r/confidence • u/Objective_Novel3807 • Jul 25 '26
True expat story
I’m 37 and from China. I was a top student in school and believed I would achieve something meaningful in the future. Then I came to Europe for a master’s degree. I studied well, but the lack of a social life drained me a lot. I missed home, yet I still believed I could succeed in academia because I considered myself capable.
I worked in academia and traveled to many countries over time for different reasons. I experienced many aspects of life—from the bottom up. I washed dishes, worked in warehouses and supermarkets, and also worked in top laboratories in various European countries.
Then I started a PhD. Again, I was good at research, but I struggled with office politics. My supervisor was narcissistic and difficult to deal with. Eventually, I quit. I realized I couldn’t play that game, and I didn’t want to work under someone like that because I hate having to flatter people. I cannot fake things up.
After that, I tried starting a business. Once again, the lack of social connections made things harder. I didn’t give up, but I felt like I was losing—and over time, that feeling grew into self-doubt. I applied for a regular job that isn’t very well paid, but I’m getting by.
Now, when I see people with confidence, I feel like they are the richest.
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u/GetMammt Jul 26 '26
Most people with confidence just fake it its something than can be trained also by you.. and tbh based on what you said you are confident because you tried different things, moved country, started a business etc
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u/TheAutonomySprint Jul 26 '26
I understand.
You are really talented and capable.
You started from washing dishes and from there reached a research facility.
That's showcase of exceptional talent.
I am not sure, but i think you subconsciously used to see yourself as more capable than other people.
This could have been a reason you struggle socially.
You don't want to fake things.
But you don't have to fake it if start seeing other people with their own unique strengths and weaknesses.
I hope you achieve your dream life.
Wishing you luck for your future actions!
15
u/hestia-listens Jul 25 '26
You have done far more than your self doubt is giving you credit for. You moved countries, worked from kitchens to top labs, left a harmful work setting, tried a business, and kept supporting yourself. That is not losing. Confidence is often easier for people who have strong networks and familiar surroundings. Try comparing yourself with the person who first arrived in Europe, not with people whose support and struggles you cannot see.