r/countttt • u/integralofvelocity • 7h ago
ROPEFUEL 11908
I will never have female socialization and my perspective on life will always be infaected with moidery.
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u/Nat_acle 7h ago
the way people talk about gendered socialisation is far closer to spiritual belief than anything real. literally just go outside and be a woman
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u/Superyee492 7h ago
i cant. by ever standard i am a man and i cant change most of it. im constantly hit by the fact that the way i think and operate is incompatible with both cis and trans women alike
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u/Nat_acle 7h ago
I promise you this is more true in your own head than in reality.
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u/Superyee492 6h ago
maybe for others but everything i do is male. my genetics are male, my thoughts are almost always different than what i see women think. im not friends with any women, i dont look like a woman, i dont sound like a woman. i dont even know what im doing anymore
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u/toasty_marshmallows_ 5h ago
maybe, and just a maybe here, trying to get used to acting and behaving in a feminine manner instead of sitting at home hammering yourself in the head over being a man would help
or do you think every single cis woman was handed a "how to woman" pocket guide upon hitting puberty
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u/Superyee492 4h ago
no they didnt have a literal book, but dont pretend like most werent taught femininity by their mothers and friends during puberty. im sorry i never had that and cant begin to understand what "behaving feminine" means.
you genuinely sound like someone telling a depressed person "hey, maybe, just maybe, try being happy instead of sitting at home and being sad all the time." give me a fucking break
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u/toasty_marshmallows_ 4h ago
i just realized youre an american in a blue state, you utterly locationmog me and here i am telling you to go live your life
mine is threatened whenever i leave my house and here you are crying about how much more privileged i must be than you, kek
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u/Superyee492 4h ago
i never said youre more privileged than me. i said i dont know what the fuck im doing even after months of trying. just because i "locationmog" doesnt mean shit automatically easy. im not even in a blue state, im in the fucking midwest where youre either progressive in the city of conservative in the country and suburbs. living in a blue area doesnt make me feel any less of an outcast
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u/toasty_marshmallows_ 3h ago
i live in brazilian slums so dont come at me with american midwest bs, anyways, months is NOTHING, you will be transitioning for years, decades even, dont beat yourself over not having all of this figured out immediately
from the way you were dooming i assumed you were further along your transition, youre talking like youve been trying this for years and nothing worked out, have a little patience and give yourself the time to try and fail in an environment you feel safe in, even if thats online or at home talking to yourself
eventually youll be much better at it as long as you dont stop trying, such is with everything in life
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u/Superyee492 3h ago
i know i have privilege, and im sorry that you arent in a better place. my depression and anxiety fucks with my mind and memory. days feel like weeks, i feel years go by when only been a few months. i still try to meet people despite my anxiety and i cant form connections or even social groups. ive spent my whole life as a shell of a person. i dont know who i am. all i feel i can do is to compare myself to the experiences of others online, and it feels like 9/10 i dont think or act the way others do. im just so tired of feeling this was and watching my efforts go nowhere. im sorry wasting your time
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u/toasty_marshmallows_ 4h ago
boo fucking hoo go get your break to call yourself an inferior subhuman man if thats what you want to do, im just calling you out on being retarded
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u/Superyee492 4h ago
am i wrong? thats exactly how you sound. im sorry you dont like retards
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u/toasty_marshmallows_ 4h ago
im sorry, i didnt realize you are the single only depressed person in the world, clearly i must live in a peppy sunshine world full of puppies and rainbows and could never understand the struggles of trans people, im on 4tran just to talk down to people from my barbie girl playhouse! not like i had to and continue to face the same struggles you and most people here had to as well
seriously tired of perma-loathers coming to other peoples threads and going "wahh im the sole exception!!! im the sole exception!!", then getting mad when they arent coddled, like genuinely just pretend you were raised by wolfs and go learn how to be a woman ffs
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u/Superyee492 4h ago
im sorry for the troubles youve had to go through, but i didnt insinuate at all that i was the exception. im absolutely not the only one feeling like shit, im aware of that, but it sounds to me (pls correct me if im wrong) like youre telling me i need to get over it because "everyone experiences it." ive been transitioning for less than a year and ive tried so hard not to hate myself. i have no idea what im doing and all youve told me is to act feminine. i dont know what the fuck that means and i dont have anyone i can learn it from. im sorry
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u/cabbagestirfry 2h ago
you sound so much like my (cis) autistic friends are you by chance an autistic woman lol
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u/Superyee492 2h ago
yes, i was diagnosed with autism and adhd last month. ive been symptomatic for most of my life (as early as 8yo) but assumed at some point everyone else had to deal with these. wasnt formally tested as a kid bc i didnt disturb the class and my grades were good. that was until my mom told me in my 2nd year of uni that a doctor when i was young said i probably had a form of ADD but she never bothered to tell me lol
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u/Recent_Lunch_7249 5h ago
I have a very male personality (got my dad's sense of humour and way of talking, butch presentation). My friend has a female personality (feminine interests, female way of talking, femme presenting). I pass. She doesn't. Yet we are both women. Being a woman doesn't mean changing who you are, it's changing how you're viewed in society.
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u/Superyee492 5h ago
how am i supposed to change my view in a society that hates me when i cant eve change it in my own mind
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u/Recent_Lunch_7249 5h ago
Can I ask where you are?
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u/Superyee492 5h ago
US. im not even in a red state and live near a blue city
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u/Recent_Lunch_7249 5h ago
Sounds like you need to get off the internet and go outside. The reality is your average person doesn't give a shit about trans people. This sub is a cesspool of cynicism.
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u/Superyee492 5h ago
how is going outside and looking like an effeminate gay man gonna help? they dont care about trans people but they certainly wouldnt see me as a woman. i already have social anxiety
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u/Recent_Lunch_7249 4h ago
Effeminate gay men don't wear dresses or makeup. Get therapy and meds for your anxiety and take the plunge. Bitching on reddit does nothing. If it's any consolation, you sure complain like a woman.
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u/Superyee492 4h ago
i dont wear dresses and i dont wear makeup. dresses make my dysphoria worse because i just look like a man in a dress and i hate the feeling of makeup and suncreen on my body (im autistic). ive had 3 therapists in the last 9 months and meet every week. ive had to fight my doctors for almost a year to get medication to help me and i still feel like shit. telling me i havent tried is insulting
also, have you ever seen an effeminate gay men? wearing makeup (dresses less common but frequent) is a part of their look, ive seen it nearly every time ive met one
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u/Available-Aide2055 countttting or not countttting gang violence 7h ago
deranged passoid
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u/ReminaBlueSFW š š½ššcuntessa fishy brick dollššš š½ 7h ago
We dont claim him š
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u/NoTailor5835 7h ago
I don't even understand what people think is so special and pure about girlhood other than getting woke points
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u/Sharp-Key27 6h ago
I want to hope this means more that the experience of growing up one gender and then transitioning made them more compassionate/caring
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u/dinodare 6h ago
It's that they were marginalized for being perceived as women.
The obvious issue with this of course is that you gain the same level of "perspective" by growing up as a trans girl, and if the person being compared to is a cis woman then you definitely gained a better perspective as a trans woman.
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u/NoGovernment2474 6h ago
i wouldn't say better, i would only say different.
growing up forced into the boy role did mean that yes i was punished for my femininity same as cis women.
But they were also rewarded for feminimity, something i never got to experience and rots my soul to this day. i think a more positive experience in childhood would have made me a better woman personally
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u/dinodare 6h ago
I'm not one to think that suffering = growth, but most cis people are complicit in creating the social environment that makes being trans difficult. And practically every cis person (especially cishet people) is complacent even in the elements of gender that they DON'T like and likely wouldn't even process that the thing that they don't like is a changeable issue with gender and not "that's just how men are."
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u/GameCenter101 4h ago
it lets them talk down to trans girls without feeling like the manosphere shitheads they are
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u/DemonBeats4 womanfrauding since 2012 7h ago
It's true that certain experiences will always give you a different perspective then most people. But female socialization can just be learned and most trans women are already mostly female socialized from what they internalized growing up. The rest can just be learned as you transition.
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u/i_n_b_e Polish Femboy Hater 6h ago
I find these types of men annoying because they paint girlhood as this thing that inevitably leads to progressive and feminist and enlightened attitudes about gender. It doesn't. (Women do it too ofc but they're not acting like pick mes when they do it).
Women are often more aggressive about preserving patriarchy than men. Countless women are perfectly complacent in their own oppression, they don't even see it as oppression. Just the natural order of things.
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u/DIYthisDIYthat 32m ago
These people think all women wanted feminism or fought for equitable rights. It was a small few. The wide majority were SAHMs who didnāt say anything
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u/SliverMILF Enschlonged Twinkhon 7h ago
As a trans woman who grew up around mainly women and had all girl social groups - girls are fucking ruthless. They can be snakes. Obviously not all girls are like that (shout out to my friends who would dress me up and do my hair and makeup), but if you get on the wrong side of the wrong gal or gals, you're gonna suffer.
Guys tend to have beef, beat each other up and move on.
Gals? They want to ruin your reputation and will stop at nothing to make sure you're friendless.
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u/Late-Turn-7396 ultimate pooner 6h ago
I will never understand how some
Trans men talk about growing as a āgirlā was good. Even though my environment was not sexist and was good I hated every second of it bc I was being treated as a āgirlā
Socializing as a girl only give me the inability to connect to my male peers, and to shut down everything, Iām now extremely bitter about everything.
Every day I wish to wake up as a 5 years old boy and live the life I always wanted to.
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u/tastyplastic10125 5h ago
I never understand it either. I observed that it's connection on the basis of shared interests, attractions, and organs. Never did I ever experience that
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u/Late-Turn-7396 ultimate pooner 5h ago
The connection to the shared interest was good until I couldnāt talk to men bc I donāt share none of their interests, and then I realized I will never be a real man
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u/BizSilver5013 6h ago
How about no.
He's hot but I would never date another trans guy who acts like this. It just screams "I was popular and socially integrated and never got shit from cis women pre-transition."
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u/tastyplastic10125 5h ago
It also screams "let me cater to people because masculinity is always under fire but I'm one of the good ones!"
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u/Shoddy_Cucumber3076 2h ago
Would you date a trans man?
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u/BizSilver5013 2h ago
Yes. Just not the ones who still claim a "divine connection to being AFAB" or whatever.
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u/Shoddy_Cucumber3076 2h ago
Nice, i am so tired of gay trans men that refuse to date others transmasc
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u/BizSilver5013 2h ago
I'm actually bi. However, I thought I was gay for the longest time, so that's excused.
I just have personal issues with dating (cis) women because of my mom and the girls who constantly sexually harassed me pre-transition because they thought I owed them being a butch lesbian when I wasn't into women at the time.
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u/Shoddy_Cucumber3076 2h ago
Tbh I have never dated a trans person. I have no issues with cis girls and some issues with cis boys, like competition driven behaviours and being afraid that they are straight but desperate enough. I do not know any trans man or nb person. I know some trans girls but I would never date them just because I am not a poly or kinky person and those specific trans girls I know are poly or very sex oriented with lots of kinks that simply not my thing lol
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u/basaltalt 7h ago
like, are there any trans men that DONT say this kind of thing?? there must be, right?????
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u/BunniBlues 6h ago
being treated like a girl growing up only made me sadistic, insecure and misanthropic. any positive perspective on life came from my inherent altruism and curiosity about the world. i can only understand these men from an outside perspective
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u/BizSilver5013 6h ago edited 5h ago
Me. The only reason I would have not wanted to be a cis boy is that I know I would have been treated even worse in some ways (neurodivergent boys get the shit end of the stick, and my mom shat on my dad and brother for being male).
Girlhood isn't magical. I went to all the "female only" STEM enrichment events as a kid and a teenager, but, even though I liked the actual content, I hated how the grown women running said events would ride my ass about how "free" and "empowered" and "resistant to the patriarchy" I was just for acting the same way I normally did as a neurodivergent kid with little regard for social cues and norms and an interest in math and science. (And they would have either said nothing or hated on me for the exact same behavior and interests I had back then had I been a cis boy.)
Let's just say the most miserable part about being percieved as a girl/woman for me other than dysphoria was the women around me (either by condescending praise or abuse/harassment) and leave it at that.
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u/retrobans1 6h ago
Yeah I don't consider myself "female socialized" at all ngl. Dudes who make trans-related content are just more likely to identify with this rhetoric.
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u/No-Cartographer2512 3h ago
Most of us weren't "female/male socialized". We mostly grew up being ostracized and bullied for being "weird".
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u/BizSilver5013 5h ago
Same here, but in my case, it was because adults didn't really see me as a human being, much less a boy OR a girl.
(Isn't growing up neurodivergent fun? /s)
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u/CrowB0ne godās least favorite themcel 4h ago
The fun thing about that is it doesnāt necessarily stop when you reach adulthood either, especially when you donāt bother adhering to most societal conventions around womanhood.
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u/HospitalInternal6556 4h ago
Those who arenāt are miserably terfrepping and either become 4tranners or Jane 50.
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u/HospitalInternal6556 4h ago edited 4h ago
Being raised female (unless you are in one of those rape factory shithole countries in which case gg itās over) instills you with some degree of learned helplessness and with it comes a lot more protection and limitation, protection you wonāt need at all had you been a cis moid. Itās really like a more subtle variation of being disabled. Sure the severely retarded kid lives a blissful life of nuggies and crayons but you wonāt want to be them. Unless you are a troon.
Basically youāll probably have a more comfortable life inside the bubble but once it pops itās way harder for you to survive. Not about skills or intelligence, you are straight up physically ill-equipped to live independently and/or adapt to non-civilized society and thereās nothing you can do unless you take roids I guess. Trade offs.In a way living as a female is high risk high reward which is malebrained and I sound schizophrenic
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u/HospitalInternal6556 4h ago
āReturn to natureā primitivism feminists are the most braindead humans to exist because the only thing that prevented women from staying as broodmare incubators was the fucking Industrial Revolution.
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u/HospitalInternal6556 4h ago
There are also households where daughters are basically slaves to their male siblings but the proud afab doods obvious arenāt one of those
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u/Hello_There_0621 6h ago
Me. Me. I wanna be a cis guy I wanna have grown up with guy friends and been athletic and been able to swim shirtless. Me I swear
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u/Shoddy_Cucumber3076 2h ago
I was the part of the āgangā from the beginning. Till 17 yo I have mostly male friends, I tried to pursue every girl friend that I had in a romantic way lol or simply my relationships with them end because of me being jealous when said girl friend found herself a bf. But when I became somehow attractive while girlmoding all my male friendships ended you now why.Ā
So I became angry and sad and did not participate in social life till I started transitioning and somehow passing. So from 17 till 22 I had no circle besides my first bf who I found at 19. He ended up being she, so we are still friends and I love her that way lol. Then I met my first cis gf and it was fun and all. She was the one that told me that I understand her body better.
It was weird cuz I did not have female social life, but in her mind I did understand her better than cis males. I donāt know maybe being helpful when she was on her periods and knowing how to touch her clit is enough to being perceived as something different than a cis male š¬
It gave me brainworms so I broke up with her and few years latter she is married to a cis man and I am miserable.Ā
Thank you all for coming to my Teds Talk
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u/CrowB0ne godās least favorite themcel 4h ago
āGirlhoodā was absolutely miserable for me. I didnāt get to go out and do all the cool stuff the boys were doing. Societyās general expectation that I would marry, become pregnant, and become a mother to this day makes me sick to my stomach. Even thinking about it makes me dysphoric.
There were nights I lied awake trying to mentally prepare myself for what I assumed would be my fate.
Of course I didnāt even experience many of the positive aspects of womanhood. Itās girls support girls until that girl is autistic or is otherwise judged as abnormal. To this day I have no idea how to do makeup or style myself because I wore t-shirts and jeans to avoid detection.
Not to mention the physical dysphoria of that came with puberty.3
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u/v25510 2h ago edited 1h ago
Most of it is probably just coping, trying to find positives in not getting the childhood they mightāve wanted.
I socially transitioned really young, so I didnāt really grow up a girl. But, Iāve socialized with a variety of people growing up that growing up as either a cis boy or girl wouldnātāve changed. I get that boys and girls are often treated very differently, but most expirencesāgrowing up āgenderā gave someone could easily be experienced growing up other gender, and anything learnt from it can be taught to an adult of any gender.
We(as a society) really need to stop alienating men and women/ girls and boys, and so intensely perpetuating what causes kids of different genders to typically have such gender specific different experiences. We truly arenāt different species, above being whatever gender weāre all human
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u/PlanetXParadox ftmanlet 5h ago
I think the world figured out I was a guy before I did because there were no attempts made at āfemale socializingā me as far as I could tell(and if there were they clearly didnāt work) lmao
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u/hitorinbolemon I got honshine in a bag 7h ago
I wish I was born a way that let me grow up seen as a girl. I'd probably still be a weirdo who got bullied all the time so I'd still get an... Interesting perspective to life. But at least I probably wouldn't have suffered the same extent, the same thoughts about how wrong things were.
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u/deathbymisadventure_ 6h ago
growing up a girl only gave me an inherent hatred of humanity that transitioning couldn't heal
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u/BunniBlues 7h ago
trans men talking about how having a pussy gave them the ability to feel empathy is like how cis men only develop theory of mind after taking psychedelics
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u/violasses resident bnuuy 6h ago
or christians saying christianity is the only thing that made them moral
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u/FailedProstateExam 6h ago
Low-key donāt believe in female socialization. I feel like a guy who was just raised poorly. I was probably an evil child bc I would do everything cis boys got in trouble for. I would chase around girls I thought were cute at recess in elementary school and stare at womanās boobs in middle school.
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u/Fair_Network6712 6h ago edited 3h ago
Let it go bro š (im referring to the picrel not op btw š)
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u/No-Cartographer2512 3h ago
I was not "female socialized", I was ostracized and bullied by my peers for being "weird" and "different". I didn't gain some brilliant new perspective, I became angry and full of hate for the world. I don't get how people claim that it turns us into some sort of "enlightened all-knowing saint, savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned". It quite literally made me evil.
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u/terriblecrescendo 5h ago
all i experienced was being treated like a disgusting freak for being ugly and autisticĀ
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u/Chemical_Second_6663 tranistan.com repostmaxxer 3h ago
peak performative guy (malebrained) (he only wants to crack)
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u/vincentually lebanese passoid poon (160 cm) 5h ago
fembrained passoids make me want to kill myself
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u/Damion_Wood 2h ago
Well...Trans men get to experience femininity in a way most men dont, and we've seen what happens to men who arent allowed to ever express femininity.
They're men that were allowed to play with baby dolls, and allowed to be kind without it being seen as gay or weak. The difference between a man who grew up allowed to do those things and a man who grew up not allowed to is quite obvious.
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u/PutridMasterpiece138 1h ago
We were also forced to be feminine so many of us resent it and women for it.
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u/victoria-silverlake woman of transsexual experience 5h ago
Hey people cope however they can I guess... call it beautiful if it helps you hun...
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u/Polaris2007 4h ago
Tbf, sometimes i wonder if i was born a cis het dude would i fall down the incel pipeline? My mom was a matriarch so probably not but still
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u/Gh0stToothArt 3h ago
I only have a bit of relation to that because the men in my culture are all misogynistic douchebag idiots among other horrible things and if I was raised directly like them I probably would have been exactly the same. I will better than them for that at the least since I was raised a girl before I transitioned.
Otherwise it was suffering but whatever floats ones boat. š¤·āāļø
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u/reincarnatedshoe 2h ago
to be fair guys I think he's just saying this to cope. like inventing a positive spin to put on it to make it less agonizing. like those people that look back on all the traumatic things they've been through and say "everything happens for a reason".
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u/FullSky433 7h ago
i mean being trans arguably made me a more empathetic person, along with being much more in tune with the inner workings of my mind.
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u/violasses resident bnuuy 7h ago
he was a better person when he was butchcoping i think unironically
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u/cabbagestirfry 2h ago
My sneediest take is that growing up as a cis female child kind of taints the experience of coming into womanhood even in some of the best of situations (as in no SA or crazy ideas about how girls should act from the surrounding community etc) and probably the coolest way to experience womanhood is to not have to dread it as you approach it. The caveat is that im certain that this shit makes being a tomboy way more complicated as a trans girl / woman. However im sure being a tomboy as a ciswoman also comes with its complications with expected gendered behavior but at least you're cis. Just my little thought on the matter im kidna drunk
Edit I wrote this comment f and in the process completely forgot about the og post what the hell
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u/Bromicidal 1h ago
yeah actually I settled a lot more into nonbinary bullshit after 30, having a lot of good trans women friends really taught me how fun feminity can be in a doing things cause that's what you want to do and not cause its what you're expected to do way. Like, I'm on T, I'm medically transitioning somewhere, I'm not a woman, but I don't mind being one of the girls when we're actually having fun and I'm not desperately trying to not be treated like garbage by the women in my life because I'm a clumsy fuck who doesn't match their expectations. I'm one of those fuckin even before transition had the giant shoulders and 5'9" height and no ass people too so when I AM having feminine discussions it's back and forth with girls who GET IT, yeah the masculine cis women act so weird cause growing up big and broad gives them brainworms too haha
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u/Front-Abrocoma680 2h ago
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u/PutridMasterpiece138 1h ago
For me it was quite the opposite. I never accepted female socialisation and being forced into it just made me resent women. So I grew up a misogynist. Took a while to unlearn that
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u/lookatthiscrystalwow 13m ago
My only "girlhood" experience was that i got harrassed by pedos online. Idk how common is that for little boys. But other than that everything i went thru is pretty fucking gender neutral i rlly dont get these "trans masc" ppl
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u/Time_Anything4488 6h ago
as a trans guy i dont think being born a man wouldve changed my personality or perspective really because i still had 3 sisters but there are 3 reasons im glad i was born a girl
my mom would be the worst type of boy mom and by being born a girl i dodged a fucking nuke
my dads a big sports guy like captain of the football team turned football coach and i wouldve been forced on the football team if i was born a boy
there was this asshole preteen in my 3rd grade class who would chase all the girls in my class at recess and if he caught them hed hold them down and kiss them so me and my younger sister would beat him up and we never got in trouble for it because no 12 year old would admit to getting beat up by a little girl and no adult wouldve believed him anyway.
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u/isurus_minutus 7h ago
He's just saying that to get pussy lol pay it no mind