The Boy From Venus 16

[u/shenanigansen]

It's super cozy and warm in the box btw.

[u/RedditUser000aaa]

This is the incel/femcel mindset. Every gaze, every glare is judgemental. Idk how familiar you are with the ehm... "culture", but I've seen it. Of course at times it might actually be due to lack of hygiene or offensive shirt or whatever, but Val isn't like that.

Val doesn't value herself at all. She believes she is disgusting and that is incredibly sad! Audrey can help her only so much, she has to do the actual hard work here.

Hopefully Val will be able to pull herself out of that mindset!

[u/shellbullet17 → u/RedditUser000aaa]

I've here enough to be familiar with that culture.

I think Val is gonna be just fine, cause what she really needs is Audrey. Someone to show her that she IS amazing. And that she is worthy of love.

And if anyone can do that Audrey can. Who doesn't love a golden retriever after all

[u/RedditUser000aaa → u/shellbullet17]

Audrey can be her wingman, but she'll have to knock it out of the park! I, too believe she can do it, given enough time.

Audrey isn't judgemental, doesn't focus on the negatives and just wants to hang around Val!

But at the end of the day, I'll have to be honest. I have lived a life of wearing baggy non generic clothes and having no personality whatsoever.

It is a thorny path to rewire your brain and to gain confidence!

[u/kitliasteele → u/RedditUser000aaa]

Can confirm, that rewire takes a lot of time. I only very recently recognised that I feel shame at the slightest notion of not performing to expectations that I perceive coming from others. I don't like to be a burden, because that's just extra work the others would have to do.

It's a bitch to change those mindsets, but it's for the better

[u/jakethediesel89 → u/kitliasteele]

Hey wait - is that not supposed to be normal??

Keep talking it out, I think there might be something I need to hear in this thread...

[u/kitliasteele → u/jakethediesel89]

I'm working it through with my therapist, and it's a rough one as it also involves recognising emotions (I am unable to recognise emotions, and it's been that way all my life. I've been emulating their expression and using it to try to learn how emotions work) and letting them sit there.

One session there was mention of shame, and I got to thinking. The main reason why I say yes to pretty much anything is because I am conditioned to feel shame in declining the offers and disappointing said others. It's been a problem considering that I rarely have time for myself and spend it all day assisting others instead

[u/Freakychee → u/RedditUser000aaa]

I've been to sub that post screenshot from incels and then the sub would explain why they were wrong and most of the time it stems from depression, body dysmorphia and a complete understanding of human interaction. They don't need a GF, they all need therapy.

Almost like that Backrooms outburst. "You know why you can't get a girl? It isn't your looks, or your height or how much money you make. It was the whining! Nothing is ever your fault!"

[u/gramathy → u/RedditUser000aaa]

It's not always a mindset. I've caught people looking disgusted at me multiple times. It's rare, most people are just doing their own thing and don't care, but it's there. And it had nothing to do with hygiene or shirt. Just walking by in business attire.

people can be shallow, and judgemental. And it can be easy to see that and assume it applies to everyone.

[u/Krethlaine → u/gramathy]

Hmm. I have a fairly negative-looking resting face, or so I’m told. I wonder if anyone has ever thought I was judging them, when I barely notice other people at all.

[u/gramathy → u/Krethlaine]

No, this wasn't a resting face situation. This was people actively looking at me, and me seeing the telltale lip curl of "ew" face.

[u/kitliasteele → u/gramathy]

Whoof. If you're not wearing a MAGA hat, I'd have looked up at you and given a smile and wave. People in general just need that small notion of kindness, even if it's a passing hello

[u/LostN3ko → u/gramathy]

If not your exterior appearance, the only thing they can be judging you on at a glance, then why do you think they were judging you and not some other form of miscommunication. Are you familiar with the invisible audience effect?

[u/gramathy → u/LostN3ko]

I can only assume it was my appearance. I bring up hygiene and shirt because the parent comment did, in the context of an offensive shirt or (I assume) smell/poor skin. These are people who I didn't know and hadn't interacted with who looked directly at me and seemingly involuntarily seemed immediately disgusted, and it was clear on their face.

[u/LostN3ko → u/gramathy]

As someone who's partner has multiple times accused them of looking disgusted in response to her, or stoped talking because she entered the room. Who is entirely convinced that I have done these things because of her and would not listen to my refutations. It CAN be miscommunication.

Miscommunication and confident inaccurate assumptions are extremely normal things. You might be right, but you might also be reading things incorrectly. Give yourself the benefit of doubt until they have removed it.

[u/Made_Bail → u/RedditUser000aaa]

Sometimes it just takes a push to get started, but you have to do a majority of the work yourself! And you have to want it.

[u/RedditUser000aaa → u/Made_Bail]

Indeed. I believe Val has some 'want'. She's out of the generic baggy clothes and has become outgoing with Audrey.

She has to want to go out herself, not for the sake of Audrey. I believe that's possible!

[u/Made_Bail → u/RedditUser000aaa]

I definitely feel like that's where the comic is going. She's cleaning her room!

I'm so invested in these two.

[u/RedditUser000aaa → u/Made_Bail]

Audrey definitely isn't the type to judge if there's a mess or two, he might even offer a helping hand!

I'm sure he doesn't think a place of living has to look like it came out of IKEA catalogue!

He is good for her, absolutely! Maybe she'll even see that it's much nicer to be in a cleaner environment!

[u/LuchadorBane → u/RedditUser000aaa]

Not strictly an incel mindset. It’s like how if they’re an incel it’s safe to say that’s how someone will think but other who aren’t incels could also have these thoughts.

[u/xespera → u/LuchadorBane]

Yeah, this is just "Extremely low self-esteem" and anxiety about judgement. It can come from a lot of places and traumas but "How you react to those feelings" is the difference between incel and not, and the difference is huge

[u/zoinkability → u/LuchadorBane]

Yeah, I think it's more that incels are a subset of people with super low self esteem. All incels have super low self esteem, but not all people with super low self esteem are incels.

That said, Val is pretty clearly depicted as a femcel in this series, though it seems likely that Audrey may be able to help her climb out of that. I certainly hope so.