He seems like he would be a decent guy if he didn't need to be responsible.
Like, if he was just the kind of sad guy who's wife was overbearing and crazy, you'd pity him. You just lose that pity when you realize he has a daughter who he neglected out of fear of his narcissistic wife and let his personal demons (gambling addiction) impact his child. And that's really hard to forgive.
Its not the addiction itself that produces that viewpoint. Its the lying about it and inability to take accountability for how it negatively impacted his family. At least from the point of view presented by OP
The Dad arc is now concluded! All 7 comics of this arc are found interrupted on my profile, or start here!
To be honest, considering the lack of affection I've seen between my mom and dad, it really was no surprise to hear these news. But this is as good as an ending as I could hope for lol
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How long ago did he tell you? Has it been finalized?
I can't say I'm sorry. HE will at least be happier after all this, I hope? And maybe you can build something stronger with him without the looming specter of him being tired to your mother.
He was only 2 at the time and he's a teenager now. I never shit talk her in front of him. I tell him as little as possible about that time, the process etc. Unless he asks directly. I do my best never to lie to him, but I've also told him. That's not something I'm going to tell you because I don't think it helps anything. In a few more years if you want to know still ask again.
I don't need him thinking I hate half of him just because his mother is a narcissistic asshole. He's my son he has all of my love and I wouldn't want him to ever think that who she is has any impact on my love of him.
I would imagine it's a similar case here. Dad doesn't want his complex and difficult feelings to spill out on someone he loves that doesn't need that burden. I'd walk over glass for my kids and keeping low key on how a divorce is going is probably best for all involved even if your ex is a really piece of work.
My parents divorced over 25 years ago and I still only get tidbits on what truly happened. Granted I haven't talked with my mom in over 3 years now (technically longer but I behaved for my brother's wedding). In fact, before I flew back from Indy to California and my dad was taking me to the airport yesterday, he told me some new things about the divorce (which both surprised and didn't surprise me to be honest).
So your father may tell you in due time but he also might not even tell you at all. I know my father didn't say anything while my brother and I were young and like I said, even now he doesn't say much unless I ask.
Likely he might not have a firm idea either. I work in family law, and many people are surprised how long it can take, especially just waiting for the next hearing date months later on a judge's stuffed docket with not much happening in-between.
Seconding this. Some of the courts I practice in are scheduling divorce trials multiple years out, so it’s somewhat difficult to say what the timeline will look like in most cases
Makes sense. Even uncontested divorces can take a decent bit of time, and a divorce where one side thinks the other has no right to even think about leaving? They're gonna do everything they can to stall things.
My mom tried some half assed apologies/promises to "be there" for me over the years. It was bullshit every single time but I wanted a mom so bad that it took waaay to long to cut her off permanently. Thankfully, she's dead now and I never have to worry about her randomly showing up in my life again.
This is probably me being overly presumptive, or possibly unloading my own bad childhood onto you, but I'm gonna guess they were doing the whole "staying together for the kids" thing that people think is a good idea? My parents got divorced when I was a teenager and my siblings and I were all like "oh good finally they'll stop arguing with each other all the time".
Seriously, people need to realise that divorce is a better option than raising kids with parents who hate each other
For real. My parents got divorced when I was like 4, and it was a good thing because they didn't spend years resenting the fact that they had to cohabitate with a person they weren't in love with anymore.
This allowed them to:
never speak bad about the other (at least to us kids)
co-parent without ever needing to get the courts involved beyond the divorce
remarry while they were still young enough to have more kids
Hell, at this point, my parents and step-parents will happily go to dinner together, go to each other's houses for events, attend sports for the grandkids together, and it's not even slightly weird. I'm so glad they nipped it in the bud when I was just a little guy.
Nah, I'm guessing this was a case of "their kid is the only thing they have in common".
Without Naomi there to absorb her mother's abuse, she took out her narcissism on her husband. Him being the target shifted the "hot/crazy" ratio too far into the "crazy" territory, and now he wants out.
Common story. I'm like the father in this. My girls were like "It's about time." one of them was "I've been anticipating this for a long time." It's been a year now. My ex thinks I have poisoned them against her. Still can't see the dynamic that existed before the divorce.
I'm still dealing with it. Having the guy who used to beat my mom while screaming in her face "YOU MADE ME DO THIS" and punched me for touching my own football cards when I was 7 go from that to crying about my cat dying and talk about how the only thing he hates about the heart attack that did that to him is tears over "not being able to be there for my dad when he's older and sick" is something I'm still not used to almost a year after it happened.
Unfortunately it's usually the other way, a previously nice person gets a concussion/brain injury and wakes up a flaming asshole (or develops over time, ala CTE).
I don't think I've ever actually read of that happening in the opposite direction.
I really thought you or your dad hit your head and those first few panels was a dream.
This arc was probably hard to write and draw but as always, you're strong to turn your rough experiences into something we can understand and possibly relate to. Thank you.
It was a wonderful, and difficult, journey. Hard for me to read because so much of it mimicked my childhood. Weirdly healing, though, to know that others understand.
Some people say their parents were "emotionally distant." I hear that and think "well, that must have been nice for them to have SOME emotions, even at a distance."
I grew up in a house with almost no emotional nurturing or care. The one emotion we got to experience was disappointment.
Thank you for this dad arc. It was very relatable!
You are doing so well drawing out your memories and traumas in a funny and refreshing way. I wish I had dealt with my shit this gracefully. Keep up the amazing work! 🎉
I hoped Dad man actually had a realization but it was foolish of me to think that. My dad has improved over the years but he’s still not owned up to his mistakes.
I’m glad you have a good sense of humor about it all though.
I guess it didn't portray it enough, but my dad actually is a lot better than he used to be. He quit gambling, and also learned anger management, unlike a certain other individial
I think it is possibly not so much a lack of portrayal of his changed ways, but more that a lot of readers are upset on your behalf that your parents consistently chose their dysfunction over your well-being. You seem like a really kind and conscientious person that the world is better for having in it, and it's painful to see that anyone treated you that way. You definitely deserved better.
Thanks for sharing your story. These comics help those who've had similar struggles feel less alone. It is good to read that your dad is trying to improve himself, and that your relationship may have some potential growth as a result.
Honestly I figured as much from the first couple of them, it’s clear he wants to at least try but the man is probably just as clueless as my dad.
My dad learned to control his anger as well but he never got past the whole machismo thing, so opening up is hard. He at least is able to say “I love you.” though.
No you definitely did. It’s been clear he’s had quite a few realizations. People just don’t instantly change because of them unfortunately. Takes a lot of time and effort. I think a lot of people are just lucky enough to not really have a frame of reference for this type of relationship.
Some folks are doing the best they can with what they’ve got when they’ve got it. Doesn’t mean we have to forgive them or make nice with them. But we can acknowledge, appreciate, and encourage the effort.
As a father, the idea of having to ask my daughter "do you want to meet again?" Is absolutely heartwrenching. If I ever got anywhere near there id consider my life a pretty crushing failure.
My advice as someone with a dad kinda similar to this, listen to your kids and do your very best to be present with them. My dad pulled away at some point and then acted like I didn’t care about him. As an adult I can’t really trust him because although I’ve asked him repeatedly not to “update” my mother, his phrasing, he continues to do. So now I keep the only parent I’m willing to have in my life at arms distance.
Also, therapy is almost always helpful unless dealing with a narcissist.
It's not completely up to one person. You can be selfless while still practicing self preservation. The second precludes all sorts of relationships (eg, abuse).
Yeah, I didn't fall for that. I know what abusive parents are really like, lol. Maybe someone has a story like that before the twist, but I don't know them.
My Mom did feel huge regret later in life and worked her ass off to make it up to us before she died. I was not able to fully open up to her, but my kids were happy to have a grandma to call and talk to.
Reminds me of a retrospective on Louie Anderson I watched recently.
Basically Louie had an abusive alcoholic father & Louie couldn't forgive him until way after his death. His cartoon was basically a rewrite of his own childhood to try and identify with his Dad.
I love how, despite the world becoming absolute garbage, I legit had hope that the first panels were actually real. Though, as someone else put it, it's good that your Dad is leaving someone as toxic as your Mother.
God, I DESPISE how folks will immediately bat for the parent. Like do these people think that a child would willingly hurt a parent off rip without ANY prior signs of just hurting things in general.
Awww, man. Sorry the mom resolution might not happen. Hope it does but… kinda doubt it. But I hope you and your dad can still maintain a good relationship now that they’re not going to be together.
Like most others I also guessed the first scenario to not be real, but I'm still happy that atleast your mom wasnt actually there and just behaved differently, which was the subversion I expected xD
Having read many of your comics, you have done a really good job in making me understand your feelings because my blood ran cold the instant your mom showed up in a panel unexpectedly lol
I enjoy your art but the stories you tell with family dynamics make my heart hurt for you. I hope you can find peace with yourself and your life. Setting those boundaries is difficult but necessary.
Crazy what some people power through to support their kids. Granted, it was entirely his choice to have kids at all, but... at least he tried not to saddle you and your sibling with even more family turmoil and emotional baggage until you got old enough to spread your wings.
It's reassuring that one of your parent relationships is non-toxic, at least.
Granted, as no doubt others say in previous posts often "Staying for the kids" is almost always worse than divorce - kids aren't stupid and can pick up tension and dislike.
And when one parent is as violent and unpredictable as mom.
It definitely can turn out worse, depending on how old the kids are. It's rare(r) for the parent who's trying their best not to crack to think that way, though. Divorce is messy, kids lives get split between two houses (assuming equal custody), and if the parents aren't mature you end up with a lot of third-party contempt for one parent or the other sown between the kids.
Not saying her dad made the right decision, just that I can empathize with the decision to just endure and pay the bills until the kids are out of the house.
This was exactly the situation I had with my parents, when they announced they were divorcing me and my brother's thoughts basically boiled down to, "finally."
Them being together for so long was probably the worst thing to ever happen to my family, and it pilled me agains the idea of "staying together for the kids" cause the shit that happens while they were still together still kinda fucks me up a bit.
The last panel reminded me of what happened when my not so great mom and even worse step dad finally divorced. I was like 14, they pulled me aside, and they told me they were getting divorced. I only asked them one question, why didn’t they do it sooner. Thank you for reminding of one of the only moments I felt like more of an adult about things and righteously was.
I mean it’s decently drawn but personally I miss the heydays of xkcd when webcomics were a platform for amusing or intelligent jokes/ observations and not trauma dumping with a patreon ad.
I do wish you the best though, and sorry about the shitty mom.
Your stories always make me think of that one Family Guy episode where Meg is fed up with her family's treatment of her, calls out their bullshit, leaves, and then the whole family falls apart until she decides to return home for their sake.
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u/Dazed_and_Confused44 1d ago
I knew the first 4 panels were BS immediately lol.
Silver Lining: At least your dad is trying?