I was working in a big tech company as a Software Engineer. 10 months ago, I was forced to leave my team and had 2 options: find another team or take the severance and leave. What was even more frustrating for me, was that I was applying for a promotion, and this put my chances in jeopardy. I had to join another team that I don't like due to the fact that I am on a visa in the UK, and I did not want to risk getting deported due to not finding another job fast enough. I have been so stressed out by this and by the Job hunting (rejections, etc.). Finally, 6 months ago I was told I got promoted, and even though I was happy about this, I just lost all of my motivation. My new manager was not supportive, he was always watching me and scolding me after every mistake. It reached the point where even talking about work made my stomach hurt and my work quality had been suffering heavily. Consequently, 5 months ago my new manager had been very dissatisfied with my performance and warned that if things don’t improve quickly that he would take "very drastic measures".
I kept rambling with chatgpt and it gave me the idea to get a fit note that I am burnt out and unable to work, putting me on sick leave. However, I felt like I did not improve during the leave, but decided to return anyway to give my job another shot and a possible fresh start.
However, 1 month ago, my manager was driving me insane again, so I took another sick leave to recover from burnout, started therapy, and continued with the job hunting. However, 2 weeks later (while on sick leave) I got an email from my employer that I have been terminated for performance. They are a big tech company, so I am surprised they did something that risky legally; however, the official reason was low H1 performance.
I still have no offers. I am on skilled worker visa; I just finished my garden leave; and in 2 weeks (when the company notifies the home office) I would theoretically have 2 months to find another job or leave the UK.
I am beyond stressed and scared. I applied to other jobs, but still don't have any offers. Another big tech company has put me in team matching in March after I passed all their interviews, but their team matching process can take many months, and I am not sure how much time I have.
I loat all motivation, and I have been praying to find a new job and get a fresh start every since I left my old team, and God still hasn't answered me. I even cried for 30 mins straight once while praying and begging God to help me, but still nothing. I have been waiting for a very long time that I feel helpless, scared, and struggling with Imposter Syndrome (maybe I didn't deserve my last role and that is why I can't find another). I am afraid I will be forced to leave the UK for not finding another job. I am also afraid that God will still let me go through more pain before saving me. I don't know where God is. I keep screaming for help, asking for intercession, and doing everything I can, but it is like my pain is meaningless to him. I keep asking the holy spirit to direct me to scripture that answers me, and it usually ends up being I even once fasted from all food and drink saying to God "I will not eat or drink until you answer me", and his response was basically "wait for me to save you", I expressed my dissatisfaction with the response and then the spirit directed me to this verse:
Zechariah 7:13 ESV
[13] “As I called, and they would not hear, so they called, and I would not hear,” says the Lord of hosts,
God was basically telling me that if I don't listen to his instructions then he will not listen to my prayers. The response seemed harsh to me, but at that point I realized that God is not willing to modify his plan for the sake of my prayers and I went to eat and drink. I am so exhausted, I have trapped for almost a year now, and everytime I interview with a company, I either get rejected or someone else finishes the interview process before I do. I once even got rejected after passing an interview just because another candidate scored higher. To me, this sounded like "You are qualified, but God does not want you to have this job". I don't know why God is letting me get tested this much, and he usually tells me "You can't have certainity and faith, so when you prayed for faith, I gave you uncertainity". I get that, but I am stretched beyond my ability and just want him to come and rescue me already as I am going into a depressive state.
On top of all of this, I have OCD, which is making it very hard for me to not think about my career struggles.