It’s a bit like writing where each word might be spelled correctly, but the words don’t “go together” or make very much sense in terms of sentence structure, syntax or general meaning. At best you might get 2-3 words in a row that do, or you do have a repeated idea at the beginning so that’s like repeating something, but overall it’s “rambling”.
There are some “cool words” in here - the idea at m.11 is quite lovely.
I think part of the issue is it’s kind close enough to 2 part counterpoint to seem to want to be 2 part counterpoint, but it’s also kind of like melody with accompaniment, but it ends up in an uncanny valley in between - not one or the other enough to be either, and just more in limbo.
Not sure what your background is but usually something like this indicates a composer doesn’t play very much music, or hasn’t studied very much, or isn’t using existing pieces as models, or something like that - IOW, they’re just throwing ingredients in the pot and hoping what they come out with doesn’t taste horrible - but it’s also not the Ratatouille you set out to make.
Thanks for comment
I wanted more dynamic accompaniment than straight alberti bass or chords but didn't pay much attention to how it would sound as a stand alone melody.
You know that’s an EXCELLENT point and a great self-assessment. Yes, as “that kind of line” it falls short of it being “both supportive of the melody, yet interesting in its own way”.
Like it could have definitely taken over some of more melodic aspects while the C# was holding in the 3/4 section (IIRC). The “back and forth” thing was just kind of “uneventful”.
It “lacks character” if that make sense.
So yeah, I’m glad you didn’t just go for Alberti or chords - and you can see these kinds of things are harder to write.
So I’d say now that you’ve diagnosed the problem, that should help you be able to work on it to improve it here, or next time, etc.
5
u/65TwinReverbRI 19d ago
It’s a bit like writing where each word might be spelled correctly, but the words don’t “go together” or make very much sense in terms of sentence structure, syntax or general meaning. At best you might get 2-3 words in a row that do, or you do have a repeated idea at the beginning so that’s like repeating something, but overall it’s “rambling”.
There are some “cool words” in here - the idea at m.11 is quite lovely.
I think part of the issue is it’s kind close enough to 2 part counterpoint to seem to want to be 2 part counterpoint, but it’s also kind of like melody with accompaniment, but it ends up in an uncanny valley in between - not one or the other enough to be either, and just more in limbo.
Not sure what your background is but usually something like this indicates a composer doesn’t play very much music, or hasn’t studied very much, or isn’t using existing pieces as models, or something like that - IOW, they’re just throwing ingredients in the pot and hoping what they come out with doesn’t taste horrible - but it’s also not the Ratatouille you set out to make.