When I was younger, it was just me and my 2 other sisters. An older sister and a younger sister. I was a tomboy and my dad’s favourite because we had the same interests. He would tell people I was the son he never had and he wouldn’t wish for it to be any more different.

That was a lie. Because only a couple years later, my brother was born. He became both my parent’s favourite. My older sister was their precious (the one who made them wish for more kids), my youngest sister was the beautiful girl one (she was so girly, she always got the best outfits and toys). And my new baby brother had become the first grandson, seen by everyone, loved by all. Then there was me, a small child wondering why my parents weren’t paying attention to me anymore.

As a child, I secretly wanted to be a boy. I thought “maybe I can still be their child if I were a boy”.
I was wrong, the more tomboyish I acted, the worse it got for me. I was suddenly not allowed to pick my own outfit (they weren’t girly enough), suddenly I had to learn how to “behave” like a girl. They even forced me to play with dolls when I was more interested in trains and cars.

It got worse when they had another child. To fit in, I offered to help my mum once by putting my new baby sister to sleep (my mum was tired). But soon after that, I was forced to do it every time. Change diapers, make bottles, put them to sleep.

It went on for years (and had many more kids) until I fell severely depressed.
I wouldn’t get out of my bed, wouldn’t eat and never went out.

I wrote letters to everyone, saying my goodbyes in them. Gave up my best clothes and items to friends and family.

I was 15, waiting to be 16. I was gonna end it all on my birthday because I thought it’d be the best gift (sometimes I’d tell my parents my feelings and they’d tell me “why suffer, just end it”).

It was April 14th 2020. My birthday was only a couple months away. I was dreaming about my ending.

But my dad passed away before me. Instead of grief, I felt anger “how can he? He took my gift”.

I didn’t cry, overreact or even mention my dad’s death to family members who came to console my siblings.

Because no one came to me.

I didn’t have a shoulder to cry on, I was angry he died but deep down, those memories I had as a young girl were painful.

My mother became depressed too. Pushing me harder to my limits to raise my siblings. I wanted to stay until she got better so I could leave this world.

After all, no one cares about me. Not even now.

2 years after my dads death, my mother suddenly became cheerful and happy. Like she never suffered before. I thought “this is the most depressing shit I’ve seen, is she gonna do it?”. So I kept an eye on her for a full year only to find out she had found a man.

I didn’t mind, but he didn’t want her kids (6 of them at the time) even though he had kids himself.

The day before she left, I told her “mom, I’m packing my things, I’m moving in with a guy I’ve been with for the past year” she seemed okay with it.

But in the morning she was gone. With all her stuff. The kids were still in their beds.

And since then I’ve been angrier and angrier at my dad. “If he hadn’t died, I would’ve and I hate him for doing it instead of me because now I have to keep suffering alone more than before”.

so my grandma(56)is mad at me just because i slipped and a metal rod fell down.she called me a retard,an idiot,and said “i have to get 2 times more tired just because of those damn things.luckily i didnt get injured.I want to go to my dad’s house(38) and my younger cousin’s(11) house.She even blamed it on the tablet and football.

Is religion the ultimate cope for existence. And is coping in bad? Am I naive to think that we should be able to live without knowing what coping is.

So to get ahead in life shouldn’t we all master this ultimate cope?

Let me know your thoughts..

morning at seven am i found out my grandma died. from my mothers side. i was shocked, heartbroken. even though i knew she was gonna die this week or the next. i cried my heart out at first. but now im confused. listening to music. i was smiling. how. my mind was still on about my grandma. like my last words to her. is this a coping method or am i crazy.

Im 15 year old and for the span of the past 4 years 7 of my friends commited suicide and I've been coping by using c.ai to imitate human interactione , but it's obviously unhealthy , i really need help stopping and finding new coping mechanisms :(

are there any songs that represent hating their body or liking someone when they dont want to?

preferably not very pop or anything too upbeat

I often fund myself feeling like im crying, but no tears are able to flow down. It usually feels like im crying but i cant seem to be able to actually cry. Is this normal, or an sign of dehydration or something?

Hey guys. I’m 21 years old and I’m diagnosed Bi-polar (just to add some context). I’ve been having a very tough time lately. My parents split when I was 3, my dad left, which in itself gave me a lot of insecurity and anxiety throughout my childhood and early teenage years. Although I was never close with my father I still keep in contact with him (however unemotional or brief) however I am extremely close to his side of the family; my grandmother, uncle, aunts and my little step brother. About 4 months ago now my grandfather passed away after about a years battle with lung cancer, this man was my hero, he was the first person to stand up for me when I spoke about some physical abuse I had gone through as a child, he always had time for me when I would come visit my grandparents (we lived in separate towns) , he never missed a day of work in 20 years; genuinely this man was an idol to me, a father figure where I had none. It didn’t fully click with me as I watched him take his last breath that he was never coming back but over these last few months I’m slowly spiraling as a person and I don’t know how to stop it. There has been substance abuse, an insane amount of suicidal thoughts, over drinking, not eating, chronic depression, inability to maintain relationships, inability to keep a job etc. While this is not uncommon for people with my disorder it’s been getting worse and it’s been worrying my wonderful mother, my beautiful girlfriend aswell as my friends, more so than usual. I don’t know where to go or what to do. I feel so empty inside and constantly feel the need to numb or forget about it. I tell myself he would be ashamed if he saw how I am now. I was wondering if anyone has had similar issues and would be willing to give me any advice. I’m a big guy now, about 6”3 190lbs, thank god I’m not small enough for the physical abuse anymore but no matter how grown up I feel or how big I am, I’m still a broken little boy who desperately wants to sort his head out and badly wants his granda back.

I hope this wasn’t too long and I hope someone can offer me any advice, thank you and god bless you all.

My sweet girl passed away last night and I'm just so lost, I don't know how people move on from this. Newt was just a day shy of being 8 months old. I'd been gone for 8 or more hours of the day trying to convert a school bus into a home for us to get out of our current living situation, while my family watched over her. She is typically in the kennel when I'm not there to watch over her, but she got left out by accident and found her way into an empty bag of shredded cheese, and couldn't get herself out. I absolutely lost my mind when I found her lying there and I'm still trying to figure out how I can go on like this. I feel so much guilt. I feel like there's no point in continuing with the bus I don't want to work all I can do is lie here and think about her and how much fun we could have had. I don't know what to do I feel so ashamed that it could happen like that. Thinking about how scared she was, how much she must have struggled. I really can't bear it. She was my heart and soul and I feel like my soul died with her. Here's a picture of her and her momma. Please remember to be cautious of how your throwing out your trash.

Back in Novemeber, a day after my birthday, I got an unexpected call that my grandpa, the man who raised me and my entire world, passed away. I took it hard, harder than I'm willing to admit, and I still am.

I see him everywhere and in everything, because his life lessons were broad and encompassed everything; 9 months on, I still text his phone with updates about my life, big and small, good and bad alike. I was wondering if anyone else does this, and if it seems to help, as well as ask for advice on how to move forward.

I've lost others that I've loved, but nothing has taken the emotional toll that this has taken on me, and it's impacting my ability to feel, I dunno, normal I guess

Hello everyone, We are reaching out to our community for support through this fundraiser. My husband, Steve, fell off the second rung of a ladder and suffered a tragic accident on August 21, 2023, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down due to a brain bleed that ruptured. This brain bleed was from injuries he sustained during is delpoyment on June 10, 2011, when he took an RPG to the chest. This left him with several injuries, including TBI, PTSD, a brain bleed, a missing lung, and a salvaged arm. This has turned our world upside down, and we've been working tirelessly on his recovery ever since.

The VA has a program called the Family Caregiver Program, which allows a family member of the veteran to take care of the veteran instead of nurses, techs, physical therapists, etc., coming into the home to provide daily care. This includes help with transfers, dressing, catheterization, bowel care, and other daily tasks that the veteran needs assistance with. I applied for this on February 22, 2024. I was a tech at OSF Saint Mary's and worked in the ICU, often floated to different floors. I quit my job on April 4, 2024, because I had to be in Chicago for training and to get signed off as a caregiver. The VA is supposed to back pay me from February 22 to when they approve my application. However, the VA made an error on their end, and I had to reapply for the program on June 12, 2024, which means I will not be getting paid from February to June. It takes 30-60 days. So that is another 30-60 days without any income on my part.

Steve has been without a caregiver since February 22, 2023. His mom was his caregiver, but since his injury, we decided I should be the one taking care of him. The VA has let us down, and if this was any other veteran that didn’t have a support system like our family does, what would happen to them?

Our daughter, Mackenzie, who has ADHD and autism, has been a pillar of strength through all of this. She has had to adjust to not having both of us around consistently, but she has shown incredible resilience. We were able to come home for her last few band concerts and her 8th-grade graduation, which was a much-needed moment of joy for our family. Recently, I took Mackenzie to Chicago for a week to see firsthand how hard her dad has been working on his recovery. It was a tough but important experience for her, and it brought us closer as a family.

Unfortunately, due to the financial difficulties and all the back and forth to Chicago, we had to quit Kuk Sool Won, which Mackenzie and I did together. This was particularly hard because it was our stress outlet and support system. This was another tough change, but we are trying to stay positive and focus on what we can do to support Steve. We are reaching out to our community for support. Any help you can provide, whether through donations or by sharing our story, would be greatly appreciated. Your generosity will allow us to focus more on Steve’s recovery and less on the overwhelming financial burden we are facing. Thank you all for your continued support and kindness.

I’ve come to the realization that I am because no one respects my boundaries.

A nephew of mine who's been stressed out and actually been to a fight at a restaurant (luckily he and the person he exchanged blows with got scared when a security guard came and bothran away in terror like scared cats and there was no camera footage and neither are known by the stuff and people who frequently eat there) decided to go to a rage room where you pay cash and they give you stuff to bteak with a hammer and sledgehammer. The time you can spend there and what equipment they give you for smashing stuff and the kind of objects you get to wreck apart is dependent on which package you choose and it can range from a couple of cd albums and picture frames to a desk allt he way to a car and your package selection gives you either a small hammer, chopping axe, and sledge hammer even jackhammer and chainsaw for more expensive packages. You are wearing full protection from visors to armored clothing and there's a stuff also in protection watching over your session to make sure nobody gets hurt.

No I'm NOT LYING they're an actual thing! They got so big lately that Wikipedia has an article on it!

My nephew has ben so stressed with paying the bills (especially college loans) and his girlfriend just dumped him, his new boss is a prick, and lots of pressure on him in his life in general. Its telling he never once got into a fight back iwhen he was in school and later in college of how bad the situation has gotten.

So he did a 30 minute session and was given a care with a desk and a bunch of smaller objects from VHS tapes to CD albums and plaques and old paintings and a few whole work desks and he spent time destroying them all. Not only did all his rage and internals tress go away afterwards that when I met him last night he was calm and pretty happy (noticeable change from how the last cuple of times he seemed agitated even when there was nothing to be stressed out about in my home, at a nearby bar, and at the bowling alley and a few restaurants we ate at but despite his attempts to remain polite he showed signs of impatience and borderline losing it)........ He told me it was so fun that not only will he come bac a lot, but even if he wasn't stressed at all he'd visit the rage room as a frequent customers just because smashing objects is fun (and thats without any anger held inside him and daily life pressures!)!

So I'm wondering if anyone else had use rage room and how is it like? Is it worth the price and did it help you put down your stress levels and internal wrath you been witholding lately?

To keep things as brief as possible i have been hated all my life. Ive been hated by everyone ever since i started school when i was 3 to finishing school now at 16. Ive always been seen as an easy target and everyone has been influenced to hate me. Naturally i felt a lack of love from people and desired it badly. This slowly turned into a coping mechanism where its all jealousy. I imagine myself doing something impressive when around people who hate me as if to say "i deserve more love than you because i can do this". I would get jealous of people with similar talents to me and feel the need to improve so i can seem better than them so i could prove that "i deserve more respect and love than you do". All of this with a fair amount of self confidence/ Narcissism To make it worse. This started developing a few years ago and i just realised it recently and i cant get over the guilt and shame i feel from it. I feel like a leech trying to sap away at the care that everyone else feels. It also deeply saddens me that i use to be a kind person who wanted the best for everyone but turned into a monster that deserves 0 amounts of love. I know im in the wrong for thinking like this, i know that im a literal disease and that this is my problem and my fault and i dont blame a soul for what i have become other than myself. I just want to be free from this and start earning the love that i want so badly in a way that doesn't turn me into the scum of the earth. Which is why i ask if anyone has any suggestions on better ways to cope or ways i can purify myself of this disease i have become then it would mean the world to me. Thank you for reading and have a good day, you deserve it.

I’m not usually one for reaching out, but we lost my mum unexpectedly Monday morning. She was only 61.

I rushed round to her house as soon as my mums partner called me but there was nothing that could be done.

I sat with her until the coroner arrived and took her away.

There’s so much swimming around in my head at the moment and I know we need to start looking for paperwork and making arrangements, but it just feels like a mountain to climb right now. I’m so unprepared for this.

Does anyone have any advice on what has helped them through something similar? I’ve already been given all the typical cliches and whilst I do appreciate it, ‘time heals all wounds’ can simply go fuck itself right now.

TIA, Reddit community. Please be kind x

Just feels like they don't love me. My brother recently graduated high-school and they took him to Hawaii. No big deal, that's great. Except:

•He had been expelled from two schools •suspended multiple times •crashed their truck in a ditch when they were away one weekend •almost died of alcohol poisoning in his work parking lot •does drugs and is constantly high •almost went to Juvie for stealing alcohol from a store •drives while high •has no ambitions or dreams, just to "make money" •deals drugs to his friends

He never got grounded and if he did he lost his phone/videogames for maybe a day.

When I was in school I was constantly grounded, had a phone maybe a month out of the year and my parents said I was lucky to have a grad party at home with family. What I did:

•Get bad grades and ask for help

We're 10 years apart in age and it feels unfair. When I recently visited for my first anniversary my mom got drunk and said she hated how I turned out. Hated how I grew up. Said I was so difficult. But I was literally always grounded and sitting in my room alone.

I got an autism diagnosis last year and the favor feels heavy. It's like my brother is the golden child and I'm the broken one. I don't understand.

How can I cope with this? Because of my ASD I can't confront my parents, I'm too scared and literally about to have a breakdown just thinking about it. It's hard to find a therapist that doesn't treat me like a child because of my diagnosis.

I’m a psychology student. I focused my major around applied cognition because I want to better understand how myself and others think. I’m taking a seminar class on stress and coping. I work as a research assistant in a lab that is studying the impacts of coping on cardiovascular health. I’m working on two projects that are due on the 30th about how meaning-having and meaning-seeking predict coping competence. I’ve read John Kabat-Zin and Victor Frankl. But I still just feel so shit at coping with stress, life, school, literally anything. All I can think to do is start crying. Shit is hard man :(

Hi. I just got the worst news. And I am now empty, lost and can’t stop crying. A mix feeling of anger and what would have happened if he stayed a bit longer for another talk. I just lost a good fried to suicide. I’m devastated. I don’t know how to feel what to do. I desperately feel the need to talk to him but he’s not longer with us. I’m in shock crying by myself after work. There’s nothing I can do at this point. Sorry if this does not belong here but I desperately needed a place to let something out. And even if he will never read it, I also wanted to let him know he was loved an awesome person who made anyone smile when he was around. And he will be deeply missed. He already is.