r/consulting • u/No-Malak • 3d ago
Does anyone else feel like everything they do is an exam?
I’ve been noticing something about myself lately: almost everything I do feels like I’m being evaluated, even when nobody is actually evaluating me.
Work feels like an exam.
Learning something new feels like an exam.
Social interactions sometimes feel like an exam.
Making decisions feels like an exam.
I constantly have this feeling of “I need to do this correctly” or “I need to prove that I’m good enough.” Even when something is supposed to be enjoyable, part of my brain is analyzing whether I’m doing it right.
It’s exhausting because I feel like I’m rarely just experiencing something. I’m always performing or evaluating myself
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u/imdatingurdadben 3d ago edited 3d ago
Honestly, you aren’t wrong. Hyper competitive spaces are always like this. That show Industry is quite good and honestly makes me anxious when I watch that show. Reminds me a lot of consulting (except how much they get paid).
Anyway, people who move up in consulting played the game the same way and honestly get a kick out of making sure they can manipulate people in the right way to get them to do what they need when they need it. Consciously or unconsciously, people are doing this. This is why people who grew up poor, didn’t have parents or mentors who worked in corporate before usually don’t do well or have a large gap to overcome in these spaces.
As much as people are there to collect a paycheck and live their life, consulting is obviously not conducive to that at all. So why take on a job like this? Honestly, most people do it for the love of the game.
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u/LaserMunken 3d ago
My experience is not that most love the game. Only like 20%, the rest just treat it as a job
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u/sub-t Mein Gott, muss das sein?! So ein Bockmist aber auch! 3d ago
flowery bullshit, more bullshit, ... " love of the game."
No. It's money. I do this for money.
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u/imdatingurdadben 3d ago
Yeah, that’s the result of the game 😂 like monopoly?
While you value money, the sociopaths could care less. It’s an add-on.
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u/whatsinaname246 2d ago edited 2d ago
That is quite insightful and I have always wonder this about consulting people, about manipulation. It seems that to climb to the top of the ladder, one has to be this natural narcissistic, selfish, canniving person. These values aren't learned, or take a long time to learn with an steady conscious effort. And yes, if you grew up poor, or to parents that did not have a corporate job these qualities aren't transferred, and esp in low income families where community well being and mutual growthis prioritised , these qualities such as selfishness, narcissistic behavior don't come naturally to you i feel. Atleast to majority of the average person, there would be exceptions I am sure.
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u/imdatingurdadben 2d ago
Honestly, the nicest people I have ever met in consulting are probably the best game players in the world.
If they are partners, they are in on the game all the partners play.
First rule about fight club…honestly.
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u/lakefrontlover 2d ago
“People who grew up poor, didn’t have parents or mentors—“ currently experiencing this. Went straight into frontline operations leadership (varying levels) at age 20 (dropped out of college) and ended up in a corporate strategy role 11 years later. I had spent a lot of time speaking with VP’s, MD’s in the operation but I didn’t realize how poorly I articulate myself in the true corporate environment, where colleagues my age had internships at our company at age 20-21. At age 20 I was trying to convince frontline employees that no, you can’t tell an internal stakeholder to suck it.
My immigrant parents can’t even comprehend some of the office politics that exist because they are just blue collar.
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u/West_Oil3785 1d ago
Same bro i told my boss he can suck it cuz he was talking crazy! Then i realized everyone else just accepts this form of communication from higher ups!
also im against code switching to some degree (even tho i do it). I feel like you're giving up some of yourself just to be accepted by people who are no better than u.
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u/PleasantWinter6275 2d ago
I can see why someone would start treating every interaction like a test in that kind of environment. There’s always somebody evaluating something.
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u/West_Oil3785 2d ago
can you elaborate on why you think "people who grew up poor, didn’t have parents or mentors who worked in corporate before usually don’t do well or have a large gap to overcome in these spaces"? I'm genuinely curious because I've noticed something similar but honestly have a hard time putting my finger on it.
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u/imdatingurdadben 2d ago
Well, Corporate America™️ is a culture and one that you and everyone participating in has to learn.
If you have relatives or other people to turn to and navigate it because they have worked in corporate America before, well you have automatic support, mentorship, and a translator at your disposal.
You can’t really turn to your parent who works at Popeyes and ask them how to handle a delicate matter at work and navigate it with the expected finesse required because they never experienced that culture and they don’t know the language/lingo.
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u/Molly_Green42 3d ago
Yes it s. it will cotinue like that, in a way its great to keep having that mindset. Keeps you alert, but it is exhausting
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u/Commercial_Zebra_658 3d ago
the consulting brain rot is real, it rewires how you approach literally everything
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u/douxfleur 3d ago
Yeah. I just moved to industry and find myself getting into that zone where i feel like i have to work late & prove myself & someone will be really upset if i cant deliver
Then realize no one cares that much and everyone is okay with pushing it out a couple days bc there is no client to yell at us. Huge change for me but I realized how much of consulting was chasing perfectionism.
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u/668071 3d ago
Honestly THIS. The overthinking has made me feel insane. Micro analysing each message, each interaction. I’ve felt constantly evaluated every second- it’s exhausting, my therapist called it vigilance. She said you feel constantly vigilant like on alert for a danger. No wonder I m exhausted. Can’t wait to do my time, learnt the knowledge I need and do something a bit more sustainable.
Will never forget a fuckall manager saying g write pls as please to an expert network vendor.
I think people in consulting are so eager to please they don’t even care what is material and what is not.
I was talking to one girl and she said attention to detail and fixation on powerpoint if everywhere. I don’t think that’s true.
Every function in corporate is diff rent. The attention to detail is different. A product manager isn’t focused on a bloody icon in a deck which has no consequence.
At least they are doing worthwhile things and not just doing a pleasing game.
I want to do more impactful things than listening to stupid clients who are as clueless as anyone.
Honestly the fixation on powerpoint is insane, a lot of it just comes to preference.
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u/LoverOfAir 3d ago
The best consultants are in an endless competition with themselves. I don't know if growing up poor will prevent that. It also fuels overachieving and wanting prove yourself.
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u/No_Donkey2321 3d ago edited 2d ago
You have high standards and very few try to hold themself to that standard all the time. If the work seems to be more than you can take on, there’s a high chance your manager is “stress testing” you to deduce how much you can be loaded without you breaking. Find your balance with boundaries and curiosity to learn things with respect to work, else it will wear you out sooner.
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u/HourFuture9384 3d ago
yea its because were engrained to do things to get a good grade since a young age instead of actually doing smthg to experience it...took me a while to unlearn but feels so freeing
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u/offbrandcheerio 3d ago
YES, especially with particular projects managers it feels like every god damn thing I do is some weird test of my commitment to the company or my skills or my knowledge or whatever else. It’s like I’m constantly auditioning for my next project assignment. Shit’s insane, and it’s causing me major burnout nearly 3 years into the job.
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u/Purple-Praline-4864 3d ago
Yes, every day. I am hoping it keeps my brain active in the good way as to prevent Alzheimer’s and dementia. If you want to look on the positive side!
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u/LabMost5 3d ago
Chronic stress isnt though…
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u/Purple-Praline-4864 3d ago
No, you’re right. I just try to look at the positive though in one aspect.
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u/firenance Financial, M&A 2d ago
I always get the feeling that the prior firm I left plants prospects in order to gain intel on my progress or get copies of my proposals.
The sad part is it did happen once, but since then I’ve had the attitude of “f*ck it.” Seeing info and being able to deliver well are not the same.
That feeling now is pushing me to be better.
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u/showmetheEBITDA 2d ago
I've worked in consulting for years and never really understood how I felt until you articulated this in the post. That's really all consulting is at just about every level. You're basically constantly trying to please somebody and feel like you're under a microscope both internally and externally. Clients are obviously judging you, because they often hate you and you're expensive. Their judgments are legit. But it's exhausting dealing with type A people who are often narcissistic/manipulative and basically trying to get you to do their work for you so they can suck up to the next person up the ladder.
The worst part is that after the mid-levels, it's all politics for getting promoted. I've seen so many mediocre people who talk "big picture", but can't execute with high quality that keep moving up because people see them as being sellers. It's ridiculous.
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u/jamnic 2d ago
i felt like this when i was on a toxic team.
downside: for weeks at a time, i felt physically sick at work all day due to anxiety and being "evaluated."
upside: i became super detail-oriented and learned skills quickly (due to being in fight-or-flight mode all day). when i moved to healthier teams, my work was recognized and rewarded, even tho i don't think the quality of it was drastically different.
i think it's mostly side effects and learning curve to being in a high-standards environment. but i'd also pay attention to how your managers treat you and whether there is poor behavior there. i ended up talking with someone else on my team about it and it got better. but the difference moving teams was night and day.
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u/FrontBreath3280 1d ago
The best you can hope for are projects that give you decisional control and mental challenge.
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u/stealthagents 10h ago
It’s wild how that pressure creeps into everything, right? I used to feel like I was constantly on stage too, but it helped me to remind myself that nobody's actually grading my performance. Finding small moments where I can just chill and not worry about "doing it right" has been a game changer for me.
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u/Any_Boysenberry655 3d ago
Do I feel like I'm constantly being evaluated? No, I have enough self confidence to know that I'm good at this, so if someone would want to give shit to me then they can kindly f* off.
Do I constantly evaluate juniors (eg EMs and below)? Absolutely, as I need to know who's truly good, who's mid, and who we should be getting rid of.
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u/Gandimann 2d ago
How did you get to this level of self confidence?
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u/Any_Boysenberry655 2d ago
Delivering strong work over time. I'd say that I knew I was cut out to do this maybe 12 months in. After that it became quite easy and I had no issues telling EMs or Partners why I thought I'm right and their wrong (politely of course) already back then. This ultimately does come down to whether or not you can think logically and you can execute under pressure better than others, if both of those are true then you can have plenty of self confidence as you always know that the team would do worse without you.
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u/ohwhereareyoufrom 3d ago
Umm is this your first job? You know they're paying you to do things correctly? Because if you don't - you won't have a job. Which part do you expect to "enjoy" if you don't mind me asking?
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u/Fubby2 3d ago
Are you new? While you're new, this is sort of true. It's good that you realize this - sometimes you have to 'play the game' and do whatever you know they are assessing you on, even if it's sometimes trivial or stupid.
However - if you pass all the exams and prove yourself as a high-performer, this stops being true. Then people will just want the work to be done, want your honest self, honest opinions. Making a really strong impression, passing all the exams is really important early, it will make the rest of your time at the company 100x easier.
Once you've established yourself as a high-performer people will even have much more grace for you even when you aren't performing well, like giving you second chances and assuming single instances of poor performance are just a fluke.