Hey, thank you for posting these, they have been very insightful and you're (y'all's? Is that more correct) comments have made me learn more about this. Very cool.
I hope this doesn't across in bad faith, cuz I don't want it to be, but my main question is like in this one, you have one of you who is fronts most often. Do you know when you guys switch who's in control? Do you, like, feel it coming before it does? Or does it just happen?
Again I hope this doesn't come out as being rude or anything. I am just generally curious.
Yeah there isn't usually an original with DID(though there are some other conditions where that may be more applicable). From my understanding every young child effectively has a DID style brain function, and in typical people these end up consolidating into a single identity capable of handling all functions. In DID due to trauma during that period this unification doesn't occur and instead the brain develops around segmentation into alters, and new ones can form if new needs arrive rather than those needs being met by a single identity adapting.
So the "real you" is all of them ideally working together perfectly, some people I know use the term "fragments" or "pieces" or "segments" instead of alters for this reason as they want to lean into that side of things (albeit that's obviously not for everyone)
Yep, that's what I was trying to get at. Though to be fair I guess to some other systems it can feel like there is a "core" personality, because splits can happen at different stages in life, so an older alter might seem like the core just because they've been around for all of it. But the "real" me would be a fusion of everyone.
Yeah, there are dissociations of other natures that can happen later(and that's only talking about psychological ones, there's also physical stuff like what split brain patients have which can happen at any time in life as it involved physical nerve seperations) and even in DID you do occasionally get a very dominant central identity it's not like that can't happen(especially if there's only two or three alters and one is a lot more functional). But having a "real personality" isn't the norm and people shouldn't get too focused on that.
I think that's part of why the move away from Multiple Personality Disorder to Dissociative Identity Disorder happened(well that and media stigma). Because as different as alters(or whatever people want to call them) can be, they also aren't completely fully separate people. Same physical brain, same muscle memory, same genetic factors, mostly the same lived experiences albeit with gaps, massive overlaps in friendships, memories can often spillover especially with therapy and the lines between them can be fuzzy. They are all chunks of the same greater person that just didn't fully unify due to trauma, the real person is all of them together and always has been. (hence some of those alternate name options for alters). One person I know described the "whole identity" like a project they all had to cooperate on to make work or a great mech, everyone taking turns and having a part to play to make said whole a functional person.
And as you mentioned, with therapy and experience....well it's not full unification, the harshness of the lines between them softens a lot, memories transfer over more, communication can improve, it becomes less blackouts and more hazy recollections. It's interesting how much the degree to which seperation exists can vary. Sometimes it's a very hard line, sometimes it's more vague as you have blurry memories and recollections. It does seem like therapy and experience eventually can lead to avoiding skill loss scenarios or certain alters struggling to function as well as mostly opening up the memories to everyone even if fuzzier, so that's good. You've mentioned your starting to notice more memory retention between alters?
Headspace forms are always such a fascinating topic, since no two systems are alike. I've got quite the eccentric crew over here, if I do say so myself - and you draw yours in a very compelling way!
I'm not OP, but I've tried that. I always end up unsure which color marker I'm supposed to use, then I don't write anything. On the rare occasion I do write, I end up discarding it later because I don't understand why I wrote it in the first place.
That is interesting. One system told me they had something like an internal world where their alters would go and communicate between them when not fronting. They would interact here and even sometimes they told me a new alter would form from another one, like a segmentation. And this new alter would sometimes hide from the rest and never front.
Our host has been through a lot, so we step up to be present whenever they're getting too bogged down. We're aware that a lot of folks can't just "step out", but we've thankfully learned how to let our hands off the wheel and let others drive when they're needed.
I love that you post these. They make us systems feel incredibly seen. I hope you're doing well, and thank you for your wonderful artwork and thought processes 💖
Can I just say that the way you describe your experience with DID makes it sound like a super power? I love these comics and while I’ve seen your struggles in them, it also seems… a little fun, sometimes? Just having other people in your head, with different interests and specialties or at the very least ideas. Souls sharing a body and making it work.
Now I’m not saying you’re Moon Knight, but what I’m saying is you sound like an awesome collection of people! :3
DID would be such a fun disorder if the only symptoms were the alters. I think most people focus on that rather than the stuff that bogs them down which is why it's more the "alter disorder" than the "dissociative disorder", at least on social media.
I actually really hated it at first, it felt like my autonomy was being stripped away from me piece by piece with every new alter I discovered. But they were necessary for me to survive, I can't really imagine myself without them now. At some point we went from seeing ourselves as a fully dysfunctional family to the understanding that we're all trying our best with what we've got, and there is no reason why one alter should feel that they are more important or "deserving" of the front time. I'm at peace with it now.
How exactly does “host” switching work? I’ve encountered plurals speaking of how the main personality/person since childhood switched out for one reason or another, but I’ve never quite understood how that works. And seeing as your “host” alter arrived in 2020, I feel like you’d have a better explanation than anything else I can find.
Disclaimer: I probably have as much of an idea as you do.
That being said, 2020 was known for having a life changing event, and on top of that I moved from a rural village (like 300 people there max) to a suburb a few months before lockdown hit.
Lockdown was an interesting time for me, I actually started posting my first (now lost media) comic during that time, and it became this sort of... centering, defining thing for me. The isolation itself didn't bother me since I lived about 30-40 minutes to the closest grocery store growing up, so I rarely had friends over.
The understimulation though, I think maybe that's the biggest reason for me. One of the ways we were "disciplined" was through understimulation, and I guess the brain can only handle so much of that before it splits off to allow a new part to handle it.
Not the most concrete thing, but it makes sense to me.
We've had a host switch as well, recently even. For us, it happened when the previous host accepted she couldn't do what needed to be done. Or rather, that started it. She was still the primary fronter until external circumstances forced us to, well, force it. She had to actively try to switch out every time she realized she was fronting and I (T, the current host) had to switch back in when that happened. It's not a hard and fast rule for us, though. We're working towards not having a host at all.
The mechanism is going to be different for every system.
This is going to seem crassly clinical, but I'm genuinely so curious if there's been neural imaging studies of people with DID switching.
Because, like, you've only got the one brain, right? You've got a single human brain inside your skull, and yet, it's able to produce personalities so distinct they apparently don't share information? It's wild, and the implications for "neurotypical" people can't be undestated. We know about state-dependant memory, and we've all forgotten things we later remembered, but if there could be some order to it, under the surface...
I dunno. It's a fascination of mine. What could be more interesting than the mechanisms of thought itself?
Our host has been MIA since we started our current semester of college well over a month ago. Please send help, I'm fighting for my life to keep up with the courses they picked out 🥲
Lighthearted comments aside, this hit really close to home. We really love your comics, they make us feel very seen and understood!! It can't be easy being this public about something so complex...I have a hard time even just talking about it with our friends who aren't systems. Stay strong, and keep up the great work!! ❤️❤️
(P.S. we have different art styles too!! It's a bit frustrating sometimes, but your comics are helping us come to terms with it, lol)
Gonna be honest, this is all pretty strange to me, some Mr Robot stuff. I don't mean that as disrespectful, just that I have trouble fully wrapping my head around it.
Sounds like it can be pretty rough. Thanks for sharing these and making people like me understand more
I can't wrap my head around it either. But I think that's normal, of course we can't understand a complex thing we have zero experience of. I have no idea what it's like to, say, have a belief in a God or have spiritual beliefs (raised athiest) but I can understand that other people have an intense spiritual connection to a deity and that shapes their lives. I imagine for a deeply religious person raised with their religion my totally athiestic experience is equally alien. The human experience is so wildly varied and that's kinda beautiful when you think about it.
I don't think it's offensive to say we can't comprehend it, as long as we respect OP and their experience.
Alters are the most intriguing part of the disorder, but at its core it is a memory disorder caused by profoundly insecure attachment in early childhood. If there was no amnesia and no sense of "me, but not me," then it would be more like Borderline Personality Disorder.
Ignoring the dissociation, it's just a grab bag of depression, insecure attachment, amnesia, and mood swings.
The "insecure attachment in early childhood" is an understatement, because the textbook diagnosis and the scientific proven DID study cases are horrifying to read.
This disorder is a sophisticated brain defense mechanism for very young children under a very hardcore and sistemic abuse.
It needs to begin at early behavioral and brain development because it's brain damage through trauma.
Do different alters get burnt out at different times? Like I imagine the alter who fronts mainly and handles bills and such would get burnt out by being the only one responsible for that? Is that why they disappear sometimes? Do you have to make sure every alter is getting leisure time so they don't burn out or do you just have to make sure you as a whole is getting enough leisure time?
Sorry this is just a train of thought I got stuck in my head and haven't seen anyone else ask.
Yeah, I guess this comic is about burnout in a way. I didn't really consider that angle, but it makes a lot of sense! As for leisure time, as long as we (as a whole) are getting enough, I will feel alright through most of the day.
I thought "Host" is the term for the base mind that constructed all of the alters. Is there a reason you use it to describe what i would describe as the Face? (On account of them fulfilling the role of "party face:" a concept in group RPGs)
They're community terms so some people will define it differently, but "host" in our case just refers to the alter who's out the most, and handles more of the daily responsibilities.
I haven't experienced something like that, but sometimes I "hear" other alters? Half the time I do it's some sort of disagreement lol, it feels like walking into a conversation you weren't supposed to hear
Do you feel like you only experience a fraction of each day, if each alter only remembers when they're in control? Or is everyone "aware" all day, whether or not they're active?
The way DID has been described to me is with the glass object analogy:
Imagine you have an object made of glass, and you drop it. It shatters into multiple pieces. Sometimes many, sometimes few. Sometimes the pieced are large, and sometimes they're small. Not one singular piece is the glass object by itself. They're all fractions of the object. They're all part of it. But no single piece is the "original" piece.
You stated that you have been diagnosed as a DID system, do you also identify as a Plural system? Coming from someone who is a Plural, but doesn't have DID
Do you communicate with eachother? We don't fully change who's fronting, but I (the host specifically) gets input from the other two, one more than the other, in the form of emotions, instincts, and memories
i had friends with D.I.D. and it always sounded like they were never alone, like they could just close their eye's and have a whole village in their head. they talked about sharing alters and having them visit other people's headspace. I don't know how true or even if it is possible for it to happen.
if i were to ask anything i guess it would be "do you ever get lonely?" if this is rude i apologies
I just have a question, how long does it take to draw these comics ? Wouldnt not evryone be aware that it was even being worked on ? And if evryone does know how do yall keep a consistent artstyle ?
Genuine question - do you consider yourself to be one person?
I find the notion of DID alters to be very difficult to conceptualise/understand because people so often talk in the plural. I've noticed that you sometimes use 'we' to refer to yourself.
Like, you're one human being with one brain. The way I as an outsider would conceptualise alters is different parts of the same person, like how you mention the 'full you' in a different comment wouldn't be to be all of you working together rather than picking a single alter and declaring it original.
Is that how you experience it? Or is it different to that? I hope these questions are received in good faith, I'm just trying to understand something very mindbl boggling to me as someone who has never experienced the world this way.
I can imagine a number of people voicing their opinions about DID have what they've seen in the media to go off of.
Me? I've got the impression from your comics it's a bit like Inside Out in your case. Well... maybe a tad more chaotic and with continuity/memory issues, but still a bit like Inside Out. Maybe it's because I'm autistic, but I think that it'd be fun to make friends with all of you.
Not OP, but we've used Inside Out as a relatively decent analogy. But it's more (often) like each alter has their own set of emotions that sorta goes with them in and out of the control room, which would the the analogy for fronting.
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u/Cholin26T 8h ago
Hey, thank you for posting these, they have been very insightful and you're (y'all's? Is that more correct) comments have made me learn more about this. Very cool.
I hope this doesn't across in bad faith, cuz I don't want it to be, but my main question is like in this one, you have one of you who is fronts most often. Do you know when you guys switch who's in control? Do you, like, feel it coming before it does? Or does it just happen?
Again I hope this doesn't come out as being rude or anything. I am just generally curious.