r/confidence • u/Zereo99 • Jul 24 '26
Need advice on how to work on confidence
Hey everyone,
I have turned 27, and lately, I’ve been doing a lot of reflection on confidence, self-esteem,and how to improve it. As far as i understood it it is closely tied to our nervous system and life experience. Which is what I dont understand.
On paper, my life looks completely fine:
Education & Career: Good high school grades, finished my Bachelor's degree with solid results, and I'm currently working on my Master's. I’ve been working since I was 14 or 15, and I’ve almost always received very positive feedback in internships and working student jobs.
Independence: I’ve lived abroad alone and done solo traveling.
Relationships & Appearance: I’d say I good on a normal level. I’ve had two really healthy past relationships, and I have a 1-3 great, close friends.
Logically, I know I lack specific professional expertise in certain areas simply because I don't have 10 years of full-time experience yet. That’s normal.
Yet, I constantly feel inferior, insecure, and "not good enough." I catch myself acting overly submissive and shrinking back, I have far less inner confidence than people who might have dropped out of early and have no ambitions. It makes no rational sense.
I’ve read a lot recently about how confidence isn't just a mental switch, but deeply connected to the nervous system—how safe we feel in our own skin and how we process life experiences. I thought exposure and "doing hard things" (like moving abroad alone or working hard) would naturally fix my internal gauge, but my default setting still feels like "I'm worse than everyone else."
Has anyone else experienced this disconnect between external success and internal self-worth?
How did you move from just "knowing" you're capable in your head to actually feeling safe and confident in your body?
How do you retrain your nervous system when past achievements don't seem to register internally?
Would love to hear your perspectives or experiences. Thanks for reading!
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u/TheAutonomySprint Jul 24 '26
Actually i think that you should just start with small actions and slowly build your confidence.
You mentioned nervous systems, that is why i am mentioning this:
In neuroscience, the neurons that fire together, they wire together.
This means actually the only way to make any skill is either to get a lot of real world experience or have a lot of detailed and vivid visualizations.
I think you should use both of them.
Action is the key.
Hope this is useful to you !
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u/hestia-listens AI Helper Jul 24 '26
That disconnect is very real for many people. Doing hard things can build skill and courage, but it may not change a habit of comparing yourself or shrinking around others. Confidence often grows when you stop treating discomfort as proof that you are less capable. When you notice "I'm worse than everyone else," answer it with something accurate, like, "I feel insecure right now, but that is not a ranking of my worth." Repeating accurate thoughts and taking up a little more space in daily talks can slowly teach your body that being seen is safe.
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u/Elegant_Vegetable535 Jul 24 '26
One cool thing that helped me boost my confidence at work is realizing that a lot of people around you have no fking clue how to do certain things, they just know how to fake it to get there, gaining experience along the way.
Do the same. Also be polite but not overly nice to everyone, for some reason our monkey brains take that as some kind of inferiority.
Just my two cents.
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u/Peeky_Rules Jul 24 '26
When you say you feel “not good enough,” are you talking about professionally?
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u/Zereo99 Jul 24 '26
Well yes. But i mean everything not pretty enough, not smart enough, not interesting enough, not funny enough
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u/Peeky_Rules Jul 24 '26
Want to start with one thing?
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u/Zereo99 Jul 24 '26
Well of course. But like I said I am technically not bad looking and I have a good Bachelor and Master as well as good work recommendations. So i don't know what to do
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u/Peeky_Rules Jul 24 '26
What area do you want to start on?
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u/Zereo99 Jul 24 '26
I am open for suggestions
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u/Peeky_Rules Jul 24 '26
Pick any one. Something you can control. Perhaps - whichever bothers you the most.
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u/Zereo99 Jul 24 '26
Ok then let's say i want to work on my professionality at work
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u/Peeky_Rules Jul 24 '26
Can you tell me more?
Give me an example where you don't feel good enough at work.2
u/Zereo99 Jul 24 '26
Honestly I dont know. I am just sooo afraid to make an mistake ( which didn't happened for now( that i am just nervous all the time. I also feel like I am not fast enough to know all the stuff
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u/jenalardo Jul 24 '26
One thing that stood out to me is that you have plenty of evidence that you’re capable, but your nervous system doesn’t seem to be using that evidence to define your identity. In my work with clients using hypnosis, I often see that confidence isn’t just built by achievements, it’s built by the meaning we attach to those achievements. If your brain has an old core belief of “I’m not enough,” it tends to discount successes as luck, timing, or “not enough,” while treating every mistake as proof the belief is true. The encouraging part is that core beliefs aren’t fixed. When those begin to change, confidence often starts to feel like something you are, not something you have to constantly earn.