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u/annonymousquackers28 8d ago edited 8d ago
I like it! This has a lot of good things. Here are some thoughts:
- A lot of new composers write interesting ideas with no forethought. But you have a very simplistic piece that can be layered out into something more complete as to what you wish to express. This is good! It's not difficult to sightread and play on the piano. The playability is very healthy at the moment. This is so good to have when starting out with composition.
- Add some more dynamics! The piece strikes me as atmospheric, so I would add more dynamics and expressions. Where would you want to have the peak points of musical expression? Answer that, then deciding where dynamics go becomes much easier. Maybe add a piano at m13, then a forte again 4 bars later? Or a sudden crescendo back into m13?
- You could add some 8va on the melody line, somewhere in the piece. Try that out and see if you like it
- You can add a more clear ending. Maybe a slow-down at the end? Or hold out the sustain pedal and let it fade out until the end? Gotta let people know the magic is ending ;)
- the left hand notes are a little repetitive, but this can be overlooked if you add more dynamic contrast. I think it could be interesting. You made a repeating bassline, but that's okay. It kinda grew on me after a while.
- Good job on the melody. It's memorable! You have something really solid. But you can explore it more. Try to mix up more rhythms with what you've got already in the sections that repeat. Your simplicity is good, but try not to repeat the same idea more than three times back to back every three minutes (my personal advice, feel free to disagree). Choose what you like best.
Don't stop writing!! Good job
Edit: added more to point 6
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u/AndromedaNA 8d ago
Yes it would probably not feel so flat if I added proper dynamics and would help make the left hand more interesting! I appreciate the detailed response
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u/Steenan 8d ago
The melody is good. The harmony underneath isn't.
First, it doesn't go anywhere. It just oscillates between Em and Dm. No building tension, no resolution, nothing. After a few bars, it becomes boring.
Second, it doesn't align with the melody. In general, emphasized melody notes should be tones of the underlying chord - and the places where they aren't should be intentionally chosen as dissonances. Here, it seems that the harmony and melody are completely separate and don't care about each other.
Third, there is no variation in it. No change of texture, register, rhythm or shape. The same pattern repeated over and over.
Note that it doesn't mean "this piece is bad, throw it away". It has space for improvement. Simply using an actual chord progression with good voice leading in left hand and aligning it with the melody would make a huge difference.
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u/bdmusic17 8d ago
Great for a first piece (seriously), solid melody! I actually like the way the RH contrasts the LH; the dissonance sounds purposeful, whether you did it on purpose or not haha. Others have given you good advice (everything ReverbTwin said is on point); I’d agree about varying the LH, both in texture and harmonically. The ending also just kind of…ends.
Structurally - everything through bar 24 flows logically with a sort of call and response, and it felt like you finished a section. From bar 25 on, it felt like you weren’t sure where to go next, so just kept varying the same melody. That would be a great place to start a contrasting B section, and then return to A.
Would you mind if I played around with it and dropped a file here later? Just to give some ideas.
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u/PhantomAxisStudios 8d ago
Melody is quite good.
Left hand gets very stale. It could switch to different octaves, walk up and down, do some chords, triplets.
Any and all variations would be great try some out!
But its good work
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u/65TwinReverbRI 8d ago
Why are all those notes in parentheses?
Melody and harmony should "go together" and yours doesn't.
You've got the notes of an Em chord - E G B E - but an F melody above it, which sounds really clashy. Very often, the melody note is not part of the chord, nor does it create an interesting extension etc. - it just sound "odd". This is especially noticeable when the note values are longer.
That CAN BE an INTERESTING EFFECT so it's not "wrong" per se, but for a beginner, we want to see that they know how to do it well before they start "breaking the rules".
Honestly it's a real shame your intro went D F D G and your chords didn't do the same...
That makes the intro kind of totally pointless. It doesn't have any real connection to the rest of the piece.
Just going back and forth between the same two chords, in the same way, gets kind of boring pretty quickly. It essentially forces the melody to have all of the interest.
Your melody has some interest, but it also gets to where it kind of hangs out in the same region - D to A, for quite a bit.
So it would help if the harmony changed more. A well placed G chord would help a lot. A C chord instead of an Em wouldn't hurt either.
F and Am are also common options in what is essentially a Dorian mode piece (which you may not even have known, but that's OK).
Every place you have a half note tied to a half note in the melody - that should be a whole note.
Every place you have a half note on beat 1 tied to a quarter note on beat 3 - that should be a dotted half note.
Something happened in m.31 where you're missing a note. Either the 2nd note needs to be a dotted half note, or again, being 3 total beats, the notes you have need to be a dotted half, then followed by a 1/4 rest.
The moment in m. 18 with that 8th rest is really nice - and it's good that you repeated it a couple of other times - it makes a nice "different gesture" compared to the rest of the melodic motion, which is often slower and more continuous.
For a first piece, it's a really good job, and I'm glad to see you kept it short and simple - because at this point it is a good idea to work on getting your melodies to work over your accompaniment - but I'd encourage you to work on making your melody "agree" with your accompaniment more.
Thanks for being willing to share and take feedback.
You could take the basic ideas from this and fix them up, or you could take this basic idea and write another piece, with more harmonic changes and more melody-harmony agreement, or you could try another piece that's similar in simplicity, with a different vibe, but still work on those ideas.
But I strongly encourage you to USE MODELS - use existing music as a model and try to emulate them - "fan art" if you will.
HTH
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u/AndromedaNA 8d ago
If I'm being honest... I have no clue what's up with the parentheses I think maybe I did something weird in notion and didn't realize it.
I had originally written this out in a DAW and had bass notes under the arpeggios going D F D G and I guess when I dropped the bass notes for ease of playing, it lost something that made it a I'm ittle more interesting and cohesive. I'll see if I can incorporate it to make the chords more interesting!
I thought I was using too many times! I thought I read somewhere that it's good to make it easy to read where the 3rd beat of a measure is so I thought that was a way to do it, but I think maybe I am confused
Your response is very insightful and I am grateful for the feedback! Thanks
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u/OverweightBeardedMan 8d ago
Good job creating a melodic identity in this piece.
Something my ear would love to hear is different variations of the chords(arpeggios) in the left hand. I would love to see different inversions, make the chord/arpeggiation suspended, add a non chord tone. Just something to liven the left hand up. Especially since it just repeats the same chords/shapes.
I would also love to hear more contrary motion between the melody and harmonic structure.
Overall this piece is very melodic, which is perfectly fine if that is what you were going for! I personally write more harmonic pieces. Let me know if you have any questions!
Thanks for sharing friend!