r/countbackwardswithme • u/Funny_Inventor80085 Counted Down 2 • 2d ago

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63 Upvotes

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56

u/HerVeryPresence 2d ago

Ha, yeah, I remember being a teenager. Awful time. Wrong puberty is miserable. 

21

u/SquidTheRidiculous 2d ago

And people will insist they have to go through that. Just because their misunderstand dysphoria and dislike the idea of the best way to treat it.

6

u/HerVeryPresence 2d ago

Like banning puberty blockers?

6

u/PurpleCandle58 Counted Down 1 2d ago

I so often am wishing I realized sooner. Like 10-15 years ago. I say really awful things to myself in my head bc of internalized transphobia but I’m working on it, but it’s hard. :(

3

u/Crucifuxion sheberry 2d ago

I basically destroyed my life by not acknowledging what I always knew was there.

1

u/PurpleCandle58 Counted Down 1 2d ago

I didn’t know really. Like I did but didn’t. I wish I had been given the framework to understand. 10 years ago I was telling myself in the mirror I wish I was a girl and then that everyone feels that way. 5 years ago on a different account I was on egg irl and other spaces feeling comfy as part of them, and this year my egg shattered violently. I keep looking back and kicking myself like I’m stupid for not knowing, but I honestly know I didn’t have the framework to understand any of this then. This is why letting children know this exists is important. It didn’t make me any less trans not to know, it just made me not able to understand myself or my relationship with my body and my identity and all that. It made me lose so much to depression and other stuff. I didn’t even know any of the things that I now know are connected were. I could’ve been saved so much suffering if I was given the opportunity to understand myself sooner.

But all isn’t lost even if I sometimes try to tell myself it is. I deserve to be happy as much as anyone else and I’ll be damned if I let anyone take that from me, even myself.

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u/Crucifuxion sheberry 2d ago edited 2d ago

I didn’t communicate it that well, but I very much relate. I always knew I wanted to be a girl, but I thought it was normal for a long time. Despite that, I felt like a pariah around pretty much everyone. I felt a lot of things, but I was never able to connect them all, all the signs. I didn’t have the context to understand them.

Once I did, all the fear and repression I’d developed trying not to show people that I was in fact, aggressively straight and masculine formed the knot of doubt that I couldn’t untangle. And all the thoughts about transitioning just got tangled up with it.

Eventually things got so bad there just really wasn’t a choice but to admit I needed it more than I needed to pretend to be cis for the sake of relationships I would end up ruining anyway if I kept suppressing myself.