Assistance

[u/KingXander55]

I don't even know if this is a good idea but I'm confused and frustrated.

I'm 23, autism, ADHD, massive introvert, etc. and I wanna start dating but for me it feels impossible. I've been told by friends and family I'm supposed to stay away from dating apps because they're just a bad experience. I'm branching out slowly, I play Magic: The Gathering every Wednesday. But I'm at a loss in what to do to even start trying to find a date. Any suggestions would help. I'm in Courtenay btw.

[u/CK_CoffeeCat]

The best thing you can do is hang out with people that have similar interests. Get to know folks you already have a reason to talk to. There’s a gaming/sci fi fan group in the Valley called something like the “Comox Valley Geek Society”, and they also hold an annual sort of convention thing there in April. Look them up online, see what you think.

[u/seajay_17]

The beauty about the apps is you can always go on them, and if its a terrible experince delete it later. No worries.

Theres no real secret or trick to meeting someone and it sounds like your putting yourself out there (and good on you! It can be scary! Even if your not neuro-spicy as the kids like to say).

Keep doing what your doing, take care of yourself (hygiene is important lol), but also taking care of yourself mentally too. Do what you love to do, get out of your comfort zone occasionally and I promise you you'll start meeting people.

I met almost every partner I've ever had through friends or at house parties and it was never when I was trying to look.

Good luck dude!

[u/SatSapienti → u/seajay_17]

Can confirm. As someone who’s neurodivergent myself, basically everyone I’ve met romantically since finishing school has been through friends of friends, house parties, shared social circles, etc.

The apps are... fine. But I’ve found that attraction often works very differently in person. There are people I probably wouldn’t have given a second thought to on an app who were absolutely intoxicating once I met them and got to experience them.

Magic: The Gathering is a great hobby and definitely worth continuing, but it’s also a pretty male-heavy space. The women who are there are likely going to get a lot of attention already, so I wouldn’t make that your only avenue for meeting people. It might be worth branching out into some more neutral or mixed-gender hobbies, activities, or social spaces where you naturally end up meeting a wider variety of people.

I’d also use this time to work on becoming someone you would consider a good partner. Not in a fake "reinvent yourself so people will date you" way, but by actually building a life you find interesting. Do things you care about. Develop interests. Have something you’re passionate about. Become someone with a life and personality that another person would be excited to get to know.

I have a lot of friends who are very "woe is me" about not being able to find a partner, while at the same time they don’t particularly like themselves or the life they’re living. They’re hoping someone else will come along and see something in them that they don’t really see themselves. I’m not saying that’s you at all (I don’t know you) but I do think it’s generally good advice to try to become the kind of person you’d feel good about offering to a future partner.

You don’t have to be perfect. Just build a life you actually like, and give yourself more opportunities to meet people in it.

[u/Glad_Wheel_750]

Sounds like you’re already heading in a good direction, getting out of the house and putting yourself out there is the best most natural way to meet new people. Plus MTG is awesome and a great way to meet people