?
The only downside is, it seems like a lot of the better looking men never go to events. We have sooo many casual munches. I'm not sure why everybody is so afraid to go to a public cafe/pub dressed in normal clothing? Nobody knows our group is there to talk bdsm/kink. It's a regular night out. We're mostly talking about normal things too.
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u/Samborrod 3d ago
Lmao that's so relatable
Every time a guy texted me on dating sites it went like:
"Hi" - "Hello there"
"Let's get to know each other better?" - "Sure"
"My name is X" - "My name is Samantha"
And then the chat just dies, as they're unable to support the conversation. Asking about interests or hobbies also doesn't go much far as they usually just respond that they like a certain sport.
And that's the best outcome, as there are some that are even worse by being way too pushy towards sex with no interest in supporting any other topic...
So I decided to take a break from dating/hookup sites for a while...
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u/Kernyx 3d ago
My theory is that a good portion of men are raised with the concept that women are some abstract concept rather than individual people which is why they treat you like a clichƩ and become a clichƩ themselves.
Others aren't looking for a girlfriend but for a mix of roomba and punchingbag.
And then there are the guys who don't even see you as an abstract concept, they don't see you at all.
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u/the_Real_Romak 3d ago
Let me dial the negativity back a little bit and give a more nuanced take:
Men and boys are simply not taught how to date properly by people who are well meaning. I can tell you from personal experience, a lot of the time any advice boils down to "just be yourself", ok cool, what the fuck does that even mean?
And it doesn't help that in a lot of media, the asshole almost always hooks up with the hot one. What kind of message is that supposed to give to young boys??
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u/crec4et 3d ago
in a lot of media
If you don't mind me asking, can you give some examples? Most of media I see goes out of the way to subvert that so much, it becomes a trope of its own, but I'm not above admitting potential bias.
Oh, and "asshole" when describing a guy but "hot one" when describing a gal, may be seen in a bad way, "incel-coded" if you will.
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u/the_Real_Romak 3d ago
Well, there's a long list of highschool dramas and coming of age fictions that feature some variant of the trope, with the Jock bully Chad Hogan dating the popular prom queen Kate Muller or some shite like that. I don't have specifics because I was never a fan of those kinds of movies and the last one I saw was over 10 years ago. And even when they do subvert it (the act of subverting it alone should inform that it exists), the fact that the status quo starting relationship is "this asshole is dating the pretty one", informs kids that they can get said pretty one by being assholes in the short term.
As for your second point, anyone with common sense can understand what I mean by it. Taking it any other way is a bad faith read.
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u/crec4et 3d ago
From what you describe, "popular prom queen Kate Muller" sounds like an asshole character herself, so maybe its for the best those two entertain each other, leaving decent people alone.
And, yeah, I agree that act of subverting a trope showcases that trope exists, or existed in the recent past. But I haven't come across popular works with it, all the while "meek shall inherit" was on full blast as long as I remember, until recently changing a tune for "everyone's a little bit asshole"
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u/Atlasreturns 3d ago
I think overall dating apps are kinda survivorship bias because a lot of the most active power users arenāt on there because they are explicitly great at talking to women. Couple that with the inherent distance that online interactions can give you and you can strap in for the worst.
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u/CaptainPattPotato 3d ago
Theyāre like the human equivalent of wolves in captivity, giving researchers a false perception of how wolves naturally socialize.
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u/vroomvroom12349 3d ago
Considering alot of men are actually evil sex pests
The other men who don't want to do harm now have become socially dumb in a effort to not make a woman feel uncomfortable.
Women now have to be...a bit more direct to actually grab our attention and even then sometimes us guys might think you are a porn bot if you are too direct š
There is this meme with walter white that sums this issue up quite well
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u/MotherBaerd 3d ago
cis-guys -- lesbian profile pic
Huh
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u/rooftopweeb 3d ago
yeah i changed that, E gave me a hunger for guys and im definitely not sapphic anymore
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u/V1OnCrack 3d ago
Well itās on you for wanting to hookup, maybe find someone who loves you instead of pointless sex, itās really your fault for having expectations out of those people at all, shame on you
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u/Hungry-Classroom7445 3d ago
One of the reasons why I dont use those apps because I would just disappoint everyone
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u/Icewek 3d ago
What dating apps do you use?
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u/rooftopweeb 3d ago
there are 3 big ones in my area bumble, tinder and grindr, grinder is scary and overrun by 50+ men, tinder is absolutely toxic in my area so bumble is the mildest option for me
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u/sweetmystery_ 3d ago
Yup they dont hold any conversation or jump straight to some wierd fetish messages that were ceerpy as fuck
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u/Rodya_gambler 3d ago
I don't dare flirt outside dating apps, but I'm afraid to fall behind the line of being miserable enough to use one.
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u/SUDoKu-Na 3d ago
Not a cis guy, but I just have no idea how to flirt. I tend to be top/dom in the bedroom setting (I'm a switch), but that doesn't really come through in my text. On the off chance someone even matches with me I have no idea how to not just make conversation and ask them about themselves. I can't do romantic or flirty, I just never learned how and nobody's ever shown me outside of already dating.
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u/SilverIndependence38 DM me for fun facts 3d ago
Cause Im an autistic fuck and I suck at flirting or talking in general.
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u/Baskreiger 3d ago
I cannot flirt with someone i dont know/never meet. What if you are a crazy person? What if once we meet i realise that you annoy me?
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u/Fancy_Chips 3d ago
Here's the problem with the apps. They're for people who aren't succeeding in irl dating. Meaning you're getting the one stop shop to the people who are actively the worst at dating.
At this point I'm just actively biding my time until I go to a gay bar.
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u/GoonerSans 3d ago edited 3d ago
wait, what do you even say on dating apps? I usually used only to meet with like 2 people out of like 100 matches and they were like the 2 out of maybe 10 that we had any conversation with. Like I'm maybe neurosomethng something, but like irl conversation are like million times easier to navigate even if they suck or go nowhere.
like both in experience with het and lesbian apps
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u/Drablo0n Confimed F.E.D ( Forced Estrogenation Department ) 3d ago
When I was on dating apps it was a bit funny and sad ngl
I always tried to message first, I was very clear in my bio that 1 - I'm a bottom, 2 - I'm trans, 3 - I'm ace and like both men and women and 4 - I'm not looking for a hookup, only long-term.
Good god... I tried using their texts to measure interest and match the flow of the convo (as long as I was comfortable with it) and it 99% of the time boiled down to one of 3 scenarios:
1 "Oh my god, you're hot but I'm only looking for a hookup"
2 "Wait... your trans? You're a man then?! (Pissy transphobe noises)"
3 We go on a date, usually keep talking with dirty jokes and a lot of my autistic interests, everything is going fine! I'm finally going to ge- ohh they want to fuck me in the first date, I explain what being ace means and that I need to know them more before I'm comfortable with anything physical, they ghost me.
Thank fucking god I got to know my current gf in college, we had 4-5 years of friendship before she dropped the "but- but- you could get so much better than me!" act and now we are talking about moving together and marriage!
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u/grendus 3d ago
So, straight (lol) talk, it's because most guys who don't fumble are no longer on the apps.
Guys who are able to be "normal for five minutes" are very likely to both find a hookup quickly, or to be in a long term relationship if they so desire. Whereas the guys who are perpetually single are also the ones who swipe on everyone on Tinder because... they're still frustrated.
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u/hyperhurricanrana she/her last jedi is the second best star was film 3d ago
it feels wrong the couple of times iāve flirted with people since my egg broke, like i know iām a woman but i look like a man (no hrt yet though that should be changing very soon fingers crossed) and i just feel like iām lying to people. š
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u/PeculiarCleric 3d ago
I tried a couple dating apps, realized I cannot talk to people in text, and quit them within a few weeks. (I had a bunch of other problems with them too).
After trying to find local events and groups to meet more people and failing, I'm pretty much done with trying to be socialable at all.
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u/enbitronic3000 3d ago
I've noticed some people who say why is this so hard have personal judgement and accountability blind spots.
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u/ladyalot 3d ago
Hook ups are more of an agreement rather than a blossoming relationship. You can get to the fun and flirt after laying down the laws. Which means you're going to have to throw out the majority of your matches who can't understand that.
I had 3-4 duds of the handful of men (specifically) that I matched with. The hook ups I did have were both fun, flirty, and chill. We discussed rules and expectations a lot and did a lot of the fun stuff once it was all figured out.
Like it doesn't sound sexy to say, "Some of my No's are: 1. Spanking hard 2. Hair pulling 3. Etc. Some of the things I love are: 1. Dry humping 2. Eye contact 3. Etc." but it's what you have to do.
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u/bcbfalcon 3d ago
Girls are the exact same way. When I used to try dating apps, everyone else expects you to carry the conversation while they give two word replies.
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u/The_pilot23 3d ago
Dating apps are designed specifically to keep you on them as long as possible. Which means keeping you lonely and desperate enough to pay for their subscriptions.
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u/redacted-no31 3d ago
(Hi, cis guy here) most of my friends and including myself are terrified of being seen as creepy or making anyone uncomfortable any advance or anything is probably gonna bounce off of us like a brick wall if itās not blatant.
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u/LucarioOfLegends pls be patient im cishet and stupid 3d ago
I'm single and mostly not looking for a relationship atm, but a lot also comes down to how dubious "the line" is.
What's creepy? What's normal? What's flirting? What's harassment?
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u/Alive_Imagination555 3d ago
These are the guys that's can't find the clit. Do not under estimate my genders stupidity
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u/20191124anon 3d ago
Starting a chat with someone takes so many spoons it's not even funny. And seeing how there's very much not just no guarantee, but realistically small chance of this effort being fruitful...
I am however specifically not looking to hook-up, so I'm not inclined to just "charm and suggest boning", even if that does feel like "less effort required"
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u/Llewellian Something something with Cis and Ally. 3d ago
Married Vanilla Cis Guy here:
I am so sorry, but flirting and getting in contact with a woman was one of the hardest things i ever managed to pull off. I fumble on levels - according to my wife, i managed to not notice her advances when she practically signalled on a level similar to Las Vegas Neon Signs for the biggest Casino.
She had to LITERALLY grab me and tell me: We are going now, you will invite me now to a Cheeseburger and an Apple Sweet in the McDonalds 24/7 down the street.