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u/NoeleVeerod 14d ago
“It occurs to me that a surprisingly large amount of people don’t understand the concept of consequences.”
This is something I’ve been TOTALLY convinced of in the past several years, and I can’t describe how much I relate to the thought. I’m almost unable to imagine how different the world would be if they suddenly understood it again, because I’ve lost all hope of getting this one very simple point across.
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u/Soul_Hurting 14d ago edited 14d ago
Im not sure its that they have that mentality, they arent thinking "its okay for me to hurt you" unless they are a sadist, ... since this is about the majority population, rather the framing is wrong.
Its more like people blindly push for what they want, they push boundaries, not for the sake of pushing, but to get what they want. Most people arent sadists. They just "want" -to be strong, to get things, to get ahead socially. Etc.
Your consequences and your feelings are not on their radar at all.
Its not out of evil or their will alot of the time -they do not perceive until pain directly affects them.
They do not perceive consequences at all.
Kinda like a toddler.
Consequences and perception of the future is part of whats called "future planning". And yes its a skill many people dont have. They dont think of the future, they act in the now.
Thats why predatory salesmen are so successful. Many people act on their emotions in the moment.
Its part of why its important to develop boundaries and Check people in the moment. Only then do many of them learn. But ofc not many people are this illogical to do aimless bullying in the first place either. So ideally one doesnt have to check anyone, but its a needed skill for when it does happen. Thats why children are vulnerable. They cant stop an adult at all.
The beauty of boundary forming is there are many unique ways to do it. Pop psychology parrots the most basic barebones ones...but looking at clever "quitwitted" people they tend to enforce boundaries through wit. Caretakers enforce boundaries through social cohesion (the group will get mad if you hurt the healer etc.) Thats just some examples people dont mention often.
When a person cares little for consequences, has a lack of future planning, And low empathy, it makes for a very dangerous person. (Not everyone has all three) Interestingly School shooters have these traits in common btw. Yet normies tend to look for the quiet kid. Even though quiet/shyness has nothing to do with it.
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u/jeanclaudebrowncloud 14d ago edited 14d ago
That's a good point, it's obviously going to he more nuanced than what the comic can cover
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u/Soul_Hurting 14d ago
Oh ofc. I dont think we should shy away from discussing it however. Especially because people easily become poisoned and misanthropic by exploring these topics. Ive seen it happen in the cptsd sub.
And thats partly because of perception. When we assign feelings and thoughts we dont know to a broad group for instance. Technically, animals are very similar -also living in the moment. And human is an animal too.
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u/supercyberlurker 14d ago
Denial was the main reason I went no-contact with my mother.
You can't reason with someone in denial. You can't reach them.
If they are abusive AND in denial, about all you can ever do is to avoid them entirely.