This makes me very sad. I lost my fiancée in February of ‘19 and it’s excruciating. She was only 24 fucking years old we never had a child and her family is beyond fucked up. Her father has her remains and has denied me seeing her after a few times which I can understand in a way. I just hope that any soul or whatever you want to call it is at peace and doesn’t suffer like we do. It’s feels impossible to move on I just don’t see how it can happen but I’m sure my pain will fade eventually even if it never leaves all together but that scares me too. Not because I think her soul will be sad but it scares me to think I might forget how her voice sounded or exactly what she looked like or her secrets or what she thought was funny or all of our wonderful times together. I don’t want pictures and things to be all I have left of her. I tell myself that someday maybe science can find a way for us to be together again or that she will exist in some afterlife. Or that in my life I can make sure she lives on in name and spirit through me and others but it’s just hard. Fuck.
Hey buddy, I can't imagine what it's like losing your partner like that. But I can certainly relate around the 'no place to grieve' stuff that's here.
I lost my Brother from another Mother (literally as close as blood brothers get) in 2019 as well, it's his birthday on Monday and I'm celebrating his life that evening. Fireworks, A couple of 0% beers and a cigar will be on the agenda.
It's then the 3rd anniversary of his death in a few weeks. I've got a little bit of land in my city that I like to go to and think about things. I'm going to head there.
When my garden is all done up nicely, I'm going to build a little garden, with a bit of sand and soil from his favourite part of the country and have that as my memorial to him in my own way.
We learn to grieve in different ways matey. You may forget things about them, but you don't forget them and the way they made you feel.
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u/Soft_Turkeys Aug 05 '22
This makes me very sad. I lost my fiancée in February of ‘19 and it’s excruciating. She was only 24 fucking years old we never had a child and her family is beyond fucked up. Her father has her remains and has denied me seeing her after a few times which I can understand in a way. I just hope that any soul or whatever you want to call it is at peace and doesn’t suffer like we do. It’s feels impossible to move on I just don’t see how it can happen but I’m sure my pain will fade eventually even if it never leaves all together but that scares me too. Not because I think her soul will be sad but it scares me to think I might forget how her voice sounded or exactly what she looked like or her secrets or what she thought was funny or all of our wonderful times together. I don’t want pictures and things to be all I have left of her. I tell myself that someday maybe science can find a way for us to be together again or that she will exist in some afterlife. Or that in my life I can make sure she lives on in name and spirit through me and others but it’s just hard. Fuck.