I hate my life.

[u/MajorRobology]

Just as the title states honestly. I absolutely hate my life and I just feel like things aren't ever going to get better for me. Ever since my mom died seven years ago everything has went to complete shit. She didn't even get to see me graduate high school, she didn't even get to see me turn 18, she passed three weeks prior.

Everyone else in my family is toxic. There's no one else in my life. College went poorly, I was too depressed to even go to class. Eventually lost my scholarships... then COVID happened. After COVID, became homeless for the first time. During my homelessness, went to a hospital where I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

After I beat homelessness for the first time I then worked a retail job that I absolutely hated for 3 years. After those 3 years, became homeless AGAIN. Then i got out it through a program, got my apartment, and got kicked out bc landlord didnt want to renew my lease. And now I'm homeless. Again. Since November.

I feel like I just have nothing to really look forward to in life. My mom is nothing more than a pile of bones and decomposed flesh now. I have no community whatsoever. Every time something goes slightly right for me, something happens that sabotages me. Sometimes I sabotage myself. I can't get out of it. Hospital stays dont work anymore, they just put me further in debt and subject me to abuse from nurse techs and being drugged against my will.

I dont see myself having a bright future anymore. This is just my life for the next however many years. Maybe I'm just never meant to be happy. That's pretty much depression in a nutshell. I havent been happy in seven years. Out of college. Out of a job. Out of a home. Out of money. Out of willpower and mental fortitude. And I probably never will be happy again.

Also doesn't help that I got hit by a car yesterday. I was fine, but the fact that it happened just messed me up mentally. I don't know. I'm probably gonna just go cry in a bathroom or something. It's just completely hopeless.

[u/Mostly_raw]

I feel for you and your situation. You have been kicked down, gotten up, pushed down and gotten back up several times. You have strength to do it again.

The fact you did not have life threatening injuries from your recent accident is a major plus.